“Finding The Beauty”

It’s so very important to pay attention to what surrounds us in our day to day life. There is so much beauty on this journey that we sometimes get caught up in the day to day routines, whether it be a job, or taking care of the kids, or housework and bills. Yet it’s because of all those things that it’s so important to take some time throughout the day to look around and look up.

 

I find beauty not just within my house, but outside as well. In fact, spending time outside is what slows me down and helps me to find my balance.

When I’m outside I look around at the flowers that are blooming all around me and our beautiful vegetable garden. During the early hours of the night I sit outside in awe at the show of incredible lights flooding our backyard with fireflies.

I look up to the sky during the day to see a beautiful blue sky or one filled with puffy clouds. I see the sunrise and the sunset. I look up to my incredible “magic tree” that provides me with shade during the day.

You see, life is filled with beauty and it’s up to you and to me to take the time to see it.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Finding Strength In The Struggle”

 I’d like to say that the week has gotten better but sometimes life throws you another challenge and it’s done that to me. This is a difficult journey for me, yet day by day I’m finding my strength and keeping my thoughts as positive as I can.

 

I believe that everything, even some of the worst situations, happens for a reason. There are moments that the Universe hands us a difficult situation to stop us in our tracks, to make us pay attention. It’s during those moments that we have to stop and see the truth of how we’re living our life. We have to look deep at our relationships, careers, and even our lifestyle.

It’s the ultimate moment of truth…and it’s your truth, not anyone else’s.

This journey is challenging, and I believe in the end it will be life changing for me. It already is.

Today is a new day and I embrace all that it has to offer.

And I’m sure that the biggest gift it will offer me today is “truth.”

And I’m okay with that.

After all, it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The Lesson In Disappointment”

A week from today I was supposed to fly to California. It’s a trip I’ve been looking forward to ever since I booked my flight over a month ago. Aside from my “happy place” at the Jersey Shore where I live, Malibu is my other “happy place.” The energy there is amazing and for some reason, I feel like I’m “home” when I’m there. Two years ago I spent a week in a Malibu beach house where I finished my book, “Waking Up.” I did some of my best writing there and it was an intense soul searching time for me as well. This trip was important to me, not only because I’d be in a place I love, but because I’d be seeing my oldest son (who I haven’t seen in over a year), my Nike Nephews and would be writing and working on another book.

Over the last few days my intuition was screaming to me: “It’s not the time to go.” And that thought stuck in my head for days. My sister called me two days ago and said that she had a bad feeling about me going and that I should go another time. She also told me to remember what I always say: Everything happens for a reason. And if there’s one thing I believe in with all my heart and one I tell others is this: trust your intuition because it never lies.

So yesterday morning I had to make an adult, big girl, responsible, smart decision…and they’re not the most fun to make. I cancelled my trip. And to say I was disappointed is an understatement, yet I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. There were too many factors popping up in the last week and I knew days ago that I would have to decide whether to go or not. I don’t like when things get complicated and this trip was beginning to get more and more complicated.

I went to the hairdresser in the morning feeling disappointed and sad and I ran errands feeling disappointed and sad. Those feelings stuck with me all day, yet once I was in the comfort of my home the tears came. The tears started late in the afternoon and continued until I fell asleep. They came in waves over dinner, and came as sobs during my bath. There was nothing I could do to stop the tears; I felt sad, disappointed and broken and I kept wondering “Why did this happen to me?”

And then the answers came through the questions in the tears: because you needed to learn something….and I did.

I remembered what it is I always tell people, and when I heard Elizabeth Gilbert say it I had confirmation that it’s true: set your priorities, make boundaries around your sacred space, and learn to say no.

And that’s true…and I know that, yet I forgot that.

My lesson was that I had lost sight of my priorities, I was allowing people to cross my boundaries, and I was saying “yes” to things I should have been saying “no” to.

So yes, I had a day of sadness and disappointment, of feeling broken, but I knew I had to go through it and get through it and I did. My soul needed to cry long and hard to let go of what I was feeling.

I sit here this morning with a headache and swollen eyes, yet knowing I learned a lesson the hard way…and an important lesson at that.

My point to you is don’t feel badly for having a down day; they happen for a reason and that reason, more often than not, teaches you something that’s for your Highest Good. Sometimes it’s those “dark” days that enable us to see the “light.” Feel what you have to, learn the lesson, and let it go.

Sometimes our biggest disappointments teach us our greatest lessons.

And I’m good with that.

Because this is life…

And it’s a part of the journey. 

