relationships

“Your Imperfections Make You Beautiful”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

I believe in positive affirmations; trying to always see the positive rather than focusing on the negative. I know the power of words and the wrong words, or negative words, can have a strong impact on you and the person you say them to.

Listen, no one is perfect, least of all me, but I would rather lift someone up with positive words than bring them down by telling them their faults. In fact, if you want to see someone change into the awesome person they truly are, speak kindly to them, tell them their strengths, share how you feel about them with them, and focus on the good things about them, not the negative.

Our imperfections make us beautiful. Our flaws make us flavorful. Our quirks make us memorable.

I’ve raised five children and if you think there haven’t been things they’ve done that bother me, well, you’re kidding yourself. I love them with all my heart and for who they are, yet I would rather tell them what I love about them and what their strengths are rather than tell them their faults, such as “you left the wet towel on the floor again, why don’t you put the cap on the toothpaste and…” and so on.

And as the children have grown as well as myself, I pick my battles. I try and lift everyone in my life up; I try never to pick at the small things because there are so many more big and wonderful things about them. Sometimes it’s those silly things that bother us that we’ll miss one day.

If you continually point out someone’s faults to them, I can promise you they’re going to shut down because what you’re telling them is that you don’t accept them for who they are; that all you see is their faults; that you say you love them but they won’t feel it because all you do is pick at what you don’t like about them rather than telling them what you do.

If you’re consistently looking for perfection from the people in your tribe then you’ll be disappointed. If you can’t see more good than bad in the people you surround yourself with then leave them.

Ask yourself this: how would you feel if the people you love were constantly picking at you and expressing the negative things about you? Would you begin to shut down? Would you stop caring? Would you feel as badly as they were making you feel?

It’s simple: treat the people in your life the way you want to be treated.

Pick your battles; accept the people you love for who they are, not who you want them to be; and lift them up with positive words because the negative words you speak to them will bring them down and will only hurt you as well in the end.

See the good and stop seeing the bad.

Pick your battles, my friends, please pick your battles.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“I Wish You Enough”

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A good friend of mine reminded me of this poem this morning. It’s a reminder to be grateful for both the good days and the bad; that without the bad days we’d never know what a good day was; that without feeling sadness we’d never know joy; that without a moment of feeling weakness we’d never know the feeling of strength.

Every day you wake up is a good day, and all the emotions you feel throughout it are a gift…a gift of life lessons; a gift to learn more about yourself; a gift to see your life as it truly is.

The “down days” happen to remind us how many more “good days” we truly have to count, and they remind us that it won’t be like that forever, just for that day.

Embrace every day, good or bad; embrace your emotions, happy or sad; embrace the lessons you’re being taught.

No one’s feelings are ever wrong, they just “are.” Sometimes there are reasons for the down days, sometimes there’s not. And that’s okay. We’re all human. Just be sure you don’t sit in those down days for long. Feel them, cry through them and let it all out…tears are cleansing our soul of all that we hold inside, and there’s nothing wrong with that…in fact, tears are our release, whether in sadness or in joy.

Feel what you have to feel and take those down days, be grateful for their lessons, then release them, let them go, and move forward into the new day ahead.

It’s a good thing. 

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

i wish you enough

“Picking Up Bad Vibes”

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I love meeting new people, yet every so often I meet one that, simply put, rubs me the wrong way. I don’t always know “why” that happens, and it doesn’t happen often, but I do know it’s my intuition talking to me: it’s telling me to walk away from them.

It’s my intuition picking up some “bad vibes and negative energy” from them.

It’s my intuition telling me that they’re not who they seem to be and to proceed with caution.

It’s my intuition telling me to walk away from them, release the bad vibes I got from them, cleanse myself of their negative energy, and do whatever it takes to never be around them again.

So many times we find ourselves in situations in which we feel uncomfortable; we may not know at that moment “why” we feel what we do, but I’m here to tell you to “trust your gut.” The answer to “why” will present itself to you when it’s meant to.

As for me, I’m a 24 hour girl, one who continues to think about something for that amount of time until I understand my feelings. So, when my intuition speaks, I listen, and then I begin to process my “why” and allow the answer to come…and it always does.

We’re not meant to like everyone we meet. Sometimes we meet the “negative vibe” people to teach us something about ourselves, or about them. Sometimes we meet them as a test to see if we’re truly listening to our intuition or not.

It’s okay to distance yourself from the people who make you feel uneasy, or angry, or uncomfortable. This is simply your intuition looking out for you.

Walk away from the people who send off bad vibes…

And keep the “good vibes” in your tribe…

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

bad vibes

“The Weak Man & The Strong Woman”

/ Anne Dennish / 2 Comments

 

marnieMy incredibly talented cousin and writer, Marnie Mitchell-Lister, wrote this and I think it’s worth a discussion.

