The New Year of 2020 has begun and there’s a whole year ahead of us. Let’s live this year and every day in it with “a little more” of all good things.
Let’s be more loving, kind, compassionate, empathetic and respect.
Let’s take all those good things and do them a little more.
In fact, let’s do them “a lot more!”
It’s a good thing.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
“What’s” happened to you in your life isn’t as important as “why” it happened. ~AD~
We all experience some difficult situations in our life and I’ve come to accept and understand that the “what” that’s happened to me isn’t as important as the“why” that it did.
We’re so quick to blame others for our difficult times, yet we have a hand in those situations as well. Perhaps we aren’t being our authentic self or standing in our truth to those around us. Maybe we change “who” we are according to the people we are around at a particular moment. I can tell you that I’ve learned that I am in control of what I allow to happen to me and it’s up to me to set healthy boundaries for my highest good…and it’s not always easy to do.
I had breast cancer and it can’t always be prevented, yet I could have had a mammogram sooner than I had; I went 5 years without one and only had one done when I found my tumor. So while this “what” may have been destined to happen to me, the “why” it happened when it did was because I wasn’t loving myself enough to get that mammogram every year like I should have. I know better now.
I’ve lived through divorce and a bad relationship. The “what” that caused an ending to these relationships isn’t as important as the “why” it happened. It happened because I was allowing those people to treat me in a way I didn’t deserve. What you allow will continue and it did for me until I realized I deserved better and decided to stop it.
And I’ve lived through emotional, verbal and physical abuse. It went on for years until I finally put an end to it. “What” was said and done to me isn’t as important as “why” it was done to me. It happened because I let it happen. I wasn’t as strong as I am now, my self-esteem was non-existent, and I blamed myself for causing all those things that were said and done to me then. I was at the bottom and when I finally decided that enough was enough, I pulled myself up off the floor and began to see clearly of the “why” it happened. I began to get stronger day by day and set up boundaries that were never again to be crossed by anyone, and if they were, I certainly recognized it sooner. It happened because I let it, not because I deserved it. It was yet another life lesson for me to learn.
You have to love yourself, respect yourself, and know that you don’t deserve to be treated badly by anyone, especially by yourself. Let’s face it, we’re all masters of self-sabotage at times…we can hurt ourselves better than the person who is hurting us. Yet that’s not the way it should be; you know that as well as I do.
It’s time we all, myself included, stop focusing on the “what” that happened to us and start looking deep within ourselves to see our truth of the“why” it happened.
It’s then that we learn and grow and move forward into the life we want and deserve.
It’s a good thing.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
I realized something yesterday morning: that for the past few weeks all I’ve been saying is negative things, which is unlikely for me. Yet, I’m as human as anyone else and sometimes we forget to pay close attention to our thoughts and words.
Yesterday I sat in front of my laptop wondering what to write. I found myself saying “I hate having writers block; why does my foot still hurt; why is everything taking so long to happen?”
Then I realized that I was putting all that negative stuff out there all on my own. At that moment I changed my thinking and choice of words and turned it into: “I’m writing everyday; my foot is healing day by day; and things are happening just as they should”
You see, sometimes we lose sight of our thoughts and words. We forget to keep them all positive, yet when you notice what it is your saying and thinking you can change it. You can change it to positive thoughts and words.
I remind myself today that “everything happens as it should, when it should and how it should.”
And I remind myself that I do the best I can everyday.
More importantly, I remind myself that negative thoughts and words are to replaced with “I can, I will, I am.”
Go easy on yourself and remember that you are in control of your thoughts, your words and your actions.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
I’ve had many people tell me how strong I am and I always wondered why they thought that. After all, I had bad days, sad days, and days of crying for no reason and every reason. Was this being strong? I didn’t think so until a few years ago when I changed my perspective on tears and what they meant.
Tears are our soul’s way of releasing the pain, the pleasure and the emotion built up within us. Tears cleanse our soul of those feelings so that we can again move on with our life. Tears are simply a moment in time that was necessary for our Highest Good.
