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“Drawing A Line In The Sand”

/ Anne Dennish / 2 Comments

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Boundaries. I know all about them , write about them, and understand their purpose. Yet, I find myself having allowed boundaries to be crossed…. MY boundaries, that is. It happened without warning, yet it happened. I should have known that the feelings I’ve had in the last few months were my own fault, because I had set boundaries and allowed them to be crossed.

I don’t know if I’m more angry at myself for allowing it to happen or if I’m more upset with the person who crossed them. I was open and honest about my boundaries with them, yet somehow they got lost in the every day business of life and relationships.

Truth is, I have a hard time saying “no” and learning to do this, when it’s for my best interest, is a work in progress. I don’t like confrontation, and I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, especially when it’s someone I love. Yet I missed one very important piece to this puzzle:

“Why did I allow MY feelings to be hurt and why was I more concerned over someone I love when I should be loving myself just the same?”recite-1kfn7mb

Truth…an awakening…a slap of reality. Yes, yet another “waking up” moment for me, and I don’t like it. I allowed boundaries to be crossed that upset me, hurt me, and messed with my health. And I wonder if the other party knows this, because they should.

Everyone handles things their own way. Things that upset me may not bother someone else. Yet aren’t we supposed to respect and understand each others’ feelings? If someone tells us they react to something a certain way, shouldn’t we accept that as their truth? Or that perhaps they’re telling us that so we don’t hurt them?.

This was a difficult one for me to figure out, and it took longer than it usually does. I’m intrigued by what makes people tick, and that includes myself. I always tell my love that I’m probably one of the few people he knows that really knows herself well, and that includes my faults and my strengths. I’ll admit when I’m wrong, and ask for understanding of him when I need it. (Sometimes I think I make it too easy for him…what he can’t figure out about me I tell him! LOL!)

So, now what?

First, I need to forgive myself, because I’m mad that I allowed this to happen.

Second, I need to put the boundaries back in place, although the hurt and damage from them  being crossed is already done.

And third, I need to take a cold, hard look at my life to see what’s working and what’s not.

Why did I allow the lines in the sand to be crossed? Who and what is my priority? How did this mishap of crossing boundaries affect my family and my life?

Lines in the sand…that was my problem. I should have set a solid foundation of cement for the boundary. I thought I had, but sometimes when we worry more about someone else we lose sight of what’s best for us, and more importantly, we lose sight of ourselves.

And I’m guilty of that. And life is going to change. And feelings will be hurt.

Yet out of all of this, I know with all my heart that more wonderful things will come out of this lesson! Hearts will bond stronger, relationships will grow and flourish, and life will go on…even better than it was before the boundaries were crossed.

It’s a life lesson, and as much as I write about it, it’s a lesson I needed to learn. The Universe whacked me once again, waking me up to something important: I stopped looking out for my well being and what was good for me, even though I knew that someone else was causing me pain.

It wasn’t a mistake or something done out of malice, because I accept that it’s yet another lesson, another blessing, and another story to be shared to help and teach someone else.

Boundaries are not meant to be controlling tools; they are tools to protect us and let other’s know that we are to be respected. They are the simplest of ways to let someone know that what they do, what they say, or what they want, is not necessarily for OUR highest good… sometimes it’s just for theirs.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“Help… I Need Somebody!”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

In the midst of barbeques and time spent with friends this past weekend, my love and I were able to find some down time to watch movies from the comfort of our serenity cave. One movie in particular stuck with me: “28 Days” with Sandra Bullock, who plays a writer that had to go to rehab. The theme of the story wasn’t what intrigued me; it was the messages throughout the movie. One in particular stood out to me. Her character, Gwen, had broken the rules, to which her therapist made her wear a sign around her neck that said: “Confront me if I don’t ask for help.” As usual, it got me to thinking and wondering:

How often do WE ask others for help?28days

Most of us, including myself, will answer: not very often. The answer should be: not enough! I realized as I watched this movie that rehab isn’t just for addictions; it’s for changing a life that wasn’t working and learning how to speak your own truth, and be comfortable with it. And isn’t that how life should be for all of us?

I’m willing to help anyone and everyone, as are most of the people in my circle. I feel good helping someone else, no matter what help is needed. Yet when we need help with something, we don’t ask. We don’t want to burden another, or worse yet, we don’t want to believe we need the help. In society today we seem to be so programmed to believe that “we can do it all with no help from anyone!” It’s as if we’re trained to believe that this is what makes us strong and self-sufficient. That’s all well and good, yet when we don’t ask for help we become tired, run-down, emotionally spent, and worse yet, we get sick.

The flip side of this is that while we feel like a wonderful human being by helping someone else who asks for help, we don’t ask them and don’t allow them the rights to the same good feelings we get by helping out. It’s kind of ironic, isn’t it? Then again, maybe it’s selfish on our part. Why do we want to feel good yet not allow someone else the same right? A little “food for thought” here!

