“Be Careful What Doors You Open”

doors to the past 1

We all have a past; some of it filled with beautiful memories and some of it filled with heartache, sadness and negative energy. Yet I believe that when you close a door in your life it’s best to leave it closed because should you open it you never know what or who you’re letting back in…and that could be something that affects your life today in a negative way.

I believe that it’s fine to “revisit the past for a brief time, if only to remember why you left it in the first place.” Living in the past steals your present and your future. It keeps you from moving forward, it keeps you stuck in a time in your life that’s already passed and it keeps you from living in the moment. And living in the moment is what leads you into your future.

There are pieces of our past that are meant only for us to remember; speaking that past out loud to the wrong person could be hurtful. And I’m talking specifically about relationships here. The older we get the more of a past we have. We’ve had past lovers and significant others, we’ve had past heartache, we’ve had past intimate moments, and the door closed to that once those relationships were over. I’ve had them, too, yet once those doors are closed I keep them closed because once I open the door to the past I’m leaving myself vulnerable to what I’m letting back into a life I already moved forward in.

Opening the door to a past that was left behind means that you’ve allowed that energy back into your life, or you’ve let that person back in. It means you’re choosing to allow the emotions from that time to be felt again, whether good or bad, and it means you’re looking at your present life as less important than your past.

We have all those “past” experiences to teach us life lessons so that we can move into a better life, a better relationship. Remembering old loves is a memory to be kept to yourself; speaking it to your new love will only bring pain to them…and in the end, to you. There are some pieces of our past that are better left unsaid and kept to ourselves, because living in the past can definitely influence your present life which inevitably can affect your future.

We all carry some wonderful memories of our past, myself included, but I believe that when we “live” in our past, remembering our past relationships, then that is a sign that we’re not happy or content in our relationship now. And that is something to think about.

Be careful when opening the doors to your past; you never know “what” or “who” you’re letting back in. And you never know who it’s going to hurt.

The past is meant to be left in the past; your future lies in your present.

Don’t lose sight of the people you love in your present life by constantly looking back at the people you left behind in your past.

Be grateful for the people you love in your life today…

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Feel, Deal and Heal”

I’ve gone through my share of, what most may say, are traumatic experiences: divorce, cancer, and abuse, to name a few. When I share these experiences publicly many people ask me how I’m still standing, how in the world did I become so positive after so many negative things happened to me.

My answer is always the same: Because I chose to get through and I’m standing even stronger.

And how is that possible?

Because I knew I had to feel all the emotions that came with those “traumas” and deal with them; and that’s how I was able to heal.

No one wants to feel hurt, sadness or brokenness, yet we all do at some point in our life. Many people block those emotions; they tuck them away and believe that they moved on from them. I can tell you that they didn’t. Ignoring what you have to face is lying to yourself and eventually all those emotions you didn’t deal with will catch up with you at some point in your life. They always do.

And when they do catch up with you those around you pay the price for it as well.

Don’t you want to feel happy? Don’t you want to find joy in your life? Don’t you want to let go of an experience that caused you pain?

Sure you do…we all do.

So do it. Take a long look in the mirror at yourself and let your truth come through. Take that experience and all the pain that came with it and deal with it. Feel the pain, the heartache and let the healing waters of your tears flow to release it all. Then forgive the experience so you no longer hold onto it and then forgive yourself for allowing it to hold you back from the happiness you want and deserve.

You can run from those traumatic experiences but trust me, you can’t hide from them until you deal with them.

Feel, deal and heal, my friends.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~

feel the emotions 2

“How A Heart Breaks”

breaking a heart

We’ve all had our hearts broken a time or two in this lifetime and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: it doesn’t suddenly break. It’s takes time to break it.

And do you know why a heart breaks?

It’s because someone has been chipping away at it over and over again.

And when most of the heart has been chipped away there’s not much left to hold it together and one day it breaks altogether.

And it can and will never be repaired to the heart it once was. Only the broken hearted can heal their heart and in time, their heart will heal and be stronger than the heart that had been broken.

