friendships

“The Wrong And The Right”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

“The wrong person wants something FROM you;
the right person wants everything FOR you.”

~Anne Dennish~

It doesn’t matter if it’s a budding romance, a committed relationship, a marriage or a friendship, being with the “right” person is key to its’ success and happiness.

We all have a choice of who we surround ourselves with, so please, my friends, choose wisely. Don’t allow the “wrong” people to drain you of your energy and self-esteem. Surround yourself with the light of the “right” person; the one who see’s you and all that you are and all that you can be; the one who supports your dreams and ideas; the one who wants only the best for you.

Choose the people who want all the best for you.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The Lost Art of Loyalty”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

 

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While I was in Malibu last October finishing up my book, “Waking Up,” I was working on a short story about “loyalty.” I asked many people what it meant to them, and it soon became a topic that no one had a definitive answer for. In fact, a few people were annoyed when I asked their opinion; seemed it stuck in their mind and made them search for an answer; an answer that they could never find.

It also made them question the people in their life…and it made me question those in mine as well.

So what is loyalty? Does it have a different meaning for everyone? Do we make our own rules as to what loyalty is or is there a universal rule?

I start with my own loyalty. If you’re in my life and I love and care for you, I’ll always be loyal, unless you cross a boundary, in which case, I won’t strike back and become disloyal to you, I’ll simply walk away.

Next is the loyalty of those in my life. In healthy relationships of any kind, boundaries must be set for respect between each person. What bothers one person in the relationship may not bother another, yet communicating that to each other is key in the loyalty department. If you cross a boundary with someone in your life, you’ve just proved that you’re not loyal.

You see, “loyalty” is a tough one. The only answer I could get out of most people I spoke to about it was when they referenced the loyalty of a dog. A dog will always be loyal, yet my question made many wonder why humans can’t be the same.

We can, that is, if we choose to.

My loyalty lies with my love, my children, my family and my closest of friends. And that loyalty goesrecite-d597x1 beyond me; if you hurt those I love, my loyalty will have me walk out of your life as well. It doesn’t matter who you are.

Not many people are willing to do that. Many feel that it’s not their problem when someone hurts the ones’ you love; as long as they weren’t disloyal it’s okay. But is it? If someone intentionally hurts your child, or your spouse or significant other, why would you want to be a part of their life?

I think that’s where the confusion lies. I’ve been in that position before, where my loyalty was tested. It was a rough road between two people I care about, yet when push came to shove, my loyalty was with my love, not with the person who was hurting him. And I had to step out of that world with that other person, because my loyalty and my life is with him. Yes, feelings are hurt when you have to walk away from someone, yet in the end, it’s the right thing to do.

At least for me it was.

I know how important it is for me to be loyal to someone, and I believe I surround myself with those who feel the same about me. We attract what we put out there, and for anyone that knows me, they know I have their back. They know I’ll walk through fire for them, defend them, honor them, love them, protect them, and more importantly, I will walk away from anyone who hurts them. End of story.

“Loyalty” is much more than how you treat someone; it’s also about how other’s treat the people in your life and whether or not you accept that behavior. The choice is yours.

Is “loyalty” a lost art or have we forgotten the importance of it?

“Loyalty” is one of the strongest qualities in any relationship because it breeds trust and respect, and isn’t that what every good relationship should be built on?

Think about it.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

 

“Drawing A Line In The Sand”

/ Anne Dennish / 2 Comments

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Boundaries. I know all about them , write about them, and understand their purpose. Yet, I find myself having allowed boundaries to be crossed…. MY boundaries, that is. It happened without warning, yet it happened. I should have known that the feelings I’ve had in the last few months were my own fault, because I had set boundaries and allowed them to be crossed.

I don’t know if I’m more angry at myself for allowing it to happen or if I’m more upset with the person who crossed them. I was open and honest about my boundaries with them, yet somehow they got lost in the every day business of life and relationships.

