memories

“I Wanna Go Back…”

/ Anne Dennish / 2 Comments

Do you ever hear a song on the radio that takes you back in time? One that transports you to a time when you were younger and life seemed much simpler?

It’s that song that brings you back to a precious memory, of a time when you remember being so carefree and happy.

For me it’s a song sung by Eddie Money that makes me think that “I wanna go back and do it all over, but I can’t back, I know.” 

But I can’t go back. None of us can.

What we can do is hold onto those memories from a lifetime ago.

Keep them safely tucked inside of your heart.

And don’t lose sight of “now.”

When life isn’t going the way we had planned, or we’re feeling sad or depressed, or as though we’ll never be happy again, we often go back to those times.

We all do.

But don’t go back to those times and wish that you were there again.

Visit those times to remind you that you have been happy and that life was all that you wanted it to be at that time.

And let those times remind you that you can have that in the “now.” You didn’t leave happiness in your past. It was simply a different time in your life that taught you what “happiness” feels like. 

Take those feelings of old memories with you into your “now.” 

And let your “now” guide you into your “future.”

Life is a series of memories, good and bad, a series of life lessons, easy and hard, and a series of ups and downs. Experience is a great teacher and memories are gifts that we are given along the way.

Go back and visit if only to remind you that your “now” is just as precious as your “then.”

And remember to be grateful for it all.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Twas The Morning Of Christmas”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

I post this every year on Christmas Eve. The pups are no longer with me and the children are grown and living all over the country, yet it is a beautiful reminder to me of all the precious memories I hold dear in my heart. I’m missing them this year but we’re living in some precarious times right now. I know that I’m not the only one missing someone.

Today I sit in gratitude for all of those beautiful “Christmas pasts,” for the gift of being here for another “Christmas present,” and for all of my loved ones that aren’t here that left me with their love, laughter and memories.

Merry Christmas Eve, my loves.

Let yourself feel the joy of this holiday season.

Enjoy my poem.

Love you all!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“The Good Old Days…”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

I love when the “memories” pop up on my social media. Some are sweet, some bittersweet, yet when I see them I take a moment to remember them and then I move back into the present. I’ll be honest, it bugs me to see other people post their memories with “those were the good ‘ol days.”

Okay, I get that line but there are people that believe their past was truly “the good old days,” and I wonder why they don’t see that the life they have “now” as the good days as well.  

I have a past and I have memories just like everyone else, but I wouldn’t trade them for the life I have now and the memories I’m making in my life today.

Let me ask you this: “If the “good old days” were so good then why aren’t you still living in them?”

There are so many people that live in the past and I feel a sadness for them because they’re missing everything good in their present, and that hurts the people that ARE in their present life. 

We tend to remember our past as this amazing time of our lives, but I would tell you that if you’re really going to think that that was the best time of your life, you should also try to remember what wasn’t so good about them. 

And if you really believe that your past was “the good old days,” then you should go back to them or at least ask yourself why you aren’t living them anymore.

Life begins with your first breath and ends with your last, but it’s all those “breaths” in between that really count. Embrace “each breath along the journey” with each new day that you are gifted to live in. 

Don’t live so far in your past that you lose sight of all the good in your present. 

Make each day count.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The Love They Leave Behind”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

The holidays are fast approaching and so many of us are missing the people that are unable to be around our table. I’m missing three of my five children, yet I know that they’re only a phone call away.

And then there are those that have passed away that we miss. I miss those people yet I smile when I think of them. 

And as I was thinking of them the other day, I thought this: “When they passed they took my love with them, yet they left so much more than they took.”

What I mean by that is this: They took the love but they left me with the precious memories, the sound of their laughter, the stories they told year after year, the image of their face when they smiled, and the remembrance of the feeling of their hugs. They left a piece of themselves in everyone whose life they touched.

And they left all that love for me to carry in my heart until I see them again.

I smile when I think of them or laugh out loud when I remember something funny that they did or said.

I tell my children the stories that they had told me.

I look at old photographs of them and remember that exact moment in time when they were here.

I don’t cry bitter tears over them leaving this world, but cry tears of joy in knowing that they left the best part of them behind with me.

I honor their memory by living my life to the fullest because that’s how they lived theirs. 

I embrace the love that they left with me and carry it in my heart.

And I am grateful and blessed for the time I had with them.

After all, they loved me enough to leave a piece of themselves behind with me.

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

They Left More

Photo by Anne Dennish copyright@2019

 

 

 

“Find The Time To Make The Time”

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Isn’t funny how we can “find the time” to “make the time” for a hair appointment or visit to the spa, a trip to the store or a night of mindless television, yet we can’t seem to find the time for the most important things in life that truly matter: the moments we share with the people we love and the moments we need just for us, the kind that soothes our souls.

