Anne Dennish

“What Do Men And Women Want From Each Other?”

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My love and I were talking yesterday and came to one conclusion: men have a simple way of looking at things and handling them, while women? Well, not so much! So I decided to write an article about it which will also be a part of a book I’m writing.

This is where I need your help. I need to know what you want from the man/woman in your relationship or if you’re single, what is it you’re looking for in a partner. It’s similar to “what a girl wants and what a man needs.”

I look forward to seeing all your responses! Thanks for your help! Who knows, your responses could help another couple better understand one another!

(Please know that I am not excluding same sex couples; my intent was more on the differences between men and women in a relationship.)

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“It’s Your Own Fault”

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~This is an excerpt from my new book, “My Collective Soul,” which will be released in Octover of 2017~

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We live in a time of blaming others for our shortcomings. It’s easier to blame someone else than to take our accountability for our actions. I see it all the time. People living less of the life they want and pointing the finger at everyone else. They blame others; they say it’s someone else’s fault; they don’t know how to stand in their own truth.

And they do that because it’s easier to blame someone else than to look in the mirror and claim our part in what makes us unhappy.

No one wants to look in the mirror. It’s the mirror of our face, our shortcomings, our faults, our weaknesses, yet what most people don’t understand is that it’s also the mirror of our strength, of our successes, of our truth.

Most people fear the mirror because they don’t always like what they see, yet what you see is what you can change, if you choose to. What we see is our soul and our heart and if you can’t come to terms to accept what you see, then you, my friends, have the right to change it.

You were gifted the ability to change in yourself and your life what you don’t like. If you look in the mirror and see a weakness then go out and strengthen it. If you look in the mirror and see your faults then change it and see your strengths. If you look in the mirror and see and ugly person then change it to make yourself beautiful, and I don’t mean in looks.

Our hearts dictate our beauty. Our hearts allow the outside world to see who we are. Our hearts are the keepers of our secrets, and they also hold the keeper of our truth.

Let it out.

Look in the mirror and yourself and see your beauty. See your strengths, see your accomplishments, see all that you endured, see your illness, see your broken marriage or relationship, see the pain and the hurt.

See it all…

And then look again.

Look at YOU.

Stare at yourself for as long as you need to.

And within a few minutes your face will look different; your demeanor will change; your soul and heart will start to break through the negative sight of what you see and show you the light.

Let it.

Let go.

And know that all that stuff that happened to you is simply that: stuff. Let it go. And accept that anything that happenened to you was meant to. It was a lesson from your Higher Power to stop and take a look at your life; to take a look at yourself.

We all have a hand in our life. We love to blame everyone else, yet it takes two people to argue; two to fight; two to find love and two to end it. It takes two people to have an affair and two people to join together in marriage.

Stop blaming and take a step back.

Look in that mirror, point the finger at yourself and say: “It’s your own fault.”

And then forgive yourself for not being perfect, because you’re not supposed to be. You’re supposed to be human. You’re supposed to make mistakes, and you’re supposed to learn from them.

You’re supposed to feel pain so that you can feel happiness.

You’re supposed to give freedom for your heart to break so that you can learn how to heal it.

You’re supposed to fail at some things so that you can succeed at what you were meant to.

You’re supposed to cry so that you can smile.

You’re supposed to end a relationship so that you can begin another one.

You’re supposed to be human.

You see, you are amazing. You are an incredible individual and no one else is like you. We all have faults and that’s okay because the right friend or partner will love you for them. We all fall and we all can get up and we can get up stronger.

We all can make a choice; we all can take a chance; we all can fall deep down to the bottom.

And you can choose to get up.

So pick yourself up and get it right. Straighten up and straighten up. You can do it because I have. I’ve fallen so deep throughout my life that I couldn’t see the sun. I’ve been so weak that I lost sight of what strength felt like. I felt so alone that I forgot what love was.

And then I looked in the mirror.

I looked long and hard, and at first I didn’t like what I saw.

But I kept looking.

And within a few minutes I saw a girl who was simply broken from all that life had handed her. I looked her hard straight in her eyes and saw something that she didn’t: her will.

I wanted to be strong, I wanted to be better, I wanted a different life.

I kept looking at this girl who had become a stranger to me and felt compassion for her, and in that moment I realized I was feeling compassion for myself.

So I forgave myself for everything.

I knew it was my fault because I allowed it all to happen.

