changes

“You’re Invited To My Party”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

balloons

You’re cordially invited to my pity party, no gifts necessary, just bring your best tales of everything wrong in your life. Wear your sweats and a t-shirt, slippers and bath robe optional. Bring your favorite wine or martini mixers to drown your sorrows in. Only sad movies will be watched and unhealthy snacks will be served. And at the end of it we can all fill up our empty drink glasses with tears.

So, do you want to come?

Not so much, huh?

Me either, yet there’s a day or two along my journey of life that I find myself as the only guest at my pity party. I’ve noticed that no one ever seems to want to go to it with me. Truth be told, I don’t want to be at it either, yet life sometimes sneaks up on us and hands us a “surprise pity party!” And for me, what a surprise it is! It’s the only party I’ve gone to that I can’t wait to be over. And there are no goody bags to take home.surprise

Unless you can change your perspective for a moment…

I’ll be honest, I’m having a surprise pity party today. It started out as a perfectly wonderful day, until my love and I were hit with a few “surprises.” We find ourselves challenging the bank and arguing with a car rental company; people who have no place in our world are trying to bust down the door to get in and consistently lean on the doorbell; emotions are behaving like a roller coaster, and deep sleep is broken by stones being thrown at us in our dreams. We’re running on empty with no signs of a gas station in sight.

Yet, I can still see a “goody bag” in it all. And no, I’m not crazy, I’m just getting better atgoody-bag knowing when it’s time to leave the pity party!

You see, I believe that it’s those occasional “pity party days” that truly help us to appreciate the real party of “life.” It’s those “down” days that make us grateful for the “up” ones. How could you know true happiness unless you had felt a twinge of sadness? How would you know joy without knowing pain?

You wouldn’t, because you’d never learn to see the difference.

And your “goody bag” is your “blessing bag” to take home. It’s the bag at the end of the pity party that you can fill with blessings.

Today as I prepare to say good-bye to this “pity party” and go home, I’ve stuffed my goody bag with the sounds of the laughter of my two boys, the feeling of my loves’ arms wrapped around me when he get’s home from work, the sounds of “Let It Be,” a song I love and was reminded of today, and with the gratitude of having this day at all. And just to be sure, I grabbed an extra handful of happiness for the life I’m blessed to have with my love, my children, and my closest of family and friends.

Well, I’m getting tired and the party is almost over, so I’m taking my goody bag and going home…to the party at home that lives in my heart, not to the pity party in my head.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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This party’s over…you can go home now!

“Love Them Enough To Let Them Go”

/ Anne Dennish / 6 Comments

Two of my children moved across the country, and people always ask me how I manage missing them and not having them home for every holiday. My answer is this: I love themkids1 enough to let them go.

I’ve learned a thing or two raising five kids in the last 28 years and learning to let them go without a struggle, or  too many tears, or guilt is one of the biggest ones.

No one said it was easy, but it does get easier as you learn how to do it and I’ll tell you this, my kids are thankful that I’ve learned how to do it. My one son told me that he couldn’t do “at home” what he could accomplish across the country. He told me that the best thing I did for him was to let him go and do it on his own. And he did, and I’m so proud of him for it.

What I had to learn is that as much as I want to protect them and shelter them from the craziness of the world, I can’t. They’ll never learn what they need to learn; they’ll never make mistakes that will become valuable lessons for them; and most importantly, they’ll never learn how to stand on their own and be strong.

I realized that I had to learn from my own mistakes and I shouldn’t interfere with their free will to do the same. It’s a simple concept, yet hard to do, but if you truly want the best for your child, you have to love them enough to let them go. And trust me, they always come back.

It’s a funny thing: love travels across the miles with them, and their love for me travels back. Love can’t be taken from them, love goes with them.

I didn’t learn this lesson overnight, as my oldest son would tell you, but as the years passed my faith in them increased. I knew I had taught them right from wrong, and one day they’d have to take all I taught them and do it on their own. And I’m proud to say that they’re all doing pretty well!

I see so many parents struggle with letting their kids go, enabling bad behaviors, doing everything for them that these kids grow into adults who don’t know how to do anything for themselves. They don’t know how to cook, clean, do laundry; they don’t know how to battle their own demons because someone does it for them. They don’t know how to grow up because someone won’t let them. They don’t know how to take responsibility for their actions because someone is always making excuses for them.