We say that we have to “find the time,” yet the reality is that we have to “find the time” to “make the time.”

Make the time to take care of yourself.

Make the time to stop what you’re doing and listen to someone who needs to be heard.

Make the time to stop and see the beauty around you.

Make the time to tell someone you love them and how important they are to you.

Make the time to enjoy the holidays, not just prepare for them.

Make the time to still your mind and listen to your intuition.

Make the time to make memories, not just money.

Make the time to let your heart take a picture of those “be still my heart” moments.

Make the time to count your blessings.

And make the time to be grateful for all of them.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“My Family…Together Again”

/ Anne Dennish

Two of my five children live at home, so there are moments I feel the pang of the “empty nest” syndrome. I’ve gotten used to my three oldest living across the country, only seeing them every year or two, so I don’t feel that pain of missing them all living home very often. They’ve been living out of my home for years now and I’m used to my two youngest being the only ones living with me.

Yet yesterday things felt like the old days and I was reminded of just how much I miss having a house filled with five children.

My oldest flew in yesterday morning from the West Coast and it must have been close to family2two years since I’ve seen him. He brought home his beautiful girl for all of us to meet and she was amazing! We all fell in love with her instantly and I’d like to believe that she felt the same about us.

I raced to the airport early in the morning to pick them both up and the tears fell as I saw him. They both walked towards me with open arms, hugs, kisses and some amazing West Coast energy! Just what this mom needed!

Yet seeing him was so much more than a hug…it brought back floods of emotions and memories of having them all live at home together. I remembered family dinners at the table every night and weekends filled with a stream of teenagers in and out and hanging around. It was heaven.

And yesterday felt like old times for me. Seeing him with his two youngest brothers, introducing them to his girl, teasing them and laughing I couldn’t help but feel a sense of peace, of happiness…of true joy.

I had forgotten what it was like to have my family together like that. These days even myfamily3 two youngest are working or going to school and I feel as though they’ve already left the nest.

Last night felt like old times, even though two of my kids were missing. It felt like the family I remembered; the family that grew up and moved on to their own adult lives. Yet as I remembered the memories I was also watching them all together and making new ones. Suddenly the babies and teenagers I remembered were sitting at a restaurant out to dinner with me…yet they were grown up! They had become men in what feels like an instant.

And my four boys have grown up into amazing men, and I don’t say that just because I’m their mom.

They are respectful, kind, compassionate and non-judgmental. They are truly the type of people I had hoped and wished that they would grow up to be.

And they are.

I sat in amazement last night, savoring every moment, taking in all that surrounded me. It was a night I’ll remember forever, until the next time we can all be together to make new memories.

I felt so much pride for these boys last night, especially my oldest. I watched how he spoke to and treated his girl…he loves her, she loves him, and the respect they have for one another is the type a mother hopes her child will find in a partner.

familyAnd he found that.

And I couldn’t be happier for him.

It was incredible night of being a family together again.

It was a night of my heart being so filled with love that it could have exploded.

These boys of mine…they are a gift to the world.

And they have been and always will be a gift to me.

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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All photos by Anne Dennish

 

 

“A Flood Of Emotions”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment
Isn’t it funny how one random moment in your day can bring back a flood of emotions from a moment in your past? I had such a moment yesterday…and for just an hour or so it allowed a literal flood of pain and heartache from my past.

And I want to share it with you because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: when I write from the heart and share my most intimate emotions with you, it’s therapeutic for me. It takes those emotions out of my soul and puts them onto paper…and it’s truly a good thing for me. And I hope it’s a good for those of you going through a similar situation.

Yesterday the Jersey Shore suffered from a tremendous amount of rain, causing massive floods in our surrounding areas. There were those that needed to be taken from their homes and cars by boat. I didn’t go through anything that extreme but what I did go through was painful in its’ own right.

The rains hit hard in the morning and around 11 am my son, Noah, went down into our basement. I heard him say “Mom, you better get down here.”

My heart sank because I knew it wasn’t going to be good and it wasn’t: my basement was flooded. I went down the stairs and looked around. There was water everywhere and all I could focus on was the cardboard boxes filled with their favorite childhood books and memories soaked in water. I knew right then and there that we had lost all of those things we felt “important.” Water was everywhere and I was overwhelmed with where to even start.

Yet I knew in my heart where to start and it was to start throwing things out.

And through the hours that my youngest, Sam, and I filled one garbage bag after another with their childhood memories I began to think of a time in my life over 7 years ago when I was going through another time of throwing my “memories” in the trash.