There’s all type of abuse out there but nothing will chip away at a heart more than verbal and emotional abuse. Those are the worst and I know it for fact because I’ve been the person on the other side of it more times than I can count. It’s a difficult and long process to heal, but it is possible, because I’ve done it, and I’ve done it more than once.

I’m going to be honest about this subject because I can speak from personal experience.

Words and actions hurt. They chip away at a heart that loves someone so much that they allow it to happen, at least until the day they’ve had enough. And the day that happens is long after the heart has been chipped away at until it breaks; that day is when that person gets strong and rebuilds their damaged heart.

And that is the day they’ve had enough.

It’s the day they’ve seen the truth of the person who treats them that way.

And it’s the day that they realize their value and we all have value. No one deserves to be treated badly, even the ones who treat others badly.

Love doesn’t hurt the heart; harsh words and behaviors do.

Words last forever.

The pain the words caused will never be forgotten.

And a once whole, happy, loving person will break apart.

Until they pick themselves up and put themselves back together.

There are some who don’t realize just how hurtful their words and actions can be to someone they love, especially when that person still sees good in them and still loves them. But the day will come after countless conversations between the two people of how badly they’ve been hurt and how much damage it causes to their heart…and to their soul.

It’s the day the heart has been chipped away at over and over again that it breaks.

The good news is that a heart that breaks is proof that it works. It’s proof that you have a heart that loves with abandon, loves another with all that they are, and loves unconditionally. The bad news is that that kind of heart will break when the person they love doesn’t have the same kind of heart.

They have a heart that controls, a heart that can only love so much, and a heart that doesn’t know how to love unconditionally.

Hearts that have been chipped at over time will eventually break, but they also will be given the chance to heal into a stronger heart, a smarter heart, and a heart that knows what they deserve and what they don’t. And it will learn to never settle for less than what they deserve.

Choose your words carefully. Keep your bad day to yourself. Leave work at the office. Don’t take your frustrations out on another. And cherish the ones that love you unconditionally with a beautiful heart. Once you chip away at their heart enough you’ll break it, and while everything is forgivable, it’s very rarely repairable.

Remember that.

And ask yourself these very important questions: How would you feel if the person you love treated you the way you treat them? How would you feel if they chipped away at your heart? How would you feel if they were telling you that you were always wrong and that they were always right?

You are in control of your actions towards someone you love.

Choose your words carefully because once you’ve said them you can’t take them back.

It’s never too late to change.

And positive change is a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

“Be Your Authentic Self”

The only way you’re really going to know who should and shouldn’t be in your life is by standing in your truth.

Be who you really are, not the person that you think someone wants you to be.

Know that you don’t have to agree with the opinions of others just because you want to fit in.

Understand that you are not everyone’s “cup of tea,” and some people aren’t yours either.

And never assume that someone knows what you’re thinking or feeling.

And that’s what “standing in your truth” is all about.

It’s being your complete, authentic self to the people you meet, because when you hide who you truly are then you run the risk of attracting the wrong people into your life. They may like you for who you pretend to be, but is that what you want? I don’t. For me, what you see and what you hear is what you get. I don’t change to fit the person…I change the people I surround myself with to fit me.

That’s how we surround ourselves with “like-minded” people: people who are positive, who have our back, who lift us up instead of bringing us down. People who understand our differences and accept us for who we are anyway. People who acknowledge your successes and keep you motivated through your failures. People who love you for who you are, not for who they want you to be.

You have to be who you are in order to have the right people in your life…in your bubble.

Don’t silence your voice to make someone else happy, or to prevent a disagreement, or to keep things calm.

The right people will embrace your voice and your truth.

The right people will love you for who you are.

The right people won’t try to change you.

And the right people will never try to silence your voice…

Because your voice is your truth.