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

disappointment

“Control and Submission”

*On a personal note: I’m not an expert on this subject, but I’ve been in this situation before and know the signs of it happening, which is why I’m writing about it now. Every so often I see someone I care about being controlled by the wrong person and I watch as they become submissive to them. I can only share my personal experience with them to try and help them see the unhealthy situation they’ve allowed themselves to be in, yet as always, it’s a life lesson for them. I can’t fix them, save them, or change their situation…only they can do that. It’s a lesson they need to learn, just as I had many years ago, and all I can do is offer my support and share my experience with them. ~Anne Dennish~

“Submission” is a state in which people can no longer do what they want to do because they have been brought under the control of someone else.

Has this happened to you? Have you lost control of your life because someone else is controlling you?

And why did you allow it to happen?

Maybe you have an underlying need for the controller to love and accept you; maybe you want their attention and time; maybe you idolize them and want to feel as important to them as they are to you.

But it will never happen. They will never give you what you want as long as you’re giving them what they want.

Most times we never see it coming. We wake up one morning and realize that our life is not our own; we find ourselves doing things we don’t’ want to do; we see that our relationships are suffering; we’ve allowed someone to control us without realizing they were doing that; we say “no” to them but we’re beaten into “submission” until we say “yes.”

And that cycle continues until the controller get’s what they want.

And they will always get what they want until you stop allowing them to; until you say “no” and mean it; until you set up boundaries with them which you don’t allow to be crossed.

And until you open your eyes and realize that someone you trusted has been controlling submission 3you.

Why does someone to this?

It’s simple: people who can’t control their own lives will control someone else’s. It’s not because they love you or care for you; it’s not because you think they’re you’re friend; it’s because it builds up their own insecurities and low self-esteem to know that they have the power and control over someone else.

And before long, the people who truly do love and care for you will see what you can’t: that you’re being submissive to a certain someone; that you’re submission affects your relationships with the right people; that you allow someone to control you when the right people wouldn’t do that to you.

There will come a point where the right people will bring it to your attention. They love you and want you to see what they see: that you’ve put all your time and attention into the wrong person rather than the right ones, which are them. They are the ones who will ask you why you allow it; why the controlling person means more to you than the ones who don’t control you; why you allow the controlling person to affect you and your healthy relationships with your significant other, family and true friends. The “right people” will begin to feel unimportant to you because they see what lengths you’re willing to go to for the controller instead of them.

It happens to all of us at one point or more in our lives; it certainly has happened to me, which is why I’m able to see it happening to the people I surround myself with, and it breaks my heart to see the ones I love being controlled by someone and they can’t. I can clearly see the signs of submission and know the exact type of person who will control someone else. It’s never an easy thing to break free from someone like that, but it can be done; you need to accept what they’re doing and begin to do what needs to be done to take back your power.

The first step is realizing it’s happening to you, and if you don’t, accept someone who loves you telling you what they see. Believe the people who love and respect you, the ones who don’t control you, because they have your best interest at heart.

Secondly, break the cycle and that begins with the next time you tell them “no.” Say “no” once, not several times, with no explanation. Don’t let them badger you into submission until you say “yes” and do what they want. Shut them down and stay strong because until they understand that you’re no longer allowing yourself to be controlled by them, they’ll keep trying until they’ve beaten you back into submission again and again and again.

And lastly, walk away from them; let them go; avoid contact with them if you can and always remember what they had done to you. It’s a lesson to learn but one that you’ll have more insight into if it should ever happen to you again.

I wish I could tell you how and why someone feels they have the right to control another human being, or why we become submissive to another. It’s different for all of us, but once you can honestly see what you allowed to happen to you, you’ll become to understand “why.”

Was the controller someone you looked up to or idolized? Was it someone you were in love with and didn’t want to disappoint? Were they more important to you than the people who truly love you? Maybe you have an underlying need for the controller to love and accept you; maybe you want their attention and time; maybe you want to feel as important to them as they are to you. Or maybe you want them to accept you, yet you need to understand that YOU have lost control on giving them more time, attention and power than they deserve.

But what you want from them will never happen. They will never give you what you want as long as you’re giving them what they want. And sadly, that’s the truth, because while you’re becoming submissive to the controller, you’re losing sight of the people in your life who love and respect you, two things the controller will never give you. The moment you allow someone to control you is the moment their respect for you and your own self-respect, fly out the window. Respect no longer exists with control.

The controller plays on our weakness, and because of their own insecurities, low self-esteem and lack of control in their own life, they find their strength in controlling you.  They don’t really care about you; they care about their control over you. They don’t want you to be in a healthy relationship because they’re not in one of their own. They don’t care if their control affects your relationships or your life; they only care about what they gain from it, because once they see you with the right people and loving your life, they will control you even more to make sure you hurt the people you shouldn’t.

Please be aware of your surroundings and the people you allow into them. Control isn’t love and love isn’t control. And if you’re wondering how you know if you’re being submissive to a controlling person, ask yourself this one important question: “Why can’t I say no to them, and when I do say it, why do I let them beat me into submission until I say “yes” and do what they want?”

Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t respect you enough to allow you to be yourself; stop giving in to someone who doesn’t give you anything back in return; stop defending the controller and making excuses for their behavior because when push comes to shove, they’ll have their own back before they have yours.

Take a look at the place in your life that this “controlling person” has and then take a look at the people in your life that don’t control you. How much of your life do you waste on trying to please them rather than them pleasing you? How much of your precious time is given to them rather than given to the people who love you?

And one more thing: how does your being submissive to this person hurt the people that love you? How often has their control of your time prevented you from spending time with the people you love? And honestly, they don’t care what their control does to you at all, just what their control over you does for them.

Does that make your choice to take back your control from someone else easier now?

Don’t hurt the ones you love and more importantly, don’t hurt yourself because of someone who wants you to and who doesn’t care if you do.

“No” is a full sentence.

Say it.

Mean it.

Be done with it…and them.

And never allow yourself to ever be “beaten into submission” again.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

submission

“Taking Back Your Power With Forgiveness”

 

 

 

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It’s been a tough week. I was upset and heartbroken over the slanderous comments made on my website. And I was angry. I was angry that someone caused me to feel such strong, negative emotions.

After a day or two of constantly thinking about the “who” behind it all I remembered the lessons I have learned along this journey of life: in order to release the anger and hurt I was feeling I had to forgive them.

And when I forgave them I took back my power and control because I took away their forgiveability to hurt me. Allowing someone to upset you is giving them the power and control to do it, and trust me, they know that. They know that they “got to you” and they revel in it. They actually enjoy it. And they’ll keep doing it to you until you stop letting it get to you.

Listen, it’s a hard thing to forgive someone who hurt you. All I wanted to do in the last few days was to call her and talk it over. Yet while that sounds like a sensible answer to the problem, I knew deep down inside that it would provide her with the confirmation she wanted in the first place: that she got to me and she got my attention. It would have been confirmation to me that I allowed her to.

And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give her the power and control over my life and my emotions just because they don’t have control over their own.

It’s sad to know that there are people like that in the world, yet this is why I write what I do. I try to change someone’s perspective on how they see the world; I try to show them that kindness is key; and I try to share the lessons I’ve learned on how to be the best person you can be. I share the lessons I’ve learned on forgiveness, on the importance of loving yourself, and that anything and everything you want in this life is possible if you believe in yourself.

Good things come from good energy and emotions. Negativity breeds negativity, and positivity breeds positivity.

I’m not out to change anyone. I write my life experiences to show others that there is always hope and that we can change if we want to. I try to share with others that I learned that when you want something in your life to change that that change begins with YOU.

I’m not about rules or telling anyone what to do. I’m just a girl who wants to make a positive impact on another person’s life, because if I can do that, there will be a positive impact on the people that surround them.

I took this unpleasant and hurtful experience and turned it into a lesson of strength. I used it to write what needs to be written: the truth. I used this pain and turned it into one of peace in my forgiveness towards them.

Those comments fueled the fire within me to stand up for myself and to stand in my truth. I know those comments about me were untrue and I never should have let them hurt me, yet the pain brought more: it made me stronger and even more determined to make a positive impact in the world.

This girl is on fire and my mission is to keep writing about kindness, respect, forgiveness and strength. I’m on fire to write about taking back the control and power that I had so easily given to someone else, because the truth is, we should NEVER give that away. Yet it happens by a comment or a hurtful action by another.

I’ve learned that the next time that happens I will stand in my truth and not allow them to cause me any negative feelings. No one will ever take away my power again and I will be diligent in keeping my emotions and my life in MY control.

Forgiveness is one of the most difficult, yet most powerful tools we can use. Forgiveness will free YOU from the negative feelings that someone caused you. Forgiveness will give you peace in knowing that you let it go…and hopefully, you let THEM go as well.

Wish them love and light and pray for their own healing…and then drop it.

Move forward.

Never let anyone steal your power and control. Never let them know they caused you the pain that they had hoped they would.

Forgive them.

Forget them.

And remember, no one can hurt you unless you let them.

From this day forward, this girl is on fire and I won’t stop until I’ve made the difference in this world that I hope and want to make.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

 

“Chemo Healed The Cancer But The Cancer Healed Me”

My last book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned From My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer” was born over two years ago while lying on a radiation table for breast cancer.

I’m the type of person that loves meeting people because every single one of us has a story…we ARE a story! Some may not believe that, yet as a writer, I know it’s true. I was out to dinner with my love one night, along with his cousin and his love, and a table full of people I had never met. Yet by the end of the night, I knew them well.

You see, that’s the beauty of paying attention to people and speaking to them, yet more importantly, LISTENING to them. They were laughing at me last night when I said that the whole night of conversations was indeed a story!

