Waking Up

“My Family…Together Again”

/ Anne Dennish

Two of my five children live at home, so there are moments I feel the pang of the “empty nest” syndrome. I’ve gotten used to my three oldest living across the country, only seeing them every year or two, so I don’t feel that pain of missing them all living home very often. They’ve been living out of my home for years now and I’m used to my two youngest being the only ones living with me.

Yet yesterday things felt like the old days and I was reminded of just how much I miss having a house filled with five children.

My oldest flew in yesterday morning from the West Coast and it must have been close to family2two years since I’ve seen him. He brought home his beautiful girl for all of us to meet and she was amazing! We all fell in love with her instantly and I’d like to believe that she felt the same about us.

I raced to the airport early in the morning to pick them both up and the tears fell as I saw him. They both walked towards me with open arms, hugs, kisses and some amazing West Coast energy! Just what this mom needed!

Yet seeing him was so much more than a hug…it brought back floods of emotions and memories of having them all live at home together. I remembered family dinners at the table every night and weekends filled with a stream of teenagers in and out and hanging around. It was heaven.

And yesterday felt like old times for me. Seeing him with his two youngest brothers, introducing them to his girl, teasing them and laughing I couldn’t help but feel a sense of peace, of happiness…of true joy.

I had forgotten what it was like to have my family together like that. These days even myfamily3 two youngest are working or going to school and I feel as though they’ve already left the nest.

Last night felt like old times, even though two of my kids were missing. It felt like the family I remembered; the family that grew up and moved on to their own adult lives. Yet as I remembered the memories I was also watching them all together and making new ones. Suddenly the babies and teenagers I remembered were sitting at a restaurant out to dinner with me…yet they were grown up! They had become men in what feels like an instant.

And my four boys have grown up into amazing men, and I don’t say that just because I’m their mom.

They are respectful, kind, compassionate and non-judgmental. They are truly the type of people I had hoped and wished that they would grow up to be.

And they are.

I sat in amazement last night, savoring every moment, taking in all that surrounded me. It was a night I’ll remember forever, until the next time we can all be together to make new memories.

I felt so much pride for these boys last night, especially my oldest. I watched how he spoke to and treated his girl…he loves her, she loves him, and the respect they have for one another is the type a mother hopes her child will find in a partner.

familyAnd he found that.

And I couldn’t be happier for him.

It was incredible night of being a family together again.

It was a night of my heart being so filled with love that it could have exploded.

These boys of mine…they are a gift to the world.

And they have been and always will be a gift to me.

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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All photos by Anne Dennish

 

 

“A Flood Of Emotions”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment
Isn’t it funny how one random moment in your day can bring back a flood of emotions from a moment in your past? I had such a moment yesterday…and for just an hour or so it allowed a literal flood of pain and heartache from my past.

And I want to share it with you because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: when I write from the heart and share my most intimate emotions with you, it’s therapeutic for me. It takes those emotions out of my soul and puts them onto paper…and it’s truly a good thing for me. And I hope it’s a good for those of you going through a similar situation.

Yesterday the Jersey Shore suffered from a tremendous amount of rain, causing massive floods in our surrounding areas. There were those that needed to be taken from their homes and cars by boat. I didn’t go through anything that extreme but what I did go through was painful in its’ own right.

The rains hit hard in the morning and around 11 am my son, Noah, went down into our basement. I heard him say “Mom, you better get down here.”

My heart sank because I knew it wasn’t going to be good and it wasn’t: my basement was flooded. I went down the stairs and looked around. There was water everywhere and all I could focus on was the cardboard boxes filled with their favorite childhood books and memories soaked in water. I knew right then and there that we had lost all of those things we felt “important.” Water was everywhere and I was overwhelmed with where to even start.

Yet I knew in my heart where to start and it was to start throwing things out.

And through the hours that my youngest, Sam, and I filled one garbage bag after another with their childhood memories I began to think of a time in my life over 7 years ago when I was going through another time of throwing my “memories” in the trash.

It was over 7 years ago that I was getting out of a second marriage that never should have happened. At that time I had lost the house I designed, built and lived in for over 20 years. I lost my home, my car, and all the money the kids and I had saved up over the years. That second marriage cost me more than I could say. I remember two dumpsters in my driveway for two weeks as the kids and I threw out as much as we could, knowing that we were moving to a much smaller house.

