“Forget About New Year’s Resolutions”

I write about this subject in one form or another every year, and this year is no exception.

As the New Year quickly approaches people start talking about their “resolutions.” There’s things they want to do and things they want to change in their life so they make a list of “resolutions.”

I threw that concept out years ago because to me, resolutions were nothing more than making promises to myself that I couldn’t keep. They were goals for sure, but seriously, how many of us actually stick to those resolutions? I always tried, failed at some, then beat myself up for not doing what I had wanted.

So, years ago I realized that the only way for my life to change was by learning the lessons that life had handed me, by learning from my mistakes, learning from my experiences, and so I decided to have my “New Year’s Revelations!”

I ask myself some important questions throughout the month of December: What opened my eyes this past year? What did I learn about myself? What type of people are in my tribe? Am I taking care of myself and loving myself enough or giving too much of myself away? And what do I need to let go of that has no place in the New Year coming up and in my life?

These are the questions to ask yourself and answer honestly. You see, when you have those “revelations” about yourself and the year that’s about to come to an end, you take those lessons and truths with you. You begin the New Year with a better understanding of yourself, your life, your situations and the people in it. And when you do that, the New Year will bring all that you want it to: love, happiness, joy, adventure, new beginnings, new opportunities; the possibilities are endless.

Don’t put added stress on yourself by making “resolutions.”

Take the time to think about your “revelations” and begin the New Year in a positive light. All things are possible if you just believe in yourself!

Remember: “Everything begins with YOU!”

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Find The Time To Make The Time”

Isn’t funny how we can “find the time” to “make the time” for a hair appointment or visit to the spa, a trip to the store or a night of mindless television, yet we can’t seem to find the time for the most important things in life that truly matter: the moments we share with the people we love and the moments we need just for us, the kind that soothes our souls.

We say that we have to “find the time,” yet the reality is that we have to “find the time” to “make the time.”

Make the time to take care of yourself.

Make the time to stop what you’re doing and listen to someone who needs to be heard.

Make the time to stop and see the beauty around you.

Make the time to tell someone you love them and how important they are to you.

Make the time to enjoy the holidays, not just prepare for them.

Make the time to still your mind and listen to your intuition.

Make the time to make memories, not just money.

Make the time to let your heart take a picture of those “be still my heart” moments.

Make the time to count your blessings.

And make the time to be grateful for all of them.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“A Memory I’m Grateful For”

three years

It was four years ago today that I finished my last treatment for breast cancer. It was the day I had waited for since the journey began and as you can see by the look on my face, it was one of the happiest days of my life! It was over and my life was all my own to live again without the shadows of cancer hiding in the background.

And in that four years I’ve written and published two books and began to realize that my life purpose had become just that: a writer of my life experiences; a writer that wanted to make a difference in the world and in someone’s life by sharing her ups and downs and how she got through; and a writer who will never stop trying to help others.

I say that “chemo healed the cancer but the cancer healed me,” and it did. I became even stronger than before and learned how to put myself first and more importantly, how to love myself as much as I love the people in my life. I began to realize the importance of surrounding myself with positive people and that saying good-bye to the negative ones wasn’t a bad thing, but a necessity to live my best life. And that it’s okay to say “no” to things that don’t serve my Highest Good and to people and situations that cause me stress and drama.

In other words, cancer taught me to treat myself as well as I treat others, to love myself just as much, and to be just as kind to myself as I am to them.

Today I sit in a bit more gratitude than most days and am remembering that day four years ago. I’m remembering the lines of the song I wrote about that day:

“Journey is over, the battle is won, a new chapter started, a new day begun,So what do I do now? Where do I start? Do I take the road known or the one less traveled and follow my heart?”

What a day it was four years ago…

What an incredible life it’s been ever since…

What a  beautiful word to be blessed to call myself today: “survivor.”

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Listen To How They Treat You”

the way a person treats you

“There’s a message in the way a person treats you…just listen.”

It’s the saying I absolutely believe in: “actions speak louder than words.”

All those loving, positive words you speak to someone are only truthful when the actions back them up.

All those negative, hurtful words you speak to someone are truth. It’s how someone honestly feels about you because when you truly love someone you wouldn’t say things you know that would hurt them. And trust me, those words will stay with them for a lifetime.

If you really love someone, be it your significant other, friend, family or child, why would you say something hurtful to them? You can’t take those words back and if you said them you must have meant them. And if you didn’t mean them then why did you say them? Just to hurt them because you can? To push them away? Or maybe you use those words to put them in their place as a way to control them.