And that’s the worst thing you could do to your child.

kids2I’ve been a mom for almost 28 years and have loved every minute of it (well, most every minute of it!) It was so much easier when they were younger and thought everything we said was truth; when we could simply kiss a boo-boo and make it go away; that loving them was enough for them.

And then they grow older and challenge what we say; broken hearts replace simple boo-boo’s that we can’t kiss away; and loving them suddenly doesn’t seem like enough. They want our love, yet they also want the freedom to live their life the way they want to, not the way we had hoped.

They want the right to do it on their own, learn their own lessons, and make their own mistakes, and if you can’t love them enough to let them go, they’ll do all those things but come crying back to you to fix it when it goes wrong…and you can’t do that. Why?

Because then you become an enabler, and an enabler does so because they can’t control their own life, and if you really love your child, why would you enable them? Why would you enable their bad behavior? Why would you enable them to stay dependent on you?

I know, it’s a slippery slope, but I know from my own experience as a parent that the best thing I could have ever done for my kids is to “love them enough to let them go;” love them enough to live their life the way they want; love them enough to make their own mistakes and learn from them.

I miss my  three older kids who are scattered throughout the country, but I know they’re happy, living their dreams, and doing well. And isn’t that what any parent wants?

I’d rather take the hurt of missing them than put guilt on them for living far away.

As long as they’re happy, I’m happy.

And they were very happy that I was the kind of mom who could “love them enough to let them go.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Then and Now”

“Sweet Nothings”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

bloh

My love and I went on vacation to a beautiful, sunny tropical part of the country…Florida to be exact. Within 24 hours things between us seemed so different. But in a good way. Yet even in that “good way” I wondered why it couldn’t be like that all the time.

And I wondered if it was because of “me,” or because of “him,” or simply because of circumstance.

Then I realized it was none of these…it was life.

And life at home was different. It wasn’t just “us two,” it was his work, his boss, his obligations and for me, well sadly it was my cleaning, cooking and taking care of him and my children.

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on all of us and I have to say that this is one time I don’t like surprises.

Our vacation brought us together as we had been so long ago, a place that has become so foreign to me. We’ve overcome so many things since we’ve been together, and none of them “our” things. We weathered the storms, rode the waves of life, and came out together. Yet sometimes I wonder if we came out of it differently….disconnected from that incredible love that brought us together and seemed to change the world…or at least the people closest to us.

The forces that challenged us seemed to have sucked the life out of our love and left us with a love that’s tired, worn out and less content than the wonder we first felt.

Did we allow it? Did we let all those things change our love for one another? Maybe we did, maybe we didn’t. But we’re human, and we get tired and even together we only have so invisible-2much to give.

And maybe we gave too much away because we felt we had to. Maybe we gave too much to the wrong people.

But we gave it so willingly because we’re good people, and that’s what good people do.

Yet here I sit and wonder…I wonder where the sweet nothings went and where the “hands on, hands down” for each other went. I wonder where the loyalty went and where it lies. I wonder if it’s the same love or a love that morphed into an emotion of “this is as good as it gets.” I wonder if it’s become a “matter of convenience.”

I loved every minute of our time together on vacation. My love was so relaxed, with no responsibilities of work, no worries of his boss, no thoughts of anything other than a goodrobnanci rum runner and time with me. And we talked, and just hung out, and for the first time in a long time, it was just “us.”

And I began to fall in love with him all over again. I was reminded of what it used to be like in the beginning. I felt safe, I felt loved, and I felt like it was just “us” again.

I felt silly, I felt giddy, I felt that “I can’t wait to be with him” kind of feeling…

And then we came home.

And it changed.

And now I sit thinking and wondering…two things that I didn’t do on the entire vacation.

Maybe “home” is the reality and vacation is the “fantasy and dream” of what we want. Then again, maybe “vacation” is the truth of who we are, separately and together.

Maybe “vacation” is there to remind us of the importance of who we are, and who we are together. Maybe “vacation” is there to remind us that nothing else matters because the strength of love between two people is what makes a difference in those around us.

And sometimes we lose sight of that. Sometimes we forget that what brought us together is what will tear us apart if we forget. What brought us together is what made those we love around us want to share in that and feel it. What brought us together is what should be keeping us together.

But we’re human, and we forget.