But as I looked at her in the mirror I let it gave, told her I loved her, and changed my life in that moment, just like that.

She changed.

She became strong.

She believed in herself.

She loved herself.

And no matter what was her fault, she forgave it all.

And she forgave all the people that were a part of it.

And she cried tears of sadness as she let go and tears of happiness as she stood in her truth.

And all was right with her world.

And never again would she say “it’s your own fault” because she would never allow it to be.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“The Lost Art of Loyalty”

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 While I was in Malibu a few years ago finishing up my book, “Waking Up,” I was working on a short story about “loyalty.” I asked many people what it meant to them, and it soon became a topic that no one had a definitive answer for. In fact, a few people were annoyed when I asked their opinion; seemed it stuck in their mind and made them search for an answer; an answer that they could never find.

It also made them question the people in their life…and it made me question those in mine as well.

So what is loyalty? Does it have a different meaning for everyone? Do we make our own rules as to what loyalty is or is there a universal rule?

I start with my own loyalty. If you’re in my life and I love and care for you, I’ll always be loyal, unless you cross a boundary, in which case, I won’t strike back and become disloyal to you, I’ll simply walk away. 

Next is the loyalty of those in my life. In healthy relationships of any kind, boundaries must bad bosses 1be set for respect between each person. What bothers one person in the relationship may not bother another, yet communicating that to each other is key in the loyalty department. If you cross a boundary with someone in your life, you’ve just proved that you’re not loyal. 

You see, “loyalty” is a tough one. The only answer I could get out of most people I spoke to about it was when they referenced the loyalty of a dog. A dog will always be loyal, yet my question made many wonder why humans can’t be the same.

We can, that is, if we choose to.

My loyalty lies with my love, my children and my closest of friends. And that loyalty goes beyond me; if you hurt those I love, my loyalty will have me walk out of your life as well. It doesn’t matter who you are. 

Not many people are willing to do that. Many feel that it’s not their problem when someone hurts the ones’ you love; as long as they weren’t disloyal it’s okay. But is it? If someone intentionally hurts your child, or your spouse or significant other, why would you want to be a part of their life? 

I think that’s where the confusion lies. I’ve been in that position before, where my loyalty was tested. It was a rough road between two people I care about, yet when push came to shove, my loyalty was with my love, not with the person who was hurting him. And I had to step out of that world with that other person, because my loyalty and my life is around him. Yes, feelings are hurt when you have to walk away from someone, yet in the end, it’s the right thing to do.

At least for me it was.

I know what loyalty is to me, and I won’t settle for anyone in my life being less loyal to me. We attract what we put out there, and for anyone that knows me, they know I have their back. They know I’ll walk through fire for them, defend them, honor them, love them, protect them, and more importantly, I will walk away from anyone who hurts them. End of story.

“Loyalty” is much more than how you treat someone; it’s also about how other’s treat the people in your life and whether or not you accept that behavior. The choice is yours.

Is “loyalty” a lost art or have we forgotten the importance of it?

“Loyalty” is one of the strongest qualities in any relationship because it breeds trust and respect, and isn’t that what every good relationship should be built on?

Think about it.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

loyalty

“Lost In Your Life”

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lost timeline

Every so often life throws us a curveball, one which we didn’t see coming. And suddenly we find ourselves feeling lost, feeling that we can’t get a handle on something, and feeling out of control with our emotions.

I understand those feelings well, and the situations that cause them happen unexpectedly and without warning. Just when our life is going smoothly and we’re moving forward we find ourselves in the middle of a storm of emotions that we don’t know how to handle.

And we suddenly find ourselves standing still and feeling stuck.

So what do you do when this happens? How do you “get a handle” on everything happening around you?

You stop for a moment and breathe.

You may feel as though the world around you is spinning out of control, yet you need to understand that it is “life” happening, whether it’s good or bad. Life is happening to teach you a lesson or change your perspective. Life is happening because that’s what “life” does. It moves forward, whether you’re ready or not, and it can be filled with both happiness and sadness. And that is life.

Those unexpected curveballs leave you feeling lost and out of control, feeling as though you can’t get a handle on what’s going on around and within you. But you can, and I can promise you that you will…it just takes time.

And it takes looking at the happiness that surrounds you. Look around at  those that love you and care for you; look at the person who is always there for you, through good and bad; look at the big picture of your life and be grateful for it. Don’t lose sight of the important people in your life: embrace them and be grateful to have them. They are the ones who will be there when you’re feeling lost and out of control. They are the ones you can lean on for support and love. They are the ones who love you unconditionally.

