#justsayno

“Don’t Let Them Dull Your Sparkle”

/ Anne Dennish / 3 Comments

“Never let anyone steal your brave because of their fears and insecurities, never let anyone steal your pretty because they have an ugly personality, and never let anyone steal your sparkle because they don’t know how to shine.” ~Anne Dennish~

Sometimes all we need is a memory to pop up to remind us of a life lesson. This was mine from many years ago.

A good friend of mine had stopped by my house many years ago. We hadn’t seen each other in months, and it was a much-needed break for me that day. We had a nice visit, but it was something that she said as we said “goodbye”, that stuck with me for many hours that day. She said: “What happened to you? You lost your pretty, your sparkle and your brave! Go get that stuff back!”

Wow, point taken, and she was right. I had lost my pretty, forgotten about my brave, and had most definitely lost my sparkle. My task on that day was to figure out what happened to it all and the next was to go and get it back. It wasn’t the thing that I had wanted to do that day, but after all, if I’m going to share my experiences with all of you and tell you how I got through them then I had to practice what I preach or at least practice what I write about!

So, what happened to my pretty, my brave and my sparkle?

A lot of things happened.

Yet it isn’t so much about “what” those things were but “why” those things happened. And as always, I believe that what we allow will continue and that we have to set up healthy boundaries in our life and not allow them to be crossed.

It’s easier said than done.

So, on that day I had to look in the mirror and be truthful with myself. And yes, the truth, even our own truth, can hurt.

And it did.

I had work to do that day and I was more than ready to do it. I knew then why and how I lost my pretty, my brave and my sparkle.

I lost it because I lost sight of its importance to me and that those three things are a part of me. I forgot to love myself the way I want to be loved, and I lost sight of myself as well.

You see, I’m as human as you and even I have to be handed another experience in life to remind me of a life lesson that I had forgotten and needed to remember.

Only I am in charge of changing myself; only I am in charge of my feelings and emotions; and only I am in charge of my actions and reactions.

After all, don’t I always say that “everything in YOUR life begins with YOU?”

On that day many years ago, I remembered that “everything in MY life begins with ME.”

And I remembered it again today.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

Choose “Love!”

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Sometimes I have a day where I look out into the world and am saddened by what I see and hear. I know there’s so much good out there in this big world of ours, yet there are days that it seems to be overshadowed by the negative stuff. Today, as I count my blessings and am grateful for them all, I’m feeling a hurt in my heart at some of the things I’m seeing and of how it’s all making me feel.

I’m saddened by fathers or mothers that don’t pay their child support to help these babies that they brought into this world. Our children deserve the best that we can give them.

I’m saddened by a world divided by politics.

I’m saddened by children who don’t talk to their parents, who forget that their parents did the best that they could do for them, yet choose to focus only on what didn’t work out their way.

I’m saddened by people that abuse the ones they say that they love, whether it’s their children, friends, parents or significant others. Abuse of any kind breaks a heart and has a profound effect on the life of the one abused.

I’m saddened by a world that has forgotten the simplest of things: kindness, compassion, love and understanding.

I’m saddened by a world that is selfish and has forgotten the beauty of helping someone in need.

So many sad things surround us and I’ll admit that today is a day I’m feeling the effects of all those negative things, yet…

Love is simple.

Love is just love. It’s unconditional, non-judgemental and forgiving.

Love can change the life of another.

Love can change your perspective.

Love, my friends, can change the world.

Choose love.

And hopefully, one day, if we all choose love there will be no more sadness in the world.

And wouldn’t that be wonderful?

Think about it.

It’s a good thing. 

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The Messengers of Drama”

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“Don’t shoot the messenger.”

I’ve never liked that quote because I don’t believe that there should be a messenger, and most times when there is it’s because of a negative person and situation. It’s the “messenger of drama.”

If you have something to say to someone then say it to their face. Why involve a third party to continue your drama and feed into your lies? If you truly believe your message, then make it your truth, stand in it, and deliver directly to the person it’s intended for. Don’t be a coward and use someone else to do your dirty work.

I’m a believer that if you have something to say to me, good or bad, then say it to me, not to anyone who’s willing to listen and please do not send a “third party messenger” to say it.  I believe that if you can’t say it to me, it’s because there’s no truth to what you’re saying in the first place.