It was over 7 years ago that I was getting out of a second marriage that never should have happened. At that time I had lost the house I designed, built and lived in for over 20 years. I lost my home, my car, and all the money the kids and I had saved up over the years. That second marriage cost me more than I could say. I remember two dumpsters in my driveway for two weeks as the kids and I threw out as much as we could, knowing that we were moving to a much smaller house.

I can remember the heartache of throwing out things that had meant so much to me and to them but we didn’t have much choice. The home we lived in was so much larger than the home we were moving to and still live in. I had to keep telling myself that it was just “stuff” and that I could take the memories with me.

It was a painful time to lose literally everything I had…that we had…yet we did it. And we moved into our “Cozy Cottage.”

And we were fine. We were happy.

I moved in here with nothing. No car, no money and no job, yet we had each other and within a few weeks I had a job and another car. And we survived.

And I’ve been rebuilding my life ever since.

Yet today brought all those emotions back again and I’ll admit that I shed a few tears as I filled garbage bag after garbage bag with yet more memories. It was tough and I felt overwhelmed. I kept filling bags of their favorite children’s books to stuffed animals, one right after another, and Sam just kept bringing them up the stairs and out the door to the trash. It wasn’t the exact “Mother/Son” day I would have planned.

But we did it and there’s still another couple of days to finish up the task.

Yet after my tears spilled of another time of throwing out things that meant something to me, I began to pull myself together and remind myself that they are just the possessions, just the “stuff” that we had compiled for many years. Throwing the stuff out didn’t erase the memories…it just got rid of the physical stuff, but it will never erase the emotional stuff we gained from the years we had it.

Life is a funny thing sometimes. There comes a moment in all our lives that brings back a moment from the past, and oftentimes it’s a painful memory. Yet we seemed to have learned from the past that when those sad memories come back we know better…we feel the pain, the sadness, and the heartache and let it go much sooner than we had in the past. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the things that we had tried to forget because we shouldn’t forget anything…we should learn from it, accept it and move forward.

Because, after all, we don’t ever lose the precious moments we have of our children or loved ones; they are embedded in our minds and hearts forever. The physical possession is a wonderful thing to have but losing it doesn’t erase what our heart holds deep inside.

Our hearts take pictures of those moments in life that mean the most and no flood, no fire, and no one person can ever take that away.

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“A Perfect Christmas”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

Christmas is fast approaching and the countdown is on. Final decorations are being done on and around the house and wish lists of gifts are being bought. It’s another year of making the “perfect Christmas” happen for your family and friends.

Yet is all this preparation what makes it perfect? Will you and yours remember the decorations and gifts? Will you remember the table and the meal?

Or will you remember the “imperfections?”

Will you remember the year that mom’s arm got caught inside the turkey as she was taking the giblets out? Will you remember the year you broke your arm on Christmas Eve only to wake up to a new skateboard the next day? Will you remember the year the entire family had the stomach virus and all camped out in the living room? Will you remember your sister running down the stairs on Christmas morning only to miss the bottom step?

You see, it’s the “imperfections” that make it perfect. It’s not the matching Christmas pajamas and the family Christmas cards, it’s the family. It’s not the beautifully set Christmas table with a delicious dinner, it’s the people who sit around it.

While “perfection” can be captured in a picture, it’s the “imperfections” which are captured in your heart. They become the stories shared and passed down to other generations. They become the tradition of storytelling and the legacy for our children.

As years pass, so does the idea of the “perfect” Christmas, and as we grow older, we begin to realize that what means the most is the memory of the “imperfections” and the loved ones who were part of them. Life changes, children move away, and sometimes the many faces that once sat around our table are no longer with us.

But their memories are…their stories are…and their love always surrounds us.

And sometimes we forget that. I see so many people writing about their sadness in missing the “old days,” yet I think that is such a waste of energy. I know that there are those I’m missing, yet I choose to embrace the memories as stories to share with my children. I choose to embrace this time, these loved ones, who are in my life now, and who will be around my table this year.

Memories aren’t meant to bring sadness, they’re meant to bring joy! And for those feeling an ache in their heart, please try and remember the love, the joy, and the memories of those not present this year. They gifted you with all those things and more.

Remember the “imperfections” that make every Christmas the “perfect one!”

Because in the end, the perfect Christmas is found within your heart.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The Godfather”

/ Anne Dennish / 1 Comment

I lost someone very special to me a few years ago today. He was an amazing man and while I wasn’t in his life for very long, he made an impact on mine to last a lifetime. Tom Contreras was “the godfather” to me and always wanted me to write about him…and I not only wrote about him, I published his story in my last book. This is my story about “The Godfather!”