Think about why you say things to hurt someone you love. No human being has the right to hurt another, especially someone who loves you. It could be that you don’t really love them, that you don’t understand love, or that love is nothing more than a matter of convenience to you. And know this: each time you say hurtful words to someone you love you bruise their heart and that heart begins to shut down little by little.

We’re all human and none of us are perfect. We get annoyed sometimes, we get angry, we get cranky…that’s okay, we all have moments like that, but it’s NOT okay to hurt someone you love. It’s NOT okay to make them feel like your bad mood is their fault because it’s not, it’s yours. And it’s NOT okay to think you have the right to say hurtful words to someone because you want to.

We have choices in all areas of our life, especially in our relationships. You have a choice of which words you use, you have a choice in the tone of your voice when you say them, and you have a choice to talk things through calmly with the one you love instead of being mean and hurtful.

And you have a choice to walk away.

You have a bad day? Work getting to you? Are you unhappy? Did someone make you angry or hurt your feelings?

We all rough days now and then, but understand that it’s not fair or right to take YOUR rough day out on another.

Think about what you’re feeling and why…

Don’t take it out on someone who loves you…

Don’t bruise the heart of someone who truly loves you..

And remember that their feelings are just as important as yours…

Be kind or be quiet.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Be Careful What Doors You Open”

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We all have a past; some of it filled with beautiful memories and some of it filled with heartache, sadness and negative energy. Yet I believe that when you close a door in your life it’s best to leave it closed because should you open it you never know what or who you’re letting back in…and that could be something that affects your life today in a negative way.

I believe that it’s fine to “revisit the past for a brief time, if only to remember why you left it in the first place.” Living in the past steals your present and your future. It keeps you from moving forward, it keeps you stuck in a time in your life that’s already passed and it keeps you from living in the moment. And living in the moment is what leads you into your future.

There are pieces of our past that are meant only for us to remember; speaking that past out loud to the wrong person could be hurtful. And I’m talking specifically about relationships here. The older we get the more of a past we have. We’ve had past lovers and significant others, we’ve had past heartache, we’ve had past intimate moments, and the door closed to that once those relationships were over. I’ve had them, too, yet once those doors are closed I keep them closed because once I open the door to the past I’m leaving myself vulnerable to what I’m letting back into a life I already moved forward in.

Opening the door to a past that was left behind means that you’ve allowed that energy back into your life, or you’ve let that person back in. It means you’re choosing to allow the emotions from that time to be felt again, whether good or bad, and it means you’re looking at your present life as less important than your past.

We have all those “past” experiences to teach us life lessons so that we can move into a better life, a better relationship. Remembering old loves is a memory to be kept to yourself; speaking it to your new love will only bring pain to them…and in the end, to you. There are some pieces of our past that are better left unsaid and kept to ourselves, because living in the past can definitely influence your present life which inevitably can affect your future.

We all carry some wonderful memories of our past, myself included, but I believe that when we “live” in our past, remembering our past relationships, then that is a sign that we’re not happy or content in our relationship now. And that is something to think about.

Be careful when opening the doors to your past; you never know “what” or “who” you’re letting back in. And you never know who it’s going to hurt.

The past is meant to be left in the past; your future lies in your present.

Don’t lose sight of the people you love in your present life by constantly looking back at the people you left behind in your past.

Be grateful for the people you love in your life today…

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Put It Down And Shut It Off”

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In this day and age most everyone has a cell phone, a social media page, and a computer. Let’s face it, it’s the way the world is today. We search, we follow, we like, we comment…it’s all part of the technology we live in. In fact, most of us are lost without it.

And yes, I have a cell phone, social media pages and a laptop…my career revolves around them, yet I know the appropriate times to use them all and when it’s time to turn them off.

And the time to turn them off is when I’m having human interaction, when the ones I love are with me. I know my time with the people I love is precious and not promised. I guess you could say that the time of social media, the internet and cell phones ARE promised…as long as you pay the bill!

Yet our lives are not promised. We all know how precious a human life is and it frustrates me beyond belief that some people don’t get that. Well, they say they get that until they’re on the phone.

I feel unimportant when someone, be it my significant other, family, child or friend is in my presence and on the phone checking social media. It’s one thing if it’s work but it’s another when it’s pleasure. I feel hurt at thinking that I’m not as important to them as their social media, phone or computer. Let’s face it, we can check our social media anytime we want…posts and comments are there forever. I’m not. No one is.

