“Control and Submission”

*On a personal note: I’m not an expert on this subject, but I’ve been in this situation before and know the signs of it happening, which is why I’m writing about it now. Every so often I see someone I care about being controlled by the wrong person and I watch as they become submissive to them. I can only share my personal experience with them to try and help them see the unhealthy situation they’ve allowed themselves to be in, yet as always, it’s a life lesson for them. I can’t fix them, save them, or change their situation…only they can do that. It’s a lesson they need to learn, just as I had many years ago, and all I can do is offer my support and share my experience with them. ~Anne Dennish~

“Submission” is a state in which people can no longer do what they want to do because they have been brought under the control of someone else.

Has this happened to you? Have you lost control of your life because someone else is controlling you?

And why did you allow it to happen?

Maybe you have an underlying need for the controller to love and accept you; maybe you want their attention and time; maybe you idolize them and want to feel as important to them as they are to you.

But it will never happen. They will never give you what you want as long as you’re giving them what they want.

Most times we never see it coming. We wake up one morning and realize that our life is not our own; we find ourselves doing things we don’t’ want to do; we see that our relationships are suffering; we’ve allowed someone to control us without realizing they were doing that; we say “no” to them but we’re beaten into “submission” until we say “yes.”

And that cycle continues until the controller get’s what they want.

And they will always get what they want until you stop allowing them to; until you say “no” and mean it; until you set up boundaries with them which you don’t allow to be crossed.

And until you open your eyes and realize that someone you trusted has been controlling submission 3you.

Why does someone to this?

It’s simple: people who can’t control their own lives will control someone else’s. It’s not because they love you or care for you; it’s not because you think they’re you’re friend; it’s because it builds up their own insecurities and low self-esteem to know that they have the power and control over someone else.

And before long, the people who truly do love and care for you will see what you can’t: that you’re being submissive to a certain someone; that you’re submission affects your relationships with the right people; that you allow someone to control you when the right people wouldn’t do that to you.

There will come a point where the right people will bring it to your attention. They love you and want you to see what they see: that you’ve put all your time and attention into the wrong person rather than the right ones, which are them. They are the ones who will ask you why you allow it; why the controlling person means more to you than the ones who don’t control you; why you allow the controlling person to affect you and your healthy relationships with your significant other, family and true friends. The “right people” will begin to feel unimportant to you because they see what lengths you’re willing to go to for the controller instead of them.

It happens to all of us at one point or more in our lives; it certainly has happened to me, which is why I’m able to see it happening to the people I surround myself with, and it breaks my heart to see the ones I love being controlled by someone and they can’t. I can clearly see the signs of submission and know the exact type of person who will control someone else. It’s never an easy thing to break free from someone like that, but it can be done; you need to accept what they’re doing and begin to do what needs to be done to take back your power.

The first step is realizing it’s happening to you, and if you don’t, accept someone who loves you telling you what they see. Believe the people who love and respect you, the ones who don’t control you, because they have your best interest at heart.

Secondly, break the cycle and that begins with the next time you tell them “no.” Say “no” once, not several times, with no explanation. Don’t let them badger you into submission until you say “yes” and do what they want. Shut them down and stay strong because until they understand that you’re no longer allowing yourself to be controlled by them, they’ll keep trying until they’ve beaten you back into submission again and again and again.

And lastly, walk away from them; let them go; avoid contact with them if you can and always remember what they had done to you. It’s a lesson to learn but one that you’ll have more insight into if it should ever happen to you again.

I wish I could tell you how and why someone feels they have the right to control another human being, or why we become submissive to another. It’s different for all of us, but once you can honestly see what you allowed to happen to you, you’ll become to understand “why.”

Was the controller someone you looked up to or idolized? Was it someone you were in love with and didn’t want to disappoint? Were they more important to you than the people who truly love you? Maybe you have an underlying need for the controller to love and accept you; maybe you want their attention and time; maybe you want to feel as important to them as they are to you. Or maybe you want them to accept you, yet you need to understand that YOU have lost control on giving them more time, attention and power than they deserve.

But what you want from them will never happen. They will never give you what you want as long as you’re giving them what they want. And sadly, that’s the truth, because while you’re becoming submissive to the controller, you’re losing sight of the people in your life who love and respect you, two things the controller will never give you. The moment you allow someone to control you is the moment their respect for you and your own self-respect, fly out the window. Respect no longer exists with control.

