quotes

“How Full Is Your Glass?”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

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We have the choice to see life as the glass half-full or the glass-half empty; we also have the choice to see it as completely empty. It’s that moment of seeing “empty” that can bring only negative into your life. “Empty” means that you’ve lost your hope, your faith, your joy, and your ability to see the beauty in anything.

Yet it’s your choice.

It’s your choice to dwell on the negative things, the sadness in life, or the trials and tribulations that life hands us from time to time. It’s your choice to let it swallow you alive or to begin to fill that glass up again.

Look at the “glass” as your life; fill it to the brim with blessings and all that you are grateful for; fill it with the memories of loved ones’ lost; fill it with the love of all those that surround you with their love. Fill it with every new day that you are gifted to wake up to; fill it with the gift of family and friends surrounding you; fill it with love.

The world can be a harsh place at times and can drain your glass to near nothing. It’s the people and situations that cross our path that suck your glass dry and it’s your choice to surround yourself with those that fill your glass.

Trials and tribulations will always cross your path, yet if you can change your thinking on them you’ll realize that they also hold a blessing. Without those tests in life, you’d never know what a true blessing is.

“Trials, tribulations and blessings are one in the same. You can’t have one without the other.”

It’s always your choice to see the glass as half-empty or half-full. I choose to see my glass as full, and I hope today you’ll be able to see your glass that way as well.

The choice is yours.

Wishing you love, light, and a glass filled with blessings,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Love Them Enough To Let Them Go”

/ Anne Dennish / 6 Comments

Two of my children moved across the country, and people always ask me how I manage missing them and not having them home for every holiday. My answer is this: I love themkids1 enough to let them go.

I’ve learned a thing or two raising five kids in the last 28 years and learning to let them go without a struggle, or  too many tears, or guilt is one of the biggest ones.

No one said it was easy, but it does get easier as you learn how to do it and I’ll tell you this, my kids are thankful that I’ve learned how to do it. My one son told me that he couldn’t do “at home” what he could accomplish across the country. He told me that the best thing I did for him was to let him go and do it on his own. And he did, and I’m so proud of him for it.

What I had to learn is that as much as I want to protect them and shelter them from the craziness of the world, I can’t. They’ll never learn what they need to learn; they’ll never make mistakes that will become valuable lessons for them; and most importantly, they’ll never learn how to stand on their own and be strong.

I realized that I had to learn from my own mistakes and I shouldn’t interfere with their free will to do the same. It’s a simple concept, yet hard to do, but if you truly want the best for your child, you have to love them enough to let them go. And trust me, they always come back.

It’s a funny thing: love travels across the miles with them, and their love for me travels back. Love can’t be taken from them, love goes with them.

I didn’t learn this lesson overnight, as my oldest son would tell you, but as the years passed my faith in them increased. I knew I had taught them right from wrong, and one day they’d have to take all I taught them and do it on their own. And I’m proud to say that they’re all doing pretty well!

I see so many parents struggle with letting their kids go, enabling bad behaviors, doing everything for them that these kids grow into adults who don’t know how to do anything for themselves. They don’t know how to cook, clean, do laundry; they don’t know how to battle their own demons because someone does it for them. They don’t know how to grow up because someone won’t let them. They don’t know how to take responsibility for their actions because someone is always making excuses for them.

And that’s the worst thing you could do to your child.

kids2I’ve been a mom for almost 28 years and have loved every minute of it (well, most every minute of it!) It was so much easier when they were younger and thought everything we said was truth; when we could simply kiss a boo-boo and make it go away; that loving them was enough for them.

And then they grow older and challenge what we say; broken hearts replace simple boo-boo’s that we can’t kiss away; and loving them suddenly doesn’t seem like enough. They want our love, yet they also want the freedom to live their life the way they want to, not the way we had hoped.

They want the right to do it on their own, learn their own lessons, and make their own mistakes, and if you can’t love them enough to let them go, they’ll do all those things but come crying back to you to fix it when it goes wrong…and you can’t do that. Why?

Because then you become an enabler, and an enabler does so because they can’t control their own life, and if you really love your child, why would you enable them? Why would you enable their bad behavior? Why would you enable them to stay dependent on you?

I know, it’s a slippery slope, but I know from my own experience as a parent that the best thing I could have ever done for my kids is to “love them enough to let them go;” love them enough to live their life the way they want; love them enough to make their own mistakes and learn from them.

I miss my  three older kids who are scattered throughout the country, but I know they’re happy, living their dreams, and doing well. And isn’t that what any parent wants?

