faith

“Sweet Nothings”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

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My love and I went on vacation to a beautiful, sunny tropical part of the country…Florida to be exact. Within 24 hours things between us seemed so different. But in a good way. Yet even in that “good way” I wondered why it couldn’t be like that all the time.

And I wondered if it was because of “me,” or because of “him,” or simply because of circumstance.

Then I realized it was none of these…it was life.

And life at home was different. It wasn’t just “us two,” it was his work, his boss, his obligations and for me, well sadly it was my cleaning, cooking and taking care of him and my children.

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on all of us and I have to say that this is one time I don’t like surprises.

Our vacation brought us together as we had been so long ago, a place that has become so foreign to me. We’ve overcome so many things since we’ve been together, and none of them “our” things. We weathered the storms, rode the waves of life, and came out together. Yet sometimes I wonder if we came out of it differently….disconnected from that incredible love that brought us together and seemed to change the world…or at least the people closest to us.

The forces that challenged us seemed to have sucked the life out of our love and left us with a love that’s tired, worn out and less content than the wonder we first felt.

Did we allow it? Did we let all those things change our love for one another? Maybe we did, maybe we didn’t. But we’re human, and we get tired and even together we only have so invisible-2much to give.

And maybe we gave too much away because we felt we had to. Maybe we gave too much to the wrong people.

But we gave it so willingly because we’re good people, and that’s what good people do.

Yet here I sit and wonder…I wonder where the sweet nothings went and where the “hands on, hands down” for each other went. I wonder where the loyalty went and where it lies. I wonder if it’s the same love or a love that morphed into an emotion of “this is as good as it gets.” I wonder if it’s become a “matter of convenience.”

I loved every minute of our time together on vacation. My love was so relaxed, with no responsibilities of work, no worries of his boss, no thoughts of anything other than a goodrobnanci rum runner and time with me. And we talked, and just hung out, and for the first time in a long time, it was just “us.”

And I began to fall in love with him all over again. I was reminded of what it used to be like in the beginning. I felt safe, I felt loved, and I felt like it was just “us” again.

I felt silly, I felt giddy, I felt that “I can’t wait to be with him” kind of feeling…

And then we came home.

And it changed.

And now I sit thinking and wondering…two things that I didn’t do on the entire vacation.

Maybe “home” is the reality and vacation is the “fantasy and dream” of what we want. Then again, maybe “vacation” is the truth of who we are, separately and together.

Maybe “vacation” is there to remind us of the importance of who we are, and who we are together. Maybe “vacation” is there to remind us that nothing else matters because the strength of love between two people is what makes a difference in those around us.

And sometimes we lose sight of that. Sometimes we forget that what brought us together is what will tear us apart if we forget. What brought us together is what made those we love around us want to share in that and feel it. What brought us together is what should be keeping us together.

But we’re human, and we forget.

I sit here tonight remembering it all…and forgetting nothing. I sit here wondering where the loyalty lies and hoping that the answer I have is the right one. I sit here wondering if I’m still the love of his life.

I wonder…

And I wait…

For even the smallest of sweet nothings…

And then he puts his arms around me and tells me that I am and always will be the love of his life and I tell him that he is mine.

It was the biggest of sweet nothings.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Are You An Enabler?”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

Enabling is “making excuses for someone who is hurting themselves or you, or providing the perfect environment or situation for them to do so. enable-2

That word is a slippery slope for many, and if you are someone who “enables” someone else, then you become “co-dependent.” That is, your existence is based around the behavior of the person you are enabling.

It’s exhausting just thinking about it, yet we’ve all done it in some capacity in our lives; until we realize that the outcome of “enabling” and being “co-dependent” doesn’t’ serve the one we’re enabling, but serves only the “co-dependents” need to control. I’ve found that those who “enable” have no control over their own lives’, or so they believe. They would rather control someone else’s life rather than deal with their own insecurities and lack of control. And the sad part is, they don’t even see what they’re doing as control; they see it as “love.” Yet that’s not love. Controlling someone is not love. Enabling someone to hurt themselves or other’s is not love. It’s their insecurity and lack of control.

