“And On Those Down Days…”

It took me over 30 minutes to get the ice and snow off my car this morning but after that I was on my way to work, driving my favorite route: the beach. It was quite a beauty this morning. It’s almost an anomaly to see snow on the sand but one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen. It’s haunting yet picturesque. It’s a look that you don’t see often so when you’re lucky enough to see it then you know you’re blessed to have seen something so amazing.

Sometimes our days begin in an awesome way until something trips us up and puts us in a funk, a down mood, so to speak. I had just that type of morning. In the midst of accounting and invoices I found myself feeling sad. I know what caused it but more importantly, I had to figure out why. I wasn’t going to talk about it until I figured out why a certain incident caused me to feel so badly. And that’s where I am tonight. I don’t want to talk about it with anyone until I’ve figured out why I let it bother me.

The key is not to react to whomever may have invoked these feelings within us, but rather look inwards to ourselves to understand and figure out WHY we had those feelings. And that is what my Friday night is tonight, taking a good look inward at my heart and soul to see what I’m really upset about. Was it what was said? Or was it about how I felt about what was said?

And that’s up to each of us. We need to understand that our feelings, no matter how they were invoked, are OUR feelings and only WE know why we feel that way. This is why it’s important not to react but rather to take it in and think about it. My feelings tonight are MINE and mine alone. I know what upset wasn’t meant to intentionally upset me but sadly, it did. I don’t blame the person who said it but would rather spend my time tonight alone thinking about WHY it upset me. And once I can do that, I’ll be able to say that I learned something else about myself, and isn’t that what life is all about? Learning about ourselves, the why’s and the how’s, and figuring out what to do with all of that. 

I’m learning not to blame the messenger but to understand the message and deal with it.

Life is always changing and we are always learning more and more about ourselves, if we’re open to learning, not blaming. And isn’t that what our down days are all about? Learning, not blaming. Understanding, not judging. Accepting, not allowing.

I love life more than I can tell you, the good days and the bad. I know that they all came to teach me, help me, and move me forward. And my hope is that you see your life as a gift, not a burden, no matter what it hands you.

As for me? My Friday night is filled with a hot bath, a cup of lavender tea, and a martini glass filled with tears and understanding.

Good night, my loves. May life be good to you and may you take those “down days” as your life lesson on how to turn them into your “up days!”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Deal With The Cause, Not The Symptom”

“Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath every feeling there is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.”

I don’t know who wrote this but it sure did make me stop and think about it. I’ve gone through some difficult situations which is why this made perfect sense to me. Our behavior IS the result of our underlying feelings about something.

For example, let’s take a couple with two very different views on their relationship. One person may get upset when the other isn’t sharing information with them or gets defensive when asked a particular question. The behavior is getting “upset,” the feeling  beneath that is “feeling left out and hurt,” and the need is “to be included.”

And then there’s the reaction of the person that doesn’t feel the need to share the information or answer the question. The behavior is “anger,” the feeling beneath that is “feeling controlled,” and the need is “to be trusted.”

What a brilliant concept and one that makes  perfect sense to me. None of us are perfect yet if we look at the big picture of not just the other person’s behavior’ but our own as well, so much pain, anger, and sadness could be avoided. It’s a chance for healing of the heart. It’s a chance to grow closer together through communication and understanding. And it’s a chance for positive change.

Behavior, feelings and needs. Meet the need rather than focus on the behavior. Deal with the cause, not the symptoms. And above all else, be kind to each other while you do.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“My New Year’s Revelations”

The definition of a revelation is “a surprising and previously unknown fact, especially one that is made known in a dramatic way.”

I write about the “New Year’s Revelations” every year and as 2020 is about to end I’m thinking of all that I’ve been through and all that I’ve learned. I’d like to share that with you.

My year began with the launch of my book, “Each Breath Along The Journey,” which brought some amazing opportunities for me: a chance to teach a writer’s workshop in Italy, to write for a local magazine and conduct a weekly workshop. The pandemic hit and every chance I had was suddenly gone. 

The pandemic kept me confined to the house and my daily routine was disrupted with everyone else home. I began cooking AND eating three meals a day, and not all the healthiest of choices. 

I found myself going back to a job I had left six years ago to work full-time. Suddenly I was out and everyone else was home. 

My five year relationship was falling apart and by July it had all changed.

I moved from the house I had been in for 10 years to a 9 month winter rental near the beach.