I’m guilty of this and it’s something I’m working on changing. I’ve spent a lifetime doing everything myself, rarely asking for help when I knew deep down inside I needed it. I didn’t like appearing weak, or needy. When someone asked me for a favor, I jumped at the chance, whether I had the time or not.It didn’t matter that I was exhausted, or had to change my schedule to help them, I just did it. I’m not saying that’s wrong, but I am saying that it’s okay to say “no” sometimes. We need to take care of ourselves first in order to truly help someone else.

Every day I work on saying “no” if  it’s not for my Highest Good, and am trying hard to ask for help when I need it. I’m willing to allow someone else the chance to feel needed, to help a friend out and know that they made a difference in my day and in my life. My mantra for my book, “Waking Up” is: “It’s time to make a difference, and we can make a difference together.” Well, that is yet another “waking up” moment in my life: to admit that I’m not weak if I need help, that in fact, asking for help shows a sign of strength; that my “making a difference” in life and the world also includes allowing other’s to be part of that journey with me; and more importantly, that I’m a work in progress, learning more about myself every day on this journey of life, and that’s okay.

The Universe throws so many “signs” at us, and we’ll see them if we just pay attention. Watching an old movie brought to light many signs I had been missing, and asking for help was just one of them. Owning “our truth” isn’t always easy, especially if it involves a quality in ourselves that we don’t care for, yet when you own your “truth,” you own your right to change it. It’s your lesson to learn, and your choice on how to handle it.

Today I work on asking for help if I need it, whether it’s simply a much needed phone call with a friend, or a strong arm to hold me at the end of the day. Today I incorporate the “Serenity Prayer” in my lifeand know that I been gifted ” the courage to change the things I can,” and asking for help, finding my balance in this crazy world, and loving myself are all things I can change for my Highest Good.serenity

“Confront me if I don’t ask for help.”

Remember that as you go throughout your day and each day to come; let someone else feel the peace and joy you feel by helping them, because in the end:

“It’s time to make a difference, and we can make a difference together.”

And today I’m remembering that!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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First Stop on the “Waking Up Tour 2016” at Barnes and Noble!

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I’m am so excited to announce that Sutton Thomas and I will be making our first public appearance together on Saturday, May 21, from 1-4 pm at the Barnes and Noble located in Monmouth Mall, in Eatontown, NJ!

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“My dream come true!”

I will be speaking about my new book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures with Life and Breast Cancer,” and Sutton Thomas will be performing the songs we’ve created together LIVE in the store! Our collaboration of songs that coincide with the book will be released in early summer of 2016.

Sutton Thomas and I believe that this is an incredible opportunity for us to go out in the world with stories and music to make a difference in someone’s life: to soothe a soul, heal a heart, bring new perspective to someone who may need it, and to let everyone know that they’re not alone on this journey of life.

It’s time to make a difference, and we can make that difference TOGETHER! Your support makes a difference and will help our success in getting our messages of hope, faith, love and inspiration out into the world!

Please share our event out and more importantly, stop by Barnes and Noble to meet Sutton Thomas and me! We can promise you it will be an afternoon to remember, one filled love, laughter and incredible music!

We will be forever grateful to you for your support! Let the “Waking Up Tour of 2016” begin! It’s time to make a difference!

“Let’s all make a difference together!”

With love and gratitude,

~Anne Dennish & Sutton Thomas~

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“Mother’s Day”

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When I think of Mother’s Day, I don’t think of it as a day for me to be honored or celebrated… I think of it as a day to thank my children for coming into my life and allowing me to be a mother. 373875_197902680304731_100002550010781_399695_369887769_n (1)

Five beautiful souls passed through me  and into this life we share together. Five sweet babies picked a day of their own to begin their life. And with each new life, my life changed.

My first child was born on Mother’s Day, and to say that my life changed that day is an understatement! That day changed me from being “just me” to becoming a mother, a role that was both exciting and terrifying.DSCN2070

There’s a story in my new book called “A Letter To My Children” and in it I described the  moment they were born:

“Life changed from the exact moment that you took your first breath, and with that breath, I held mine. I held my breath out of excitement of a new baby  placed in my arms, and out of fear as to all the responsibilities that were now a part of my life, from that day forward. “

I think we’re always holding our breath a little, hoping that we raise them right, praying that they’ll be safe, having faith that they’ll make the right choices. My children are older now, and three of my five babies have moved out of the nest, and two moved across the country.

Do I hold my breath more? Sometimes, yet my heart knows that I’ve taught them all I could, shared my experiences with them, and was the best mom I knew how to be.And you know what? The breathing is easier and the love remains the same. Now the breathing is one of excitement in waiting for the call from them to hear about their life and the new and exciting things they want to share with me.

Today I sit with a smile and contentment over being a mother, a role that I was blessed to Ruthless Peoplebe gifted. There are no perfect mothers and there are no perfect children, yet what we are is “perfect together” and mother and child. After all…

“It’s not their job to love us; it’s our job to love them.”

And I would say that knowing they do love us is perfection in itself!

Happy Mother’s Day!

With love,

~Anne Dennish~

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“My crazy tribe…but they’re all mine!”

“Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes”

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I woke up earlier than I usually do today… 5:30 am to be exact. And I know that when that happens it’s because I have a lot on my mind. Today is no exception. I went to bed with a lot on my mind, and woke up this morning with even more.6am annie

Why? Because life is changing.

Change is never easy, yet I embrace it. I know it means that there’s a new adventure on the horizon, exciting challenges on the way, and choices to be made. It’s a little scary, I’ll admit, but when life stops changing, you stop living.

When your life changes, I choose to believe that it’s because it’s time to kick it up a bit, time to move into something better in your life. There’s a Higher Power at work over all of us, and when our life isn’t the way it should be, or could be better, it steps in and brings up changes. It makes us think, it makes us wonder, and it makes us stronger.

Embrace the changes that life brings to you… even if it is at the crack of dawn. Trust yourself, trust your Higher Power, and trust that everything is happening just as it should and when it should.

Grab those changes that life is handing you and get moving…all good things are on the horizon. You just have to believe and have faith in yourself that it will all work out in the end.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Don’t You Forget About Me”

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For those of you old enough to remember the movie, you’ll understand when I say this: I feel like I’m part of “The Breakfast Club!” And all I can hear is that song playing in my head: “Don’t you….forget about me!”

There have been times in the last few weeks that I find myself feeling “forgotten.” And I have to wonder how and why that’s happened. I always pay attention to someone while they’re speaking to me, I listen to them and try to offer advice if they need it, but more importantly, I respect them. Yet turn the tables and I find myself becoming “white noise” to them, feeling like a burden as I speak to them about me, and more importantly, I feel disrespected. I feel “forgotten.”

This has been going on for some time now, and I’ve been trying to figure out how it happened. I find myself in conversations where I just want to say: “Don’t you forget about me!”

But they do, and they did.

And I’m feeling upset and hurt.

And I allowed it.

The truth is that they didn’t forget about me, I forgot about me. I forgot to do what’s best for me, I forgot to speak my truth, I forgot to be sure they respected my boundaries.

I don’t like confrontation, yet speaking my truth and expressing it to someone with kindness isn’t confrontation; it’s owning who I am. So why is it so difficult for us to do that?

No one likes to hurt someone’s feelings and most of us try to avoid doing that. But what if someone else is doing that to us? Why do we find that acceptable?

We find it acceptable because we don’t like to feel uncomfortable yet:

“Sometimes we have to do something uncomfortable to be comfortable.”

And that is the truth. We, as humans, like things smooth and easy, but if you’re in the right relationship, no matter the type, being yourself and being honest shouldn’t be uncomfortable. All relationships should be based on respect and love, yet sometimes that line gets lost. And we find ourselves stressing over emotions and feelings that we allowed to happen.

Well, it’s time to STOP doing that, because protecting, respecting and loving yourself enough to tell someone the truth IS truth…your truth!

It’s my personal experience that the people that “forget about me” only do so because I’ve “forgotten about me.”

Stand in your truth, respect yourself, stand firm on your boundaries… and remember who you are!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“I’m Not…But I Am”

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I write books, short  stories’s, poetry, posts and even song lyrics about being positive. I write to inspire others, to make a difference in their lives, to make someone feel better about themselves and their life. I write the words to help someone find hope and faith, and to release fear. I write about the lessons I’ve learned about negative thoughts and actions bringing only negative things into our lives.

Yet  something happened to me in the last week, and I found myself in the hospital for the last two days under observation for my heart.  After countless tests and a five hours stress test the verdict was in: my heart and my brain were completely fine. No signs of heart attack, blockage, stroke or any other medical condition. So what the hell was wrong with me? Why had I been feeling “off” for the last week?

I left the hospital with my love late in the afternoon, came home and showered, did my hair and make-up, and went out to dinner to celebrate my son’s 19th birthday. I kept thinking to myself:  “What just happened to me?”

This morning the answer came, and I wanted to share it with all of you. The answer was this: All I have been saying in the last two weeks is:  “I’m not.”  And I know better than that! I know that thinking that way and saying that out loud only brings negative to me. Wow, I just had an enormous “waking up” moment, and truth be told, didn’t see this one coming!