Truth is, I have a hard time saying “no” and learning to do this, when it’s for my best interest, is a work in progress. I don’t like confrontation, and I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, especially when it’s someone I love. Yet I missed one very important piece to this puzzle:

“Why did I allow MY feelings to be hurt and why was I more concerned over someone I love when I should be loving myself just the same?”recite-1kfn7mb

Truth…an awakening…a slap of reality. Yes, yet another “waking up” moment for me, and I don’t like it. I allowed boundaries to be crossed that upset me, hurt me, and messed with my health. And I wonder if the other party knows this, because they should.

Everyone handles things their own way. Things that upset me may not bother someone else. Yet aren’t we supposed to respect and understand each others’ feelings? If someone tells us they react to something a certain way, shouldn’t we accept that as their truth? Or that perhaps they’re telling us that so we don’t hurt them?.

This was a difficult one for me to figure out, and it took longer than it usually does. I’m intrigued by what makes people tick, and that includes myself. I always tell my love that I’m probably one of the few people he knows that really knows herself well, and that includes my faults and my strengths. I’ll admit when I’m wrong, and ask for understanding of him when I need it. (Sometimes I think I make it too easy for him…what he can’t figure out about me I tell him! LOL!)

So, now what?

First, I need to forgive myself, because I’m mad that I allowed this to happen.

Second, I need to put the boundaries back in place, although the hurt and damage from them  being crossed is already done.

And third, I need to take a cold, hard look at my life to see what’s working and what’s not.

Why did I allow the lines in the sand to be crossed? Who and what is my priority? How did this mishap of crossing boundaries affect my family and my life?

Lines in the sand…that was my problem. I should have set a solid foundation of cement for the boundary. I thought I had, but sometimes when we worry more about someone else we lose sight of what’s best for us, and more importantly, we lose sight of ourselves.

And I’m guilty of that. And life is going to change. And feelings will be hurt.

Yet out of all of this, I know with all my heart that more wonderful things will come out of this lesson! Hearts will bond stronger, relationships will grow and flourish, and life will go on…even better than it was before the boundaries were crossed.

It’s a life lesson, and as much as I write about it, it’s a lesson I needed to learn. The Universe whacked me once again, waking me up to something important: I stopped looking out for my well being and what was good for me, even though I knew that someone else was causing me pain.

It wasn’t a mistake or something done out of malice, because I accept that it’s yet another lesson, another blessing, and another story to be shared to help and teach someone else.

Boundaries are not meant to be controlling tools; they are tools to protect us and let other’s know that we are to be respected. They are the simplest of ways to let someone know that what they do, what they say, or what they want, is not necessarily for OUR highest good… sometimes it’s just for theirs.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

 

 

 

 

“The Naked Truth About Being Naked”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

I wanted to share one of my stories from my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer.” Hope you enjoy it!

“The Naked Truth About Being Naked”

Most people I know have a Bucket List. It’s that little list we carry in our mind of all the things we want to do before we die. It’s also that list of things that we want to do, but all too often, are afraid to do. We make excuses of not having the time to do it, or we simply don’t’ think it’s important enough to do. At this stage of my life it’s my list of “do it and get it done!” So now I’m doing as much as I can and regretting nothing!

Life is short enough, isn’t it? why fantasize about what we want to do? Why just carry a list in our mind? Shouldn’t we all have the freedom to be who we are? there’s no such thing as an “alter ego” in us. It’s just our “true self” coming out!

So, I went on a vacation. Some called it spontaneous, reckless, and even selfish. I called the seait a much needed fun and a matter of survival! Truth be told, it was more fun than I had imagined, and I did manage to knock quite a few things off my Bucket List! It was my alter ego in full swing…literally. It was and still is, the “real” me, and I couldn’t be happier with the person I found and allowed myself to become.

When finding the true you inside, there are times we must find the true you on the outside. In my case, I bared it all: body and soul. It was quite an experience and the most comfortable, content feeling I have felt in years with my own body, and of course, my own soul. No more speaking in code to those of you who haven’t figured it out yet: I went to a nude beach. Not just once, or even twice, but every single day of my vacation. The truth is, I loved it! It was freedom at its’ best: no hiding, no shame or embarrassment involved. It was, simply put: wonderful!

