“About Those Mean People”

“People who speak nasty and negatively to you only do so because they see in you what they can’t see in themselves and their need for what you have and wanting it is what makes them that way.” ~Anne Dennish~

I’m a cheerful and positive person who tries to share these emotions with those that I malibu nancimeet or speak with. I try to leave someone with a smile, a laugh, or a different perspective that may lighten their load in life.

That’s not to say I don’t have a bad day now and again; a day of frustration over my work, or the house that I just cleaned looking like I never touched it. Yet I will say this, I NEVER share that temporary bad day with someone else. No matter my mood, I will never ever speak nasty, hurtful or be just plain mean to anyone else.

Yet my cheery disposition to simply share happiness with someone else by checking in with a phone call can get shattered in a minute. And it happened to me tonight. Not once, but three times in a short amount of time, and by the people who I should consider the closest to me, yet choose to be the most distant.

My love tells me I’m too “sensitive,” yet he’ll never change that about me. It’s not that I’m too sensitive, it’s that I’m sensitive to negative and toxic people. Yes, they can make me cry and feel badly, but it’s not because they “got to me.” It’s because it hurts to know that people that close to me have that meanness in them. They know how to hurt me, and willingly do it when it serves them…and they do it because I let them. I allowed them to be mean and hurtful, and after they do that I’m more mad at myself for not speaking up and for letting them hurt me. These women know that I’ll never speak up to them, so they feel that they have free reign to speak to me the way they do. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do, it’s simply that they’re having a bad day and needed someone to take it out on…and that would be me.

I know, I write about not letting someone hurt you and that if they do, you allowed it. Yet I will tell you that it still happens. It doesn’t happen to the extreme it once did, yet it happens, but now I feel the punch in the emotional gut, shed a tear or two, let it go and move on.

It’s a sad thing when it’s  women who should be close to you, yet I’ve learned that “blood related” or not, I won’t allow those toxic people too close to me. It’s hard when it’s your family, yet I’ve learned, and learned painfully, to let them go. And tonight is no exception.

I’m not a doormat anymore, yet every so often they hand me a zinger that hurts, and it’s then that I have to remember to love myself, respect myself and move on, even if they can’t do that. There’s no respect towards you when someone can speak to you that way. It’s their problem, their bad day, their pity party, not yours.

So, tonight I slowly sip a glass of wine and wait for the full moon…and wait for this “punch in the stomach” feeling to lessen and fade away. Tonight I shed some tears at the reactions of  women who I simply called to “catch up with and say hello.” Tonight, like so many others with them, I let it go and remember that while I love them, I don’t need to “be” with them or allow them too deep into my world…a world I have created of love, happiness, joy and hope.

To these women: I love you with all my heart and my sadness comes from knowing that you can’t love yourselves and that you find the need to be so hurtful to someone who loves you so much simply because of your problems and your bad day.

And that’s the key: it’s “their” issues, “their” problems, not mine. The only thing that’s “mine” is my feelings over their hurtful behavior, and as I write this, I’ve dried the tears, took a breath, forgave them, and let it go…let “them” go yet again.

Life is short, my friends, and I feel sorry for those that speak such hurtful words to another, never realizing that those may be the last words someone hears.

“Guilt is the emotion one feels at knowing they didn’t do the right thing and refused to do the right thing to fix it.”

 I try to live each day happy, making a difference in someone else’s life, and that includes my family and my children, yet I know that that’s up to “me;” how someone else behaves is “up to them.”

I stay strong for my children and myself, and while my strength may take a hit now and again, it will always find its’ way back to the surface.

“My strength is their weakness; my weakness their strength.”

Never let the “mean people” see you sweat; never let them see you weak; never let them see you cry and know that they hurt you.

Let them see you strong, happy, and filled with the positive light that you were gifted.

Because in the end, that will be more hurtful to them than they are to you.

Wishing you love, light and strength,

~Anne Dennish~

hurtful

“The Bully Free Zone?”

“Bullies:” they’re not just for kids anymore!

Every time I walk into my sons’ school, I see the large banner hanging across the hallway that says: “Bully Free Zone.” And I have to wonder…is anyplace really a bully free zone?

I know there’s bullies everywhere, and it doesn’t pertain simply to children. Adults can be the most ruthless bullies in the world, except we choose to call them by other names (and I’ll leave those words up to you!) Yet the bottom line is this: adult bullies are mean, they’re spiteful, and they do as much damage emotionally to another adult as a child bully does to another child.