It’s not very often in this lifetime that you meet someone who makes an impact on your life, yet I met such a man who left this world too soon on a Saturday night late in December after a night spent with family and friends.  He’s my love’s cousin, Tommy Contreras, and he became one of my closest friends ever since I was introduced to him. I touched base with him by phone daily, and my love and I would “conference” call him together a few nights a week, and believe me, those calls were nothing short of belly laughs, off color jokes, and love!

I didn’t know him as long as his family, yet with Tommy you felt like you knew him a lifetime. He had a way of making you feel like you were his family and I am forever grateful to him for making me feel that way. I used to call him “the Godfather” because I could call him for advice, or even better, his opinion! He loved that title, especially belonging to a big Italian family!

He had a smile that lit up the room, and a laugh that made you laugh right along. He had an amazing singing voice and an incredible sense of humor with just the right amount of sarcasm. He had the ability to make fun of himself just to make you laugh, and he was famous for opening up a conversation with “you won’t believe what happened to me!” And then he’d proceed to tell you about the craziest things that I truly believe could only happen to him!

He was a “gentle giant” with a heart as big as the ocean and enough love to go around the world.

Tommy left too soon, yet it was an honor, privilege and a blessing to have known him, and to have been with him, surrounding him with love, as he closed his eyes and left this world.

He was my “words with friends” partner and I was finally winning! He was the “go to” guy when I needed advice about his cousin and he was my friend. I’ve been missing him, but as his family and friends all gathered together at one of his favorite restaurants in Point Pleasant, Frankie’s, two days after he passed, his presence was felt. I felt the emptiness of him not being with us, as did his family, yet the night belonged to him, filled with stories told through laughter and tears. And truth be told, his body may not have been there but his spirit and soul was. It still is.

He left a legacy to his family and to anyone lucky enough to know him and not everyone is able to do that. I don’t think he ever realized the important place he had in the lives of those who knew him; I don’t think he truly knew how much he was loved; I don’t think he understood just how much he meant to the people he met.

But I know that where he is now, he does know. And he’s smiling, he’s not in pain, he’s happy and he’s watching over all of us…even me.

I hope he knows now how much he’s missed, but more importantly, that he’s remembered with love and laughter, stories and memories. I’m absolutely sure that the immense amount of love we all have for him followed him straight up to Heaven!

I miss this man and think of him often, yet I know he’s around. I feel his presence during a family party and hear his laughter when someone tells a good old-fashioned, off color, funny joke!

He always got on my case about being in one of my books, always saying to me “I’m in the next book, right?” I always answered the same way: “yes, you will be, just waiting for the spirit to move me to writing it!”

And his spirit moved me.

I will forever be grateful to this man for allowing me the blessing of being part of his life; it was both an honor and a privilege, and I’m grateful to be part of some of those great family stories and memories now….

There are moments now that I want to call him and say “Hey, you won’t believe what happened to me!”

But I can’t.

What I can do is close my eyes, think about him and hear his voice.

Yet every so often, my heart feels a bit selfish and I can’t help but think that he should be here; he should be here to be a part of our lives, of our dreams, of our laughter and tears; he should be here with hugs at family parties and to celebrate our successes. He should be here…

But then again, I have to remind myself that he is here and always will be…in all of our hearts and all of our minds.

This one’s for you, Tom Contreras

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

tommy-memorial

Tom Contreras – The Godfather

“Gratitude For The Memories”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

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One of the things I’m grateful for are the memories I hold deep within my heart: the memories of the birth of each of my five children; the memories of birthday parties and Christmas mornings; and the gratitude for the memories of the emotions that I felt.

Fits Like A GloveI’m grateful for the memory of the feelings of a first date and how it felt the moment I fell in love; for the memory of the excitement of a first kiss; of the feelings to be held in the arms of the one you love for the first time.

I’m grateful for the memories of my kid’s tiny hands in mine; for how wonderful it feltRuthless People that I could fix a boo-boo; for the moments of watching them sleep when they were younger; for the memories of their laughter when they were little and the laughter as they grew older.

I’m grateful for the memories of family parties filled with aunts, uncles and more cousins than you could count. I’m grateful for the memories of my school days and for the nights I spent with my best friends.

tommy-memorialI’m grateful for the memories of my loved ones that have passed on; for the love that I still feel for them and for the love they felt for me; and I’m grateful for all the memories of time spent with them and the difference they made in my life.

I’m grateful for the memories of my first book being published; for the memories of howbnwindow1 it felt the day I submitted my manuscripts to the publisher; and for the memories of the moment that I first held my new book in my hands.

I’m grateful for the good memories that are embedded deep within my heart and soul. No one can take that away from me and on the days I feel a bit sad it’s those memories that can wash that away.

Good memories are stronger than any bad ones.

Today I sit remembering all those wonderful memories and for that I’m grateful.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

open minded book signing