I’d rather take the hurt of missing them than put guilt on them for living far away.

As long as they’re happy, I’m happy.

And they were very happy that I was the kind of mom who could “love them enough to let them go.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Then and Now”

“Are You An Enabler?”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

Enabling is “making excuses for someone who is hurting themselves or you, or providing the perfect environment or situation for them to do so. enable-2

That word is a slippery slope for many, and if you are someone who “enables” someone else, then you become “co-dependent.” That is, your existence is based around the behavior of the person you are enabling.

It’s exhausting just thinking about it, yet we’ve all done it in some capacity in our lives; until we realize that the outcome of “enabling” and being “co-dependent” doesn’t’ serve the one we’re enabling, but serves only the “co-dependents” need to control. I’ve found that those who “enable” have no control over their own lives’, or so they believe. They would rather control someone else’s life rather than deal with their own insecurities and lack of control. And the sad part is, they don’t even see what they’re doing as control; they see it as “love.” Yet that’s not love. Controlling someone is not love. Enabling someone to hurt themselves or other’s is not love. It’s their insecurity and lack of control.

You can enable an alcoholic or drug addict by making excuses for them, giving reasons for their addiction, and without realizing that you  are giving them exactly what they need to use or abuse. It may make you feel more comfortable, yet is the most damaging and enable-3hurtful behavior to them.They can only begin recovery when you stop enabling and allow the to be accountable for themselves.

You enable an abusive partner or spouse by making excuses as to why you’re bruised, why your self-esteem is but a foreign concept, and why you deserved to be abused. You’re not helping the abuser to stop, but merely giving him the license and free will to do so. It’s only when you get strong and secure within yourself that you’re able to break free and control YOUR behavior, not theirs.

 

It’s not until you are faced with the ultimate decision: enable the behavior or disable your control. And the truth is, no enabler really has control over the enabled; you just give them a comfort zone of knowing you’ve allowed their destructive behavior to be okay.enable

It’s hard to let someone you love make a mistake or willingly harm themselves, yet it has to be their choice and, ultimately, their decision to stop the destructive behavior. You can say all the right things, do all the right things, and want all the right things, yet that doesn’t make it so. You have to “love them enough to let them go.” Love them enough to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Love them enough to learn to control their own behavior. Love them enough to let them learn to love themselves.

“Enabling” someone will not solve their problem; it will make their problem worse.

You have to ask yourself: Do I want to enable their behavior or disable my control?.

And in your heart you already know the right answer.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The Wrong And The Right”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

“The wrong person wants something FROM you;
the right person wants everything FOR you.”

~Anne Dennish~

It doesn’t matter if it’s a budding romance, a committed relationship, a marriage or a friendship, being with the “right” person is key to its’ success and happiness.

We all have a choice of who we surround ourselves with, so please, my friends, choose wisely. Don’t allow the “wrong” people to drain you of your energy and self-esteem. Surround yourself with the light of the “right” person; the one who see’s you and all that you are and all that you can be; the one who supports your dreams and ideas; the one who wants only the best for you.

Choose the people who want all the best for you.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Moving Forward”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

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We all feel “stuck” at one time or another. It’s when you feel restless or bored, as if you’re missing out on something you should be doing, except that you can’t figure out what that something is. So you feel stuck. I’ve gone through it recently, and when I finally got myself “moving” again, I’ve been on fire! Now that’s a feeling I like!

I wanted to share this story of my experience of feeling stuck with you. It can be found in my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer.”

“Moving Forward”

I know of many people, myself included, that get so frustrated with life at times that all they seem to say is “I just can’t seem to move forward in my life. I feel like I’m stuck.”

And they are… stuck, that is.

I’ve been there, you’ve been there, we’ve all been there, yet I’ve learned through many teachers and situations that just because we “feel” stuck doesn’t necessarily mean that we “are” stuck. It only means that we are standing still, plain and simple.

No one is every really stuck; not me, not you, not anyone. We just feel that way at times simply because we’re standing still in the middle of what should be our past, not knowing how to move forward from it. There’s no science to it, yet it can be a difficult process, especially when you don’t realize what you need to move on from. On the other hand, you may be painfully away of why you’re stuck. The problem for you is that you don’t know how to move from the past, the person, or the situation.

It’s not always easy moving forward, especially when we’re leaving someone of something behind that is “comfortable.” Life is ever changing and the older we get, the more things change. No one ever said change was easy…or did they? Personally, I love change! I love the excitement of not knowing what’s coming next or where life is about to take me. It’s a nervous kind of excitement, yet what I know for sure is I couldn’t feel this way if I didn’t have faith. Without faith, there’d be nothing but fear, and no matter what life hands me, I refuse to allow fear into my thoughts or behaviors.

