Danny Rongo, “That Oneness Guy” asked me to kick off the fifth season of his podcast and I was thrilled to do it! We had a great time doing this interview as we talked about my books, my breast cancer and how we both keep a positive outlook on life. If you’re looking for some encouragement, motivation and inspiration, take a listen.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
We all have a past; some of it filled with beautiful memories and some of it filled with heartache, sadness and negative energy. Yet I believe that when you close a door in your life it’s best to leave it closed because should you open it you never know what or who you’re letting back in…and that could be something that affects your life today in a negative way.
I believe that it’s fine to “revisit the past for a brief time, if only to remember why you left it in the first place.” Living in the past steals your present and your future. It keeps you from moving forward, it keeps you stuck in a time in your life that’s already passed and it keeps you from living in the moment. And living in the moment is what leads you into your future.
There are pieces of our past that are meant only for us to remember; speaking that past out loud to the wrong person could be hurtful. And I’m talking specifically about relationships here. The older we get the more of a past we have. We’ve had past lovers and significant others, we’ve had past heartache, we’ve had past intimate moments, and the door closed to that once those relationships were over. I’ve had them, too, yet once those doors are closed I keep them closed because once I open the door to the past I’m leaving myself vulnerable to what I’m letting back into a life I already moved forward in.
Opening the door to a past that was left behind means that you’ve allowed that energy back into your life, or you’ve let that person back in. It means you’re choosing to allow the emotions from that time to be felt again, whether good or bad, and it means you’re looking at your present life as less important than your past.
We have all those “past” experiences to teach us life lessons so that we can move into a better life, a better relationship. Remembering old loves is a memory to be kept to yourself; speaking it to your new love will only bring pain to them…and in the end, to you. There are some pieces of our past that are better left unsaid and kept to ourselves, because living in the past can definitely influence your present life which inevitably can affect your future.
We all carry some wonderful memories of our past, myself included, but I believe that when we “live” in our past, remembering our past relationships, then that is a sign that we’re not happy or content in our relationship now. And that is something to think about.
Be careful when opening the doors to your past; you never know “what” or “who” you’re letting back in. And you never know who it’s going to hurt.
The past is meant to be left in the past; your future lies in your present.
Don’t lose sight of the people you love in your present life by constantly looking back at the people you left behind in your past.
Be grateful for the people you love in your life today…
It’s a good thing.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
“What’s” happened to you in your life isn’t as important as “why” it happened. ~AD~
We all experience some difficult situations in our life and I’ve come to accept and understand that the “what” that’s happened to me isn’t as important as the“why” that it did.
We’re so quick to blame others for our difficult times, yet we have a hand in those situations as well. Perhaps we aren’t being our authentic self or standing in our truth to those around us. Maybe we change “who” we are according to the people we are around at a particular moment. I can tell you that I’ve learned that I am in control of what I allow to happen to me and it’s up to me to set healthy boundaries for my highest good…and it’s not always easy to do.
I had breast cancer and it can’t always be prevented, yet I could have had a mammogram sooner than I had; I went 5 years without one and only had one done when I found my tumor. So while this “what” may have been destined to happen to me, the “why” it happened when it did was because I wasn’t loving myself enough to get that mammogram every year like I should have. I know better now.
I’ve lived through divorce and a bad relationship. The “what” that caused an ending to these relationships isn’t as important as the “why” it happened. It happened because I was allowing those people to treat me in a way I didn’t deserve. What you allow will continue and it did for me until I realized I deserved better and decided to stop it.
And I’ve lived through emotional, verbal and physical abuse. It went on for years until I finally put an end to it. “What” was said and done to me isn’t as important as “why” it was done to me. It happened because I let it happen. I wasn’t as strong as I am now, my self-esteem was non-existent, and I blamed myself for causing all those things that were said and done to me then. I was at the bottom and when I finally decided that enough was enough, I pulled myself up off the floor and began to see clearly of the “why” it happened. I began to get stronger day by day and set up boundaries that were never again to be crossed by anyone, and if they were, I certainly recognized it sooner. It happened because I let it, not because I deserved it. It was yet another life lesson for me to learn.
