Holding on to negative emotions of anger, hurt, frustration or sadness is a waste of your precious time.
“There’s a message in the way a person treats you…just listen.”
It’s the saying I absolutely believe in: “actions speak louder than words.”
All those loving, positive words you speak to someone are only truthful when the actions back them up.
All those negative, hurtful words you speak to someone are truth. It’s how someone honestly feels about you because when you truly love someone you wouldn’t say things you know that would hurt them. And trust me, those words will stay with them for a lifetime.
If you really love someone, be it your significant other, friend, family or child, why would you say something hurtful to them? You can’t take those words back and if you said them you must have meant them. And if you didn’t mean them then why did you say them? Just to hurt them because you can? To push them away? Or maybe you use those words to put them in their place as a way to control them.
Think about why you say things to hurt someone you love. No human being has the right to hurt another, especially someone who loves you. It could be that you don’t really love them, that you don’t understand love, or that love is nothing more than a matter of convenience to you. And know this: each time you say hurtful words to someone you love you bruise their heart and that heart begins to shut down little by little.
We’re all human and none of us are perfect. We get annoyed sometimes, we get angry, we get cranky…that’s okay, we all have moments like that, but it’s NOT okay to hurt someone you love. It’s NOT okay to make them feel like your bad mood is their fault because it’s not, it’s yours. And it’s NOT okay to think you have the right to say hurtful words to someone because you want to.
We have choices in all areas of our life, especially in our relationships. You have a choice of which words you use, you have a choice in the tone of your voice when you say them, and you have a choice to talk things through calmly with the one you love instead of being mean and hurtful.
And you have a choice to walk away.
You have a bad day? Work getting to you? Are you unhappy? Did someone make you angry or hurt your feelings?
We all rough days now and then, but understand that it’s not fair or right to take YOUR rough day out on another.
Think about what you’re feeling and why…
Don’t take it out on someone who loves you…
Don’t bruise the heart of someone who truly loves you..
And remember that their feelings are just as important as yours…
Be kind or be quiet.
It’s a good thing.
Wishing you love and light,
Everything begins with you…and I can’t say that often enough to you. There are moments even I have to remind myself of that.
And those moments seem to come when we place more value on others than we do on ourselves, and when that happens, well, everything hits the fan!
We find ourselves seeing the true colors of friends; we see that they weren’t who we thought they were; and when that happens we find ourselves feeling betrayed, hurt and angry. We wonder why they couldn’t be as loyal to us as we were to them; we wonder why they turned their back on us; we wonder why they crossed our boundaries of friendship.
We wonder what happened, why things went the way they did, and what did it all mean…in other words, we want to know WHY it happened.
No one can control another; no one can make another loyal and trusting to you; no one can make someone love them.
We can only control ourselves.
And that’s a great power to have: the power to make decisions that are best for YOU!
You see, you lost sight of how valuable you are; you valued someone else so much that you forgot to value yourself; you placed way too much importance on someone who hurt you.
If you can’t see how valuable you are, how do you expect anyone else to?
It all begins with you.
Walk away from those who bring you down; wish them love and light, be grateful for the lessons it taught you, and move forward.
Let go of the negative people you’ve allowed in your bubble and make room for the positive people to come in.
Know your value…know your worth.
It’s a good thing!
Wishing you love and light,
It’s been a tough week. I was upset and heartbroken over the slanderous comments made on my website. And I was angry. I was angry that someone caused me to feel such strong, negative emotions.
After a day or two of constantly thinking about the “who” behind it all I remembered the lessons I have learned along this journey of life: in order to release the anger and hurt I was feeling I had to forgive them.
And when I forgave them I took back my power and control because I took away their ability to hurt me. Allowing someone to upset you is giving them the power and control to do it, and trust me, they know that. They know that they “got to you” and they revel in it. They actually enjoy it. And they’ll keep doing it to you until you stop letting it get to you.
Listen, it’s a hard thing to forgive someone who hurt you. All I wanted to do in the last few days was to call her and talk it over. Yet while that sounds like a sensible answer to the problem, I knew deep down inside that it would provide her with the confirmation she wanted in the first place: that she got to me and she got my attention. It would have been confirmation to me that I allowed her to.
And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t give her the power and control over my life and my emotions just because they don’t have control over their own.