I sit here tonight remembering it all…and forgetting nothing. I sit here wondering where the loyalty lies and hoping that the answer I have is the right one. I sit here wondering if I’m still the love of his life.

I wonder…

And I wait…

For even the smallest of sweet nothings…

And then he puts his arms around me and tells me that I am and always will be the love of his life and I tell him that he is mine.

It was the biggest of sweet nothings.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

Just-believe-just-have

 

“Are You An Enabler?”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

Enabling is “making excuses for someone who is hurting themselves or you, or providing the perfect environment or situation for them to do so. enable-2

That word is a slippery slope for many, and if you are someone who “enables” someone else, then you become “co-dependent.” That is, your existence is based around the behavior of the person you are enabling.

It’s exhausting just thinking about it, yet we’ve all done it in some capacity in our lives; until we realize that the outcome of “enabling” and being “co-dependent” doesn’t’ serve the one we’re enabling, but serves only the “co-dependents” need to control. I’ve found that those who “enable” have no control over their own lives’, or so they believe. They would rather control someone else’s life rather than deal with their own insecurities and lack of control. And the sad part is, they don’t even see what they’re doing as control; they see it as “love.” Yet that’s not love. Controlling someone is not love. Enabling someone to hurt themselves or other’s is not love. It’s their insecurity and lack of control.

You can enable an alcoholic or drug addict by making excuses for them, giving reasons for their addiction, and without realizing that you  are giving them exactly what they need to use or abuse. It may make you feel more comfortable, yet is the most damaging and enable-3hurtful behavior to them.They can only begin recovery when you stop enabling and allow the to be accountable for themselves.

You enable an abusive partner or spouse by making excuses as to why you’re bruised, why your self-esteem is but a foreign concept, and why you deserved to be abused. You’re not helping the abuser to stop, but merely giving him the license and free will to do so. It’s only when you get strong and secure within yourself that you’re able to break free and control YOUR behavior, not theirs.

 

It’s not until you are faced with the ultimate decision: enable the behavior or disable your control. And the truth is, no enabler really has control over the enabled; you just give them a comfort zone of knowing you’ve allowed their destructive behavior to be okay.enable

It’s hard to let someone you love make a mistake or willingly harm themselves, yet it has to be their choice and, ultimately, their decision to stop the destructive behavior. You can say all the right things, do all the right things, and want all the right things, yet that doesn’t make it so. You have to “love them enough to let them go.” Love them enough to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Love them enough to learn to control their own behavior. Love them enough to let them learn to love themselves.

“Enabling” someone will not solve their problem; it will make their problem worse.

You have to ask yourself: Do I want to enable their behavior or disable my control?.

And in your heart you already know the right answer.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The New Year Revelations”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

2017-blog

I gave up on making New Year resolutions years ago, and replaced them with what I call my “New Year’s Revelations.” It’s all the things I learned throughout the year that I will carry into the new year with me, in the hopes that I don’t make the same mistakes. In other words, my New Year’s Revelations are my “waking up” moments of seeing the truth in myself and others’, of learning from my mistakes, and learning more about myself.

I use New Year’s Eve as my time of reflection back onto the year that is about to end. I look back at all that happened, good and bad. It’s a time to count my blessings of the year, and to be sure that I had many more gains than losses. It’s a time to look back at where I may have fallen short and try to understand why. It’s a time to look back at relationships that ended with honesty and respect, and of letting them go. It’s taking my accountability for the ending, and moving on with no regrets and no intentions of ever going back.

It’s the night I say good-bye to all those people, places and things that no longer serve my highest good; that didn’t bring out the best in me; that caused me stress and heartache; that took advantage of me. And then I look at why it happened. Did I allow boundaries to be crossed? Did I allow their behaviors that hurt me? Did I put myself in a situation that broke me in two? And when I can answer that with an open and honest truth of “yes,” I can then begin to understand and see the lesson in it.