Be you, my friends, be you.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“A Flood Of Emotions”

Isn’t it funny how one random moment in your day can bring back a flood of emotions from a moment in your past? I had such a moment yesterday…and for just an hour or so it allowed a literal flood of pain and heartache from my past.

And I want to share it with you because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: when I write from the heart and share my most intimate emotions with you, it’s therapeutic for me. It takes those emotions out of my soul and puts them onto paper…and it’s truly a good thing for me. And I hope it’s a good for those of you going through a similar situation.

Yesterday the Jersey Shore suffered from a tremendous amount of rain, causing massive floods in our surrounding areas. There were those that needed to be taken from their homes and cars by boat. I didn’t go through anything that extreme but what I did go through was painful in its’ own right.

The rains hit hard in the morning and around 11 am my son, Noah, went down into our basement. I heard him say “Mom, you better get down here.”

My heart sank because I knew it wasn’t going to be good and it wasn’t: my basement was flooded. I went down the stairs and looked around. There was water everywhere and all I could focus on was the cardboard boxes filled with their favorite childhood books and memories soaked in water. I knew right then and there that we had lost all of those things we felt “important.” Water was everywhere and I was overwhelmed with where to even start.

Yet I knew in my heart where to start and it was to start throwing things out.

And through the hours that my youngest, Sam, and I filled one garbage bag after another with their childhood memories I began to think of a time in my life over 7 years ago when I was going through another time of throwing my “memories” in the trash.

It was over 7 years ago that I was getting out of a second marriage that never should have happened. At that time I had lost the house I designed, built and lived in for over 20 years. I lost my home, my car, and all the money the kids and I had saved up over the years. That second marriage cost me more than I could say. I remember two dumpsters in my driveway for two weeks as the kids and I threw out as much as we could, knowing that we were moving to a much smaller house.

I can remember the heartache of throwing out things that had meant so much to me and to them but we didn’t have much choice. The home we lived in was so much larger than the home we were moving to and still live in. I had to keep telling myself that it was just “stuff” and that I could take the memories with me.

It was a painful time to lose literally everything I had…that we had…yet we did it. And we moved into our “Cozy Cottage.”

And we were fine. We were happy.

I moved in here with nothing. No car, no money and no job, yet we had each other and within a few weeks I had a job and another car. And we survived.

And I’ve been rebuilding my life ever since.

Yet today brought all those emotions back again and I’ll admit that I shed a few tears as I filled garbage bag after garbage bag with yet more memories. It was tough and I felt overwhelmed. I kept filling bags of their favorite children’s books to stuffed animals, one right after another, and Sam just kept bringing them up the stairs and out the door to the trash. It wasn’t the exact “Mother/Son” day I would have planned.

But we did it and there’s still another couple of days to finish up the task.

Yet after my tears spilled of another time of throwing out things that meant something to me, I began to pull myself together and remind myself that they are just the possessions, just the “stuff” that we had compiled for many years. Throwing the stuff out didn’t erase the memories…it just got rid of the physical stuff, but it will never erase the emotional stuff we gained from the years we had it.

Life is a funny thing sometimes. There comes a moment in all our lives that brings back a moment from the past, and oftentimes it’s a painful memory. Yet we seemed to have learned from the past that when those sad memories come back we know better…we feel the pain, the sadness, and the heartache and let it go much sooner than we had in the past. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the things that we had tried to forget because we shouldn’t forget anything…we should learn from it, accept it and move forward.

Because, after all, we don’t ever lose the precious moments we have of our children or loved ones; they are embedded in our minds and hearts forever. The physical possession is a wonderful thing to have but losing it doesn’t erase what our heart holds deep inside.

Our hearts take pictures of those moments in life that mean the most and no flood, no fire, and no one person can ever take that away.

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

piglet flood 1

“One Chair”

Years ago whenever my grandmother saw a two seater car she’d say: “That’s a selfish car. There’s only enough room for two people.” It was a funny thing to hear her say, yet as I’ve grown older I understand even more of what she was saying.

I’m that way with chairs.