The controller plays on our weakness, and because of their own insecurities, low self-esteem and lack of control in their own life, they find their strength in controlling you.  They don’t really care about you; they care about their control over you. They don’t want you to be in a healthy relationship because they’re not in one of their own. They don’t care if their control affects your relationships or your life; they only care about what they gain from it, because once they see you with the right people and loving your life, they will control you even more to make sure you hurt the people you shouldn’t.

Please be aware of your surroundings and the people you allow into them. Control isn’t love and love isn’t control. And if you’re wondering how you know if you’re being submissive to a controlling person, ask yourself this one important question: “Why can’t I say no to them, and when I do say it, why do I let them beat me into submission until I say “yes” and do what they want?”

Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t respect you enough to allow you to be yourself; stop giving in to someone who doesn’t give you anything back in return; stop defending the controller and making excuses for their behavior because when push comes to shove, they’ll have their own back before they have yours.

Take a look at the place in your life that this “controlling person” has and then take a look at the people in your life that don’t control you. How much of your life do you waste on trying to please them rather than them pleasing you? How much of your precious time is given to them rather than given to the people who love you?

And one more thing: how does your being submissive to this person hurt the people that love you? How often has their control of your time prevented you from spending time with the people you love? And honestly, they don’t care what their control does to you at all, just what their control over you does for them.

Does that make your choice to take back your control from someone else easier now?

Don’t hurt the ones you love and more importantly, don’t hurt yourself because of someone who wants you to and who doesn’t care if you do.

“No” is a full sentence.

Say it.

Mean it.

Be done with it…and them.

And never allow yourself to ever be “beaten into submission” again.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

submission

“Life And Your Water Bottle”

water bottles

I was talking to a friend the other day about her life and all the changes she wants to make, when suddenly I found myself saying to her: life is like a water bottle, if it’s filled to the top with all the negative people and situations in your life then there’s no room to fill it with the water of the positive.

She loved the analogy and I thought about it further. It’s always a good thing to be able to visualize things in a way that you can see it and understand, and my “water bottle” analogy is just that.

Imagine that we’re given one water bottle in our life, and that bottle represents our life. It’s filled with water, which is all the people and situations in our life. At the time those things may be purposeful in our life and best for our Highest Good, yet as time and life marches on, it changes. Suddenly you’re left wanting more, wanting something different or wanting to let go of certain people and situations.

But you can’t seem to do it, and that is the human nature of being afraid of change or of the unknown. We know what we need to leave behind yet we wonder what will happen if we let go. Will our life be worse or will it be better? Should we leave someone not knowing if someone better is waiting for us?

It’s a leap of faith in your Higher Power and in yourself.

I explained to her that at this time in her life her water bottle is filled with negativity, both with her job and personal life. I told her that unless she started emptying that water bottle of the negative she wouldn’t be able to fill it with anything new or more positive. She couldn’t replace the negative water until she poured it out and replaced it with the positive.

After all, you can’t put more water into a full bottle until you dump some water out.

And that is my analogy on letting go and moving forward.

Sometimes you have to visualize your life in a way that you can actually picture it, and the water bottle is simply one way to look at it.

Is your water bottle filled with all that is for your Highest Good or do you need to dump some of the water out so that the “good” water can be poured in?

It’s the same no matter how you look at it. When you keep the wrong people in your life or are in a situation that is not good for you then there’s no room for what’s in your best interest to come in.

I’ve been taught by my spiritual teachers throughout the years that you have to let go of that which no longer serves your Highest Good in order for something better to come in. Holding on to negativity in any way, shape or form will prevent anything better and more positive to come in.

Dump out your water bottle if your life isn’t the way you want it and fill it with all the good that the Universe has just waiting for you.

After all, I believe that once we rid ourselves of negativity, whether it’s people or situations, the world opens up with more positivity than we can imagine.

I know this for sure…

And it’s a good thing…

I promise.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Just Stop!”

Stop…just stop! Stop stressing and worrying, stop hurting and feeling sad; you can’t control anyone other than your self. The Universe sends us messages in many different ways; you have to trust yourself and your Higher Power, that they are opening your eyes and bringing changes into your life that are best for YOU!

Trust the journey and embrace the ride…

and breathe.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

stressing

“The Lost Stars”

lost timeline

I think at one time in life or another, we feel lost. We lose our direction as to where we’re supposed to be and what we’re supposed to be doing. We lose focus, we lose balance, and for a brief time, we lose ourselves.

But we’re never really lost. In fact, we’re actually being found when we feel most lost.

And it’s you finding yourself.