I’m sure we’ve all had a “messenger” come knocking at our door at least once in our lifetime and from my experience, the messenger is simply a pawn in someone else’s game of drama. 

Stay out of the tornado of drama, don’t answer the door to the messenger, and if the true message is given from the source then take it from where it comes from: someone’s insecurity, judgement and jealousy. 

What would we gain if we stood in our truth and didn’t play into the game of “messengers and drama?”

“Peace.”

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“No Response Is A Powerful Response”

/ Anne Dennish / 2 Comments

I love conversation and communication, as most who know me would tell you, yet sometimes situations arise in which communication is NOT key. And it’s not key because of the person provoking the situation. I believe that we are in control of our lives, of how we feel,  how we react or respond, and who we allow in our circle. We try and live our best life by setting healthy boundaries, yet there are those who don’t respect the boundaries we make. They cross the line and do as they please. They gossip, they spread lies and they try and make your life miserable. It’s “disrespect” at its’ finest.

So now what?

I used to believe that communication with someone crossing the line was key, yet there are those that want you to do that because it fuels their drama and truth be told, you’re giving them what they want: your attention.

And I made a choice not to give my attention to someone who doesn’t deserve it. It’s a waste of my precious time and filled with negative energy, and in the end, most times, there is no resolution.

I’ve learned that the best thing for me to do is NOT give the situation and the person my precious time and energy; life is too short to be wasted on the drama that another person causes. It’s their insecurities and jealousy that cause them to behave in that way.

I agree that “no response is a powerful response.” 

I’ll communicate with the people important to me, but I will not engage with someone who isn’t. 

I can’t control the drama that someone else is trying to cause in my life, but I can control how I respond.

And my response is “no response.”

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Listen To How They Treat You”

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the way a person treats you

“There’s a message in the way a person treats you…just listen.”

It’s the saying I absolutely believe in: “actions speak louder than words.”

All those loving, positive words you speak to someone are only truthful when the actions back them up.

All those negative, hurtful words you speak to someone are truth. It’s how someone honestly feels about you because when you truly love someone you wouldn’t say things you know that would hurt them. And trust me, those words will stay with them for a lifetime.

If you really love someone, be it your significant other, friend, family or child, why would you say something hurtful to them? You can’t take those words back and if you said them you must have meant them. And if you didn’t mean them then why did you say them? Just to hurt them because you can? To push them away? Or maybe you use those words to put them in their place as a way to control them.

Think about why you say things to hurt someone you love. No human being has the right to hurt another, especially someone who loves you. It could be that you don’t really love them, that you don’t understand love, or that love is nothing more than a matter of convenience to you. And know this: each time you say hurtful words to someone you love you bruise their heart and that heart begins to shut down little by little.

We’re all human and none of us are perfect. We get annoyed sometimes, we get angry, we get cranky…that’s okay, we all have moments like that, but it’s NOT okay to hurt someone you love. It’s NOT okay to make them feel like your bad mood is their fault because it’s not, it’s yours. And it’s NOT okay to think you have the right to say hurtful words to someone because you want to.

We have choices in all areas of our life, especially in our relationships. You have a choice of which words you use, you have a choice in the tone of your voice when you say them, and you have a choice to talk things through calmly with the one you love instead of being mean and hurtful.

And you have a choice to walk away.

You have a bad day? Work getting to you? Are you unhappy? Did someone make you angry or hurt your feelings?

We all rough days now and then, but understand that it’s not fair or right to take YOUR rough day out on another.

Think about what you’re feeling and why…

Don’t take it out on someone who loves you…

Don’t bruise the heart of someone who truly loves you..

And remember that their feelings are just as important as yours…

Be kind or be quiet.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Put It Down And Shut It Off”

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In this day and age most everyone has a cell phone, a social media page, and a computer. Let’s face it, it’s the way the world is today. We search, we follow, we like, we comment…it’s all part of the technology we live in. In fact, most of us are lost without it.

And yes, I have a cell phone, social media pages and a laptop…my career revolves around them, yet I know the appropriate times to use them all and when it’s time to turn them off.