There were many people on that beach, all sizes and shapes, all comfortable in their own skin, which helped to make me more comfortable in mine. The first day on the beach I stuck to my chair, allowing myself to get to know the lay of the land. I sat people watching and getting used to this new found freedom. By the second day, and every day thereafter, I was up and about walking around, talking to everyone else there. Strangely enough, new friends were made, and there was quite the camaraderie among us all. I stepped into the world of nakedness, holding the most fun and intriguing conversations with other naked people. I wondered how I’d feel when I was home and had to step OUT of nakedness. The greatest part of it all is that no one seems to notice that anyone IS naked. The funniest part was seeing them out at night and noticing that they WEREN’T naked!

In the world of “clothed” people, you can tell a lot about them by what they’re wearing, how their hair look, even by the jewelry they have on. The status of their life is blatantly worn on them. On a nude beach, however, there is not status to be seen. There’s no way to look at someone and know much about them at all, except that they’re as free-spirited as you. That’s the beauty of it, you simply get to know them by talking to them, not by looking at them.

I worse my new bathing suit the day before I came home for less than an hour. It felt invasive to be so “covered” up after having been so “exposed,” yet there are times when we have to conform and accept the ways of the “real” world. We have to wear clothes!

Vacation is over, the beach I fell in love with is now a million miles away, but the experience will live within me for a lifetime! When the weather is dreary, or the day getting rough, I just closed my eyes and let my thoughts wander back to that wonderful trip, and that time on the beach where I could truly be myself. I loved the “naked truth” of that because it brought out more of the “naked truth” about me.

THE END

I hope you enjoyed the story; it brought me back to those memories as I wrote this for you and reminded me that so often, we judge someone by their appearance and their material possessions. And we shouldn’t.

You don’t have to go to a naked beach to understand the concept of “labeling” others and making an unfair judgement about them; you need to expose your true self to them, allowing them to share their true self with you.

You can be “naked” without taking your clothes off; it’s all a matter of standing in your truth.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

You can purchase a copy of my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer” at any Barnes & Noble store, or on-line at amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.

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“When The Truth Is Revealed”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

 

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It’s a sad day when someone or something you believed to be one thing turns out to be something completely different…and it rocks your world. And it breaks your heart.

Yet it happened to teach you something about yourself.

Maybe your were too trusting; maybe you didn’t look closely enough at them; maybe the rush of exciting emotions clouded your judgement…or maybe you made them into something that they never really were. And you did that because you wanted to believe in them; you wanted to believe in it all.

I’m a writer, and I have to say that sometimes I wonder if I’m writing “my life” the same as when I’m writing a book or short story. Maybe I write my life to look perfect, be perfect and feel perfect, when in reality, it’s my way of avoiding the truth of someone or something. It’s a dangerous realization when you begin to wonder if it’s real…or if it’s simply the dream of something you’ve always wanted.

It’s happened to me more times than I can count in the last few years, and with each realization comes the ending of a friendship or relationship that I was finally able to see the truth about.

And on the day that those realizations came to fruition, so broke my heart; my emotions felt a level of hurt so great that it took my breath away; and the dream of “what was” turned into the nightmare of “what never was.”

Yet I survived it. I picked myself up, and took all those broken pieces of my heart and soul and began to put them back together. I searched the deepest part of my soul to understand why it happened, and find the lesson it was meant to teach me.

I’m still picking up the pieces that were shattered and am learning to distance myself from the people and situations that shattered them in the first place. I’me learning to set up boundaries in my life, and not allow other’s to cross them. I’m finding that “my strength is their weakness, and my weakness is their strength.” And I’m finding that I need to learn to trust other’s when they’ve earned that trust; and that those who lie, deceive and manipulate me are no one that is welcome in my world.