What a gift that is to be lost. What a gift to work on finding yourself. What a gift it is to learn something new about yourself. Wow…what a gift!

I like to think that we’re like stars in the sky, twinkling bright one moment then hidden away by the clouds. Isn’t that what life is like sometimes? One minute we’re all that we can be until something happens to diminish it, and isn’t that the same as a cloud covering the twinkling of a star?

And here’s the best part: the clouds will move and the star will shine again, and that’s exactly how we are as human beings. We can’t always be perfect, and we can’t always shine, but when the cloud moves, there we are…the brightest star ever trying to light up the dark.

Feeling lost is similar to the cloud in front of the star; it’s only a moment or two that it lasts, but in the end, the star shines again and even brighter. Those moments of feeling lost are simply our cloud hiding our star, but a star is a forever, and so is your soul. A cloud will move on and move out; it will move across the sky and dissipate with time.

But the star has a light of its’ own, just like you. A star always burns bright, and while its’ twinkle and shine may get covered by a cloud, so will you. Your clouds are simply lessons to learn in life; they’re not meant to stay forever, just until you learn what you need to. And then it moves and so do you and you shine ever more brightly.

Try and look at a day when you feel lost as an adventure; you don’t know what’s coming next, you don’t know who will drop into your life, and you don’t know what opportunities are coming. Your light may be dimmed by this feeling, but if you can accept it as a gift, trust in the journey, believe in yourself and have faith in your Higher Power, you’ll find yourself again. Don’t worry about being lost; I can promise you that you will always be found,that the cloud will move and you will be left as a bright star who can light up the dark.

And I can promise you that you always be found!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

maroon 5 lost stars

“The Gift In A Sunrise”

aaaaa

I believe that everything happens for a reason and this morning was no exception. My love had to be up at 4 am this morning, which meant I was up with him! Once he left I grabbed my coffee and sat down at my laptop, my usual morning routine. As I was trying to piece together an article, I caught a glimpse of the sky in my backyard. It was no longer pitch black, but getting brighter. I knew that meant one thing: the sun was coming up.

I haven’t been up for a sunrise in awhile, and the thought crossed my mind to go down to my “happy place” to see it. It’s still freezing here, but I decided to throw on my big red coat, grab my coffee and camera, and head out. I was so afaid it would rise before I got there, yet as I pulled into the marina parking lot, I knew I still had time.

The sky was a burnt orange color reflecting off the water. It wasn’t windy like it has been herebbbbbbbbbbbb for days, but a gentle breeze blew strong enough to make ripples across the water. The seagulls and ducks were silhouettes against the sky and as I sat there I thought how incredibly lucky I am to live near the water, and how grateful I am that I was up to see this awesome show in the sky.

I’m so drawn to this beautiful area that I call my “happy place.” It’s the place I go to think, to listen and to just “be.” It’s the place that holds beautiful sunrises, sunsets, and amazing glitters of sunshine across the water throughout the day.

It was a perfect Monday morning and a great way to welcome in spring. The weather is still cold here at the Jersey Shore, but spring has definitely sprung! My heart is warm with this beautiful gift of the sunrise this morning and I know that any day that starts out like this will hold some endless possibilities.

Everything does happen for a reason, and sometimes even the earliest of mornings and latest of nights can bring a beautiful surprise or two into your life…you just have to be open to seeing it all.

Happy First Day Of Spring!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

All photos by Anne Dennish – copyright @2017

 

“Looking In The Right Direction”

look-inward

Which way are you looking? Are you looking at life through eyes of sadness and regret, or through eyes of hope and faith for today? Are you looking at your past or looking towards your future?

There’s no definitive right or wrong answer, yet throughout my experience in life I would tell you that looking back, looking outwards and looking down will keep you from all the good things that  you can find if you simply look up, look inward and look forward. The past is the past; it’s already come and gone, and hopefully gifted you with valuable lessons toward an amazing present and future.

When we look in the “wrong” direction we run the risk of missing out on some pretty incredible things in life. We don’t give ourselves the chance to move forward into our future and live in our present. You’ve already gained insight and lessons from the past; leave it behind and look towards a bright future.

It’s important to look in the right direction, even though it may be hard to see at times. Life doesn’t always go as planned and we may get discouraged, but I’m here to tell you to keep the faith and believe in yourself; keep looking in the right direction because an amazing life is just waiting there right in front  of you.