“Feeling lost” doesn’t last forever; in fact, I’ve found that the times I felt most lost were the times I was actually finding myself.

Be kind to yourself during these moments in your life and let those that love you help you through. Everything will be alright.

I promise.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

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“Dancing in the Rain”

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My love and I went to a concert the other night. It was a concert we bought tickets for monthsfor1 ago and the night was upon us. The day was sunny, hot and humid. We got dressed for the night, picked up subs and our wine so that we could tailgate in the parking lot. It was a night we had looked forward to for months.

We arrived in the parking lot a few hours before the concert, opened the back hatch, turned on the music, and poured ourselves a cocktail with dinner. There were some nice people surrounding us, all bonding over the upcoming excitement of the concert we were all there to see. We sat there, eating and drinking, enjoying each others’ company on our “Saturday Night Date Night” and relaxing. The night got even better when three of our friends showed up at the back of the truck. We all hung out and walked into the concert together. for3

My love rented two chairs for us to use on our “lawn seats” and at the moment the first band began to play it started to rain.

And it continued to rain.

We had slickers on, but the rain still managed to soak our shirts and our jeans. We watched the first concert, standing up singing and dancing. The rain still came down and became a bit stronger by the second band. We still stood up and danced and sang, enjoying this date night in the rain.

The third band, our favorite, “Foreigner,” came on just as the skies opened up, and I for6mean opened up with a vengeance! We were covered with protection, yet still soaked through…and it was at that moment, rain so hard that we could barely see one another, that we began laughing out loud…belly laughing…laughing at the sight of each other soaked, covered with “plastic” to keep us dry, and that we waited all night to hear our favorite band and the rain came down as a torrential downpour.

But there’s my point.

We laughed and we laughed together at the sight of my glasses fogged up and the “lake” of rain water piling up in the center of his coat. We laughed because this was so typical of our life together and so typical that we would find something funny in it.

And we did.

And we always will.

Life is about your perspective, and we make the best of ours. We take the unexpected for8and find humor in it because we’re together. We take a night of torrential downpour, of our clothes being soaked beyond belief, of a band that we could barely see through the rain and we made it “ours.” We made the best of it and most importantly, we made a memory.~Anne

Life is meant to be lived, no matter the weather.

And I would rather be dancing in the rain with my love rather than running to seek shelter to stay dry.

Sometimes you have to get wet to see the humor in life; sometimes you have to dance in the rain to find your rhythm together; and sometimes you have to find your funny together, come rain or come shine.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“There’s Strength In The Tears”

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I’ve had many people tell me how strong I am and I always wondered why they thought that. After all, I had bad days, sad days, and days of crying for no reason and every reason. Was this being strong? I didn’t think so until a few years ago when I changed my perspective on tears and what they meant.

Tears are our soul’s way of releasing the pain, the pleasure and the emotion built up within us. Tears cleanse our soul of those feelings so that we can again move on with our life. Tears are simply a moment in time that was necessary for our Highest Good.strength and tears

My cousin is a strong woman, the one I call “the gypsy.” I’ve seen her cry and heard her ask me how people could think she was so strong? Well, a few years ago I would have given her a different answer, but on that day I told her she was strong, especially since she knew that there were moments when she knew she had to cry, and she was strong enough to allow herself to cry.

I believe that your strength is in knowing yourself well enough to know that you have to shed a tear or two, or a thousand. Your strength is allowing yourself the time it takes to release your emotions and knowing that you need to do this for yourself.

And your strength is picking yourself up, wiping the tears from your face, and moving forward. Your strength is knowing that you’ve released all that you needed to for that moment and knew it was time to smile again.

That is strength.

Strength is knowing who you are, accepting who you are, and willing to be who you are despite the opinions of anyone else.

Strength is knowing when you need a day to cry, to feel emotions, to miss someone, to want someone, to lose someone. Your strength is within you and the tears you release are merely the soul’s way of helping you through your pain and sadness.

Cry if you need to and cry if you want to… after all, “it won’t be like this forever, just for today!”