I can remember the heartache of throwing out things that had meant so much to me and to them but we didn’t have much choice. The home we lived in was so much larger than the home we were moving to and still live in. I had to keep telling myself that it was just “stuff” and that I could take the memories with me.

It was a painful time to lose literally everything I had…that we had…yet we did it. And we moved into our “Cozy Cottage.”

And we were fine. We were happy.

I moved in here with nothing. No car, no money and no job, yet we had each other and within a few weeks I had a job and another car. And we survived.

And I’ve been rebuilding my life ever since.

Yet today brought all those emotions back again and I’ll admit that I shed a few tears as I filled garbage bag after garbage bag with yet more memories. It was tough and I felt overwhelmed. I kept filling bags of their favorite children’s books to stuffed animals, one right after another, and Sam just kept bringing them up the stairs and out the door to the trash. It wasn’t the exact “Mother/Son” day I would have planned.

But we did it and there’s still another couple of days to finish up the task.

Yet after my tears spilled of another time of throwing out things that meant something to me, I began to pull myself together and remind myself that they are just the possessions, just the “stuff” that we had compiled for many years. Throwing the stuff out didn’t erase the memories…it just got rid of the physical stuff, but it will never erase the emotional stuff we gained from the years we had it.

Life is a funny thing sometimes. There comes a moment in all our lives that brings back a moment from the past, and oftentimes it’s a painful memory. Yet we seemed to have learned from the past that when those sad memories come back we know better…we feel the pain, the sadness, and the heartache and let it go much sooner than we had in the past. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the things that we had tried to forget because we shouldn’t forget anything…we should learn from it, accept it and move forward.

Because, after all, we don’t ever lose the precious moments we have of our children or loved ones; they are embedded in our minds and hearts forever. The physical possession is a wonderful thing to have but losing it doesn’t erase what our heart holds deep inside.

Our hearts take pictures of those moments in life that mean the most and no flood, no fire, and no one person can ever take that away.

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

piglet flood 1

“Keep Looking Up”

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I’m a big believer in always “looking up,” and not “looking down.” One seems to be positive and the other is negative.

Think about it…what do you see when you look up? The sky, the sun, the mountains, the stars, the moon, the clouds…the list goes on. And when you “look up” it’s as if you’re seeing the endless possibilities that life has to offer you. You’re seeing the vastness of the Universe with no limitations.

Now, about that “looking down.” When we look down it’s at the ground or more often than not these days, most people “looking down” are looking at their phones, at their computers, at their social media…and that list goes on as well. Yet looking down is restricting you from seeing the beauty around you; it prevents you from seeing the people that love you; it steals precious time with the world around you that you’ll never get back.

How many times have you found yourself “looking down” only to find that when you looked up you missed something amazing? You missed the sunrise or the sunset, you missed the one you love smiling at you, you missed an opportunity to communicate with another human, or you simply missed something that you’ll never have a chance to see again.

I know there are times we have to “look down” but don’t let that become your priority. Make that “looking down” thing but a brief moment in your day…make that “looking up” thing a priority of your day.

Trust me, more negative experiences and situations happen when you’re looking down all the time…

And trust me when I say that more positive experiences come from looking up…

And looking around…

And looking forward.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

look up

 

“Who’s In Your Bubble?

/ Anne Dennish / 1 Comment

My friend, Peg, called me the other day to ask my opinion about a situation. She was feeling hurt over someone crossing her boundaries and in seeing the truth of them: that what she thought them to be wasn’t really who they were. She asked me how to get past that emotion of feeling hurt and betrayed.

I thought about it for a moment and came up with this analogy, one which I hope helps everyone.

Picture your life as a bubble and you’re in the center. Let’s say you’re only allowed 10 people in there with you. If you have 6 positive people and 4 negative in there then it’s full…there are no seats left for any other positive people to get in. Your bubble is full to capacity.

I can’t tell anyone enough that it is your decision of who you allow in your bubble, and you should always love yourself enough to want to surround yourself with positive people: people who are loyal to you, have your back, love and respect you, lift you up, support you, and more importantly, are honest with you. You want to keep your “vibe in the tribe” as positive as possible, because negativity breeds negativity and you don’t want an epidemic of that in your bubble!

So, when you realize there’s some negative people in that bubble and you want more positive people taking their place, do the math. You need to end your relationships with the negative people, wish them love and light, be grateful for the lessons they taught you, and move forward. And when you do that, hard as it may be, you’ve just opened a few more seats up in your bubble and have made room for the positive people to come in.