“With faith there is hope; with fear there is nothing.”

I’m not saying that fear doesn’t come into my thoughts once in a great while, but I will not and choose not to allow it to stay for long. I believe in the Law of Attraction in that what you think and believe is what you attract, and fear is no exception. Fear, in a mild dose, reminds us of how strong we really are because we are able to understand the fear and release it. We’re able to let it go. Trust me, you wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t afraid every so often. The problem you’ll have is if you stay in a constant state of fear. That’s something that will most assuredly hold you in your past and make you feel stuck.

Relationships, jobs, illnesses, you name it, fear can find it. Fear is normal, but nothing good comes from it. It brings anxiety, depression, illness and stress, to name a few, and fear is what plants our feet into the ground as if we’re dropped in cement and can’t move. Fear will keep you stuck; fear will prevent you from moving forward; fear will keep at you until you rid yourself of it. You may not think you’re strong enough to deal with ridding yourself of fear, yet you are.

“When you can’t find the strength, let the strength find you.”

Sometimes all you have to do is let go of the fear, and you’ll find yourself stronger than you had imagined. I believe strength is in all of us, and sometimes it takes a smack of fear, or a life changing moment to wake us up and realize that our strength was there all along. If you can’t find your strength, take a deep breath and let it find you. Trust me on this, it”s there, and I speak from experience.

You have to let go of the past in order to move forward, and that’s a fact. You can’t stay locked into the past and expect to move forward throughout this journey called life. Try viewing life as an adventure, with good and bad throughout it. Everything that happens to you has something to teach you about yourself. Make your life an exciting journey even amidst all the mundane tasks of the day. You don’t need a million dollars to do it and you don’t need to travel all over the world to find it; you need a mind and spirit that takes a stand for your life, makes it your own, views it as an exciting journey filled with adventure, and does what it takes to keep fear at bay.

If you can do these things, you’ll be amazed at all that life has to offer. Miracles happen, dreams are fulfilled, and life is truly lived when you change your perspective. No one can change it for you; it’s all up to you! It’s your choice; better yet, it’s your change…a change for anything and everything you want! Take those fears and face them head on with strength, determination and faith that all things along the road of your life’s journey are happening just as they should.

“Make your life an adventure…”

THE END

I hope you enjoyed this story and that if you’ve been feeling stuck, this may have helped you get past it.

All I know is that when I’m moving forward I’m at my best, loving life and all it has to offer, and making a mark in my life. Stuck is a feeling I try to stay away from, or at least not allow it to stay to long when it arrives.

Move forward, my friends!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“It’s Right In Front of You”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

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In this crazy world today, there are so many people looking for something more than what they have. They lose sight of what’s in front of them, and instead, look around and away from it and gaze out into the side. You know that old saying:”you don’t know what you had until it’s gone.” And it’s true.

It’s sad that so many people today just don’t get it. They could be in a perfectly good relationship,  yet as time marches on, the thrill and excitement become stagnant. And that’s their own fault because rather than focus on what’s right in front of them, they go looking to the side for something else. When they find that something else, they start comparing the “outside” to “what’s in front of them.” And I can tell you that doing that will end a relationship more quickly than you can imagine.

The reality is that in any relationship the emotions change as time passes, but that doesn’t mean that you need to lose sight of the passion you felt from the beginning. You’ve left the “honeymoon” phase and entered a more content, peaceful phase. And that’s fine, yet that can easily turn into someone feeling that they are being taken for granted. And no one wants to feel less than who they are; no one wants to feel as if they don’t matter; and no one wants to feel as though they aren’t loved anymore.

Relationships change with time, and my biggest teacher was my two marriages and divorces and an extremely hurtful relationship. I learned through all of them that it takes two people to begin something, and two people two end it. I don’t believe that it’s always a 50/50 partnership; there are times that one person has to give more than the other, and vice versa. And I learned that when you lose sight of what’s in front of you and start looking at what’s on the outside, the relationship is almost over.

And there’s usually no coming back from that. Once the damage is done, it’s done.

“Everything if forgivable but not always repairable.”

We seem to live in a world today where everything has to be perfect, always be exciting, and always be larger than life! But you know what? It never will be all those things all the time. Sometimes the most mundane, small things are actually the biggest things in a relationship. Sometimes it’s just a look into someone’s eyes or a touch of the hand that make you heart melt. It’s that last kiss goodnight before you close your eyes and the first thing you say in the morning to each other before you get out of bed. It’s the arms that know exactly when and how to wrap themselves around you to make you feel safe or comfort you when you’re sad. It’s the laughter of shared memories and silly jokes. It’s the deep, heartfelt conversations that take you one step further into a deeper relationship and understanding of who each of you are.