My cousin is a strong woman, the one I call “the gypsy.” I’ve seen her cry and heard her ask me how people could think she was so strong? Well, a few years ago I would have given her a different answer, but on that day I told her she was strong, especially since she knew that there were moments when she knew she had to cry, and she was strong enough to allow herself to cry.
I believe that your strength is in knowing yourself well enough to know that you have to shed a tear or two, or a thousand. Your strength is allowing yourself the time it takes to release your emotions and knowing that you need to do this for yourself.
And your strength is picking yourself up, wiping the tears from your face, and moving forward. Your strength is knowing that you’ve released all that you needed to for that moment and knew it was time to smile again.
That is strength.
Strength is knowing who you are, accepting who you are, and willing to be who you are despite the opinions of anyone else.
Strength is knowing when you need a day to cry, to feel emotions, to miss someone, to want someone, to lose someone. Your strength is within you and the tears you release are merely the soul’s way of helping you through your pain and sadness.
Cry if you need to and cry if you want to… after all, “it won’t be like this forever, just for today!”
And after you’re done, smile, smile, smile!
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
When I first met my love he was a self- employed custom tile worker. He did the most amazing 
work yet a few months into our relationship he suffered an injury that would end his days of tile work. I remember how frustrated he was at not working, yet I kept reminding him that everything happens for a reason, and within 3 months time he knew the reason. A job that he had done many years prior suddenly had an opening and my love finally had his reason for the injury: he became a ship agent. It’s a job he loved before and one that he loves even more now.
So what is a ship agent? Well, it’s many things, and my love let me spend an entire Saturday with him on a day he had to “sail a ship.” It was an incredible experience for me to see what he does and to be able to watch the ship, the crew, and all that they needed to do.
First off, let me tell you that being a ship agent is a tough job. My love is at the beck and call of the ship and there are times he’s out in the middle of the night until the wee hours of the morning doing his job. He works overtime, spends every other weekend on call, and will even do ships on his weekends off. He climbs gangplanks and pilot ladders, rides on a tug to get to a ship that isn’t docked, and at times has to walk over and around an obstacle course of machines and equipment just to get to the ship, and all the while with a heavy backpack strapped to him.
I thought I knew a lot about his job until after this past Saturday. The ship had been docked in Staten Island so we had a long drive home and I asked him: I know what you do, but what do you really do as a ship agent? Well, he told me and it was much more than I had known and it filled the time in the car until we got home!
A ship agent is the liason between the owners and operators of the vessels, and everyone else in between, which includes the government, customs, immigration and the Coast Guard. The job of the agent starts long before the ship comes into the port. The agent has to gather the information on the vessel, the crew and their cargo, sending all this information to customs, immigration and the Coast Guard. A PDA, or proforma disbursement account must be sent to the owners before hand; this includes the costs necessary to bring the ship in. After that the agent sets up the pilots, tugs, lineman and long shoreman that are needed to help bring the vessel into port. Many factors have to be considered with each ship; whether they are tide restricted, which berth can accomodate them, and when it’s safe to travel, to name a few.
And the ship agent doesn’t stop there; he is there to help the captain and crew with anything they need while in port; this could be a trip to the store, a doctor or dentist appointment, phone cards or accomodations necessary if the ship is berthed overnight. The ship agent does what it takes to make the captain and crew comfortable while in the port and to help them with the lay of the land, especially when it’s a foreign ship.
Once the ship is ready to sail, the ship agent has to record a “statement of facts” which includes everything they did with the ship while they were in port. It is then sent to the owners and operators. All of these tasks are done at minimal cost and maximum efficiency.
The interesting part is that these ships come from all over the world, and the ship agent has the privilege of meeting the captain and crew, and sometimes is invited in for coffee and something to eat…all indicitive of the country they are from. It can be exciting at times for my love to meet people from all over the world, sharing stories of his life and listening to stories of theirs; many are out at sea for months, leaving their wives and children behind. No matter the culture or the miles, the stories of “love and family” seem to be universal.
Each ship carries something different, from salt, to orange juice; chemicals to containers. Ship agents rarely have a mundane day “at the port or the office!”