You have to love yourself, respect yourself, and know that you don’t deserve to be treated badly by anyone, especially by yourself. Let’s face it, we’re all masters of self-sabotage at times…we can hurt ourselves better than the person who is hurting us. Yet that’s not the way it should be; you know that as well as I do.
It’s time we all, myself included, stop focusing on the “what” that happened to us and start looking deep within ourselves to see our truth of the“why” it happened.
It’s then that we learn and grow and move forward into the life we want and deserve.
It’s a good thing.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
I wrote that quote many years ago near the end of my 20 year marriage. As I began to heal physically and emotionally from all the turmoil of that, I realized that it was at my moments of anxiety, sadness or depression that he became strong. At first I thought he was showing true signs of kindness, yet in time I realized what was really happening: I was feeding his ego and he was starving my self-esteem. He felt like “the big man” helping the poor, defenseless, broken woman. The woman HE broke. The woman he was abusive to; the woman he told over and over again was stupid and ugly; the woman he told would never be loved by anyone.
And I believed him…until I stopped believing him.
Are you wondering how I stopped believing all that negative stuff he had embedded onto my brain? I woke up. I realized that I had allowed him free reign over me for many years and that by doing that, the behavior continued. I allowed him to speak down to me and allowed him to be disrespectful to me. So, one day I woke up and stopped allowing it, and the marriage was done and over with.
I went through years of healing myself mentally and emotionally, and of course it was with the help of many spiritual teachers and a wonderful tribe of true friends.
I learned so much about myself and that loving myself first was the answer to not allowing anyone else to treat me that way. You’d think it would never happen again, yet I’m human; we’re all human. Sometimes life brings you an experience that you thought you had learned the lessons from…yet life knows when you forget the lesson. And the Universe will put a similar experience back into your way until you wake up and realize that what you stopped allowing years ago, you’re allowing once again.
Even after that divorce I would find myself meeting someone whose ego was strengthened by my weakness, and for those that know me, they know I’m anything but weak. It would sporadically happen here and there throughout the years, yet know I’m much more able to recognize it when it’s happening. I’ve learned that those people lack control of their own life so they try and control mine; they lack self-respect and are unable to respect anyone else; they don’t feel strong unless they’re paired up with someone weak.
And I am no longer that girl.
I want to be treated the way I deserve and the way that I treat others: with love, kindness, compassion, consideration and loyalty. And I won’t settle for anything less. I want to be loved for the person I am, quirks and all, because I love that person that I’ve become.
We all have moments of feeling weak and that’s okay; it’s those moments that help us to find our strength again and stand back up on our feet even stronger.
We all have moments of finding ourselves back in a situation that we thought would never return and that’s okay; you’re given that situation to remind you of the lesson you forgot.
And we all find ourselves staring into the mirror, looking at ourselves and wondering how we got here and what happened to us, and that’s okay; keep looking in that mirror long enough and you’ll once again see the person you thought was lost.
It’s those moments of feeling lost that we’re actually finding ourselves again, and we’re finding an even better and stronger version of the person we once were.
Life is about balance and we all fall out of balance every so often. It’s when the world around us is spinning out of control that we see the truth of everything, and it’s those moments we find our balance again.
Don’t let anyone make you feel weak; surround yourself with people that make you strong.
Don’t spend your precious time feeding someone’s ego; spend your time feeding your self-esteem.
And don’t rely on anyone loving you the way you want to be loved; love yourself that way first and the rest will fall into place.
Everything in your life begins with YOU.
Stop allowing what you don’t want to continue.
Forgive yourself when you forgot a lesson you learned and get back on track.
And love yourself.
If you do nothing else, love yourself.
Everything is possible when you begin with love.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
“Journey is over, the battle is won. A new chapter starting, a new day begun,
So what do I do know? Where do I start?
Do I take the road known or less traveled and follow my heart?
Life is always changing, it’s time to turn the page,
The story continues and it’s mine to create.
So what do I do now? Where do I go?
Do I let my mind lead me backwards in time or move ahead slow?”
What now with new beginnings? What now with the old life behind? What now that I’m starting over, no clue, no reason, no rhyme.
Time to change my thinking,
Time to lose the fear,
The Universe is watching, that’s what brought me here.
It’s all an adventure, my life is a song.
I know where I’ve been, not where I’m going but I’m dancing along.”
