I’ve been in Delaware for about a month now and have had way too much time to “think” about why I haven’t been writing as much as I used to, why I haven’t finished the final edits on my new book or why I feel so lost.
After much soul searching I got my answer: I lost my routine.
And in losing my “routine” I’ve lost my balance and a little bit of myself.
Back in Jersey I was working full-time and writing in my free time. I don’t miss working the daily grind BUT I do miss the routine. I’d get up everyday at 5:30, grab my coffee and do my hair and makeup as I peered out the window to see the sunrise. I was off to work by 8 and home after 4. It was a “routine.”
The other piece I’m missing is the daily interaction with my boss, co-workers, customers and vendors. I was always meeting someone new and interesting, yet I can remember coming home some days and not wanting to talk to anyone because I was “talked out” from work. Now I long for those days of communication.
It’s quiet here and unless we go out, there’s not much communication with the outside world. There are days that I wish my phone would ring with a friendly voice on the other end just ready for a nice, long conversation.
But it doesn’t and I feel as though I’m left with too much idle time and that’s not me.
This move wasn’t easy but I know that finding a routine here is in my best interest. I’m lost without one. I’m lost without accountability for a job. I’m lost being away from the friends and places that I loved.
Maybe I took too much of that for granted and can now see how important all of that was for me. I can definitely see it now and while there’s no sense in missing it all, there is a sense in being grateful that I had it in the first place.
Today is a new day and I have to push myself to find a new “routine.” I need to make myself accountable for a full time job as a writer. I need to stop feeling lost and find what works for me. And instead of missing my friends and places, I need to incorporate them into a new routine of seeing them when I can.
“Mindset and perspective” are what I’ve been lacking and thankfully this time of feeling lost helped to change mine and hopefully has me moving forward in the right direction.
I believe that “it’s the times we feel most lost in our lives that we’re actually finding ourselves.”
And I believe the last month of feeling lost has helped me to find myself again.
Wishing you love and light,