You can enable an alcoholic or drug addict by making excuses for them, giving reasons for their addiction, and without realizing that you  are giving them exactly what they need to use or abuse. It may make you feel more comfortable, yet is the most damaging and enable-3hurtful behavior to them.They can only begin recovery when you stop enabling and allow the to be accountable for themselves.

You enable an abusive partner or spouse by making excuses as to why you’re bruised, why your self-esteem is but a foreign concept, and why you deserved to be abused. You’re not helping the abuser to stop, but merely giving him the license and free will to do so. It’s only when you get strong and secure within yourself that you’re able to break free and control YOUR behavior, not theirs.

 

It’s not until you are faced with the ultimate decision: enable the behavior or disable your control. And the truth is, no enabler really has control over the enabled; you just give them a comfort zone of knowing you’ve allowed their destructive behavior to be okay.enable

It’s hard to let someone you love make a mistake or willingly harm themselves, yet it has to be their choice and, ultimately, their decision to stop the destructive behavior. You can say all the right things, do all the right things, and want all the right things, yet that doesn’t make it so. You have to “love them enough to let them go.” Love them enough to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Love them enough to learn to control their own behavior. Love them enough to let them learn to love themselves.

“Enabling” someone will not solve their problem; it will make their problem worse.

You have to ask yourself: Do I want to enable their behavior or disable my control?.

And in your heart you already know the right answer.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The New Year Revelations”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

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I gave up on making New Year resolutions years ago, and replaced them with what I call my “New Year’s Revelations.” It’s all the things I learned throughout the year that I will carry into the new year with me, in the hopes that I don’t make the same mistakes. In other words, my New Year’s Revelations are my “waking up” moments of seeing the truth in myself and others’, of learning from my mistakes, and learning more about myself.

I use New Year’s Eve as my time of reflection back onto the year that is about to end. I look back at all that happened, good and bad. It’s a time to count my blessings of the year, and to be sure that I had many more gains than losses. It’s a time to look back at where I may have fallen short and try to understand why. It’s a time to look back at relationships that ended with honesty and respect, and of letting them go. It’s taking my accountability for the ending, and moving on with no regrets and no intentions of ever going back.

It’s the night I say good-bye to all those people, places and things that no longer serve my highest good; that didn’t bring out the best in me; that caused me stress and heartache; that took advantage of me. And then I look at why it happened. Did I allow boundaries to be crossed? Did I allow their behaviors that hurt me? Did I put myself in a situation that broke me in two? And when I can answer that with an open and honest truth of “yes,” I can then begin to understand and see the lesson in it.

I learned many things this year, and I’d like to share a few with you. These are my top “waking up” moments, or “revelations,” if you will:

  • I learned that the old saying “keep your friends close and your enemies even closer” is an absolute lie! Nothing good comes from surrounding yourself with people who are negative and toxic, manipulative and untrustworthy. If you think you’re an enemy of someone, or they are an enemy to you, definitely keep them far away!
  • I learned that the other old saying “you always hurt the ones you love” may be truth, but not such a good idea. Trust me, hurting the ones you love will not serve you well.
  • I always knew how precious life was, especially having survived breast cancer, yet this year after losing some very special people in my life I’ve realized just how precious it is. No day is promised, and if you have a chance to spend time with those you love, do it! You may miss out on a chance that you’ll never get back.
  • I learned to say I love you to the ones’ I love more often, and to hug them all tighter.
  • I learned that if something seems too good to be true, most often times, it is.
  • I learned that if I do anything for the wrong reasons, I’ll soon learn those “wrong reasons” the hard way.
  • That no matter what anyone says, I will always be a dreamer and will always dream big! Why would anyone settle for less
  • And my biggest “revelation” was that I need to stand up for myself more, speak my truth always, and walk away from people or situations that are not good for me.