We all find ourselves in this situation now and again, yet it’s important to understand that these experiences happen to teach us a lesson about ourselves. Each of us has the control of who we allow in our bubble and each of us had a choice of keeping it positive or allowing the negative to take up residence.

Who do you have in your bubble? Is the vibe in your tribe a positive one? Are there more negative than positive people in there with you?

Only you know the answer to those questions and only you can choose what’s best for you.

Think about it.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

“The Lesson In The Pain”

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I find a lesson in everything…even in pain, and the last 11 days have been no exception. I’ve been battling severe sciatica. Some days the pain has been excruciating, other days it’s been manageable, yet throughout the last 11 days of being able to do nothing but rest and take it easy, I’ve found myself changing.

Life and all its’ little problems were still knocking at my door, begging to come in with all their stress and drama, but guess what? I didn’t answer the door. I left all that “negative stuff” on the front porch, knowing that it would soon go away if I ignored it…and it did.

Living with pain is a horrible thing, yet it taught me that nothing else mattered except my healing. The pain reminded me that I’m just as important as anyone else, and that this time was mine to rest and get well. And it taught me to let go of things quicker and easier…and be done with them.

I guess you could say this amount of pain for this long of a time changed my behavior and perspective on situations that bring me stress or are filled with drama. I see them differently and learned to quickly dismiss them, not let them bother me, and focus on what’s important: my family, my loved ones, my tribe and ME!

I’m on the mend and it’s been a long, painful 11 days, yet it wasn’t in vain and was for a reason: to learn another life lesson. And while my leg still hurts, I can tell you that my heart doesn’t. I can’t worry about what I can’t change in others, I can only change how I react to them.

And sometimes “no reaction” is the best “reaction” to someone trying to bring their stress and drama into your life.

Try it.

It’s a good thing!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

“Picking Up Bad Vibes”

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I love meeting new people, yet every so often I meet one that, simply put, rubs me the wrong way. I don’t always know “why” that happens, and it doesn’t happen often, but I do know it’s my intuition talking to me: it’s telling me to walk away from them.

It’s my intuition picking up some “bad vibes and negative energy” from them.

It’s my intuition telling me that they’re not who they seem to be and to proceed with caution.

It’s my intuition telling me to walk away from them, release the bad vibes I got from them, cleanse myself of their negative energy, and do whatever it takes to never be around them again.

So many times we find ourselves in situations in which we feel uncomfortable; we may not know at that moment “why” we feel what we do, but I’m here to tell you to “trust your gut.” The answer to “why” will present itself to you when it’s meant to.

As for me, I’m a 24 hour girl, one who continues to think about something for that amount of time until I understand my feelings. So, when my intuition speaks, I listen, and then I begin to process my “why” and allow the answer to come…and it always does.

We’re not meant to like everyone we meet. Sometimes we meet the “negative vibe” people to teach us something about ourselves, or about them. Sometimes we meet them as a test to see if we’re truly listening to our intuition or not.

It’s okay to distance yourself from the people who make you feel uneasy, or angry, or uncomfortable. This is simply your intuition looking out for you.

Walk away from the people who send off bad vibes…

And keep the “good vibes” in your tribe…

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

bad vibes

“Clear Out Your Mind”

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Yesterday I talked about selecting your thoughts carefully; today let’s talk about clearing out your mind of things you’re constantly thinking or obsessing about. Take a breathe, be mindful of what that thought is, and let it go. Clear it out. Be done with it.

When you clear your mind of things that shouldn’t be taking up space there, you open it up for all the love in the world to rush in.

And “you will be filled with more love than you had ever dreamed.”

Think about it.

Clear your mind.

Let love rush in.

It’s a good thing. 

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

clear out the space - richard from texas

“Embrace Good & Let Go Of Bad”

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embrace all that is good for you

Only you know what’s good for you and what isn’t, so embrace everything that is good for you and let go of everything that isn’t.

Say “yes” to all that serves your Highest Good and just say “no” to all that doesn’t.

It’s a good thing…

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“NO” Is A Full Sentence

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no 1

“No” is a full sentence.

And that means that there does not need to be an explanation as to WHY you said “no” in the first place.