It’s sad to know that there are people like that in the world, yet this is why I write what I do. I try to change someone’s perspective on how they see the world; I try to show them that kindness is key; and I try to share the lessons I’ve learned on how to be the best person you can be. I share the lessons I’ve learned on forgiveness, on the importance of loving yourself, and that anything and everything you want in this life is possible if you believe in yourself.
Good things come from good energy and emotions. Negativity breeds negativity, and positivity breeds positivity.
I’m not out to change anyone. I write my life experiences to show others that there is always hope and that we can change if we want to. I try to share with others that I learned that when you want something in your life to change that that change begins with YOU.
I’m not about rules or telling anyone what to do. I’m just a girl who wants to make a positive impact on another person’s life, because if I can do that, there will be a positive impact on the people that surround them.
I took this unpleasant and hurtful experience and turned it into a lesson of strength. I used it to write what needs to be written: the truth. I used this pain and turned it into one of peace in my forgiveness towards them.
Those comments fueled the fire within me to stand up for myself and to stand in my truth. I know those comments about me were untrue and I never should have let them hurt me, yet the pain brought more: it made me stronger and even more determined to make a positive impact in the world.
This girl is on fire and my mission is to keep writing about kindness, respect, forgiveness and strength. I’m on fire to write about taking back the control and power that I had so easily given to someone else, because the truth is, we should NEVER give that away. Yet it happens by a comment or a hurtful action by another.
I’ve learned that the next time that happens I will stand in my truth and not allow them to cause me any negative feelings. No one will ever take away my power again and I will be diligent in keeping my emotions and my life in MY control.
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult, yet most powerful tools we can use. Forgiveness will free YOU from the negative feelings that someone caused you. Forgiveness will give you peace in knowing that you let it go…and hopefully, you let THEM go as well.
Wish them love and light and pray for their own healing…and then drop it.
Never let anyone steal your power and control. Never let them know they caused you the pain that they had hoped they would.
And remember, no one can hurt you unless you let them.
From this day forward, this girl is on fire and I won’t stop until I’ve made the difference in this world that I hope and want to make.
Wishing you love and light,
I’m up much earlier than usual and the moment my eyes opened, my mind was filled with a million and one thoughts. The last seven days have been filled with a whirlwind of emotions, from happiness and contentment to sadness and heartache. Last night the proverbial “black cloud” lifted, yet this morning all I can think of is: Why did this happen and what does it all mean?
I’d like to say that I didn’t see it coming, although what I didn’t see were the exact situations coming, yet as an empath and intuitive person, I knew something wasn’t right. I could feel something “not so good” coming soon. I didn’t know my exact emotions or what or who would be involved, but I felt an uneasiness down to my toes. I knew that something was going to happen…and it did.
No matter the feelings I was experiencing, I went on with my life as usual. I felt content and happy, yet no matter how much writing, cooking or mindless tasks filled my day, the feeling was still there. And it all blew and came to a head a week ago. Each situation happened without warning and I was blindsided as to “what the hell happened.” I knew I didn’t do anything terrible, although my habit of talking too much and repeating things certainly didn’t help. Yet still, I knew all of this wasn’t caused by me.
So there I was, caught in the middle of the madness, in the middle of not understanding “why,” and in the middle of emotions and situations caused by outside forces. In other words, toxic people and negative energy got in. They got into my happy little bubble and caused pain, heartache and sadness. But how do you keep all of those negative things out of “your bubble?”
I used to despise the word “bubble.” I’ve written about “life in a bubble” years ago, and never portrayed it as a positive thing. You see, during my second marriage my “then husband” became jealous, suspicious, negative, controlling and toxic. He watched my every move, both in and out of the house, listened to every phone call I made, and broke into my emails and social media accounts. I hated it because I wasn’t doing anything wrong; it was all in his mind. The marriage ended sooner than it began and I used to say “I can’t stand being in this bubble he put me in.” And at that time, the phrase fit. I was in a bubble of all negative things and I was drowning.