All in all, the past year has been filled with more “ups” than “downs,” and while a few people have had to leave my life, a few more amazing ones’ walked in. I know for sure that when you get rid of anything negative or toxic, you open the door to the positive coming in, and that’s what I did this past year, hard as some of it may have been.

As I close out 2016, I say good-bye to a few close friends and family that passed on, and I know in my heart I now have some amazing guardian angels watching over me. My heart has hurt over their passing, but the joy and love that they left me with has helped me through

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RIP Tom Contreras  1956-2016

I’ve said good-bye to a few friends who were no longer welcome in my circle, yet they taught me what true friends are…and aren’t. I’m grateful for the lessons they taught me.

And as I get ready to welcome in the year of 2017, I look towards it with the promise of more dreams to catch, more life to celebrate, and more adventures to begin. I look forward to another year with my love and all the joy he’s brought into my life, and to another year of our life together growing as one.

To all of you, I wish you adventure, dreams come true, love, light and all the good that you are willing to receive. Happy New Year and may your “New Year’s Revelation” be your guide into this New Year of 2017!

Live your life to the fullest…live your life in love…live your life!

And make it absolutely amazing!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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Happy New Year from my love and I to all of you!

“Clearing Out The Clutter for 2017”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

It’s only a few days before we say “good-bye” to 2016 and welcome in the New Year! One of the things I find myself doing once the Christmas festivities end is to begin a mission of “decluttering,” and one thing I’ve learned is that “clutter” makes for stress and imbalance. Now, I’m by no means a “neat freak,” yet this time of year is almost like “spring cleaning” for me. It’s an opportunity to clean out the clutter from this past year to make space for all the “new” things that the upcoming year will bring.

It’s a good time to clean out drawers, go through stacks of papers, and donate things that someone else may get better use of. It’s also a great time of year to clear out your inbox and re-evaluate your friends list on social media. It’s time to surround yourself with positive people and clear out the negative ones. It’s time to get rid of that stagnant energy and replace it with exciting and positive energy.

Make this upcoming year one of new beginnings, exciting adventures, and dreams come true!

Close out this chapter with love and begin this new chapter with promise!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Sad Souls”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

 

I sometimes see and speak with  people who seem to carry such a sadness about themselves and their lives. I call them the “sad souls,” and I understand where they’re coming from because I was there once myself.

They are the ones with a sadness so deep that they don’t know how to get out; they don’t understand that there’s always a way out and a path up.

They are the souls who have been hurt, abused, and been broken to  a point that they believe they can never be healed or whole again, that the damage is irreparable. They are the ones whose hearts have been broken, souls have been torn to shreds, and the ones who evil preyed upon.

They are the ones who have been taken advantage of, the ones who have been used, the ones who have been tormented.

And you know what my opinion is of them?

They will become the strongest, the most trustworthy, the ones who will take their experience and use it to be sure it never happens to others. They will be the ones who are gifted the ability to change themselves and change the world; they are the fallen angels who will rise to grace and dignity; they are the souls that bear the greatest hurt yet possess the most strength to overcome it.

Yet they don’t always see that…until they are meant to.

“Sad souls” are born to become “strong and happy souls,” yet the only way they can become this is by living the trauma, healing from it, and rising above it. It is then that they possess the greatness that they were gifted with at birth: the gift of “chance.”

They have to the chance to heal, to change, to discover, to become strong, and most importantly, the chance to change the world and those in it, including themselves. They are the believers, the optimists, the dreamers, and the fallen, and when you combine all of those things, you will see the soul that was meant for greatness.

“Sad souls” were gifted sadness for a reason, and that reason is that they were chosen for this purpose in life, because a Higher Power knew that the journey of their recovery would bring strength and goodness to them and to the world.

“Sad souls” were not born to be sad for eternity; they were born with a purpose of sadness that would breed greatness. They were born to be sad to learn, to experience, to heal, and to fly to a level of integrity and wisdom that would become a gift to those that surround them…and inevitably, would become a gift to the world.

There’s always hope…if you just believe there is!