Look up, look inward and look forward!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

“Life Is Always Changing…”

“Life is always changing, time to turn the page,
The story continues, it’s mine to create.
So what do I do now? Where do I go?
Do I let my mind lead me backwards in time
Or move ahead slow?”

lyrics from “What Now” by Anne Dennish & Sutton Thomas

It’s true, life is always changing, and while change can sometimes be difficult, it’s certainly proof that we’re still breathing! Life is an adventure, and lessons for our Highest Good are everywhere, just waiting for us to see them and learn from them.

We’re always having “waking up” moments; that moment when you suddenly become aware of something you never saw before; never realized before; or never knew before.

Yet again, maybe those “somethings” were there all along; it was YOU that changed! You cleared your mind; you listened to your intuition; or perhaps you learned something new about yourself that allowed you the clear sight to see something in a different light.

It’s called “change.” And while life is always changing, so are we. We’re changing for our Highest Good; changing to live the life we always wanted and so deserve; changing to pursue our dreams.

So why are some so scared of change? It’s because we don’t always know where the change will take us…so we will “let our mind lead us backwards in time.” Yet when you embrace the change of the lessons you learned, it’s time to “move ahead slow.”

During our time here on earth, we move into many different lives. We grow, we mature, and we learn as we go, so why go back in time? Go, if only to remember for a moment while you left it in the first place, but jump back quickly into the present; it’s the present that will help build your future.

Let life change you; embrace the lessons your are gifted; release the past with love and light, because what once served you has done its’ time, and something “new” is waiting for you…it always is.

Wishing you love and light and a grand adventure,

~Anne Dennish~

I-know-where-Ive-been

“Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes”

I woke up earlier than I usually do today… 5:30 am to be exact. And I know that when that happens it’s because I have a lot on my mind. Today is no exception. I went to bed with a lot on my mind, and woke up this morning with even more.6am annie

Why? Because life is changing.

Change is never easy, yet I embrace it. I know it means that there’s a new adventure on the horizon, exciting challenges on the way, and choices to be made. It’s a little scary, I’ll admit, but when life stops changing, you stop living.

When your life changes, I choose to believe that it’s because it’s time to kick it up a bit, time to move into something better in your life. There’s a Higher Power at work over all of us, and when our life isn’t the way it should be, or could be better, it steps in and brings up changes. It makes us think, it makes us wonder, and it makes us stronger.

Embrace the changes that life brings to you… even if it is at the crack of dawn. Trust yourself, trust your Higher Power, and trust that everything is happening just as it should and when it should.

Grab those changes that life is handing you and get moving…all good things are on the horizon. You just have to believe and have faith in yourself that it will all work out in the end.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

and now 1

 

 

“Feeling Stuck?”

In the last few days, I have had some close friends of mine telling me that they’re feeling “stuck.” I understand the feeling, because I’ve been feeling it a bit, too. One person feels that they aren’t moving up fast enough in their job; another tells me they feel like their life is “as good as it gets.” As for me, I’m feeling as if life with “Waking Up” got too quiet after a fast and furious launch. Yet, there’s reasons we feel that way, and it isn’t the job, or the life, or the book… it’s “us.”

It’s that balance thing again and my most important belief: “that everything happens WHEN it’s supposed to and HOW it’s supposed to.” So, why does that make it about “us?” Because we’ve forgotten some important messages: Find your balance and learn the patience to TRUST and have FAITH that everything is coming together for us, and it absolutely will… when the time is right.

We feel stuck because we’re not doing, or having, or getting what we want at that moment. Yet, we have the ability to change that around, and it’s not always easy. If you can accept that maybe, just maybe, the Universe and your Higher Power have a different plan; that maybe this isn’t the time for a change in the job, or getting something you want. If you can change your perspective and thinking on feeling “stuck” to one of: I have faith in myself, and believe that all I want and deserve will come to me at the exact time it’s supposed to.

Sounds simple, but it takes some effort. And the effort is worth it.

None of us are truly stuck; we possess the greatest gift life has given us: “choice.” We have a choice to what we feel and how we handle things. I understand that “stuck” feeling, but I don’t stay in it long. The longer you feel that way, the more that feeling will “stick” to you. Don’t do it…please don’t do it.

So today I ask you to check your “balance,” and listen to your intuition. Why are you really feeling this way? It’s usually more than some outside force that makes you feel that we. Remember, you are in control of your feelings… no one else is. If you believe that someone made you feel sad or upset, the truth is that you let them.

Choose love, choose faith, choose patience, and watch how different your day will be. You’re not stuck, not ever…you’re simply waiting for the next adventure!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

choices