We’ve all gone through some tough times this year but as I always say “change is a chance to grow.” Some of those changes may be difficult but I always believe everything happens for a reason.

My revelations of 2020 are:

“Resilience.”Disappointment happens and things don’t always go as planned but those disappointments are a chance to do something else with what you’ve got. Sometimes those disappointments turn into your greatest comeback!

 “Gratitude.” I learned to embrace the time that the pandemic had forced me to have home with those closest to me. It slowed me down and gave me a greater appreciation for my life and all the things I had taken for granted. 

“Health.” Three meals a day equals weight gain so I decided to change all that by joining a program that not only helped me to lose the weight and inches, it’s helped me to sleep better and have more energy. My  mind is clear and more focused than ever. 

“Blessing.” The job proved to be a good thing for me both mentally and financially.

“Forgiveness.” We were both feeling hurt from all that had happened in our relationship and it forced us to take a good look at ourselves and each other.  It’s one day at a time and we continue to work at it.

“Healing.” The move to the beach house proved to be the best place I could have landed at that time in my life. I needed to heal and find my balance again.

And that’s how I’m letting go and saying good-bye to 2020, with my revelations of “resilience, gratitude, blessings, forgiveness and healing.” It’s a good start for 2021 and I’ll be taking those revelations and more into the new year with me.

Happy New Year, my loves.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Maybe We All Need A Little Love”

Sometimes we need to look at each other the way Linus looked at the tree. I believe there’s good in everyone even if you can’t always see it.

It could be that they’re afraid to get hurt.

Maybe they’re afraid that if they show who they are they will be judged or disliked.

Or it could be that they have trouble trusting other people because of someone that broke their trust. 

And the list can go on.

We don’t always understand why people are the way they are, but I’m going to continue to believe that there’s good in everyone just waiting to shine through

“Maybe they just need a little love.”

Maybe we all do.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“It’s A Wonderful Life”

You’re here for a reason. You woke up today for a reason. You’re alive for a reason.

Have you ever seen the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life?” If you haven’t, you should. And if you have then you should watch it again.

“Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?” said Clarence the Angel.

You’re here and if you weren’t, life would be completely different. It would be different for everyone. Your existence matters and you’re here for a reason.

Your life touches each and every single life that you’ve met along the way and if you weren’t here, the journey of those people would have been different.

Think about that. 

Your life has made an impact on each and every life you have met along the way.

You’re here for a reason.

You woke up today for a reason.

You’re alive for a reason.

Think about that.

Be grateful.

And take that “wonderful life” of yours and make a positive impact in the world and in the lives of each and every life you touch.

And you’ve touched the lives of many.

Including mine. 

Wishing you love, light and a wonderful life,

~Anne Dennish~

“If You’re Reading This…”

If you’re reading this, you woke up this morning to a brand new day.

If you’re reading this you have the internet.

If you’re reading this you have a few minutes of time all to yourself to do so.

And if you’re reading this you had a choice to read it or not.

You woke up. You have a connection. You have some time to yourself. You have a choice as to how you use your time.

You’re here.

You’re alive.

And you’re amazing.

Think about that. All blessings and all reasons to be grateful.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Three Sides To Every Story”

My mother always said that “there’s three sides to every story, yours, mine and the truth.” And she’s right. There are three sides to each of our stories and I’ve learned from experience to believe the story that lies in the middle of your version and mine: “the truth.”

Sometimes we get so caught up in the emotions that are swirling around in our minds that we lose sight of the truth. We tell our story to whoever will listen, hoping that they’ll be on “our” side, not “their” side. We’re hoping for confirmation that we aren’t guilty of anything, that the other person is. And we’re hoping that telling others our version will make it the truth. It doesn’t.

The real truth lies out there in the middle. It’s one thing to tell your story to friends and family for support, which would be the right reason. It’s another thing to tell it for sympathy and to talk badly of the other person, which is the wrong reason. There’s enough hurt swirling around. You don’t need the opinions of others to keep it going. After all, they’re not living in your “truth,” they’re just hearing it from you.

