I wrote this quote many years ago near the end of my 20 year marriage. As I began to heal physically and emotionally from all the turmoil of that, I realized that it was at my moments of anxiety, sadness or depression that he became strong. At first I thought he was showing true signs of kindness, yet in time I realized what was really happening: I was feeding his ego and he was starving my self-esteem. He felt like “the big man” helping the poor, defenseless, broken woman. The woman HE broke. The woman he was abusive to; the woman he told over and over again was stupid and ugly; the woman he told would never be loved by anyone.
And I believed him…until I stopped believing him.
Are you wondering how I stopped believing all that negative stuff he had embedded into my brain? I woke up. I realized that I had allowed him the freedom to treat me that way. I allowed him to speak down to me and allowed him to be disrespectful to me. So, one day I woke up and stopped allowing it, and when I did that the marriage was done and over with.
I went through years of healing myself mentally and emotionally, and of course it was with the help of many spiritual teachers and a wonderful tribe of true friends that I was able to. I’m grateful for each and every one of them.
I learned so much about myself and that loving myself first was the answer to preventing anyone anyone from treating me that way. You’d think it would never happen again, yet I’m human; we’re all human. Sometimes life brings you back to an experience that you thought you had learned the lessons from, yet life knows when you forget the lesson. And the Universe will put a similar experience back into your way until you wake up and realize that what you stopped allowing years ago, you’re allowing once again.
Even after that divorce I would find myself meeting someone whose ego was strengthened by my weakness, and for those that know me, they know I’m anything but weak. It would sporadically happen here and there throughout the years, yet now I’m much more able to recognize it when it’s happening. I’ve learned that those people lack control of their own life so they try and control mine; they lack self-respect and are unable to respect anyone else; they don’t feel strong unless they’re paired up with someone weak.
And I am no longer that girl.
I want to be treated the way I deserve and the way that I treat others: with love, kindness, compassion, consideration and loyalty, and I won’t settle for anything less. I want to be loved for the person I am, quirks and all, because I love the person that I’ve become.
We all have moments of feeling weak and that’s okay; it’s those moments that help us to find our strength again and stand back up on our feet even stronger.
We all have moments of finding ourselves back in a situation that we thought would never return and that’s okay; you’re given that situation to remind you of the lesson you forgot.
And we all find ourselves staring into the mirror, looking at ourselves and wondering how we got here and what happened to us, and that’s okay; keep looking in that mirror long enough and you’ll once again see the person you thought was lost.
It’s those moments of feeling lost that we’re actually finding ourselves again, and we’re finding an even better and stronger version of the person we once were.
Life is about balance and we all fall out of balance every so often. It’s when the world around us is spinning out of control that we see the truth of everything, and it’s in those moments that we find our balance again.
Don’t let anyone make you feel weak; surround yourself with people that make you feel strong.
Don’t spend your precious time feeding someone’s ego; spend your time feeding your self-esteem.
And don’t rely on anyone loving you the way you want to be loved; love yourself that way first and the rest will fall into place.
Everything in your life begins with YOU.
Stop allowing what you don’t want to continue.
Forgive yourself when you forgot a lesson you learned and continue moving forward.
And love yourself.
If you do nothing else, love yourself.
Anything and everything is possible if you begin with love.
It’s a good thing.
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
I’m up much earlier than usual and the moment my eyes opened, my mind was filled with a million and one thoughts. The last seven days have been filled with a whirlwind of emotions, from happiness and contentment to sadness and heartache. Last night the proverbial “black cloud” lifted, yet this morning all I can think of is: Why did this happen and what does it all mean?
I’d like to say that I didn’t see it coming, although what I didn’t see were the exact situations coming, yet as an empath and intuitive person, I knew something wasn’t right. I could feel something “not so good” coming soon. I didn’t know my exact emotions or what or who would be involved, but I felt an uneasiness down to my toes. I knew that something was going to happen…and it did.
No matter the feelings I was experiencing, I went on with my life as usual. I felt content and happy, yet no matter how much writing, cooking or mindless tasks filled my day, the feeling was still there. And it all blew and came to a head a week ago. Each situation happened without warning and I was blindsided as to “what the hell happened.” I knew I didn’t do anything terrible, although my habit of talking too much and repeating things certainly didn’t help. Yet still, I knew all of this wasn’t caused by me.
So there I was, caught in the middle of the madness, in the middle of not understanding “why,” and in the middle of emotions and situations caused by outside forces. In other words, toxic people and negative energy got in. They got into my happy little bubble and caused pain, heartache and sadness. But how do you keep all of those negative things out of “your bubble?”
I used to despise the word “bubble.” I’ve written about “life in a bubble” years ago, and never portrayed it as a positive thing. You see, during my second marriage my “then husband” became jealous, suspicious, negative, controlling and toxic. He watched my every move, both in and out of the house, listened to every phone call I made, and broke into my emails and social media accounts. I hated it because I wasn’t doing anything wrong; it was all in his mind. The marriage ended sooner than it began and I used to say “I can’t stand being in this bubble he put me in.” And at that time, the phrase fit. I was in a bubble of all negative things and I was drowning.
I don’t see it that way anymore, and that’s because throughout all the years that have passed since that time, I’ve grown as a person, understood my emotions and myself more, and have been on an incredible spiritual path…one of learning and understanding. I learned to surround myself with positive people and to keep my distance from the toxic ones and the dark and heavy energy that hung onto them. I began to see my life as “a bubble,” yet it wasn’t a bubble of control, it was a bubble of safety. It wasn’t a bubble that kept me a prisoner, but one that kept my loved ones and me safe. It was a bubble filled with love and joy, happiness and peace; a bubble filled with good people and positive energy; it was a bubble filled with all things best for my Highest Good.
Some may call it their “circle” around them; I choose “my bubble.”
Last night the black cloud lifted and this morning I find myself feeling a bit more at peace, yet I know that there’s work to be done, questions to be answered, and healing to begin.
You see, outside influences can sneak in to our minds, causing us anger, frustration and pain. These influences can come in the form of a job, a boss, a co-worker, a friend, a family member, or they come in as what they are: toxic, negative, and filled with dark energy. We begin to feel all these negative emotions because of them and release all that dark stuff onto those around us: those they live in the bubble with us.
It’s human behavior and sometimes life sneaks up on us and takes control where control isn’t needed or wanted.
We are in control of what we allow and what we feel, yet when we allow outside influences to affect our relationships in our life, trust me, there will be a reaction, and not usually the one you want.
I couldn’t understand where all the anger was coming from because it wasn’t coming from me, yet after a week of it the truth came out: an outside influence got in. My peace came from knowing the “truth.”
Surround yourself with all that is good; keep all your relationships strong with love and joy; speak and feel your truth and share it with those you love when it becomes overwhelming to you. Build your “bubble” with love, joy, happiness, truth, peace and most importantly: positive energy and positive people.
And last but not least, to all of you outside influences that are nothing but negative and toxic, I have but one thing to say to you: “STAY OUT OF MY BUBBLE!”
Wishing you love and light,
~Anne Dennish~
Anne Dennish - Writer/Author 