Yet I’ve learned one thing about these types of people: they act that way because of their own insecurities and fears; they can’t find their own power and control, so they subject others to it. No, it’s not fair, it’s hurtful, and yes, sometimes even painful. But I’ve noticed throughout the years of one thing that will stop them in their tracks: your strength.

“My strength is their weakness; my weakness their strength.”

That’s right, the moment you become weak and allow them the control to treat you badly is the very moment they become strong. Watch the difference in their behavior towards you when you stand up for yourself and are strong.

Experience has taught me that this is true; walk away from the “bullies” in the world; send them love and light, keep them in your prayers, and walk away. They have their own lessons to learn about themselves, and until they’re willing to do that, their life will never be anything that they want it to be. They’re losing out on love and happiness, and all good things.

Listen, you don’t have to allow someone to treat you badly; you choose who you are surrounded by. Keep a healthy, positive, and loving “vibe in your tribe.”

Here’s a little food for thought: maybe your “strength may be their weakness,” yet it may also be the message for them that no one else has ever said to them. In fact, you showing them what love and respect for oneself and for others’ looks like may be a perfect way to make a difference in their life.

It’s time to make a difference, and we can make a difference together.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“When Cancer Wakes You Up”

My new book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned From My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer” was born over two years ago while lying on a radiation table for breast cancer.

I’m the type of person that loves meeting people, because every single one of us has a story…we ARE a story! Some may not believe that, yet as a writer, I know it’s true. I was out to dinner with my love last night, along with his cousin and his love, and a table full of people I had never met. Yet by the end of the night, I knew them well.

You see, that’s the beauty of paying attention to people and speaking to them, yet more importantly, LISTENING to them. They were laughing at me last night when I said that the whole night of conversations was indeed a story!

So it’s no surprise that “Waking Up” was born; the idea may have begun on a radiation table, yet the stories were already taking shape in my mind, and for the last two years of writing it, more stories were born. Every story is true; most of them are of my personal experience, and there’s a few born out of situations with someone else that  I was involved with, who graciously allowed me to write about it.

Yet, here’s what that one moment that woke me up was: “breast cancer!”

Yes, I had been on a spiritual journey for years, but finding out I had cancer was a big kick in the ass! I realized that as much as I had learned over the years, the lessons were far from over. Breast cancer changed my life and how I live it. That tumor was all the things I never said out loud, all the pain of allowing people to treat me badly. It was everything I never said that I should have, so I made a deal with the cancer: I’ll open my mouth and use my voice, I’ll make better choices of who I surround myself with, I’ll rid myself of people and situations that me feel less than good, and I’ll take all of this and write about it to help someone else as long as you leave my body when the time is right.

I guess the cancer agreed with the deal, because it held up its’ end of the bargain…I did all those things and it left me the day they cut all that stuff out of my body. They did more than a lumpectomy on February 21st…as cancer and I were about to say good-bye that day, I could hear it speaking to me. Sounds crazy, but it wasn’t really. It said: “You’ve done the work and I know it wasn’t easy. I’m sorry to have had to come and visit you, but this journey is over. Remember the lessons, remember to love yourself, and finish up our deal: tell your lessons to everyone you can reach. I’m counting on you.”

Well, in a strange way, chemo may have healed my cancer, but my cancer healed me. It taught me more than I could imagined, and since then, I spread the word, I keep out as much drama and stress as I can, and I walk away from anyone or anything that tries to control and manipulate me. Cancer didn’t abuse me as much as some people have tried to, and I’m smarter because of all of it.

“Waking Up” is so much more than a book; it’s my heart and soul that simply wants to make a difference in someone’s life. Life get’s shorter as we get older, and my goal is to live everyday to the fullest, to show love and kindness to someone who needs it, and most importantly, to make someone laugh and smile.

Struggles will always happen in our lives, yet it’s your attitude and perspective that will handle it and teach you more than you could have ever imagined. Love your lessons, whether you like them or not, because in the end, miracles happen!

“Just believe, just have faith, and all good things will fall into place.”

Enjoy the journey and allow yourself to “wake up,”

~Anne Dennish~

choice and chance

Author of “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer”

copyright 2016

Available at Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble.com, and Xlibris.com