friendship

“Vulnerability”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

We all want to feel important to the people who are important to us. We want to know that we’re a priority, not a convenience. We want to know that the relationship means as much to them as it does to us.

It doesn’t always work that way.

We are all different and what’s important to the people we care about may not be important to us. It’s crucial that in any relationship you have to communicate. You have to be vulnerable with your feelings and not be judged for them. You have to listen and understand that the other person may feel differently than you.

And that’s what makes life interesting. We’re different and if we weren’t, life would be boring. We have to accept the people in our life for WHO they are, not what you want them to be.

You learn from the differences of others. You may learn a different perspective, or different way of thinking, and you may even learn more about yourself.

I know that disagreements happen but I also know that through communication comes a deeper understanding about the nature of the disagreement. You have to be vulnerable to communicate with others, especially those that you are closest to, and that honest vulnerability should never be judged.

I think it’s a gift when someone in my life is vulnerable to me. It means they trust their feelings with me and know that they won’t be judged or told that they’re wrong.

And when disagreements come up in your relationship, friendships or family, remember this: “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t be mean when you say it.”

Kindness, compassion and understanding go a long way.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Deal With The Cause, Not The Symptom”

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“Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath every feeling there is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.”

I don’t know who wrote this but it sure did make me stop and think about it. I’ve gone through some difficult situations which is why this made perfect sense to me. Our behavior IS the result of our underlying feelings about something.

For example, let’s take a couple with two very different views on their relationship. One person may get upset when the other isn’t sharing information with them or gets defensive when asked a particular question. The behavior is getting “upset,” the feeling  beneath that is “feeling left out and hurt,” and the need is “to be included.”

And then there’s the reaction of the person that doesn’t feel the need to share the information or answer the question. The behavior is “anger,” the feeling beneath that is “feeling controlled,” and the need is “to be trusted.”

What a brilliant concept and one that makes  perfect sense to me. None of us are perfect yet if we look at the big picture of not just the other person’s behavior’ but our own as well, so much pain, anger, and sadness could be avoided. It’s a chance for healing of the heart. It’s a chance to grow closer together through communication and understanding. And it’s a chance for positive change.

Behavior, feelings and needs. Meet the need rather than focus on the behavior. Deal with the cause, not the symptoms. And above all else, be kind to each other while you do.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“How Is Your Day Going?”

/ Anne Dennish / 2 Comments

“How is your day going?”

Those five words can mean the world to someone. They can change their bad mood to good. They can say “you mean a lot to me” to someone who needs to hear it or be reminded of it. And they say that you thought about someone in the midst of your busy day.

I love those five words and I love when someone takes a moment of their day to let me know that they’re thinking of me. 

Those five words tell me that I’m an important part of their life, that they’re grateful to have me in their life and that I am loved.

Those five words are powerful.

Be sure to use them every chance you get.

It will mean the world to someone you care about.

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light and from me to all of you: “How is your day going?”

~Anne Dennish~

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“It’s A Wonderful Life”

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Tonight I’ll be heading out with friends to the Paramount Theater in Asbury Park, New Jersey, to see the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life.” I watch it every year on TV, as so many of us do, yet tonight will be a real treat to see it on the big screen.

It’s the perfect holiday movie and a reminder for all of us that our life affects the lives of others. Think about that…who would you be without the people you’ve met along this journey and who would they be without you? 

There are some of you who have lost loved ones and are missing them, especially during the holidays. It’s good to remember them and the memories they left you with, but think about how their lives impacted yours. