“People who speak nasty and negatively to you only do so because they see in you what they can’t see in themselves and their need for what you have and wanting it is what makes them that way.” ~Anne Dennish~
I’m a cheerful and positive person who tries to share these emotions with those that I meet or speak with. I try to leave someone with a smile, a laugh, or a different perspective that may lighten their load in life.
That’s not to say I don’t have a bad day now and again; a day of frustration over my work, or the house that I just cleaned looking like I never touched it. Yet I will say this, I NEVER share that temporary bad day with someone else. No matter my mood, I will never ever speak nasty, hurtful or be just plain mean to anyone else.
Yet my cheery disposition to simply share happiness with someone else by checking in with a phone call can get shattered in a minute. And it happened to me tonight. Not once, but three times in a short amount of time, and by the people who I should consider the closest to me, yet choose to be the most distant.
My love tells me I’m too “sensitive,” yet he’ll never change that about me. It’s not that I’m too sensitive, it’s that I’m sensitive to negative and toxic people. Yes, they can make me cry and feel badly, but it’s not because they “got to me.” It’s because it hurts to know that people that close to me have that meanness in them. They know how to hurt me, and willingly do it when it serves them…and they do it because I let them. I allowed them to be mean and hurtful, and after they do that I’m more mad at myself for not speaking up and for letting them hurt me. These women know that I’ll never speak up to them, so they feel that they have free reign to speak to me the way they do. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do, it’s simply that they’re having a bad day and needed someone to take it out on…and that would be me.
I know, I write about not letting someone hurt you and that if they do, you allowed it. Yet I will tell you that it still happens. It doesn’t happen to the extreme it once did, yet it happens, but now I feel the punch in the emotional gut, shed a tear or two, let it go and move on.
It’s a sad thing when it’s women who should be close to you, yet I’ve learned that “blood related” or not, I won’t allow those toxic people too close to me. It’s hard when it’s your family, yet I’ve learned, and learned painfully, to let them go. And tonight is no exception.
I’m not a doormat anymore, yet every so often they hand me a zinger that hurts, and it’s then that I have to remember to love myself, respect myself and move on, even if they can’t do that. There’s no respect towards you when someone can speak to you that way. It’s their problem, their bad day, their pity party, not yours.
So, tonight I slowly sip a glass of wine and wait for the full moon…and wait for this “punch in the stomach” feeling to lessen and fade away. Tonight I shed some tears at the reactions of women who I simply called to “catch up with and say hello.” Tonight, like so many others with them, I let it go and remember that while I love them, I don’t need to “be” with them or allow them too deep into my world…a world I have created of love, happiness, joy and hope.
To these women: I love you with all my heart and my sadness comes from knowing that you can’t love yourselves and that you find the need to be so hurtful to someone who loves you so much simply because of your problems and your bad day.
And that’s the key: it’s “their” issues, “their” problems, not mine. The only thing that’s “mine” is my feelings over their hurtful behavior, and as I write this, I’ve dried the tears, took a breath, forgave them, and let it go…let “them” go yet again.
Life is short, my friends, and I feel sorry for those that speak such hurtful words to another, never realizing that those may be the last words someone hears.
“Guilt is the emotion one feels at knowing they didn’t do the right thing and refused to do the right thing to fix it.”
I try to live each day happy, making a difference in someone else’s life, and that includes my family and my children, yet I know that that’s up to “me;” how someone else behaves is “up to them.”
I stay strong for my children and myself, and while my strength may take a hit now and again, it will always find its’ way back to the surface.
“My strength is their weakness; my weakness their strength.”
Never let the “mean people” see you sweat; never let them see you weak; never let them see you cry and know that they hurt you.
Let them see you strong, happy, and filled with the positive light that you were gifted.
Because in the end, that will be more hurtful to them than they are to you.
Wishing you love, light and strength,