Small…mundane…but more precious than gold.

Relationships are like the ocean, sometimes rough, sometimes calm, yet always in motion. It’s a matter of weathering the storm until you can float on smooth waters. But the point is that you do it together.

Love isn’t complicated; it’s people who make it that way. Love is respecting each others’ feelings and embracing the differences. Love is wanting to be together, yet knowing when to give each other space. Love doesn’t clip your wings, it gives you the strength to fly. Love is the greatest gift between two people, and if you’re lucky enough to find love, always look directly at it, not off to the side.

Some people just like the idea of “love” and miss out on the reality of true love. And that’s how they lose sight of what’s in front of them; what they thought was love really wasn’t because true love doesn’t die, doesn’t wither away, and doesn’t become boring. True love grows by looking at it directly and not looking away.

Take a moment today to look at what’s right in front of you and stop searching for something better “off to the side.” Pay attention to the gift of love you share with someone, because while it may not always be perfect, it will always be “love.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“When The Truth Is Revealed”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

 

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It’s a sad day when someone or something you believed to be one thing turns out to be something completely different…and it rocks your world. And it breaks your heart.

Yet it happened to teach you something about yourself.

Maybe your were too trusting; maybe you didn’t look closely enough at them; maybe the rush of exciting emotions clouded your judgement…or maybe you made them into something that they never really were. And you did that because you wanted to believe in them; you wanted to believe in it all.

I’m a writer, and I have to say that sometimes I wonder if I’m writing “my life” the same as when I’m writing a book or short story. Maybe I write my life to look perfect, be perfect and feel perfect, when in reality, it’s my way of avoiding the truth of someone or something. It’s a dangerous realization when you begin to wonder if it’s real…or if it’s simply the dream of something you’ve always wanted.

It’s happened to me more times than I can count in the last few years, and with each realization comes the ending of a friendship or relationship that I was finally able to see the truth about.

And on the day that those realizations came to fruition, so broke my heart; my emotions felt a level of hurt so great that it took my breath away; and the dream of “what was” turned into the nightmare of “what never was.”

Yet I survived it. I picked myself up, and took all those broken pieces of my heart and soul and began to put them back together. I searched the deepest part of my soul to understand why it happened, and find the lesson it was meant to teach me.

I’m still picking up the pieces that were shattered and am learning to distance myself from the people and situations that shattered them in the first place. I’me learning to set up boundaries in my life, and not allow other’s to cross them. I’m finding that “my strength is their weakness, and my weakness is their strength.” And I’m finding that I need to learn to trust other’s when they’ve earned that trust; and that those who lie, deceive and manipulate me are no one that is welcome in my world.

I’m not the only one who goes through this; in fact, I know several people in my life struggling with the same thing: that what they believed to be true had never been true at all.

So often we feel humiliated when this happens, but the truth is that we shouldn’t. Why feel something negative for being kind and compassionate or trusting and loyal? It’s just a lesson, my friends, and a hard one at that, yet with faith in ourselves we can learn from it and move on, stronger than ever.

Don’t beat yourself up for someone else’s shortcomings or hurtful behavior; forgive them, let them go, and move on.

And forgive yourself, because YOU have done nothing wrong.

You simply believed them to be something more than what they were, and they allowed you to see that they weren’t.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

“What Inspires You?”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

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How do you get “inspired?”

Most people think “inspiration” is just for creative people, such as writers, musicians, or artists. Yet we all wake up in the morning knowing what we have to do that day, whether it’s going to work, taking care of your children, or getting your “to do” list accomplished.

And all those things take some “inspiration.” You need to get yourself in the mindset of doing what needs to be done, and while most people don’t see that as “inspiration,” I do. Some of you may be thinking “how do you get inspired to go to work, or get motivated to do all the things on your to do list?” You may be thinking “where’s the inspiration there?”

Well, I’m here to tell you it IS there…it’s all in your perspective. As a writer I need to be “inspired” to write and create, yet I also need that same inspiration to help me get my other responsibilities done.

“Inspiration” is calming and peaceful, and it’s also exciting; it’s our soul taking a passioninspiration and turning it into a reality; it’s our mind making something mundane seem rewarding; and it’s our heart learning to love all that we do.