I thought about all the “I’m not’s” I’ve been saying: “I’m not getting my writing done, I’m not getting anything done that’s on my  to do list, I’m not getting the housework done, and I’m not feeling like myself!” Wow, it makes me feel tired just thinking of all of that. And it makes me angry with myself for doing that because I don’t believe in negative thinking. Yet, it happened, and I’m sharing it with you to let you know we’re all human, and we all fall. And we all have a choice to “get back up.”

And this morning, I’m back up. First things first: forgive myself for the “I’m not’s.” They happened for a reason, and taught me something. They taught me that I lost sight of myself, and was doing everything for everyone else except me. And I know for fact, if I don’t take care of myself, no one around me will benefit from it. Lesson learned there!

Next, it’s time to replace all those nasty, little “I’m not’s” with powerful “I AM’S.” No i ammore negative thoughts, only positive affirmations, thoughts, words, feelings and actions!

“I am well, I am healthy, I am taking care of myself, I am getting things done when they need to be, I am happy, I am balanced, I am myself and most importantly: I am loved.”

Whew, I feel so much better already! All those unwarranted “I’m not’s” brought me to the hospital, and as I sit in my house today, I know this is where I want to be, not in an emergency room with a crazy heart! I am where I belong.

You see, this is how we learn, this is how we grow, and this is how we take the lessons we learned and use them to help someone else. This is how we make a difference.

My “waking up” moment was brief, but powerful enough to put me back on track and allow me to see what I was blind to: “myself”.

This is my story, and I’m sharing it with you so it doesn’t become yours. Focus on the “I AM” thoughts and actions for yourself and forget about any “I’M NOT” moments; they don’t exist unless you allow them to.

Be well, my friends, and stand in your power of “I AM!”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

My Tribute to “Prince”

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I was shocked to hear of the news that Prince had passed away yesterday, and by reading so many posts on social media, so was the rest of the world.

I grew up listening to and loving Prince… a true icon and legend of his time. He was proof to me that it was okay to be different than everyone else, that standing in your own truth was taking a worthwhile risk, and that no matter what, you should always pursue your dream. He dared to be different, and it served him well!

He taught us that it’s okay to “go crazy” and that “purple rain” truly existed; he taught us to “party like it’s 1999” and we did, and we never stopped.

His halftime performance taught us that not just the show, but “life” goes on…and that you can turn the worst of conditions into something good. And his something “good” on a night of torrential rain and wind spilled onto millions of people who watched his performance.

It’s sad that the world has to say good-bye, yet again, to another amazing artist, yet his legacy will live on. And don’t we all want to leave a legacy behind? Life is too short to be anything less than happy, so today, “go a little crazy, get a little nuts, and party like it’s 1999!” I think Prince would have wanted it that way.

Thank you for the music, sweet Prince and RIP.  I’ll never forget you, and neither will the world. Rest easy and fly…

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Take A Time-Out From Adulthood”

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“Adulthood hurts.”

That was the topic of discussion over coffee this morning that my love and I shared a laugh over. We can both agree that sometimes being an “adult” is just too serious!

As adults we often forget what it’s like to be a child; we look at children with envy at how simple their lives are when they’re younger. And we begin to look at adulthood as boring.

But you know what? Adulthood is only boring and too serious if you let it be that way. No one says that adults can’t find their “inner child” and express it! In fact, I believe with all my heart that it’s healthy and absolutely necessary to be in touch with your “inner child,” to find the time to be free and be silly; to find some time to play, to make the time to have fun!

All too often we get caught up in the day, forgetting to take the time to “stop and smell the roses.” And we miss a lot of good stuff when we don’t take the time to see it or feel it. We miss out because we’re being “too serious” of an adult and not allowing our beautiful “inner child” to come out and play often enough.

Part of living a life in balance is allowing yourself to play and release that kid locked up inside of you! It’s healthy for your mind, body and spirit. Look how good you feel when you’ve had a good belly laugh, or played Frisbee with your kid, or swung a hula hoop around your waist! “Adult” coloring books are all the rage now…and why? Because you relive a memory of coloring as a child and find it fun and relaxing as an adult.

So, today, I’m asking you all to take a “time-out” from adulthood at least once a day. Trust me, your “inner child” is just waiting to come out and play!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“And The Dream Goes On…”

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Look whose signed book, “Waking Up” is on the shelf at Barnes & Noble in Eatontown, bn2New Jersey! It was a good day yesterday as my son and I made our way to the store, signed the copies they had, and watched them go back up on the shelf! I love being a writer, and I love this adventure I’m on!

I always say: “Dream big and make it happen!” And I’m living, breathing and watching it all happen…with love and gratitude!

Every day I wake up and realize that this “dream” has given me more opportunities to make a difference to someone… and every day I realize more and more why I was born.bn

Follow your heart, my friends, and catch your dreams!

 

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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