I learned many things this year, and I’d like to share a few with you. These are my top “waking up” moments, or “revelations,” if you will:

  • I learned that the old saying “keep your friends close and your enemies even closer” is an absolute lie! Nothing good comes from surrounding yourself with people who are negative and toxic, manipulative and untrustworthy. If you think you’re an enemy of someone, or they are an enemy to you, definitely keep them far away!
  • I learned that the other old saying “you always hurt the ones you love” may be truth, but not such a good idea. Trust me, hurting the ones you love will not serve you well.
  • I always knew how precious life was, especially having survived breast cancer, yet this year after losing some very special people in my life I’ve realized just how precious it is. No day is promised, and if you have a chance to spend time with those you love, do it! You may miss out on a chance that you’ll never get back.
  • I learned to say I love you to the ones’ I love more often, and to hug them all tighter.
  • I learned that if something seems too good to be true, most often times, it is.
  • I learned that if I do anything for the wrong reasons, I’ll soon learn those “wrong reasons” the hard way.
  • That no matter what anyone says, I will always be a dreamer and will always dream big! Why would anyone settle for less
  • And my biggest “revelation” was that I need to stand up for myself more, speak my truth always, and walk away from people or situations that are not good for me.

All in all, the past year has been filled with more “ups” than “downs,” and while a few people have had to leave my life, a few more amazing ones’ walked in. I know for sure that when you get rid of anything negative or toxic, you open the door to the positive coming in, and that’s what I did this past year, hard as some of it may have been.

As I close out 2016, I say good-bye to a few close friends and family that passed on, and I know in my heart I now have some amazing guardian angels watching over me. My heart has hurt over their passing, but the joy and love that they left me with has helped me through

the-godfather

RIP Tom Contreras  1956-2016

I’ve said good-bye to a few friends who were no longer welcome in my circle, yet they taught me what true friends are…and aren’t. I’m grateful for the lessons they taught me.

And as I get ready to welcome in the year of 2017, I look towards it with the promise of more dreams to catch, more life to celebrate, and more adventures to begin. I look forward to another year with my love and all the joy he’s brought into my life, and to another year of our life together growing as one.

To all of you, I wish you adventure, dreams come true, love, light and all the good that you are willing to receive. Happy New Year and may your “New Year’s Revelation” be your guide into this New Year of 2017!

Live your life to the fullest…live your life in love…live your life!

And make it absolutely amazing!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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Happy New Year from my love and I to all of you!

“The Wrong And The Right”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

“The wrong person wants something FROM you;
the right person wants everything FOR you.”

~Anne Dennish~

It doesn’t matter if it’s a budding romance, a committed relationship, a marriage or a friendship, being with the “right” person is key to its’ success and happiness.

We all have a choice of who we surround ourselves with, so please, my friends, choose wisely. Don’t allow the “wrong” people to drain you of your energy and self-esteem. Surround yourself with the light of the “right” person; the one who see’s you and all that you are and all that you can be; the one who supports your dreams and ideas; the one who wants only the best for you.

Choose the people who want all the best for you.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Sad Souls”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

 

I sometimes see and speak with  people who seem to carry such a sadness about themselves and their lives. I call them the “sad souls,” and I understand where they’re coming from because I was there once myself.

They are the ones with a sadness so deep that they don’t know how to get out; they don’t understand that there’s always a way out and a path up.

They are the souls who have been hurt, abused, and been broken to  a point that they believe they can never be healed or whole again, that the damage is irreparable. They are the ones whose hearts have been broken, souls have been torn to shreds, and the ones who evil preyed upon.

They are the ones who have been taken advantage of, the ones who have been used, the ones who have been tormented.

And you know what my opinion is of them?

They will become the strongest, the most trustworthy, the ones who will take their experience and use it to be sure it never happens to others. They will be the ones who are gifted the ability to change themselves and change the world; they are the fallen angels who will rise to grace and dignity; they are the souls that bear the greatest hurt yet possess the most strength to overcome it.

Yet they don’t always see that…until they are meant to.

“Sad souls” are born to become “strong and happy souls,” yet the only way they can become this is by living the trauma, healing from it, and rising above it. It is then that they possess the greatness that they were gifted with at birth: the gift of “chance.”

They have to the chance to heal, to change, to discover, to become strong, and most importantly, the chance to change the world and those in it, including themselves. They are the believers, the optimists, the dreamers, and the fallen, and when you combine all of those things, you will see the soul that was meant for greatness.

“Sad souls” were gifted sadness for a reason, and that reason is that they were chosen for this purpose in life, because a Higher Power knew that the journey of their recovery would bring strength and goodness to them and to the world.

“Sad souls” were not born to be sad for eternity; they were born with a purpose of sadness that would breed greatness. They were born to be sad to learn, to experience, to heal, and to fly to a level of integrity and wisdom that would become a gift to those that surround them…and inevitably, would become a gift to the world.

