“I’m Not…But I Am”

just breathe 1

I write books, short  stories’s, poetry, posts and even song lyrics about being positive. I write to inspire others, to make a difference in their lives, to make someone feel better about themselves and their life. I write the words to help someone find hope and faith, and to release fear. I write about the lessons I’ve learned about negative thoughts and actions bringing only negative things into our lives.

Yet  something happened to me in the last week, and I found myself in the hospital for the last two days under observation for my heart.  After countless tests and a five hours stress test the verdict was in: my heart and my brain were completely fine. No signs of heart attack, blockage, stroke or any other medical condition. So what the hell was wrong with me? Why had I been feeling “off” for the last week?

I left the hospital with my love late in the afternoon, came home and showered, did my hair and make-up, and went out to dinner to celebrate my son’s 19th birthday. I kept thinking to myself:  “What just happened to me?”

This morning the answer came, and I wanted to share it with all of you. The answer was this: All I have been saying in the last two weeks is:  “I’m not.”  And I know better than that! I know that thinking that way and saying that out loud only brings negative to me. Wow, I just had an enormous “waking up” moment, and truth be told, didn’t see this one coming!

I thought about all the “I’m not’s” I’ve been saying: “I’m not getting my writing done, I’m not getting anything done that’s on my  to do list, I’m not getting the housework done, and I’m not feeling like myself!” Wow, it makes me feel tired just thinking of all of that. And it makes me angry with myself for doing that because I don’t believe in negative thinking. Yet, it happened, and I’m sharing it with you to let you know we’re all human, and we all fall. And we all have a choice to “get back up.”

And this morning, I’m back up. First things first: forgive myself for the “I’m not’s.” They happened for a reason, and taught me something. They taught me that I lost sight of myself, and was doing everything for everyone else except me. And I know for fact, if I don’t take care of myself, no one around me will benefit from it. Lesson learned there!

Next, it’s time to replace all those nasty, little “I’m not’s” with powerful “I AM’S.” No i ammore negative thoughts, only positive affirmations, thoughts, words, feelings and actions!

“I am well, I am healthy, I am taking care of myself, I am getting things done when they need to be, I am happy, I am balanced, I am myself and most importantly: I am loved.”

Whew, I feel so much better already! All those unwarranted “I’m not’s” brought me to the hospital, and as I sit in my house today, I know this is where I want to be, not in an emergency room with a crazy heart! I am where I belong.

You see, this is how we learn, this is how we grow, and this is how we take the lessons we learned and use them to help someone else. This is how we make a difference.

My “waking up” moment was brief, but powerful enough to put me back on track and allow me to see what I was blind to: “myself”.

This is my story, and I’m sharing it with you so it doesn’t become yours. Focus on the “I AM” thoughts and actions for yourself and forget about any “I’M NOT” moments; they don’t exist unless you allow them to.

Be well, my friends, and stand in your power of “I AM!”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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