Everyone has their own “version” of their situation, but when you get to the real heart of the matter, when you take your own accountability and when you forgive yourself and the other person, then you will have found the right version: the truth. It’s not always easy to face the truth, but it’s an important piece of healing and moving forward in your life. No one knows your “truth” but you. Be careful who you share it with.J ust my thoughts…Have a wonderful day.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Healing A Broken Heart”

Anger is one of the most dangerous emotions to feel. It pushes people into doing things that they wouldn’t normally do and the repercussions of those actions can be brutal. And the damage it can cause to another human being is oftentimes hurtful beyond repair, the effects lasting a lifetime. There’s no value in anger, only in forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. That is why forgiveness is so very important. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that it is “okay” for someone to hurt you, or that you forgot what they did, it means that you’ve forgiven the person in order to let go of your anger. Heartache and hurt feelings take time to heal, but anger? You can get rid of it as quickly as you felt it…with forgiveness. Time does heal all wounds, and so does love, compassion, understanding, empathy and a willingness to take accountability for your part in all of it.

And time does heal all wounds more quickly when you have found forgiveness in your heart. Nothing heals a broken heart more than a heart that can forgive. And I know that to be true. Just my thoughts…

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Life And Love Is About Forgiveness!

Human behavior always amazes me, especially when hearts are broken or bruised. I’ve had quite a few broken hearts in my life. When I was younger and immature my first thought would have been to “pay them back.” Let’s face it, that’s what most teenagers do. Yet as I grew older I learned that a pay back isn’t the solution for a broken heart. It’s not the solution to anything. Broken and bruised hearts happen for so many reasons, yet as I always say, if your heart feels any pain then remind yourself that your heart still works. We can’t feel brokenness if we can’t feel love. I’ve learned that when someone breaks my heart there is no easy fix, and no pay back or spiteful behavior will help ease the pain. In fact, the more you act out in vindictiveness or spite towards someone who hurt you, the more you’ll stay in your own pain. You’ll never move forward and you’ll never heal. And don’t we all want to heal from something that has hurt us? I will tell you in no uncertain terms that hurting someone that hurt you isn’t the answer and will never serve you well. Talk to the person who hurt you, express your feelings, and listen to their reasons as to why they had done something to hurt you. Not everyone hurts another human being on purpose. I know I don’t. Sometimes it’s inevitable that we hurt the ones we love, not because we stopped loving them, but because we began to love ourselves in a way that they couldn’t or wouldn’t.

“The heart has a mind of its own” and when that heart has been hurt by someone they love, the mind seems to take over with no reason or rhyme. A heart that truly knows love will never lose sight of how precious it is. The heart knows how it feels and every so often the mind gets involved to help it through the pain. We all have gone through a broken heart at one time or another, but I beg of you, don’t allow your pain to hurt someone back. Nothing good will ever come out of negative emotions. Feel the pain, deal with the “why,” and heal from it. The pain of a broken heart won’t last forever, but your spiteful actions towards them will. And that’s my thoughts for tonight. If you’re feeling hurt, feel it, but don’t feel the need to inflict intentional pain on another human being. In the end, what goes around comes around. It always does. Life and love is about “forgiveness.” And that’s the only way to heal.

Wishing you love and light,

~AnneDennish~

“And As The World Was Changing…”

“And as the world was changing, so were the people in it.”  AD

It’s been about two months now of social distancing and quarantine and I’ve noticed a lot of positive changes happening.

I’ve noticed that the wildlife seems to have sprung back to life. Here at the Jersey Shore a herd of deer are romping and playing on the beach and roaming the streets in town. I’ve seen and heard more types of birds than normal and the colors of the leaves, grass, and flowers seem so much more vibrant. The sun even feels warmer and seems to shine even brighter than it used to. Even blue skies seem to be a clearer and stronger shade of blue.

And I’ve noticed the people changing along with the world. Strangers take the time to wave, smile and ask how you’re doing. Neighbors speak more often all the while social distancing with one another. People are putting the effort into finding other ways to celebrate birthdays and graduations by driving someone’s home in their decorated cars and beeping their horns. Restaurants that offer curbside pick-up and delivery do so with a smile. And for all of us wearing masks and gloves when needed, we’re doing it to protect ourselves, our families and everyone else’s. It seems that so many people have again started to look out for each other by calling more often or scheduling video chats together. 

People are learning to embrace their time at home. They’re cleaning and purging their homes, they’re spending more time cooking and having dinner with their family, and some are even spending more time outdoors planting a garden or simply enjoying the sunshine and blue skies. They’re walking or running more, biking more, and they’re doing activities that help them stay calm and less anxious, such as meditation or yoga. 

Despite what’s going on in the world, I’ve seen some truly beautiful changes in both our environment and in the people. It’s as if both are in a “healing process” of becoming a kinder and gentler world.

And isn’t that a wonderful thing?

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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