I’ve always had trouble telling someone “no,” as I’m sure you have as well, whether it’s our children, friends, significant other, or even someone we work with, yet I know there are times I need to say it, and I say it because it doesn’t serve my Highest Good. I could be tired or not feeling well; I could have too much on my plate at that moment or simply need that down time to just “be.”

And at those moments I’ve always felt compelled to give a full explanation as to WHY I said no, yet over the years I’ve learned that I don’t need to do that. The person on the receiving end of my “no” should respect me enough to accept it. End of story.

But not everyone will accept it.

They are the ones that will keep at you until you give them what they want: a “yes.” It’s their way of controlling you because of their own insecurities over controlling themselves. It’s their way of feeding their own ego by knowing they were able to get what they wanted from you; and it’s their way of making you feel “out of control.”

Remember this: “what you allow will continue.”

It’s okay to think of yourself first and do what’s best for YOU, and if that means saying “no” when you need to, then it’s a good thing. And those moments that you say “yes” when you mean “no” can affect those around you, because when you give in to someone you feel frustrated with yourself, and sometimes even defeated that they won.

Don’t let anyone take your power from you or your free will to simply say “no.”

The people who love you will accept a “no,” but more importantly, the people who RESPECT you will.

And for those that don’t?

Let them go.

You control your life; you make your own boundaries with people; and you have the choice to “enable their behavior or disable their control.”

The choice is always yours.

Think about it.

And please remember this: “NO” is a full sentence.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“On Board A Tanker”

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tanker

Every so often Rob takes me to a sailing with him. His job as a ship agent takes him to many ports on the shores of New York and New Jersey and it’s exciting to go to work with him and see what he does. It’s also cool to be up close to these giant sized ships.tanker 5

Our adventure last weekend began at 8am on Saturday morning. We drove to a port in Newark so that he could board an orange juice ship. I sat in the car near the water’s edge and watched him as he walked through the gates and up the gangway. It’s an amazing sight to see the  crew members walking along the top of this massive ship…and it’s pretty cool to know that it’s delivering orange juice!

tanker 6 lunch

Our view for lunch in Staten Island

We left Newark and drove to the launch in Staten Island where he was scheduled to board a tanker carrying petro. It was near lunch time so we stopped at a local Italian deli and took our food to a park nearby; it was beautiful to be eating lunch by the water with the skyline of New York City as our view. We finished eating and headed to the launch.

The person behind the desk was waiting for Rob to show them the paperwork to get a launch boat to take him to the tanker waiting for him in New York harbor. He asked if I could get on the launch with him and they said “yes.” I thought I was just taking a ride to the ship and was a bit surprised, and scared, to know that I could board the tanker with him. The gangway that led up the side of the ship was more than 50 steps high; Rob climbed up in front of me quickly and with ease; I climbed up behind him slowly and cautiously. We got on the ship and had to climb up and down more ladders, signed in with a crew member and proceeded to the captain’s office.

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My view from the bridge

The captain and crew were from India. At first they seemed a bit quiet and reserved while Rob did all the necessary paperwork with them, and then I began to ask questions (as only a writer will do!) I asked the captain and the crew  what they do while they’re at sea to pass the time. He told me that they watch television, read, relax, and spend time together yet he did tell me that this type of tanker doesn’t allow any alcohol on board for safety reasons. No beer, no wine, no anything. The captain said it doesn’t bother them and that no one misses it.

He began to tell me that he’s at sea for four months, then home for four, then the cycle starts all over again, and keep in mind, he’s been a captain for over 15 years. He told me that he’s married with three young children. I asked him how his time away from home affected his marriage. He told me that his wife likes the four months of handling the money and being in charge of the household, and that she has a “to do list” ready for him when he gets home.

And then he told me something that surprised me yet melted my heart. He said that “even though my wife and I are apart for four months, each time I go home is like the first time and it’s as if we fall in love all over again. It’s still exciting and we make the most of our time together until I leave again.”

Wow…he’s not only a ship captain, he’s a hopeless romantic.

Before we left the captain was gracious enough to show me the bridge and give us a tour.

I learned a lot on that ship last weekend.

I learned that no matter where anyone is from there is a universal language of love.

I learned that we’re all connected in some way.

I learned that everyone truly does have a story.

And I learned that my love for people, their stories and trying new things is far greater than my fear of climbing up the side of a ship on a gangway.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

*For more information on the job description of a ship agent, you can search this website for my story  “A Day In The Life Of A Ship Agent.”

 

 

 

 

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