Most people don’t even realize how long they’re looking at their social media because they go into this “hyper-focus” mode. They lose track of time and more importantly, they lose sight of the person sitting with them. They forget what’s important to them, then again, maybe the “likes, comments and views” of others on social media are more important to them than the “likes, comments or views” of the person that they’re with.

My belief is that if you can sit on your phone, internet or social media that long while I’m there, well, you’ve let me know what’s more important…and it’s not me.

And please remember this: that time you spend on social media, the phone or the computer while the ones you love are with you is time that you can’t get back. Would you rather spend 15 minutes on the internet or 15 minutes with someone important to you?

Life is short, the internet is long…you decide what and who is more important.

Think about that.

Put down the cell phone and turn off the electronics when you’re with the people you love.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“It’s Them, Not You”

unkind people 2

There’s this one life lesson that I’m obviously not learning as well as I should and it cropped up again on me last night without warning. And after it happened, I was more angry at myself for allowing it to have happened again.

And what is that? I allowed someone to take out their insecurities, jealousies, or bad day on me by bringing up painful past situations and mistakes that I’ve made peace with, moved on from, and learned from. And throughout the conversation I began defending myself…and I should and do know better than to do that.

Truth be told, by the time I got off the phone I was drained. They had said so many hurtful things to me that I went to bed in tears, feeling like a failure.

This morning I woke up with a headache, a bruised heart, and a sadness in my soul, but I’m working on that today. I know I’m not a failure because I’m living my life purpose and pursuing my passion and dreams. I know I’m not a failure because I keep moving forward with a positive attitude no matter what life or another person hands me. And I know I’m not a failure because I would never do anything hurtful to another even though they did that to me.

I understand that people have bad days, trust me, I do as well, but I would never take it out on another person. And as I’ve taught my children, when people are unkind, mean or hurtful to you, it’s not really because of YOU; they are simply taking their fears, their insecurities, their jealousies or bad days out on you. They’re afraid to face their own truth and their own life so they inflict emotional and verbal pain on you. It’s not okay for anyone to do that to another human being. We can all understand why they do it but we do NOT have to allow them to do it.

Are you wondering why I allowed it yet again? Me too, but the truth is, it was someone in my family and I didn’t see the conversation going in that direction until it did…and I just couldn’t seem to shut it down. I told my best friend about it this morning and she said to me: “this is your problem; use your voice, shut them down and talk to them the same way they’re talking to you.” My response: “I won’t lower myself to that level and I will not be unkind to someone even if they’re being unkind to me.”

And I think that’s a lesson for all of us. What we allow will continue and sometimes the people that are unkind to us are the closest to us, yet I believe this to be true: even if it’s family, it’s no reason to allow that behavior. Sometimes, especially with family, we have to wish them love and light and put some distance between us. It’s difficult to do at times, but absolutely necessary.

Distance between family members doesn’t mean you don’t love them, it means you love yourself just as much.

So today I’m healing my heart, finding some joy in my soul and forgiving them for doing it and forgiving myself for allowing it.

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“What” Is Not As Important As “Why”

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“What’s” happened to you in your life isn’t as important as “why” it happened. ~AD~

We all experience some difficult situations in our life and I’ve come to accept and understand that the “what” that’s happened to me isn’t as important as  the“why” that it did.

We’re so quick to blame others for our difficult times, yet we have a hand in those situations as well. Perhaps we aren’t being our authentic self or standing in our truth to those around us. Maybe we change “who” we are according to the people we are around at a particular moment. I can tell you that I’ve learned that I am in control of what I allow to happen to me and it’s up to me to set healthy boundaries for my highest good…and it’s not always easy to do.

I had breast cancer and it can’t always be prevented, yet I could have had a mammogram sooner than I had; I went 5 years without one and only had one done when I found my tumor. So while this “what” may have been destined to happen to me, the “why” it happened when it did was because I wasn’t loving myself enough to get that mammogram every year like I should have. I know better now.

I’ve lived through divorce and a bad relationship. The “what” that caused an ending to these relationships isn’t as important as the “why” it happened. It happened because I was allowing those people to treat me in a way I didn’t deserve. What you allow will continue and it did for me until I realized I deserved better and decided to stop it.