Wishing you love, light and happiness,

~Anne Dennish~

“The Lost Art of Loyalty”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

 

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While I was in Malibu last October finishing up my book, “Waking Up,” I was working on a short story about “loyalty.” I asked many people what it meant to them, and it soon became a topic that no one had a definitive answer for. In fact, a few people were annoyed when I asked their opinion; seemed it stuck in their mind and made them search for an answer; an answer that they could never find.

It also made them question the people in their life…and it made me question those in mine as well.

So what is loyalty? Does it have a different meaning for everyone? Do we make our own rules as to what loyalty is or is there a universal rule?

I start with my own loyalty. If you’re in my life and I love and care for you, I’ll always be loyal, unless you cross a boundary, in which case, I won’t strike back and become disloyal to you, I’ll simply walk away.

Next is the loyalty of those in my life. In healthy relationships of any kind, boundaries must be set for respect between each person. What bothers one person in the relationship may not bother another, yet communicating that to each other is key in the loyalty department. If you cross a boundary with someone in your life, you’ve just proved that you’re not loyal.

You see, “loyalty” is a tough one. The only answer I could get out of most people I spoke to about it was when they referenced the loyalty of a dog. A dog will always be loyal, yet my question made many wonder why humans can’t be the same.

We can, that is, if we choose to.

My loyalty lies with my love, my children, my family and my closest of friends. And that loyalty goesrecite-d597x1 beyond me; if you hurt those I love, my loyalty will have me walk out of your life as well. It doesn’t matter who you are.

Not many people are willing to do that. Many feel that it’s not their problem when someone hurts the ones’ you love; as long as they weren’t disloyal it’s okay. But is it? If someone intentionally hurts your child, or your spouse or significant other, why would you want to be a part of their life?

I think that’s where the confusion lies. I’ve been in that position before, where my loyalty was tested. It was a rough road between two people I care about, yet when push came to shove, my loyalty was with my love, not with the person who was hurting him. And I had to step out of that world with that other person, because my loyalty and my life is with him. Yes, feelings are hurt when you have to walk away from someone, yet in the end, it’s the right thing to do.

At least for me it was.

I know how important it is for me to be loyal to someone, and I believe I surround myself with those who feel the same about me. We attract what we put out there, and for anyone that knows me, they know I have their back. They know I’ll walk through fire for them, defend them, honor them, love them, protect them, and more importantly, I will walk away from anyone who hurts them. End of story.

“Loyalty” is much more than how you treat someone; it’s also about how other’s treat the people in your life and whether or not you accept that behavior. The choice is yours.

Is “loyalty” a lost art or have we forgotten the importance of it?

“Loyalty” is one of the strongest qualities in any relationship because it breeds trust and respect, and isn’t that what every good relationship should be built on?

Think about it.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

 

“Moving Forward”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

recite-glgzho

We all feel “stuck” at one time or another. It’s when you feel restless or bored, as if you’re missing out on something you should be doing, except that you can’t figure out what that something is. So you feel stuck. I’ve gone through it recently, and when I finally got myself “moving” again, I’ve been on fire! Now that’s a feeling I like!

I wanted to share this story of my experience of feeling stuck with you. It can be found in my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer.”

“Moving Forward”

I know of many people, myself included, that get so frustrated with life at times that all they seem to say is “I just can’t seem to move forward in my life. I feel like I’m stuck.”

And they are… stuck, that is.

I’ve been there, you’ve been there, we’ve all been there, yet I’ve learned through many teachers and situations that just because we “feel” stuck doesn’t necessarily mean that we “are” stuck. It only means that we are standing still, plain and simple.

No one is every really stuck; not me, not you, not anyone. We just feel that way at times simply because we’re standing still in the middle of what should be our past, not knowing how to move forward from it. There’s no science to it, yet it can be a difficult process, especially when you don’t realize what you need to move on from. On the other hand, you may be painfully away of why you’re stuck. The problem for you is that you don’t know how to move from the past, the person, or the situation.