My front porch has a table and two chairs on one side of the door and on the other side is two chairs with a table between them. I’m usually in one of those chairs and look forward to the people I love sitting with me in the other chair.

There’s not always someone sitting with me but there’s an empty chair just always waiting for someone who needs to use it.

When I see someone put only one chair out for themselves it tells me a couple of things. It tells me that they want to be alone, it tells me that they don’t want me sitting with them, it tells me that they never had a thought to how I was feeling and that I may need someone to give me a chair.

Sometimes we all need a chair. We need that second chair to know we’re not alone. We need that second chair so that we don’t feel lonely. We need that second chair to let us know that someone is just waiting for us to sit in it.

The second chair means that someone wants us.

The second chair means that someone loves us.

The second chair means that we matter.

And to me, when I see only one chair I see a person who is selfish, who doesn’t care about anyone other than themselves and a person who takes the people in his life for granted.

You can spend your life with only one chair.

But remember what that chair represents to those that love you.

And be mindful and aware that a day may come in which there won’t be that person to fill a second chair;  you will be there alone with one chair.

I love having two chairs on my front porch.

It’s my small way of letting the people I love know that they’re always welcome to be with me, that I love them, and that I want to spend time with them.

Chairs.

How many do you have?

I hope you have more than one.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

two chairs

“Strength And Weakness”

I wrote this quote many years ago near the end of my 20 year marriage. As I began to heal physically and emotionally from all the turmoil of that, I realized that it was at my moments of anxiety, sadness or depression that he became strong. At first I thought he was showing true signs of kindness, yet in time I realized what was really happening: I was feeding his ego and he was starving my self-esteem. He felt like “the big man” helping the poor, defenseless, broken woman. The woman HE broke. The woman he was abusive to; the woman he told over and over again was stupid and ugly; the woman he told would never be loved by anyone.

And I believed him…until I stopped believing him.

Are you wondering how I stopped believing all that negative stuff he had embedded into my brain? I woke up. I realized that I had allowed him the freedom to treat me that way. I allowed him to speak down to me and allowed him to be disrespectful to me. So, one day I woke up and stopped allowing it, and when I did that the marriage was done and over with.

I went through years of healing myself mentally and emotionally, and of course it was with the help of many spiritual teachers and a wonderful tribe of true friends that I was able to. I’m grateful for each and every one of them.

I learned so much about myself and that loving myself first was the answer to preventing anyone anyone from treating me that way. You’d think it would never happen again, yet I’m human; we’re all human. Sometimes life brings you back to an experience that you thought you had learned the lessons from, yet life knows when you forget the lesson. And the Universe will put a similar experience back into your way until you wake up and realize that what you stopped allowing years ago, you’re allowing once again.

Even after that divorce I would find myself meeting someone whose ego was strengthened by my weakness, and for those that know me, they know I’m anything but weak. It would sporadically happen here and there throughout the years, yet now I’m much more able to recognize it when it’s happening. I’ve learned that those people lack control of their own life so they try and control mine; they lack self-respect and are unable to respect anyone else; they don’t feel strong unless they’re paired up with someone weak.

And I am no longer that girl.

I want to be treated the way I deserve and the way that I treat others: with love, kindness, compassion, consideration and loyalty, and I won’t settle for anything less. I want to be loved for the person I am, quirks and all, because I love the person that I’ve become.

We all have moments of feeling weak and that’s okay; it’s those moments that help us to find our strength again and stand back up on our feet even stronger.

We all have moments of finding ourselves back in a situation that we thought would never return and that’s okay; you’re given that situation to remind you of the lesson you forgot.

And we all find ourselves staring into the mirror, looking at ourselves and wondering how we got here and what happened to us, and that’s okay; keep looking in that mirror long enough and you’ll once again see the person you thought was lost.

It’s those moments of feeling lost that we’re actually finding ourselves again, and we’re finding an even better and stronger version of the person we once were.