I’m grateful I had the privilege of spending the day in Staten Island watching my love handle a “salt ship.” It was exciting for me to watch the process and wave to the crew members on board…I know they all saw me watching and taking pictures.
I’m a believe that “everyone has a story” if you just take the time to ask and to listen.
And this is the story of my love and “the day in the life of a ship agent.”
Wishing you love, light and smooth seas,
~Anne Dennish~
“The ship agent and the writer”
There are times in my life when I feel like I’m on the outside looking in and I know in my heart that it’s okay to feel that way, because:
“Sometimes you need to step outside of your life in order to see what’s inside of it”.
Do you ever find yourself getting lost in the midst of your day to day routine? Getting lost among your loved ones, finding yourself wondering who you are anymore? Are you a mom, a wife, a “life partner?” And where are “you?” Where did you go?
It’s not a conscious decision to be on the outside. It just happens. One day you wake up and don’t feel like yourself; you feel like you’re “on the outside looking in.” At least for me that’s how it happens. And there’s no time frame for it; you feel that way for as long as it takes to see and learn what you need to, and it could be a day or two, or longer.
Sometimes amidst the routine of loving and caring for my nearest and dearest I suddenly find myself wondering where I went to…where am I in all this. It seems like everything is about everybody else, but not me.
I feel like no one notices me unless they need something, and tempers are shortened when I’m not doing what I should be…for them. I spoiled them by doing it all, and I love doing it all, but I also love being loved and cared for by THEM. I want them to spoil me just a bit, I want them to notice my feelings, I want them to reassure me of their love and commitment to me as much as I do to them. I don’t want to be taken for granted.
Yet on the other hand, I believe that being on the “outside” is most often times the only way we can observe our life; it’s the one way we can be objective by looking in from the outside at each person and each situation; it’s the best way we can see what is or isn’t and learn from it.
It’s the best way to see ourselves objectively.
And that’s when the lessons are learned.
We observe the behavior of others towards us; we see how they’re treating us and how we’re reacting to it. We see what the truth of our relationships are and what they aren’t. We see our strengths and our weaknesses, and we can see whether or not we’re speaking our truth.
Often times we find ourselves on the outside when we’re holding too much inside; we’re not speaking our truth for fear of the outcome. It’s that fear thing holding us back and keeping us on the outside.
I’m looking from the outside at all the excitement everyone around me is having; new adventures, exciting opportunities, and movement, yet I’m not a part of it. I’m here, in a life of laundry and cooking, responsibility and reality.
I’m looking at this girl I once knew who had one adventure after another, more excitement than she knew what to do, and an appetite for life and all it had to offer. Life slowed down on her, and she stepped back and she stepped into solitude; the woman who’s life revolves around every one else’s became invisible to those she loved most.
Yet, it was her fault. She allowed it, she contributed to it, and by not speaking her truth, those around her never knew how she was feeling. She had hoped that they would; but they didn’t. And I guess in the end, it doesn’t matter, because that’s what being on the outside is about, and she knows that it’s up to her to get back to the inside.
So, here I sit on the outside, observing, making decisions, and making big changes. I want those adventures again; I want to feel the excitement of my passion again; I want to be me again.
And so I will. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even being on the outside, and once I get back to the inside I feel that my life will be even better than it is now.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
There are days you may feel like you can’t do it anymore; a day when you feel as though no matter what you do, you can’t seem to get where you want to be or have what you want to have. Yet, it’s on those days that I have to remind myself that “if there’s a will, there is always a way!”
Obstacles will always pop up in our lives, yet there is always a way around them. On the days you feel as though you don’t have the strength, simply relax, take a breath, and get some sleep, and know that it won’t be like that forever…just for the day.
Here’s to a day of “having the will and finding the way!”
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
Photo by Anne Dennish – copyright @2017
We have the choice to see life as the glass half-full or the glass-half empty; we also have the choice to see it as completely empty. It’s that moment of seeing “empty” that can bring only negative into your life. “Empty” means that you’ve lost your hope, your faith, your joy, and your ability to see the beauty in anything.