There’s always hope…if you just believe there is!

Wishing you love, light and happiness,

~Anne Dennish~

“The Perfect Christmas”

/ Anne Dennish / 1 Comment

Christmas is fast approaching and the countdown is on. Final decorations are being done on and around the house and wish lists of gifts are being bought. It’s another year of making the “perfect Christmas” happen for your family and friends.

Yet is all this preparation what makes it perfect? Will you and yours remember the decorations and gifts? Will you remember the table and the meal?

Or will you remember the “imperfections?”

Will you remember the year that mom’s arm got caught inside the turkey as she was taking the giblets out? Will you remember the year you broke your arm on Christmas Eve only to wake up to a new skateboard the next day? Will you remember the year the entire family had the stomach virus and all camped out in the living room? Will you remember your sister running down the stairs on Christmas morning only to miss the bottom step?

You see, it’s the “imperfections” that make it perfect. It’s not the matching Christmas pajamas and the family Christmas cards, it’s the family. It’s not the beautifully set Christmas table with a delicious dinner, it’s the people who sit around it.

While “perfection” can be captured in a picture, it’s the “imperfections” which are captured in your heart. They become the stories shared and passed down to other generations. They become the tradition of storytelling and the legacy for our children.

As the years pass, so does the idea of the “perfect” Christmas, and as we grow older, we begin to realize that what means the most is the memory of the “imperfections” and the loved ones who were part of them. Life changes, children move away, and sometimes the many faces that once sat around our table are no longer with us, but their memories, their stories and their love always surrounds us.

And sometimes we forget that. I see so many people writing about their sadness in missing the “old days,” yet I think that is such a waste of energy. I know that there are those I’m missing, yet I choose to embrace the memories as stories to share with my children. I choose to embrace this time, these loved ones who are in my life now, and who will be around my table this year.

Memories aren’t meant to bring sadness, they’re meant to bring joy! And for those feeling an ache in their heart, please try and remember the love, the joy, and the memories of those not present this year. They gifted you with all those things and more.

Take a moment during this busy holiday time to remember the “imperfections” of Christmas’ past, and look forward to the “imperfections” to come!

After all, the “perfect Christmas” lives in your heart.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“A Girl I Used To Know”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

This is the story of a girl I used to know. In fact, I’ve known her all of my life. I love her adulthood 1with all my heart and I want to share her story with you, because it’s important…and she’s important to me.

I  remember  her in the early years of her life…she was funny, smart, and focused on her goals in life. She longed for love and a family, yet she was one of those girls that wanted it all. She had a passion for life that it was almost unnerving, yet I always believed in her, because she believed in herself.

When she was in high school she had a hard time believing that anyone noticed her. She was quiet, and a bit reserved, but I loved her. She was a great friend, and was always there when I needed her, yet at the same time there was always a sadness that she seemed to keep hidden, but she couldn’t hide it from me.

We graduated high school and went our separate ways to college. She found her way out of her “high school shell” that first year, becoming editor of the literary magazine, trying out for the school play, and becoming a DJ on the college radio station, which she loved. I knew then she was meant for greatness.

But the second year of college found her home, working full time and going to community college. She still was positive about everything, and in time, transferred into another college by her third year. It was here that she met “the one.”

She told me all these wonderful things about him, and soon she announced her engagement. They married two years later and with that came the stories she would confide in only me: the infidelities, the nastiness, and the way he degraded her. Yet, in spite of her misgivings, she married him.

The marriage seemed to be over within the first few months, yet she believed that marriage was for a lifetime, for better or worse. I was beginning to hear more of the worse than the better.  After two years, she was pregnant with their first child, and for the first time in the last few years, I heard hope and joy in her voice. And I thought that maybe this was the key to fixing their problems and making him love her.

Time would prove that this wasn’t enough for him, and all her babies that followed would never be enough for him.

We lost touch for a few years and even when we did speak, it was as if she lost herself. She only spoke of her babies and how much she loved being a mom. That was her only source of happiness. I felt like I lost a part of myself when I spoke to her because the joy in her voice was only because of her kids, never of her. She sounded like a robot, programmed to speak and behave a certain way.