I don’t see it that way anymore, and that’s because throughout all the years that have passed since that time, I’ve grown as a person, understood my emotions and myself more, and have been on an incredible spiritual path…one of learning and understanding. I learned to surround myself with positive people and to keep my distance from the toxic ones and the dark and heavy energy that hung onto them. I began to see my life as “a bubble,” yet it wasn’t a bubble of control, it was a bubble of safety. It wasn’t a bubble that kept me a prisoner, but one that kept my loved ones and me safe. It was a bubble filled with love and joy, happiness and peace; a bubble filled with good people and positive energy; it was a bubble filled with all things best for my Highest Good.
Some may call it their “circle” around them; I choose “my bubble.”
Last night the black cloud lifted and this morning I find myself feeling a bit more at peace, yet I know that there’s work to be done, questions to be answered, and healing to begin.
You see, outside influences can sneak in to our minds, causing us anger, frustration and pain. These influences can come in the form of a job, a boss, a co-worker, a friend, a family member, or they come in as what they are: toxic, negative, and filled with dark energy. We begin to feel all these negative emotions because of them and release all that dark stuff onto those around us: those they live in the bubble with us.
It’s human behavior and sometimes life sneaks up on us and takes control where control isn’t needed or wanted.
We are in control of what we allow and what we feel, yet when we allow outside influences to affect our relationships in our life, trust me, there will be a reaction, and not usually the one you want.
I couldn’t understand where all the anger was coming from because it wasn’t coming from me, yet after a week of it the truth came out: an outside influence got in. My peace came from knowing the “truth.”
Surround yourself with all that is good; keep all your relationships strong with love and joy; speak and feel your truth and share it with those you love when it becomes overwhelming to you. Build your “bubble” with love, joy, happiness, truth, peace and most importantly: positive energy and positive people.
And last but not least, to all of you outside influences that are nothing but negative and toxic, I have but one thing to say to you: “STAY OUT OF MY BUBBLE!”
Wishing you love and light,
You need to love yourself the way you want to be loved in order to know who should be in your life and who shouldn’t. All too often we think we’re not good enough for someone and we settle, or we allow them to treat us badly. We live in a life of being hurt and feeling bad about ourselves.
Listen carefully, you are in control of your life, and that includes how you’re treated and who you allow in your circle. Sometimes we feel so low that we believe we can’t change a situation or leave one. But you can…because I’ve done it. It took all the strength I could muster up but I did it and I’ve never looked back or regretted it. Taking control of my life and standing up for myself made me who I am today.
And trust me on this: “when you can’t find the strength, the strength will find you.”
Wishing you love and light,
The seas of life have been rough lately and I find myself trying to ride the waves. I’m patiently waiting for the swells to subside to a calm surf, yet it’s hard to see through the spray. It’s at that moment that I know I need to get a little help and advice from someone I can always count on to weather the storm with me: my love.
He’s one of the most no-nonsense, upfront and direct people I know. He doesn’t skirt around the issue; he attacks it head on. He doesn’t tolerate drama; he ignores it. And when he finds out that what he believed to be true isn’t, he moves on and leaves those people behind.
And he’s my “voice of reason” when I find myself in situations that mentally and emotionally drain me and upset me. He’s the guy that reminds me that I can’t fix anyone, solve their problems, or change their perspective. He’s the guy that tells me that he knows how much I want to help some people, but some people don’t really want the help, just the attention. And he reminds not to let “their” problem become “my” problem, because eventually it will become “our” problem. I have to admit it: he’s right!
So in the midst of a conversation this weekend with my love, one in which I asked his advice and “words of wisdom” about, he said something absolutely beautiful to me, and it’s what he said that prompted me to write this piece.
He said that while he can’t take away my hurt, he can “love me through it.”
What a simple, yet profound thing to say. We can’t fix anyone who’s hurting, but we can certainly be there for them to love them through it.
And I have to say, the hurt seems a bit less and the healing a bit easier when you’re blessed to have someone who will “love you through it.”
Wishing you love and light,
Boundaries. I know all about them , write about them, and understand their purpose. Yet, I find myself having allowed boundaries to be crossed…. MY boundaries, that is. It happened without warning, yet it happened. I should have known that the feelings I’ve had in the last few months were my own fault, because I had set boundaries and allowed them to be crossed.
I don’t know if I’m more angry at myself for allowing it to happen or if I’m more upset with the person who crossed them. I was open and honest about my boundaries with them, yet somehow they got lost in the every day business of life and relationships.
