Month: January 2021

“Deal With The Cause, Not The Symptom”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

“Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath every feeling there is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.”

I don’t know who wrote this but it sure did make me stop and think about it. I’ve gone through some difficult situations which is why this made perfect sense to me. Our behavior IS the result of our underlying feelings about something.

For example, let’s take a couple with two very different views on their relationship. One person may get upset when the other isn’t sharing information with them or gets defensive when asked a particular question. The behavior is getting “upset,” the feeling  beneath that is “feeling left out and hurt,” and the need is “to be included.”

And then there’s the reaction of the person that doesn’t feel the need to share the information or answer the question. The behavior is “anger,” the feeling beneath that is “feeling controlled,” and the need is “to be trusted.”

What a brilliant concept and one that makes  perfect sense to me. None of us are perfect yet if we look at the big picture of not just the other person’s behavior’ but our own as well, so much pain, anger, and sadness could be avoided. It’s a chance for healing of the heart. It’s a chance to grow closer together through communication and understanding. And it’s a chance for positive change.

Behavior, feelings and needs. Meet the need rather than focus on the behavior. Deal with the cause, not the symptoms. And above all else, be kind to each other while you do.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The New Year’s Revelations”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

(Here’s an excerpt from my book, “Each Breath Along The Journey”)

I write about this subject in one form or another every year, and this year is no exception.

Every year I notice that as the  New Year approaches, people start talking about their “resolutions.” There’s things they want to do and things they want to change in their life so they make a list of “resolutions.”

I threw that concept out years ago because to me, resolutions were nothing more than making promises to myself that I couldn’t keep. They were goals for sure, but seriously, how many of us actually stick to those resolutions? I always tried, failed at some, then beat myself up for not doing what I had wanted.

So, years ago I realized that the only way for my life to change was by learning the lessons that life had handed me, by learning from my mistakes, learning from my experiences, and so I decided to have my “New Year’s Revelations!” 

I ask myself some important questions throughout the month of December: What opened my eyes this past year? What did I learn about myself? What type of people are in my tribe? Am I taking care of myself and loving myself enough or giving too much of myself away? And what do I need to let go of that has no place in the New Year coming up and in my life?

These are the questions to ask yourself and answer honestly. You see, when you have those “revelations” about yourself and the year that’s about to come to an end, you take those lessons and truths with you. You begin the New Year with a better understanding of yourself, your life, your situations and the people in it. When you do that, the New Year will bring all that you want it to: love, happiness, joy, adventure, new beginnings, and new opportunities. The possibilities are endless.

Don’t put added stress on yourself by making “resolutions.”

Take the time to think about your “revelations” and begin the New Year in a positive light. 

All things are possible if you just believe in yourself!

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“My New Year’s Revelations”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

The definition of a revelation is “a surprising and previously unknown fact, especially one that is made known in a dramatic way.”

I write about the “New Year’s Revelations” every year and as 2020 is about to end I’m thinking of all that I’ve been through and all that I’ve learned. I’d like to share that with you.

My year began with the launch of my book, “Each Breath Along The Journey,” which brought some amazing opportunities for me: a chance to teach a writer’s workshop in Italy, to write for a local magazine and conduct a weekly workshop. The pandemic hit and every chance I had was suddenly gone. 

The pandemic kept me confined to the house and my daily routine was disrupted with everyone else home. I began cooking AND eating three meals a day, and not all the healthiest of choices. 

I found myself going back to a job I had left six years ago to work full-time. Suddenly I was out and everyone else was home. 

My five year relationship was falling apart and by July it had all changed.

I moved from the house I had been in for 10 years to a 9 month winter rental near the beach.

We’ve all gone through some tough times this year but as I always say “change is a chance to grow.” Some of those changes may be difficult but I always believe everything happens for a reason.

My revelations of 2020 are:

“Resilience.”Disappointment happens and things don’t always go as planned but those disappointments are a chance to do something else with what you’ve got. Sometimes those disappointments turn into your greatest comeback!

 “Gratitude.” I learned to embrace the time that the pandemic had forced me to have home with those closest to me. It slowed me down and gave me a greater appreciation for my life and all the things I had taken for granted. 

“Health.” Three meals a day equals weight gain so I decided to change all that by joining a program that not only helped me to lose the weight and inches, it’s helped me to sleep better and have more energy. My  mind is clear and more focused than ever. 

“Blessing.” The job proved to be a good thing for me both mentally and financially.

“Forgiveness.” We were both feeling hurt from all that had happened in our relationship and it forced us to take a good look at ourselves and each other.  It’s one day at a time and we continue to work at it.

“Healing.” The move to the beach house proved to be the best place I could have landed at that time in my life. I needed to heal and find my balance again.

And that’s how I’m letting go and saying good-bye to 2020, with my revelations of “resilience, gratitude, blessings, forgiveness and healing.” It’s a good start for 2021 and I’ll be taking those revelations and more into the new year with me.

Happy New Year, my loves.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~