And I would soon find out why this was, because that is what abuse does to you. It programs you in to behaving a certain way to keep things calm and keep things hidden. But abuse can finds its’ way to your door, whether you leave it open or not.

I felt terrible when I realized what had been going on for years, and the tone of her voice coupled with her body language proved it all: she had died within herself. She became nothing. The only thing that brought her back to life and kept her breathing were her children.

abuse-1Why was I so blind? Why hadn’t I seen what now seemed so transparent?

It’s because she didn’t want me to; she didn’t want anyone to see, because if they saw, they would see how stupid she was for allowing it all,and she didn’t want that. So she made it all look perfect; for her neighbors, her family, her friends, even her children.

Yet it wasn’t perfect; it was killing her and no one saw that it was. No one could see her, so no one could save her, and for awhile, that’s how she wanted it.

And then she broke open like a river that had been dammed up for years; for over 30 years she had been told she was stupid and worthless, ugly and fat, that she sounded like an idiot when she spoke, and that she was not worth anyone’s time or trouble. And she believed it.

She told me that she didn’t mind the bruises and split lips, they would heal. And she knew the pain of those would go away.

Yet she told me of the scars of emotional and verbal abuse and I knew she would hold these a lifetime.

She said that it was her fault; that she knew what made him upset and shouldn’t have done those things; she blamed herself for every bruise and every split lip. She blamed herself for the hateful and hurtful words. And she blamed herself for being a stupid woman, because only stupid women allow themselves to be abused.

I tried to reason with her, but to no avail. But there was a glimmer of hope. One day she called me and said that she was going back to college for writing courses, and that she joined Weight Watchers to lose the last of the baby weight, and that she had joined a gym to work out. Over the course of a few months I began to see my old friend come back to life; she was becoming stronger, her body and her mind. Suddenly she was laughing again, and that funny girl I knew was back to being funny. The friend I missed for all these years was beginning to shine through, and all the damage he did seemed to be fading  away.

And so one day she told me she asked for a divorce. She knew it would be the hardest fight of her life, but this time she was ready. She wrapped her babies tight in her arms and had him leave. It took a handful of restraining orders, a dozen or more calls to the police, but she did it.

I was amazed at how she made her life look. She got up in the morning, worked out at the gym, and came home, cooked breakfast, made lunches and got all those kids off to school. During the day she did laundry, cleaning, cooking and baking for them. They sat down as a family every night. They took their showers, did their homework and went to bed.

And after the last child was kissed good night, she went outside on her deck…and let the tears flow. She cried for the loss of a marriage, cried for the loss of a family and cried for all that he had done to her. She cried for what was in front of her as a single mom, and for what was behind her as an abused woman.

But she never let her children see her cry.

I was proud of her because I know none of this was easy. I watched her fight her way up from below the bottom and rise to the top. I watched her get back her strength and self-esteem. I watched her learn to laugh again. And I began to see her learn to love herself again…but that took time. Slowly she tried, and with each day that passed, she began to love herself more.

Many years later I see my friend as this woman, who despite the odds, finds her strength and beats them. And to this day, I know she fights every morning she wakes up. She fights to make a difference in the world, a difference to her children, and fights to find something good in herself.

I know to this day she struggles with her self-esteem and finds it hard to take a complement.  She’s working on knowing that she’s worthy and lovable, yet it is something she works at day to day.

Most people don’t know of her struggles, and that she fights every day, but I do. I know that it was her struggles that gave her her strength and I wish everyone knew that about her.

She spent the last few years doing what she loves: writing. She’s been a journalist, an author and a lyricist, yet throughout it all she’s never lost sight of her children and trying to help everyone else. She spends her days trying to make a difference in this world, and I wish with all my heart that she knew that she makes a difference to everyone she meets.

Most that know her see all the goodness in her, yet they never see her pain. She hides it away, yet it’s there, although not nearly as much as it used to be.

She’s been in a relationship for the last two years and seems to finally have met someone who really loves her. Yet I wonder if he understands just what the abuse had done to her, that no matter how much he loves her, she still would struggle with her self-esteem. I wonder if he knows just how much a complement from him means to her, and the smallest of gestures makes her heart melt. I wonder if he knows how important he is in her journey of loving herself.

Time will tell, and as she tells me now: “the scars from abuse don’t dictate my life today, but they have made me who I am. I’m stronger because of it all, yet it will be a lifetime struggle of not letting those scars resurface. It can be a struggle every day to love myself and believe that I’m worthy and of value. No one can do that for me. I have to do it myself.”