And I’ve lived through emotional, verbal and physical abuse. It went on for years until I finally put an end to it. “What” was said and done to me isn’t as important as “why” it was done to me. It happened because I let it happen. I wasn’t as strong as I am now, my self-esteem was non-existent, and I blamed myself for causing all those things that were said and done to me then. I was at the bottom and when I finally decided that enough was enough, I pulled myself up off the floor and began to see clearly of the “why” it happened. I began to get stronger day by day and set up boundaries that were never again to be crossed by anyone, and if they were, I certainly recognized it sooner. It happened because I let it, not because I deserved it. It was yet another life lesson for me to learn.

You have to love yourself, respect yourself, and know that you don’t deserve to be treated badly by anyone, especially by yourself. Let’s face it, we’re all masters of self-sabotage at times…we can hurt ourselves better than the person who is hurting us. Yet that’s not the way it should be; you know that as well as I do.

It’s time we all, myself included, stop focusing on the “what” that happened to us and start looking deep within ourselves to see our truth of the“why” it happened.

It’s then that we learn and grow and move forward into the life we want and deserve.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“If You Want…”

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If you want love you have to love.

If you want honesty you have to be truthful.

If you want loyalty you have to be loyal.

If you want happiness you have to be happy.

If you want compassion you have to be compassionate.

And if you want kindness you have to be kind.

We all want the people in our life to be these things but in order to have that YOU have to be those things because it all begins with YOU!

“Don’t expect from others what they can’t expect from you.”

Remember that.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“How A Heart Breaks”

breaking a heart

We’ve all had our hearts broken a time or two in this lifetime and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: it doesn’t suddenly break. It’s takes time to break it.

And do you know why a heart breaks?

It’s because someone has been chipping away at it over and over again.

And when most of the heart has been chipped away there’s not much left to hold it together and one day it breaks altogether.

And it can and will never be repaired to the heart it once was. Only the broken hearted can heal their heart and in time, their heart will heal and be stronger than the heart that had been broken.

There’s all type of abuse out there but nothing will chip away at a heart more than verbal and emotional abuse. Those are the worst and I know it for fact because I’ve been the person on the other side of it more times than I can count. It’s a difficult and long process to heal, but it is possible, because I’ve done it, and I’ve done it more than once.

I’m going to be honest about this subject because I can speak from personal experience.

Words and actions hurt. They chip away at a heart that loves someone so much that they allow it to happen, at least until the day they’ve had enough. And the day that happens is long after the heart has been chipped away at until it breaks; that day is when that person gets strong and rebuilds their damaged heart.

And that is the day they’ve had enough.

It’s the day they’ve seen the truth of the person who treats them that way.

And it’s the day that they realize their value and we all have value. No one deserves to be treated badly, even the ones who treat others badly.

Love doesn’t hurt the heart; harsh words and behaviors do.

Words last forever.

The pain the words caused will never be forgotten.

And a once whole, happy, loving person will break apart.

Until they pick themselves up and put themselves back together.

There are some who don’t realize just how hurtful their words and actions can be to someone they love, especially when that person still sees good in them and still loves them. But the day will come after countless conversations between the two people of how badly they’ve been hurt and how much damage it causes to their heart…and to their soul.

It’s the day the heart has been chipped away at over and over again that it breaks.

The good news is that a heart that breaks is proof that it works. It’s proof that you have a heart that loves with abandon, loves another with all that they are, and loves unconditionally. The bad news is that that kind of heart will break when the person they love doesn’t have the same kind of heart.

They have a heart that controls, a heart that can only love so much, and a heart that doesn’t know how to love unconditionally.

Hearts that have been chipped at over time will eventually break, but they also will be given the chance to heal into a stronger heart, a smarter heart, and a heart that knows what they deserve and what they don’t. And it will learn to never settle for less than what they deserve.

Choose your words carefully. Keep your bad day to yourself. Leave work at the office. Don’t take your frustrations out on another. And cherish the ones that love you unconditionally with a beautiful heart. Once you chip away at their heart enough you’ll break it, and while everything is forgivable, it’s very rarely repairable.

Remember that.

And ask yourself these very important questions: How would you feel if the person you love treated you the way you treat them? How would you feel if they chipped away at your heart? How would you feel if they were telling you that you were always wrong and that they were always right?

You are in control of your actions towards someone you love.

Choose your words carefully because once you’ve said them you can’t take them back.

It’s never too late to change.

And positive change is a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~