Truth is, I have a hard time saying “no” and learning to do this, when it’s for my best interest, is a work in progress. I don’t like confrontation, and I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, especially when it’s someone I love. Yet I missed one very important piece to this puzzle:
“Why did I allow MY feelings to be hurt and why was I more concerned over someone I love when I should be loving myself just the same?”
Truth…an awakening…a slap of reality. Yes, yet another “waking up” moment for me, and I don’t like it. I allowed boundaries to be crossed that upset me, hurt me, and messed with my health. And I wonder if the other party knows this, because they should.
Everyone handles things their own way. Things that upset me may not bother someone else. Yet aren’t we supposed to respect and understand each others’ feelings? If someone tells us they react to something a certain way, shouldn’t we accept that as their truth? Or that perhaps they’re telling us that so we don’t hurt them?.
This was a difficult one for me to figure out, and it took longer than it usually does. I’m intrigued by what makes people tick, and that includes myself. I always tell my love that I’m probably one of the few people he knows that really knows herself well, and that includes my faults and my strengths. I’ll admit when I’m wrong, and ask for understanding of him when I need it. (Sometimes I think I make it too easy for him…what he can’t figure out about me I tell him! LOL!)
So, now what?
First, I need to forgive myself, because I’m mad that I allowed this to happen.
Second, I need to put the boundaries back in place, although the hurt and damage from them being crossed is already done.
And third, I need to take a cold, hard look at my life to see what’s working and what’s not.
Why did I allow the lines in the sand to be crossed? Who and what is my priority? How did this mishap of crossing boundaries affect my family and my life?
Lines in the sand…that was my problem. I should have set a solid foundation of cement for the boundary. I thought I had, but sometimes when we worry more about someone else we lose sight of what’s best for us, and more importantly, we lose sight of ourselves.
And I’m guilty of that. And life is going to change. And feelings will be hurt.
Yet out of all of this, I know with all my heart that more wonderful things will come out of this lesson! Hearts will bond stronger, relationships will grow and flourish, and life will go on…even better than it was before the boundaries were crossed.
It’s a life lesson, and as much as I write about it, it’s a lesson I needed to learn. The Universe whacked me once again, waking me up to something important: I stopped looking out for my well being and what was good for me, even though I knew that someone else was causing me pain.
It wasn’t a mistake or something done out of malice, because I accept that it’s yet another lesson, another blessing, and another story to be shared to help and teach someone else.
Boundaries are not meant to be controlling tools; they are tools to protect us and let other’s know that we are to be respected. They are the simplest of ways to let someone know that what they do, what they say, or what they want, is not necessarily for OUR highest good… sometimes it’s just for theirs.
Wishing you love and light,
Words are very powerful, and you don’t need to be a writer to know that. Yes, writer’s can write a story which allows the reader to feel certain emotions, be it the suspense and fear from a thriller or happiness and joy from an inspirational story. It’s a blessing to be a writer…
It’s also a blessing to be a decent human being. Writers may write words that make you feel something, but as human beings every word we speak to someone else is as powerful as putting it on paper.
Sure, you write a book and it becomes immortal, yet so do the words you speak everyday. They just don’t happen to be on paper… they embed themselves into someone’s mind.
Speak harshly and negatively to someone and they will remember it for the rest of their life, even after they’ve forgiven the person who said it. The wrong words hurt the soul of the recipient, bruises their heart, and takes up residence in their mind.
I always told my children that once they said something nasty or negative to anyone, those words would be out there for eternity. Gone, but never forgotten.
You remember that old saying: “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all?” Well, it’s true. Even at my age, I can still remember negative things that were said to me throughout my life…I’ve forgiven who said them, I’ve gotten strong enough to ignore them and not let them directly influence my life, but I’ve never forgotten what they said or who said it.
Be kind, with your words and your actions. If you’re having a bad day or aren’t happy with your life, don’t put that on someone else. Look inside yourself and know that you are in control of YOU, not anyone else. If you’re unhappy, change it. Don’t take out your fears and unhappiness on someone else, because that person may actually be someone that can be of help to you.
Choose your words carefully today and everyday. Don’t think about negative things, because you’ll only attract that into your life. Think positive, live positive, and positive people, places and things will come into your life. I’m living proof that this is true.
Wishing you love, light and beautiful words,