It’s not always easy moving forward, especially when we’re leaving someone of something behind that is “comfortable.” Life is ever changing and the older we get, the more things change. No one ever said change was easy…or did they? Personally, I love change! I love the excitement of not knowing what’s coming next or where life is about to take me. It’s a nervous kind of excitement, yet what I know for sure is I couldn’t feel this way if I didn’t have faith. Without faith, there’d be nothing but fear, and no matter what life hands me, I refuse to allow fear into my thoughts or behaviors.

“With faith there is hope; with fear there is nothing.”

I’m not saying that fear doesn’t come into my thoughts once in a great while, but I will not and choose not to allow it to stay for long. I believe in the Law of Attraction in that what you think and believe is what you attract, and fear is no exception. Fear, in a mild dose, reminds us of how strong we really are because we are able to understand the fear and release it. We’re able to let it go. Trust me, you wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t afraid every so often. The problem you’ll have is if you stay in a constant state of fear. That’s something that will most assuredly hold you in your past and make you feel stuck.

Relationships, jobs, illnesses, you name it, fear can find it. Fear is normal, but nothing good comes from it. It brings anxiety, depression, illness and stress, to name a few, and fear is what plants our feet into the ground as if we’re dropped in cement and can’t move. Fear will keep you stuck; fear will prevent you from moving forward; fear will keep at you until you rid yourself of it. You may not think you’re strong enough to deal with ridding yourself of fear, yet you are.

“When you can’t find the strength, let the strength find you.”

Sometimes all you have to do is let go of the fear, and you’ll find yourself stronger than you had imagined. I believe strength is in all of us, and sometimes it takes a smack of fear, or a life changing moment to wake us up and realize that our strength was there all along. If you can’t find your strength, take a deep breath and let it find you. Trust me on this, it”s there, and I speak from experience.

You have to let go of the past in order to move forward, and that’s a fact. You can’t stay locked into the past and expect to move forward throughout this journey called life. Try viewing life as an adventure, with good and bad throughout it. Everything that happens to you has something to teach you about yourself. Make your life an exciting journey even amidst all the mundane tasks of the day. You don’t need a million dollars to do it and you don’t need to travel all over the world to find it; you need a mind and spirit that takes a stand for your life, makes it your own, views it as an exciting journey filled with adventure, and does what it takes to keep fear at bay.

If you can do these things, you’ll be amazed at all that life has to offer. Miracles happen, dreams are fulfilled, and life is truly lived when you change your perspective. No one can change it for you; it’s all up to you! It’s your choice; better yet, it’s your change…a change for anything and everything you want! Take those fears and face them head on with strength, determination and faith that all things along the road of your life’s journey are happening just as they should.

“Make your life an adventure…”

THE END

I hope you enjoyed this story and that if you’ve been feeling stuck, this may have helped you get past it.

All I know is that when I’m moving forward I’m at my best, loving life and all it has to offer, and making a mark in my life. Stuck is a feeling I try to stay away from, or at least not allow it to stay to long when it arrives.

Move forward, my friends!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Be The One Who Dares”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

 

It seems to me that in this crazy world today, most people don’t want to “be the one who dares;” they’d rather someone else do the job! Yet, being someone who dares is quite an honor; it’s your gift of the right to be who you are, to excel at what you do, to make a change in the world, and to be “the one who dares.”

If you’re wondering what that means, then I’ll tell you my version, or opinion, of that…so here goes:

“Be the one who dares to…”14519653_315906848769234_232567940091283103_n

~Be different than all the rest

~Take a risk and a chance on something better

~Be a dreamer

~ Be a lover, not a fighter

~Be friend, not a matter of convenience

~Take a chance on love, even though you’ve been hurt

~Laugh even though your heart is hurting

~Remember the love of the ones you’ve lost, rather than cry bitter tears over missing them; cry with joy over having known them and loved them.

~Not care what other people think of you, but rather, of what you think of yourself

~Look in the mirror at yourself and know you did the best you could today.