As I sat under my “magic tree” this morning having my coffee, I was inspired to write this post; I was inspired to organize my day into one of getting things done; and I was inspired to let go of the things that no longer serve me, and focus on the things that do!

My wish for you is to find “inspiration” in every thing you do; to change your perspective on the mundane into one of accomplishment; and to love yourself enough to find your “inspiration.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“It’s time to make a difference!”

“Don’t Die Before You Try”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

It hurts me to hear people talk negatively about their lives and about just “giving up.” It’s as if the situation that life has handed them just isn’t worth the fight, the struggle, or the time to learn the lesson.

Sadly, I’ve heard a lot of this lately and it makes me a bit angry as well. We all have things to go through, and what makes one person’s journey any less than someone else’s? As my uncle used to say: I never say “why me,” I always say “why not me?” And I guess that’s where my way of thinking comes in.

I’ve gone through many, many difficult situations in my life, as well as breast cancer, and truth be told, I never thought “why me.” I knew that it was a situation life chose to hand me to learn from, and with those lessons I decided to share them with others.

In my author bio on my book, “Waking Up,” I say: “I don’t mind what life hands me as long as I learn something from it and can help to make a difference to someone else.” And that’s how I live each day of my life.

It’s not always easy to stay positive, yet it’s a gift of “choice” we’re given to choose to be don't die before you trythat way.

It frustrates me to see people who give up so easily, whether it’s a life situation or cancer… it’s as if they’ve “died before they tried.”

Live each day of your life to the fullest, no matter what difficult situation life hands you. Embrace your challenges with grace and dignity…have faith and believe that you are stronger than the difficulties of the challenges you face.

And when you feel as if you can’t find the strength, let the strength find you. Trust me… it always does!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“A Broken Heart”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

“A broken heart is proof that it still works.” ~Anne Dennish~

Ah, the broken heart…we’ve all had one at one time or another in our life, and it’s never easy to get through.

But you can get through…if you choose to.

Life is what happens when we’re not paying attention, and what that means is that we’ve recite-1rs96tblost sight of the blessings in our life, and in some way, taken them for granted, always believing that if they’re there in the first place, they’ll never be taken away. And that’s how a broken heart happens: we weren’t paying attention.

Broken hearts are our greatest teachers, yet there’s a few things you have to understand to realize that.

Let’s be honest, broken hearts happen because of “love.” They happen when something suddenly rocks our world, and what we believed to be true suddenly looks very different….but maybe it isn’t different. Maybe it’s the same as it always was; we just didn’t take the time to see it.

We’re all human and we all make mistakes, but if you want to start to heal a broken heart you must throw away the “list of wrongs” and write the “list of rights.” Sure, when you’re heart is broken you feel betrayed, angry, hurt, even confrontational; all valid feelings yet negative emotions only bring negative reactions. So, when the the dust settles from these emotions, and you can put them aside, the real healing begins.

“Forgiving” is the hardest thing in the world to do; “loving” is the easiest. Yet, by forgiving, we release our anger and negativity; it doesn’t excuse someone’s behavior, but it allows us to move forward with clear eyes and an open heart.

My worst broken heart was my greatest teacher; I could sit here and go on and on that he treated me badly, hurt my feelings, disrespected me, and so on and so forth. And I used to wonder why someone could treat me badly, or break my heart; I didn’t feel like I deserved it. But here’s the truth:

I didn’t deserve it; I allowed it.

Hearts are broken from miscommunication, biting our tongue and not standing in our truth. I learned that the hard way; I should have used my voice, stood in my truth, and set clear boundaries of what I would allow and what I wouldn’t.

I know to do that now.

Time-to-change-myBroken hearts happen for many reasons, yet when you can put the hurt and blame aside, that’s when the reality comes in and the healing can start. When you take your own accountability in the brokenness, you heal, you become stronger, and you learn something about yourself…and with that, you’re given the gift of changing yourself.

I can promise you that your broken heart will mend; and it will mend stronger…but you have to do the work and LET IT!

“Broken hearts are the reality of what we lost sight of.” ~Anne Dennish~

Life as we know it can change with a broken heart, but why not let it change for the better? Look at the positive in a hurtful situation; something wasn’t working, the Universe whacked you with a 2×4 to wake you up, and now you’ve been given a chance to learn and change.

I believe that there’s always something good to be found in the storm; it will take time to see, but it’s there. The choice to see it is up to you. And sometimes, just sometimes, maybe it’s the “storm before the calm.”

Life’s an adventure with ups and downs; how you handle it and move forward is your gift of choice…choose wisely!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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