*A note from Anne Dennish: Please note that this article was written in the context of men and women, yet it is meant for all relationships. 

I can speak from experience about this subject, and from the heartache it causes.

I’ve been told I’m a “strong” woman, which I would say is true. I’ve handled divorce, raised five children, survived breast cancer and handled a million other responsibilities at one time. Although to me, being a strong woman is much more than what you handle; it’s HOW you handle it. And I’ve never NEEDED a man in my life to handle any of it for me, but I had always WANTED a confident man in my life.

A few years ago I started asking men of all ages this question: do you want a relationship with a strong woman or a weak woman? While their responses may have been slightly different, the answers were all the same.

They told me that as far as dating, they want a “weak” woman because she makes him feel important; she makes him feel needed; she feeds his ego to levels beyond belief; and that it makes them feel more powerful and stronger to know that a weak woman is in their “control.”

In other words, weak women turned them into strong men.

Yet strangely, there was another piece to their answers. They said that while a “weak” woman was great for their ego and self-esteem, in the end they wanted to settle down with a “strong” woman. One who didn’t “need” them but “wanted” them; one that wasn’t always whining and asking them to do everything for them; one who challenged them and made them want to be a better man.

Confused? I sure was at the time, but it all made sense.

A confident man doesn’t need a “weak” woman; they need a “strong” one to keep them in balance. After a terrible day at work they want to come home to a woman who understands and makes their night better than their day (a weak woman would expect them to do that for them); they want a woman who can have a conversation with them that isn’t all about them (a weak woman would sit with gazing eyes at them, hanging on every word as they talked about themselves and not her); they want a woman with a life of her own, a passion, a career, a life purpose that they can share in(a weak woman has none of that except for him).

A confident man wants to be called out and held accountable by a strong woman, because they know they’ll be honest enough to do it (a weak woman will tell the man that he’s perfect); they want a woman will engage with him on occasion in meaningful conversation (a weak woman has nothing important to say); and he wants a woman who knows what love is, knows her truth, and doesn’t settle for less than she deserves (a weak woman will take whatever she can get.)

A confident man knows how to treat a strong woman; he knows her worth and value; he knows her heart, mind and soul; he takes the time to listen to her and understand; he’s sure to always let her know how important she is to him.

A confident man knows that if he stops paying attention to a strong woman she’ll find someone else. After all, if you’re not paying attention to the one you love, most assuredly someone else will. While you’re making her feel invisible by ignoring what a wonderful woman she is, someone else will see her and put her on a pedestal.

A confident man will know that he’s blessed and lucky to have a strong woman loving him, supporting him, and caring for him. He’ll know that he can always count on her, no matter what. He’ll always let her know how important she is; how loved she is, and how “wanted” she is.

A confident man won’t “need” a strong woman; he’ll “want” one, at least if he’s smart he will.

Healthy relationships aren’t based on boosting each others’ egos or self-esteem; they aren’t built on the other person making us happy; and they aren’t based on being controlled by another.

Healthy relationships are built on two strong people who love each other and know how blessed they are to have one another. They are sustained on feeling gratitude for each other on a daily basis. They are kept moving forward by keeping the love alive.

Yes, it was an interesting response of answers I received from men, young and old, but I guess in the grand scheme of settling into a long term relationship or a marriage that will last a lifetime, the song remains the same: the confident man wants a strong woman.

And the strong woman wants a confident man.

“A confident man not only understands that, he realizes how incredibly special that actually is.”  ~Marnie Mitchell-Lister~

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Losing The Time You’ll Never Get Back”

/ Anne Dennish / 1 Comment

lost time

I want to give you something to think about: all the countless hours you spend working for a living are all the countless hours you’ve lost with the people you love…and you will never get that time back again.

I’m blessed to have a career that allows me to work at home, and believe me when I say that it’s work but it’s work that I love. Yet I will never get so busy writing, editing, marketing or making phone calls that I forget to make time with the ones I love. My career would mean nothing to me if that were the case. I love the time I spend writing, but I love my time with the important people in my life much more.

I’ve worked 9-5 jobs throughout my life, yet I still held to one important fact: I love my job (most of the time) but I love my life and the people in it much more. It’s a balancing act; it’s a time to say “no” to overtime; a time to decide what and who your priority is: the job or your life and the people in it.  I’ve always chosen the people in my life because I realized that neither the job nor the people in my life will always be there, so I had to choose which was more important…and that was the “people,” never the job.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell you where this story came from and it comes from a place of love.It’s a tough position for me to be in, yet being the person I am, I needed to figure out a way to explain my feelings and more importantly, how this situation was looking to me and to the outside world.

So I realized what the most important part of this was: the person I care about was losing precious time to someone who didn’t care about him and he was giving his time away to someone who didn’t deserve it; and all that time was given in vain and he will never get that time back again, not with me, his friends, or his family.