Yet it’s your choice.
It’s your choice to dwell on the negative things, the sadness in life, or the trials and tribulations that life hands us from time to time. It’s your choice to let it swallow you alive or to begin to fill that glass up again.
Look at the “glass” as your life; fill it to the brim with blessings and all that you are grateful for; fill it with the memories of loved ones’ lost; fill it with the love of all those that surround you with their love. Fill it with every new day that you are gifted to wake up to; fill it with the gift of family and friends surrounding you; fill it with love.
The world can be a harsh place at times and can drain your glass to near nothing. It’s the people and situations that cross our path that suck your glass dry and it’s your choice to surround yourself with those that fill your glass.
Trials and tribulations will always cross your path, yet if you can change your thinking on them you’ll realize that they also hold a blessing. Without those tests in life, you’d never know what a true blessing is.
“Trials, tribulations and blessings are one in the same. You can’t have one without the other.”
It’s always your choice to see the glass as half-empty or half-full. I choose to see my glass as full, and I hope today you’ll be able to see your glass that way as well.
The choice is yours.
Wishing you love, light, and a glass filled with blessings,
~Anne Dennish~
Enabling is “making excuses for someone who is hurting themselves or you, or providing the perfect environment or situation for them to do so. 
That word is a slippery slope for many, and if you are someone who “enables” someone else, then you become “co-dependent.” That is, your existence is based around the behavior of the person you are enabling.
It’s exhausting just thinking about it, yet we’ve all done it in some capacity in our lives; until we realize that the outcome of “enabling” and being “co-dependent” doesn’t’ serve the one we’re enabling, but serves only the “co-dependents” need to control. I’ve found that those who “enable” have no control over their own lives’, or so they believe. They would rather control someone else’s life rather than deal with their own insecurities and lack of control. And the sad part is, they don’t even see what they’re doing as control; they see it as “love.” Yet that’s not love. Controlling someone is not love. Enabling someone to hurt themselves or other’s is not love. It’s their insecurity and lack of control.
You can enable an alcoholic or drug addict by making excuses for them, giving reasons for their addiction, and without realizing that you are giving them exactly what they need to use or abuse. It may make you feel more comfortable, yet is the most damaging and 
hurtful behavior to them.They can only begin recovery when you stop enabling and allow the to be accountable for themselves.
You enable an abusive partner or spouse by making excuses as to why you’re bruised, why your self-esteem is but a foreign concept, and why you deserved to be abused. You’re not helping the abuser to stop, but merely giving him the license and free will to do so. It’s only when you get strong and secure within yourself that you’re able to break free and control YOUR behavior, not theirs.
It’s not until you are faced with the ultimate decision: enable the behavior or disable your control. And the truth is, no enabler really has control over the enabled; you just give them a comfort zone of knowing you’ve allowed their destructive behavior to be okay.
It’s hard to let someone you love make a mistake or willingly harm themselves, yet it has to be their choice and, ultimately, their decision to stop the destructive behavior. You can say all the right things, do all the right things, and want all the right things, yet that doesn’t make it so. You have to “love them enough to let them go.” Love them enough to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Love them enough to learn to control their own behavior. Love them enough to let them learn to love themselves.
“Enabling” someone will not solve their problem; it will make their problem worse.
You have to ask yourself: Do I want to enable their behavior or disable my control?.
And in your heart you already know the right answer.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
“The wrong person wants something FROM you;
the right person wants everything FOR you.”
~Anne Dennish~
It doesn’t matter if it’s a budding romance, a committed relationship, a marriage or a friendship, being with the “right” person is key to its’ success and happiness.
We all have a choice of who we surround ourselves with, so please, my friends, choose wisely. Don’t allow the “wrong” people to drain you of your energy and self-esteem. Surround yourself with the light of the “right” person; the one who see’s you and all that you are and all that you can be; the one who supports your dreams and ideas; the one who wants only the best for you.
Choose the people who want all the best for you.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
Anne Dennish - Writer/Author 