I’m so glad this girl I used to know has come back to life, and come back with a passion. She’s never played a victim, and always seems to be a survivor. I’ve missed her for many years and hope that she will always stay as strong as she is now.

I pray every day for this girl I used to know…because that girl is me.

~Anne Dennish~

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“About Those Mean People”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

“People who speak nasty and negatively to you only do so because they see in you what they can’t see in themselves and their need for what you have and wanting it is what makes them that way.” ~Anne Dennish~

I’m a cheerful and positive person who tries to share these emotions with those that I malibu nancimeet or speak with. I try to leave someone with a smile, a laugh, or a different perspective that may lighten their load in life.

That’s not to say I don’t have a bad day now and again; a day of frustration over my work, or the house that I just cleaned looking like I never touched it. Yet I will say this, I NEVER share that temporary bad day with someone else. No matter my mood, I will never ever speak nasty, hurtful or be just plain mean to anyone else.

Yet my cheery disposition to simply share happiness with someone else by checking in with a phone call can get shattered in a minute. And it happened to me tonight. Not once, but three times in a short amount of time, and by the people who I should consider the closest to me, yet choose to be the most distant.

My love tells me I’m too “sensitive,” yet he’ll never change that about me. It’s not that I’m too sensitive, it’s that I’m sensitive to negative and toxic people. Yes, they can make me cry and feel badly, but it’s not because they “got to me.” It’s because it hurts to know that people that close to me have that meanness in them. They know how to hurt me, and willingly do it when it serves them…and they do it because I let them. I allowed them to be mean and hurtful, and after they do that I’m more mad at myself for not speaking up and for letting them hurt me. These women know that I’ll never speak up to them, so they feel that they have free reign to speak to me the way they do. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do, it’s simply that they’re having a bad day and needed someone to take it out on…and that would be me.

I know, I write about not letting someone hurt you and that if they do, you allowed it. Yet I will tell you that it still happens. It doesn’t happen to the extreme it once did, yet it happens, but now I feel the punch in the emotional gut, shed a tear or two, let it go and move on.

It’s a sad thing when it’s  women who should be close to you, yet I’ve learned that “blood related” or not, I won’t allow those toxic people too close to me. It’s hard when it’s your family, yet I’ve learned, and learned painfully, to let them go. And tonight is no exception.

I’m not a doormat anymore, yet every so often they hand me a zinger that hurts, and it’s then that I have to remember to love myself, respect myself and move on, even if they can’t do that. There’s no respect towards you when someone can speak to you that way. It’s their problem, their bad day, their pity party, not yours.

So, tonight I slowly sip a glass of wine and wait for the full moon…and wait for this “punch in the stomach” feeling to lessen and fade away. Tonight I shed some tears at the reactions of  women who I simply called to “catch up with and say hello.” Tonight, like so many others with them, I let it go and remember that while I love them, I don’t need to “be” with them or allow them too deep into my world…a world I have created of love, happiness, joy and hope.

To these women: I love you with all my heart and my sadness comes from knowing that you can’t love yourselves and that you find the need to be so hurtful to someone who loves you so much simply because of your problems and your bad day.

And that’s the key: it’s “their” issues, “their” problems, not mine. The only thing that’s “mine” is my feelings over their hurtful behavior, and as I write this, I’ve dried the tears, took a breath, forgave them, and let it go…let “them” go yet again.

Life is short, my friends, and I feel sorry for those that speak such hurtful words to another, never realizing that those may be the last words someone hears.

“Guilt is the emotion one feels at knowing they didn’t do the right thing and refused to do the right thing to fix it.”

 I try to live each day happy, making a difference in someone else’s life, and that includes my family and my children, yet I know that that’s up to “me;” how someone else behaves is “up to them.”

I stay strong for my children and myself, and while my strength may take a hit now and again, it will always find its’ way back to the surface.

“My strength is their weakness; my weakness their strength.”

Never let the “mean people” see you sweat; never let them see you weak; never let them see you cry and know that they hurt you.

Let them see you strong, happy, and filled with the positive light that you were gifted.

Because in the end, that will be more hurtful to them than they are to you.

Wishing you love, light and strength,

~Anne Dennish~

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