It was born from an experience from me watching someone I care about work more hours than he was meant to, deserved to, or wanted to. He kept telling his “boss” that he was exhausted and needed a day off, yet his boss didn’t seem to care; he wanted what he wanted and he got it. This person worked every weekend he was off and he’s worked on every day that he was supposed to be off; he’s worked more overtime than was necessary because the other employees in the office didn’t want to do the work. I have to admit, this was upsetting to me; no one wants to watch someone they care about worn down and beaten into submission to do what someone else wanted them to do; no one wants to be spending time with the one they care about on a weekend together with the phone constantly spitting out text noises from a boss who wants more and more and can’t leave them alone; no one wants to watch someone they care about feel less of who they are because of someone who feels more of who they are by using their power and position to feel “in control.”

I’ve lost so many people I’ve loved over the past few years, and while I know they’re at peace now, I so wish I had had more time with them.

And that’s the point I’m making by writing this article: be mindful of the person you spend your precious time on and with and be mindful of the people you take it away from.

As we get older we understand more and more how precarious and unpredictable life really is; we learn to appreciate how short and precious life really is.

Take a look at your life; take a look at your job; take a look at your time…

Take a look at the most important people in your life who love and respect you…

Take a look at the people you allow to feel more important than they are…

Decide who you want to spend your precious time with…

Decide who you want to give that time to…

Decide who you don’t want to give that time to…

The choice is yours as to where and who you spend your time with…

Please think about it, be mindful and choose it wisely because wasted time on the wrong people is time that is lost on the right people for a lifetime.

And no one should live with regret over having spent time with anything or anyone that is less important than the people who are.

Shower the people you love with love…

And don’t worry about the one’s you don’t.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

bad bosses 1

 

“Maybe It’s Not Your Door”

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Life is filled with doors: doors to close and to open; doors that are right for us and those that are no; and doors from the past and doors to the future.

So often I hear people complain that the things they wanted in life weren’t going as planned; the job wasn’t working out, the relationship didn’t progress or that every dream they’re trying to catch ends up in rejection or less of what they had hoped.

Maybe you’re opening the wrong doors. Maybe the door you want to OPEN isn’t your door. And maybe you haven’t closed the doors to your past and made peace with it so that the doors to your future can open.

Don’t worry if a door you want to open doesn’t. It just means it’s “not your door.”

And trust me, the right door, YOUR door, is waiting for you…

After all, as I always say, “when one door closes, let the French doors open!”

It’s a good thing… 

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

wrong door

“February – My Month of Love and Milestones”

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february my montFebruary has become one of the most important months for me; it’s one I look forward to more and more as each year passes. The reason for my excitement about February is because so many incredible things happened in my life. They were truly life changing events; moments of dreams coming true; and signs of hope, faith and love.

It was on February 15th of 2015 that I met my love, Rob. We were two people who had new hope24been broken by prior relationships and had given up on love and dating. Yet it was through one long phone call that we got to know each other and the first date happened a week later on February 15th. We were nervous and unsure of whether we wanted to risk the heartbreak of another failed relationship, yet by the third date we had fallen in love. In just two weeks we’ll be locked away in an “undisclosed location” to celebrate our three year anniversary. No phones, no computers, and no work!

4 year survivorIt was on February 21st of 2014 that I underwent surgery for a lumpectomy. It was the last piece of my journey with breast cancer. It was on that date that I become cancer free and a survivor! It’s a day you hate to remember yet one that you want to celebrate year after year. Breast cancer was quite the journey for me; one that taught me so much about my life and myself. It helped me find my voice, stand in my truth, and to surround myself with only positive people. This year I will be celebrating my 4 year anniversary date! Each year is such a gift; each day is another blessing.

It was on February 23rd of 2016 that my last book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Throughsend to dad 1 My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer” was published. It was a dream come true; one that became more than a book when I teamed up with a musician who wrote the music, sang, and recorded my song lyrics to the book. We did several public appearances together and used them as an opportunity to help others by making them a fundraiser. It’s another anniversary to celebrate, and a wonderful 2 year one at that!

promo picsAnd here’s the new and exciting news for this beautiful month of February, and strangely enough, an amazing coincidence: my newest book, “My Collective Soul: Things I Know Without Knowing Why” will be publicly released on February 23rd of 2018…just two years to the day that the last book was published! Yet I don’t believe in coincidences; I believe that everything happens for a reason and the Universe must have planned it this way.

And I’m so glad it did.

I am so incredibly grateful for this beautiful month of love and milestones.

I’m waiting to see what other endless possibilities the Universe has planned for me this month.

I have faith that it will be something amazing.