Aside from writing books, I also write song lyrics and this is one that I wrote about my journey with breast cancer. Yet it’s not only about that; it’s about endings and the beautiful new beginnings that follow. It’s about leaving the past behind and moving forward. It’s about creating the life you want. It’s about changing your perspective. It’s about losing the fear and taking a leap of faith.
And it’s about embracing the journey of a beautiful new beginning.
It’s all an adventure so dance along the journey.
It’s a good thing!
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
Yesterday I talked about selecting your thoughts carefully; today let’s talk about clearing out your mind of things you’re constantly thinking or obsessing about. Take a breathe, be mindful of what that thought is, and let it go. Clear it out. Be done with it.
When you clear your mind of things that shouldn’t be taking up space there, you open it up for all the love in the world to rush in.
And “you will be filled with more love than you had ever dreamed.”
Think about it.
Clear your mind.
Let love rush in.
It’s a good thing. 
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
Take a minute to breathe in all the positive energy, exhale all the negative, and move forward into having an awesome day!
It’s a good thing!
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
*On a personal note: I’m not an expert on this subject, but I’ve been in this situation before and know the signs of it happening, which is why I’m writing about it now. Every so often I see someone I care about being controlled by the wrong person and I watch as they become submissive to them. I can only share my personal experience with them to try and help them see the unhealthy situation they’ve allowed themselves to be in, yet as always, it’s a life lesson for them. I can’t fix them, save them, or change their situation…only they can do that. It’s a lesson they need to learn, just as I had many years ago, and all I can do is offer my support and share my experience with them. ~Anne Dennish~
“Submission” is a state in which people can no longer do what they want to do because they have been brought under the control of someone else.
Has this happened to you? Have you lost control of your life because someone else is controlling you?
And why did you allow it to happen?
Maybe you have an underlying need for the controller to love and accept you; maybe you want their attention and time; maybe you idolize them and want to feel as important to them as they are to you.
But it will never happen. They will never give you what you want as long as you’re giving them what they want.
Most times we never see it coming. We wake up one morning and realize that our life is not our own; we find ourselves doing things we don’t’ want to do; we see that our relationships are suffering; we’ve allowed someone to control us without realizing they were doing that; we say “no” to them but we’re beaten into “submission” until we say “yes.”
And that cycle continues until the controller get’s what they want.
And they will always get what they want until you stop allowing them to; until you say “no” and mean it; until you set up boundaries with them which you don’t allow to be crossed.
And until you open your eyes and realize that someone you trusted has been controlling 
you.
Why does someone to this?
It’s simple: people who can’t control their own lives will control someone else’s. It’s not because they love you or care for you; it’s not because you think they’re you’re friend; it’s because it builds up their own insecurities and low self-esteem to know that they have the power and control over someone else.
And before long, the people who truly do love and care for you will see what you can’t: that you’re being submissive to a certain someone; that you’re submission affects your relationships with the right people; that you allow someone to control you when the right people wouldn’t do that to you.
There will come a point where the right people will bring it to your attention. They love you and want you to see what they see: that you’ve put all your time and attention into the wrong person rather than the right ones, which are them. They are the ones who will ask you why you allow it; why the controlling person means more to you than the ones who don’t control you; why you allow the controlling person to affect you and your healthy relationships with your significant other, family and true friends. The “right people” will begin to feel unimportant to you because they see what lengths you’re willing to go to for the controller instead of them.
It happens to all of us at one point or more in our lives; it certainly has happened to me, which is why I’m able to see it happening to the people I surround myself with, and it breaks my heart to see the ones I love being controlled by someone and they can’t. I can clearly see the signs of submission and know the exact type of person who will control someone else. It’s never an easy thing to break free from someone like that, but it can be done; you need to accept what they’re doing and begin to do what needs to be done to take back your power.
The first step is realizing it’s happening to you, and if you don’t, accept someone who loves you telling you what they see. Believe the people who love and respect you, the ones who don’t control you, because they have your best interest at heart.
Secondly, break the cycle and that begins with the next time you tell them “no.” Say “no” once, not several times, with no explanation. Don’t let them badger you into submission until you say “yes” and do what they want. Shut them down and stay strong because until they understand that you’re no longer allowing yourself to be controlled by them, they’ll keep trying until they’ve beaten you back into submission again and again and again.