I’m not the only one who goes through this; in fact, I know several people in my life struggling with the same thing: that what they believed to be true had never been true at all.

So often we feel humiliated when this happens, but the truth is that we shouldn’t. Why feel something negative for being kind and compassionate or trusting and loyal? It’s just a lesson, my friends, and a hard one at that, yet with faith in ourselves we can learn from it and move on, stronger than ever.

Don’t beat yourself up for someone else’s shortcomings or hurtful behavior; forgive them, let them go, and move on.

And forgive yourself, because YOU have done nothing wrong.

You simply believed them to be something more than what they were, and they allowed you to see that they weren’t.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

“Relationships Are Like The Ocean”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

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Every relationship we’re in is like the ocean; some days rough, some days angry, some days gentle and smooth. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a friendship, marriage, life partner or even a job. What matters is that we have to understand that these relationships are similar to the waves in the ocean, and we must choose to weather the storm or jump ship.

My love always says that every wave carries a story, and I believe every relationship does as well. We are ALL a story that’s always changing, just like the ocean. Yet as humans, when the seas get rough we’re ready to get out of the water and back onto the safety of the shore. And why is this? Why do we feel the need to leave a relationship when it gets rough?

Yes, there are some relationships that aren’t meant to last, and when we learn the lesson from it it’s best to wish it love and light and then drop it. And no, that doesn’t mean we jumped ship, it means we’ve moved onto another part of the ocean.

Then there are the relationships worth weathering the storm; the ones’ with a sharedstorm history or a love like we’ve never known before. These are the ones that you have to grab a life preserver and hang on until the sea get’s calm. With each “angry” wave there’s a lesson and a story, and when we understand it and learn from it, the “gentle” waves begin, and the relationship strengthens.

And that’s why I believe that our relationships in life are like the ocean: always changing, always different, yet always constantly in motion.

Yes, I’m a true Jersey girl, and the ocean has always been my place of peace and serenity. Every wave I sit and watch carries a story and message I need to hear, and I can tell you it has never disappointed me yet.

Close your eyes and listen to the voice of the sea; hear the stories and messages it needs to tell you. And when you open your eyes, the world will look and feel different, because YOU do.

Life isn’t meant to be “smooth sailing” all the time; it’s those rough seas that allow us to see who we truly are and just how strong we are, and when you can do that, you’ll know which relationships are worth “weathering the storm.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Scenes From An Italian Deli”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

“It’s time to make a difference, and we can make a difference together.”

~Anne Dennish~

I had a book signing today at my local Italian deli, Valente’s. It was a cold, rainy day, yet the owner and staff were wonderful to my love and I.

However, it wasn’t the amount of books sold that stuck with me today…it’s what happened as I was leaving, and I want to share this beautiful story with all of you.

There was a table of gentleman sitting across from me, and they were there for quite some time. They kept looking over and were probably wondering what this book was all about, yet they didn’t stop by to see me… until I was leaving.

This sweet gentleman came up to me and asked what the book was about. I told him it was about the lessons I’ve learned through my life and breast cancer. He smiled and told me he has a rare cancer, but was fortunate to be in an experimental trial which is keeping him alive. Others with this same cancer had passed long before him. Soon, his friend joined in the conversation, and we exchanged our stories of chemo, treatments, hospitals, side effects and survival!

I reached my hand out to formally introduce myself to him, and with that, he outstretched his arms and consumed me in a beautiful bear hug. He told me to keep writing, stay healthy, and survive. I told him the same. I couldn’t help but feel such a connection with another person battling cancer. He smiled as he said goodbye, and wished me well.

That stands out more in my mind than the books I signed today. My story made a difference, and his story made a difference to me.

Please remember to be kind, to take a moment to listen to someone who needs to talk, and share your “waking up” moments with others.

After all: “It’s time to make a difference, and we can make a difference together.”

And today, at an Italian deli, a difference was made.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

Author of “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer”

Available at Barnes and Noble.com and Amazon.com

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