So it’s no surprise that “Waking Up” was born; the idea may have begun on a radiation table, yet the stories were already taking shape in my mind, and for the last two years of writing it, more stories were born. Every story is true; most of them are of my personal experiences, and there are a few born out of situations with someone else who graciously allowed me to write about it

Yet, here’s what that one moment that woke me up was: “breast cancer!”

Yes, I had been on a spiritual journey for years, but finding out I had cancer was a big kick in the ass! I realized that as much as I had learned over the years, the lessons were far from over. Breast cancer changed my life and how I live it. That tumor was all the things I never said out loud, all the pain of allowing people to treat me badly. It was everything I never said that I should have, so I made a deal with the cancer: “I’ll open my mouth and use my voice, I’ll make better choices of who I surround myself with, I’ll rid myself of people and situations that make me feel less than good, and I’ll take all of this and write about it to help someone else as long as you leave my body when the time is right.”

I guess the cancer agreed with the deal, because it held up its’ end of the bargain. I did all those things and it left me the day they cut all that stuff out of my body. They did more than a lumpectomy on February 21st. As cancer and I were about to say good-bye that day, I could hear it speaking to me. Sounds crazy, but it wasn’t really. It said: “You’ve done the work and I know it wasn’t easy. I’m sorry to have had to come and visit you, but this journey is over. Remember the lessons, remember to love yourself, and finish up our deal: tell your lessons to everyone you can reach. I’m counting on you.”

Well, in a strange way, chemo may have healed my cancer, but my cancer healed me. It taught me more than I could imagined, and since then, I spread the word, I keep out as much drama and stress as I can, and I walk away from anyone or anything that tries to control and manipulate me. Cancer didn’t abuse me as much as some people have tried to, and I’m smarter because of all of it.

“Waking Up” is so much more than a book; it’s my heart and soul that simply wants to make a difference in someone’s life. Life get’s shorter as we get older, and my goal is to live everyday to the fullest, to show love and kindness to someone who needs it, and most importantly, to make someone laugh and smile.

Struggles will always happen in our lives, yet it’s your attitude and perspective that will handle it and teach you more than you could have ever imagined.  After all, “we don’t become who we are by chance; we become who we are by choice.”

Love your lessons, whether you like them or not, because in the end, miracles happen!

“Chemo healed the cancer but the cancer healed me.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

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“Which Path Do I Choose?”

There are times in my life that I find myself standing at the crossroad of which path to choose. It happens just as life is going along calmly, and it happens to change my path, offer me a new opportunity or simply to shake things up. It happens because something in my life needs to change, and while the change may be difficult, it’s necessary to move forward, take the next step, and live a better life.

I’m right at that point now. My career as a writer is taking me in directions I never thought possible and with these changes are decisions to be made in my life. I’m conscious of my life and the life that surrounds me. I pay attention to the signs I’m given by the Universe and I feel the emotions necessary to feel when faced with differences of opinions in my private life.

There are moments when the page we were once on together in a relationship change…one person stays on the same page while the other turns it. It doesn’t mean the end of the relationship but it brings change and sometimes the change isn’t what we had wanted but becomes a change of what was needed.

“Do I take the road known or the one less travelled and follow my heart?”road less travelled

I never take the road known because it offers me nothing more than the same thing over and over. I will always follow my heart and take the road less travelled because I trust my Higher Power, the Universe, and more importantly, I trust my intuition.

So I sit here now, thinking about the life I’m living in now and wondering what changes need to happen. What decisions need to be made? What do I need to do to move forward? How do my loved ones and I get back on the same page?

Life is changing for me and some of those changes can be a bit scary, especially when I don’t know how they’ll change my life, yet I have to trust my Higher Power and listen to my inner voice…my intuition. I need to pay attention to the life and people that surround me. I need to focus on myself first and believe that everything else will fall into place.

After all, I believe that “everything happens as it should, when it should and how it should.”

I don’t have all the answers to the questions, or even know what changes need to be made right now, but I do know which path to take and today is the first day of this new journey.

And I believe that it will be an amazing adventure.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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Photo by EvnFlo Photography – 2017

 

 

 

“Dance Along The Journey”

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The best way to get through this “journey of life” is to dance along with it!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Just Stop!”

Stop…just stop! Stop stressing and worrying, stop hurting and feeling sad; you can’t control anyone other than your self. The Universe sends us messages in many different ways; you have to trust yourself and your Higher Power, that they are opening your eyes and bringing changes into your life that are best for YOU!

Trust the journey and embrace the ride…

and breathe.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Make Each Day Count”

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Each day you wake up in the morning is a gift that should never be taken for granted. Live your life to the fullest and always remember to “make each day count!”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

Photo by Anne Dennish @2017