And after you’re done, smile, smile, smile!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“A Day In The Life Of A Ship Agent”

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When I first met my love he was a self- employed custom tile worker. He did the most amazing sawork yet a few months into our relationship he suffered an injury that would end his days of tile work. I remember how frustrated he was at not working, yet I kept reminding him that everything happens for a reason, and within 3 months time he knew the reason. A job that he had done many years prior suddenly had an opening and my love finally had his reason for the injury: he became a ship agent. It’s a job he loved before and one that he loves even more now.

So what is a ship agent? Well, it’s many things, and my love let me spend an entire Saturday with him on a day he had to “sail a ship.” It was an incredible experience for me to see what he does and to be able to watch the ship, the crew, and all that they needed to do.

First off, let me tell you that being a ship agent is a tough job. My love is at the beck and call of the ship and there are times he’s out in the middle of the night until the wee hours of the morning doing his job. He works overtime, spends every other weekend on call, and will even do ships on his weekends off. He climbs gangplanks and pilot ladders, rides on a tug to get to a ship that isn’t docked, and at times has to walk over and around an obstacle course of machines and equipment just to get to the ship, and all the while with a heavy backpack strapped to him.

I thought I knew a lot about his job until after this past Saturday. The ship had been docked in Staten Island so we had a long drive home and I asked him: I know what you do, but what do you really do as a ship agent? Well, he told me and it was much more than I had known and it filled the time in the car until we got home!

A ship agent is the liason between the owners and operators of the vessels, and everyone else in between, which includes the government, customs, immigration and the Coast Guard. The job of the agent starts long before the ship comes into the port. The agent has to gather the information on the vessel, the crew and their cargo, sending all this information to customs, immigration and the Coast Guard. A PDA, or proforma disbursement account must be sent to the owners before hand; this includes the costs necessary to bring the ship in. After that the agent sets up the pilots, tugs, lineman and long shoreman that are needed to help bring the vessel into port. Many factors have to be considered with each ship; whether they are tide restricted, which berth can accomodate them, and when it’s safe to travel, to name a few.

And the ship agent doesn’t stop there; he is there to help the captain and crew with anything they need while in port; this could be a trip to the store, a doctor or dentist appointment, phone cards or accomodations necessary if the ship is berthed overnight. The ship agent does what it takes to make the captain and crew comfortable while in the port and to help them with the lay of the land, especially when it’s a foreign ship.

Once the ship is ready to sail, the ship agent has to record a “statement of facts” which includes everything they did with the ship while they were in port. It is then sent to the owners and operators. All of these tasks are done at minimal cost and maximum efficiency.

The interesting part is that these ships come from all over the world, and the ship agent has the privilege of meeting the captain and crew, and sometimes is invited in for coffee and something to eat…all indicitive of the country they are from. It can be exciting at times for my love to meet people from all over the world, sharing stories of his life and listening to stories of theirs; many are out at sea for months, leaving their wives and children behind.  No matter the culture or the miles, the stories of “love and family” seem to be universal.

Each ship carries something different, from salt, to orange juice; chemicals to containers.  Ship agents rarely have a mundane day “at the port or the office!”

I’m grateful I had the privilege of spending the day in Staten Island watching my love handle a “salt ship.” It was exciting for me to watch the process and wave to the crew members on board…I know they all saw me watching and taking pictures.

I’m a believe that “everyone has a story” if you just take the time to ask and to listen.

And this is the story of my love and “the day in the life of a ship agent.”

Wishing you love, light and smooth seas,

~Anne Dennish~

ship agent and the girl

“The ship agent and the writer”

 

“Maybe You’re A Dreamer”

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dreamer 1

I wrote that quote two years ago amidst some naysayers telling me that I was a dreamer and should be more focused on the “real world.” They felt that all my dreams were “nice” but that they were to far fetched; too high to reach for; too ridiculous. They thought I should be focused on “reality.”

I used to believe that it was a bad thing to be a dreamer; that it meant you were living in a fantasy world, not reality. I thought about what they said, took into account WHO was saying those things to me, and realized something about myself: “I am a  dreamer and I do live in reality;  but I still believe in going after my dreams because the difference is I have faith, and they don’t.”

I’ve come to realize that the people who critisize my dreams are the one’s who have no idea how to pursue their own. They are the one’s who look at me and see what they wish they could do: believe in themselves. And they are the one’s who will hurt and criticize me the most because they’re afraid.

They’re afraid to take a chance on their own dreams; they’re afraid to step out of their comfort zone; they’re afraid to do something new; they’re afraid to change. And that’s their choice.

And my choice is to be a dreamer.