And lastly, walk away from them; let them go; avoid contact with them if you can and always remember what they had done to you. It’s a lesson to learn but one that you’ll have more insight into if it should ever happen to you again.
I wish I could tell you how and why someone feels they have the right to control another human being, or why we become submissive to another. It’s different for all of us, but once you can honestly see what you allowed to happen to you, you’ll become to understand “why.”
Was the controller someone you looked up to or idolized? Was it someone you were in love with and didn’t want to disappoint? Were they more important to you than the people who truly love you? Maybe you have an underlying need for the controller to love and accept you; maybe you want their attention and time; maybe you want to feel as important to them as they are to you. Or maybe you want them to accept you, yet you need to understand that YOU have lost control on giving them more time, attention and power than they deserve.
But what you want from them will never happen. They will never give you what you want as long as you’re giving them what they want. And sadly, that’s the truth, because while you’re becoming submissive to the controller, you’re losing sight of the people in your life who love and respect you, two things the controller will never give you. The moment you allow someone to control you is the moment their respect for you and your own self-respect, fly out the window. Respect no longer exists with control.
The controller plays on our weakness, and because of their own insecurities, low self-esteem and lack of control in their own life, they find their strength in controlling you. They don’t really care about you; they care about their control over you. They don’t want you to be in a healthy relationship because they’re not in one of their own. They don’t care if their control affects your relationships or your life; they only care about what they gain from it, because once they see you with the right people and loving your life, they will control you even more to make sure you hurt the people you shouldn’t.
Please be aware of your surroundings and the people you allow into them. Control isn’t love and love isn’t control. And if you’re wondering how you know if you’re being submissive to a controlling person, ask yourself this one important question: “Why can’t I say no to them, and when I do say it, why do I let them beat me into submission until I say “yes” and do what they want?”
Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t respect you enough to allow you to be yourself; stop giving in to someone who doesn’t give you anything back in return; stop defending the controller and making excuses for their behavior because when push comes to shove, they’ll have their own back before they have yours.
Take a look at the place in your life that this “controlling person” has and then take a look at the people in your life that don’t control you. How much of your life do you waste on trying to please them rather than them pleasing you? How much of your precious time is given to them rather than given to the people who love you?
And one more thing: how does your being submissive to this person hurt the people that love you? How often has their control of your time prevented you from spending time with the people you love? And honestly, they don’t care what their control does to you at all, just what their control over you does for them.
Does that make your choice to take back your control from someone else easier now?
Don’t hurt the ones you love and more importantly, don’t hurt yourself because of someone who wants you to and who doesn’t care if you do.
“No” is a full sentence.
Say it.
Mean it.
Be done with it…and them.
And never allow yourself to ever be “beaten into submission” again.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
Last weekend was a whirlwind of adventures in Connecticut and my mind is filled with all the stories of it that I want to share with you.
Yet as the week progressed I realized that I needed to just “be.” I needed to step out of my normal routine of writing all morning and day and rest. I needed to spend some much needed time with my kids and get my house ready for Christmas.
I was feeling badly about not getting my “adventures” written so that I could post them, yet once I thought about it I thought to myself: “Don’t you tell people that it’s okay to take some time for themselves? Don’t you say that you have to be your best self in order to share that with others? And don’t you always write about it being okay to step out of your normal routine and do what you need for yourself?”
Okay, guilty as charged. I “preach” it and sometimes forget to “practice” it! So after a few days of allowing myself to “be,” I’m more rested, the house is almost ready for Christmas and I’m feeling more creative at writing.
You see, I’m forever learning lessons and this week was one of remembering to just “be.”
Remember: Every so often we need to step outside of our normal routine and just “be.”
It’s a good thing.
And I promise, my “adventures” of last weekend are coming to you soon!
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
It was quite the weekend for me and after a 36 hour adventure in Connecticut, I’m home. I’m tired, yet filled with so many exciting stories to share with you about all that happened over the weekend! It was an adventure packed with new experiences and new people.
I always say: “Adventure is held within us and found all around us.” Remember that when you wake up each morning; you never know what the day will hold for you.
Life truly is an adventure, my friends, so enjoy the journey!
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
Anne Dennish - Writer/Author 