And I can’t wait to see what it is.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

gratitude for my life

 

“Clear Out Your Mind”

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Yesterday I talked about selecting your thoughts carefully; today let’s talk about clearing out your mind of things you’re constantly thinking or obsessing about. Take a breathe, be mindful of what that thought is, and let it go. Clear it out. Be done with it.

When you clear your mind of things that shouldn’t be taking up space there, you open it up for all the love in the world to rush in.

And “you will be filled with more love than you had ever dreamed.”

Think about it.

Clear your mind.

Let love rush in.

It’s a good thing. 

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

clear out the space - richard from texas

“Select Your Thoughts Carefully”

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I’ll be honest, “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert is one of my favorite movies and I can watch it over and over again and still find something else to learn from her journey. I’d like to share some of the things I’ve learned from it with you and will be sharing my favorite quotes with you.

This one rings true all the time, that we need to learn how to select our thoughts as carefully as we select our clothes, or anything else for that matter. We have the power to control what we’re thinking. We have the power to think positive thoughts or negative ones. We have the power and the control…and it truly is a process we can cultivate.

It’s difficult at times to do, even for me, yet I have to find that quiet space in my mind to stop and remind myself that my thoughts will dictate my day and my life. And it can affect those around me. I remind myself to breathe in, breathe out, and cultivate my thoughts into something positive.

Give it a try…it works!

It’s a good thing. 

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

select

“Making A Living Or Making A Life”

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Let’s face it, we need money to survive: to pay the bills, the rent or the mortgage, put food on the table and to keep clothes on our backs. We need money to do this and most of us will do what it takes to do that for our families. We work full-time or part-time, and take the overtime that’s offered to us. We work and we work to do all those things…those “responsible” things.

On the other hand, how much do we need? Do we need all those things that we work so hard to get? Or is there a balance between what we have to do to make a living to afford those things or do we do what we have to do to make a life to appreciate and spend time with the people we’re busy making a living for?

There’s a quote that reads like this: “Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to have a life.”

And that’s an important thought to think about.

I know it’s important to be able to make a living, but more often than not, I see people so busy and exhausted making that living that there’s nothing left of them to enjoy the life it affords…or the people that they love who support them to make that living.

Do we work until exhaustion because of our ego and self-esteem? Do you feel like “more of a man” when you work more than 40 hours a week? Does it make you feel like more of an “empowered woman” when you work all week and on weekends? Is all that work outside of what is really necessary about our self-esteem?

We seem to live in a society that is built upon making money and “having it all,” yet I’ve seen a shift in society as well. Everyone is working more than normal but looking for answers as to what their life is missing; they feel a void, fatigue, and moments of “is this is as good as it gets.?”

But think about it: you put that pressure on yourself. No one is asking you to spend 50 or 60 hours a week working your ass off to pay for the unnecessary things in life; you put that pressure on yourself. No one is asking you to work until the point of exhaustion that you can’t enjoy your life filled with family or friends; you made that choice. No one is asking you to get so busy making a living that you don’t have the time or energy to have a life; you made that decision.

Life doesn’t go on forever; neither does a job or career. In fact, the job and career most often times will end long before the life.

And life is short, life is precarious, and life is unsure.

We’re not promised another day; we’re not promised a job.

We’re not promised time; we’re not promised job security.

We’re not promised that our loved ones will always be there; we’re not promised that the job will either.

The people who love us want to spend time with us; the job wants us to spend time working.

The people who care about us want us to be well and happy and enjoy life; the job wants us to be well and happy so that we can do their work.

The people we are making a life with want that life to be filled with memories; the job wants that life to be filled with hours that don’t make a memory, but fill a quota.

The people you love are the life; the job is just a living.

The people who love you don’t lay you off or replace you for someone better; the job does.

The people who love you want to spend time with you; the job wants you to spend time working overtime.

The people who love you don’t need anything from you, they simply want “you”; the job doesn’t want you, they need what they can get from you.

And the people who love you, RESPECT you, and care about your well-being will understand when you say “no” to them because you’re exhausted or need to simply “be;” the job doesn’t take “no” for an answer because they don’t respect you or care about your well-being, they care about you doing what they want.

Life is so short, so unpredictable, and so precarious; days aren’t promised and neither is the job. So while you need to make a living to pay the bills, don’t forget to make a “life.” And make that life with the people that appreciate you, love you, and are part of that “life” you are living.

In the end, the job won’t be there to take care of you if you’re hurt; the job won’t understand when you’re too exhausted to work overtime; the job won’t care if something happens to you because they’ll find someone else to replace you.

The ones who love you will always care because they know that you can’t be replaced.

And “making a life” is all about surrounding yourself with the people who love you; it’s about enjoying every day and every moment; it’s about making memories and of hearts taking pictures.

Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to have a life.

Learn to say “no” when you need to…

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~