“Dream big and make it happen!”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

*Here’s a song I wrote about myself called “The Dreamer.” Who says dreams can’t come true? Not me!

Lyrics by Anne Dennish – Music by Sutton Thomas Music – Vocals by Sutton Thomas & Anne Dennish

“The Sweetness of Doing Nothing”

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It’s a lazy Sunday morning in my home today.  My love and I are sipping our coffee a bit more slowly and are in no hurry to get dressed for the day. I can already see that it will be a day of sweat pants, big comfy shirts and slippers, mindless television and catching up on reading.

It will be a day of “dolce far niente” which in Italian means “the sweetness of doing nothing.” And after a busy day yesterday, this is just what the doctor ordered for everyone in my house: a day of doing nothing…together.

“Dolce far niente” is one of my favorite Italian quotes and one of the most important ones for me to remember. All of us get so busy in life that we forget to do nothing, and doing nothing together can be the most meaningful way to spend your time. Sometimes we have to slow our life down to be ready for when it speeds up.

“The sweetness of doing nothing” means that you can breathe, meditate, think, talk, love and laugh with no agenda of time limits or constraints…just time “to be.”

Find your “sweetness of doing nothing.” It will inspire you, motivate you, and allow you the time to rest and relax. It will fill you with peace and serenity…and that is a good thing!

“Dolce far niente…”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

dolce far niente

Photo by Anne Dennish – copyright @2017

 

“Getting Your Balls Back”

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I once put two brass balls in a plastic bag and gave them to my girlfriend. I told her that if I ever lost them again to give them back to me.

I was a different woman then than I am now when I went through my divorce. It was over 10 years ago and that woman I was seems so foreign to me now.

I remember that at that time I made many changes in my life; I had lost weight, been college booksworking out at the gym, and had gone back to college to take creative writing courses. I was invited by my professor, a published author as well, to join his writer’s workshop. It was the best time of my life, yet also the darkest time knowing that there was a divorce to go through.

Yet I was strong. All those things I was doing for “me” gave me the strength to endure a nasty divorce. I felt good about myself, I felt like my brain was functioning like a writer, not just a mom, and I was in great shape. I will always believe that my Higher Power had directed me to all those positive changes to make me stronger, because He knew what was just around the corner for me.working out

I thought at that time that my children would feel like their mother had “left the building” because I was doing a lot of things, good things, for me. Yet that wasn’t so. I remember them being so proud of me for all of it, and I realized that all the things I did for myself were making me a better “mom” to them. What a feeling and what a lesson to learn. Sometime we “mom’s” think that if we’re doing things for ourselves that our children will suffer. So not true. It made my relationship with my kids even stronger, and to hear them brag to their friends about their mom going back to school and writing a book was one of the best moments I ever experienced as their mother. My oldest son loved the fact that I was working out and used to joke with his friends that “they better watch out because my mom can beat you up!” So simple, yet so empowering.

And that’s when I realized and learned that doing good things for me isn’t selfish. It made me a stronger and better woman and mom, and all that good stuff spilled onto my kids.

Sadly, it didn’t spill onto my husband. He hated it all. I look back objectively now and see that he may have felt threatened that this woman he controlled for over 20 years suddenly had a mind and body all her own, and she did it without him. I actually did it because of him.

Everything happens for a reason and I look back at that time and truly believe that all those things I did for myself were put in my path to make me strong, because once the divorce process began, my world changed. And it was all that I did for myself that helped to get me through.

It was sad enough that the marriage had been abusive on all levels, yet the divorce was even worse. The details aren’t important but the outcome is: I’m a different woman now and living in a happy life with two of my five children and the love of my life.

Yet there were times I lost my strength during it. I was a single mom taking care of the mental and physical well being of five children; I was the woman dealing with lawyers and sitting through mediations, which were a waste of time. I was tired, lonely, and so wanting it to be over.

My serenity at that time was in the backyard of my girlfriend. I could shed my tears there, talk for as long as I needed, and could always count on her shoulder to cry on. I remember one day she looked at me and said “where’d your balls go? You’re such a strong woman but not now? You gotta find your balls again, girlfriend.”

And so I did. I put two of them in that bag and told her to give them back to me if I ever lost them again.

And I never did.

Well, to be honest, there are times I feel weak and ready to give up, but I always remember that bag of balls that she still has and that’s enough for me to get them back.

And I always do…

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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