Life is about balance and we all fall out of balance every so often. It’s when the world around us is spinning out of control that we see the truth of everything, and it’s in those moments that we find our balance again.

Don’t let anyone make you feel weak; surround yourself with people that make you feel strong.

Don’t spend your precious time feeding someone’s ego; spend your time feeding your self-esteem.

And don’t rely on anyone loving you the way you want to be loved; love yourself that way first and the rest will fall into place.

Everything in your life begins with YOU.

Stop allowing what you don’t want to continue.

Forgive yourself when you forgot a lesson you learned and continue moving forward.

And love yourself.

If you do nothing else, love yourself.

Anything and everything is possible if you begin with love.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~strength and weakness

 

“Do You Know Your Value?”

value yourself
 

Everything begins with you…and I can’t say that often enough to you. There are moments even I have to remind myself of that.

And those moments seem to come when we place more value on others than we do on ourselves, and when that happens, well, everything hits the fan!

We find ourselves seeing the true colors of friends; we see that they weren’t who we thought they were; and when that happens we find ourselves feeling betrayed, hurt and angry. We wonder why they couldn’t be as loyal to us as we were to them; we wonder why they turned their back on us; we wonder why they crossed our boundaries of friendship.

We wonder what happened, why things went the way they did, and what did it all mean…in other words, we want to know WHY it happened.

No one can control another; no one can make another loyal and trusting to you; no one can make someone love them.

We can only control ourselves.

And that’s a great power to have: the power to make decisions that are best for YOU!

You see, you lost sight of how valuable you are; you valued someone else so much that you forgot to value yourself; you placed way too much importance on someone who hurt you.

If you can’t see how valuable you are, how do you expect anyone else to?

It all begins with you.

Walk away from those who bring you down; wish them love and light, be grateful for the lessons it taught you, and move forward.

Let go of the negative people you’ve allowed in your bubble and make room for the positive people to come in.

Know your value…know your worth.

It’s a good thing!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

“Opening the Right Door”

Did you ever wake up one morning only to realize that the situation or relationship you’re currently in just isn’t working? What was so wonderful for a time no longer holds those feelings; the good times are replaced with stress and drama, hurt and heartache.

We’ve all had a moment or two of that, yet what do we do?

We know that we want more and we deserve more, and we still hold onto the hope that the situation or relationship will change…but it doesn’t.

It’s served its’ time, taught you some lessons and made you realize that you were settling, and truth be told, it was holding you back.

There’s always some pain at the loss of something you thought was the right thing, yet I’m here to tell you that once you heal and get past those emotions, the world opens doors for you that you didn’t even know were closed.

Keeping negative things in your life, no matter what or who it is, will always keep out the good things just waiting to come into your life.

Love yourself enoughto know that you deserve all good things; wish the situation or person that you need to walk away from lots of love and light, and thank them for all that they taught you.

And let the next door open wide for you!

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

door

“What Now With New Beginnings”

“Journey is over, the battle is won. A new chapter starting, a new day begun, 

So what do I do know? Where do I start?

Do I take the road known or less traveled and follow my heart?

Life is always changing, it’s time to turn the page,

The story continues and it’s mine to create.

So what do I do now? Where do I go?

Do I let my mind lead me backwards in time or move ahead slow?”

What now with new beginnings? What now with the old life behind? What now that I’m starting over, no clue, no reason, no rhyme.

Time to change my thinking,

Time to lose the fear,

The Universe is watching, that’s what brought me here.

It’s all an adventure, my life is a song.

I know where I’ve been, not where I’m going but I’m dancing along.”

Aside from writing books, I also write song lyrics and this is one that I wrote about my journey with breast cancer. Yet it’s not only about that; it’s about endings and the beautiful new beginnings that follow. It’s about leaving the past behind and moving forward. It’s about creating the life you want. It’s about changing your perspective.  It’s about losing the fear and taking a leap of faith.

And it’s about embracing the journey of a beautiful new beginning.

It’s all an adventure so dance along the journey.

It’s a good thing!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~