I’m happy to say that I’ve been back in full swing writing the sequel to my last book, “The Mind of a Heart.” My apologies to those of you who have been waiting to see what happens next to the main character of that book. I had hoped to have it done sooner but it’s been a bit more difficult getting back to writing while living in Florida. I’ve been trying to “get my groove back” and it feels as though I finally have. I’ve written over 60 pages and 10 chapters in the last few days. My deadline is my birthday, March 15th, to have the book finished, edited and sent to the publisher.
It’s funny what motivates us to get back into doing the things that we love to do. So often we’re doing so much for everyone else and making them a priority that we forget to focus on ourselves. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last month or so is that no one is going to make me a priority if I don’t make myself one.
Life can be strange sometimes but I’m beyond happy that I’m writing again and am finally finishing my next book because it means so much to me.
Do something that makes you happy and make yourself a priority.
I believe that this year is going to be one of awakening. I believe that the Universe already has plans in place for us, that everything that’s happening in our lives right now is the beginning of what’s to come. It’s like a playbook for a football game hoping to get a touchdown. I believe that what’s happening in life right now is preparing us for what’s to come.
And I mean that in a good way.
I choose to believe that my PTSD is here for a reason. I believe it’s to show me that I still have more healing that needs to be done. I have decisions and choices to make that I may not have been able to before. Whatever the reason, there’s a lesson in it.
We’re only a few days into 2025 and I can feel that change is coming. My intuition has been on an all-time high for quite some time and now is no exception. I think that this year is the one in which we have to look deeply into ourselves and see why we’re feeling the way that we are. I know that many of us are feeling “out of sorts” and I’m one of them. I’m trying to figure out why I am.
I think that I’m still trying to find my place here in Florida. I felt valued back in Jersey but not so here. I had a great job, I wrote every day and I was blessed to see the ocean every single morning on the way to work. My book launches were filled with awesome people and I had a group where I was helping others to write and get published. It’s different here and that’s one of the reasons I feel “out of sorts.”
So this year I’m doing what it takes to find my place and my value here in Florida. Writing is like breathing to me and I need to find that motivation again. I’m sharing my most intimate feelings and thoughts with you because I know that I’m not the only one in the world that feels like I do and that together we can support one another through such times.
The house is so quiet tonight and my thoughts are loud so I decided to write them. Thank you for “listening” to them.
Do you make a list of things you need to do? I do and I don’t have just one! I have the shopping list, the list of bills that need to be paid, a list of doctor appointments that need to be made and so on, and so forth. I must go through all the lists I’ve made at least once a month to check off what I’ve done and what still needs to be done.
But what about this? What about making a list of things you need to do each day just for YOU? Why not make a list of “reminders” of important thoughts and actions you need to live your best life?
Here’s a “life list” I started making for myself for this new year of 2025:
The moment my eyes open in the morning, and before I get out of bed, I stretch and say a prayer of gratitude for another day to do things better than the day before.
Each morning that I have my first cup of coffee (or tea) I sit and meditate for the day. I keep my thoughts positive and remind myself that I am worthy of all good things.
I want to devote time each day to reading a book with a cup of tea and relaxing.
When my thoughts start racing into a negative direction I will stop and take some deep breaths and refocus my attention on something positive. (This is an important one while dealing with PTSD)
And each day I want to embrace the gift of another day to laugh, to dance, to hug another and to count my blessings.
The list can go on and on but you understand what I mean. We tend to get so caught up in life that we forget to enjoy it and it’s time that we change that!
My heart and soul hurt. It’s a pain that I have no control over because it’s caused by people I love the most: my family.
I understand that I can’t control the behavior of others, but how do you stop them from constantly doing things that they know hurt you? Why do they isolate you from the people you love? Why don’t they care what they’re doing to you?
I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago after a difficult marriage and divorce. I spent years doing what needed to be done to heal myself. It worked, or so I thought. That’s the thing about PTSD; it can come back in an instant and it did.
I used to believe that there is nothing more important than family, but I don’t anymore. It has been close family members that have caused most of the trauma in my life.
Most of my family never really accepted me for who I am. They can’t understand how I can be faced with hard things in life and still remain positive. Their lack of understanding of who I am may be the reason for their behavior towards me.
They prey on my empathetic personality and think nothing of doing what they can to hurt me, and I don’t understand why. I’m no threat to them or anyone else. I’m just this girl who wants to share her experiences with the world in the hopes that someone can relate and know that it will be okay. I’m just this girl that wants to try to change the lives of others and the world for the better. I’m just this girl that tries to teach people that kindness matters and that we are all important.
I have very little contact with these people, yet they know how to get their point across to cause pain.
I’ve always been open about my life and I felt that it was important to do so now. Yes, my PTSD is back and I’m doing what I have to do to heal. I’ve tried to tell one of those family members about how much their behavior hurt me only to be told that I deserved to be treated that way.
No one deserves to be treated badly. No one deserves to be hurt intentionally, and no one deserves to feel worthless because others think that they are. Isn’t there enough pain and heartache going on in the world now? Why be a person who intentionally causes that to others?
I keep telling myself that their behavior towards me is their own insecurities about themselves and that they have to hurt me in order for them to feel good about themselves. They are the narcissists and abusers of the world and sadly, they are part of mine.
I’ve begun my journey of healing. I have to forgive them so that the anger doesn’t continue but I do NOT have to forget what they’ve done to me, and I never will. Unfortunately, family is connected in one way or another so cutting them out of my life is one thing, yet the connection is still there.
This is not the way that I intended to end 2024 yet I have learned so much with all that’s happened
that it’s time to begin 2025 without them.
I’m grateful for the life lessons, painful or not, that have placed me on this journey of healing. I intend to embrace each and every step along the way.
And for any of you going through something similar, I’m here for you. Together we can help each other to heal and hopefully, we can heal the world!
Anne Dennish - Writer/Author 