~Dance in the worst of times, and dance in the best

~Stop and smell the roses, even though you have a million other things to do

~Say “I love you” as often as you can

~Accept that you are “perfect” for just the way you are

~Take a leap of faith in yourself

~Step out of your comfort zone

~Who removes toxic people and situations from your life, so that all that you deserve and want can come in

~And most importantly, be the one who dares to love yourself the most!

What about you? How would you fill in the blanks to “be the one who dares to_________? I’d love to hear what you have to say!

As always, I’m wishing you love and light, but today I also want to challenge you to “be the one who dares,” because I know that you can!

And I’ll “be the one who dares to say that I believe in all of you!”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“What’s YOUR Life Purpose?”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

Do you know what your life purpose is? Do you ever wonder what it is you’re meant to do with your time on this planet? I do…and throughout all my “adventures” in this lifetime so far, I believe I finally know what my “life purpose” is, and with each new day that I’m blessed to wake up to, I try and hold true to that purpose.

I’ve been through difficult times throughout my life, as well as some truly amazing and beautiful times. I’ve lived through breast cancer and two divorces, through financial freedom and difficulty, through children leaving the nest and moving across the country. I’ve said good-bye to loved ones, and welcomed in new ones. And I’ve viewed each of those as an adventure, a lesson to learn, another way of learning why I’m here.

So, what is my “life purpose?” It’s as simple as it is complex: it’s to make a difference inpurpose someone’s life, to a community, and to hopefully change the world, or at least a small piece of it.

In my book, “Waking Up,” I share many of my adventures, and not all of them are happy ones, yet in my stories, I’ve shared how I’ve gotten through them and how to view them more as “lessons,” not “tragedies.” Life is all about your perspective, and sometimes it takes but one person to make you see another side of a situation, to let you know you’re not alone, and to help you make sense of it all.

I don’t mind life handing me what it has so far, including breast cancer, I just want it to be for a reason. I’ll handle anything life throws my way, as long as I can learn from it and use those lessons to help someone else.

If I can touch even one person, then I will most assuredly know that I’m on the right path of my life purpose. If I can make someone feel better, let them know they’re not alone, help them heal their heart, or soothe their soul, then that’s enough for me!

Think about what your “life purpose” is, because the truth is, we’re all here for a reason!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

your move

“Relationships Are Like The Ocean”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

the sea

Every relationship we’re in is like the ocean; some days rough, some days angry, some days gentle and smooth. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a friendship, marriage, life partner or even a job. What matters is that we have to understand that these relationships are similar to the waves in the ocean, and we must choose to weather the storm or jump ship.

My love always says that every wave carries a story, and I believe every relationship does as well. We are ALL a story that’s always changing, just like the ocean. Yet as humans, when the seas get rough we’re ready to get out of the water and back onto the safety of the shore. And why is this? Why do we feel the need to leave a relationship when it gets rough?

Yes, there are some relationships that aren’t meant to last, and when we learn the lesson from it it’s best to wish it love and light and then drop it. And no, that doesn’t mean we jumped ship, it means we’ve moved onto another part of the ocean.

Then there are the relationships worth weathering the storm; the ones’ with a sharedstorm history or a love like we’ve never known before. These are the ones that you have to grab a life preserver and hang on until the sea get’s calm. With each “angry” wave there’s a lesson and a story, and when we understand it and learn from it, the “gentle” waves begin, and the relationship strengthens.

And that’s why I believe that our relationships in life are like the ocean: always changing, always different, yet always constantly in motion.

Yes, I’m a true Jersey girl, and the ocean has always been my place of peace and serenity. Every wave I sit and watch carries a story and message I need to hear, and I can tell you it has never disappointed me yet.

Close your eyes and listen to the voice of the sea; hear the stories and messages it needs to tell you. And when you open your eyes, the world will look and feel different, because YOU do.

Life isn’t meant to be “smooth sailing” all the time; it’s those rough seas that allow us to see who we truly are and just how strong we are, and when you can do that, you’ll know which relationships are worth “weathering the storm.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~