And the time to turn them off is when I’m having human interaction, when the ones I love are with me. I know my time with the people I love is precious and not promised. I guess you could say that the time of social media, the internet and cell phones ARE promised…as long as you pay the bill!

Yet our lives are not promised. We all know how precious a human life is and it frustrates me beyond belief that some people don’t get that. Well, they say they get that until they’re on the phone.

I feel unimportant when someone, be it my significant other, family, child or friend is in my presence and on the phone checking social media. It’s one thing if it’s work but it’s another when it’s pleasure. I feel hurt at thinking that I’m not as important to them as their social media, phone or computer. Let’s face it, we can check our social media anytime we want…posts and comments are there forever. I’m not. No one is.

Most people don’t even realize how long they’re looking at their social media because they go into this “hyper-focus” mode. They lose track of time and more importantly, they lose sight of the person sitting with them. They forget what’s important to them, then again, maybe the “likes, comments and views” of others on social media are more important to them than the “likes, comments or views” of the person that they’re with.

My belief is that if you can sit on your phone, internet or social media that long while I’m there, well, you’ve let me know what’s more important…and it’s not me.

And please remember this: that time you spend on social media, the phone or the computer while the ones you love are with you is time that you can’t get back. Would you rather spend 15 minutes on the internet or 15 minutes with someone important to you?

Life is short, the internet is long…you decide what and who is more important.

Think about that.

Put down the cell phone and turn off the electronics when you’re with the people you love.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“What” Is Not As Important As “Why”

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“What’s” happened to you in your life isn’t as important as “why” it happened. ~AD~

We all experience some difficult situations in our life and I’ve come to accept and understand that the “what” that’s happened to me isn’t as important as  the“why” that it did.

We’re so quick to blame others for our difficult times, yet we have a hand in those situations as well. Perhaps we aren’t being our authentic self or standing in our truth to those around us. Maybe we change “who” we are according to the people we are around at a particular moment. I can tell you that I’ve learned that I am in control of what I allow to happen to me and it’s up to me to set healthy boundaries for my highest good…and it’s not always easy to do.

I had breast cancer and it can’t always be prevented, yet I could have had a mammogram sooner than I had; I went 5 years without one and only had one done when I found my tumor. So while this “what” may have been destined to happen to me, the “why” it happened when it did was because I wasn’t loving myself enough to get that mammogram every year like I should have. I know better now.

I’ve lived through divorce and a bad relationship. The “what” that caused an ending to these relationships isn’t as important as the “why” it happened. It happened because I was allowing those people to treat me in a way I didn’t deserve. What you allow will continue and it did for me until I realized I deserved better and decided to stop it.

And I’ve lived through emotional, verbal and physical abuse. It went on for years until I finally put an end to it. “What” was said and done to me isn’t as important as “why” it was done to me. It happened because I let it happen. I wasn’t as strong as I am now, my self-esteem was non-existent, and I blamed myself for causing all those things that were said and done to me then. I was at the bottom and when I finally decided that enough was enough, I pulled myself up off the floor and began to see clearly of the “why” it happened. I began to get stronger day by day and set up boundaries that were never again to be crossed by anyone, and if they were, I certainly recognized it sooner. It happened because I let it, not because I deserved it. It was yet another life lesson for me to learn.

You have to love yourself, respect yourself, and know that you don’t deserve to be treated badly by anyone, especially by yourself. Let’s face it, we’re all masters of self-sabotage at times…we can hurt ourselves better than the person who is hurting us. Yet that’s not the way it should be; you know that as well as I do.

It’s time we all, myself included, stop focusing on the “what” that happened to us and start looking deep within ourselves to see our truth of the“why” it happened.

It’s then that we learn and grow and move forward into the life we want and deserve.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Feel, Deal and Heal”

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I’ve gone through my share of, what most may say, are traumatic experiences: divorce, cancer, and abuse, to name a few. When I share these experiences publicly many people ask me how I’m still standing, how in the world did I become so positive after so many negative things happened to me.

My answer is always the same: Because I chose to get through and I’m standing even stronger.

And how is that possible?

Because I knew I had to feel all the emotions that came with those “traumas” and deal with them; and that’s how I was able to heal.

No one wants to feel hurt, sadness or brokenness, yet we all do at some point in our life. Many people block those emotions; they tuck them away and believe that they moved on from them. I can tell you that they didn’t. Ignoring what you have to face is lying to yourself and eventually all those emotions you didn’t deal with will catch up with you at some point in your life. They always do.

And when they do catch up with you those around you pay the price for it as well.

Don’t you want to feel happy? Don’t you want to find joy in your life? Don’t you want to let go of an experience that caused you pain?

Sure you do…we all do.

So do it. Take a long look in the mirror at yourself and let your truth come through. Take that experience and all the pain that came with it and deal with it. Feel the pain, the heartache and let the healing waters of your tears flow to release it all. Then forgive the experience so you no longer hold onto it and then forgive yourself for allowing it to hold you back from the happiness you want and deserve.

You can run from those traumatic experiences but trust me, you can’t hide from them until you deal with them.

Feel, deal and heal, my friends.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~

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“Insight Into Cruel People”

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There are some cruel people in this world. They are the ones that judge you, point the finger at you, tell you what’s wrong with you and are verbally abusive. It doesn’t matter if it’s someone you know or a stranger: it’s wrong.

Yet all too often it happens without warning and without reason, although there is a reason people are cruel: it’s them projecting their own fears and insecurities onto you. And it’s wrong, it’s hurtful, and it’s abusive.

My son was the target of a stranger in a convenience store yelling obscenities at him and saying some downright disgusting comments to him. As a mother, it infuriated me and I wish I had been there when it happened. On the other hand, had it not been my child I still would have been infuriated because no one has the right to speak to another human being that way.

I’ve been on the other end of verbal abuse more times than I can count, yet there’s one thing I’ve learned and I want to share with you: those people are projecting their fears and insecurities onto me.

They see in someone else what they can’t see in themselves and want desperately to see or be.

They see strength in someone else that they wish they had, but they don’t because they don’t know how to be strong.

They see an open minded person living a happy life, being who they are, and wish they could be that person, but they can’t because they’re afraid to.

They’re afraid to be who they want to be and have the life they want to have because they fear people just like them judging them and verbally abusing and harassing them.

Those cruel people have low self-esteem, fear, and insecurities beyond belief.

They don’t know how to be any other way than cruel, and they don’t want to try and be any different. They make the choice to be judgmental and mean, and the rest of us suffer because of their ignorance.

I know all of this to be true but I will admit my heart always breaks a bit when someone is nasty and cruel to me or my loved ones.

But I also have to remember that it’s not me they’re actually judging…they are judging themselves and taking it out on me.

Be kind, my friends, for you never know the what the journey of another human being is like.

Ignore those cruel people and know they are the ones with the problems, not you.

Fear, insecurity, jealousy and low self-esteem: negative emotions that breed negative people.

Don’t be one of them.

Be you.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Free Will”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

I have a close circle of friends and there are moments I have to sit and wonder why they make the choices that they do. I know to my toes that it may not be their best choice, but they make it anyway.

And in all fairness, I bet they think the same thing about my choices.

We love who we love and we love the people in our tribe, yet there are moments that they’re handed a situation in which they have to make a choice…and sometimes those that love them sitting on the outside of it wonder why they chose the path that they did.

We may know that they’re making the wrong decision, but it’s at those moments that we need to step back and let them move forward with their choices, wrong or right.

And why?

Because it’s their “free will,” not ours.
And if we don’t let them lead their own life, make their own choices, and do what they think is right, then they’ll never learn a lesson that their life is about to hand them.

And that’s “free will.”

It’s allowing those we love the freedom to make their own choices, even if our intuition tells us that it’s wrong.

We learn life lessons by making mistakes and learning from them.

And if someone takes our free will away from us, then they’ve stolen a valuable moment in our life; they’ve taken away our right to make a choice, bad or not, and learn from it.

We may not always understand why the ones we love make the choices that they do, but a big part of loving them is respecting them enough to allow them their free will to do so.

We all want to protect those that are important to us, but if we don’t allow them to make their own choices and in some cases, mistakes, then we took away their right to learn and grow as a person.

The best thing we can do is be there for them if they should make a wrong choice and celebrate with them when they make the right choice.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

right or wrong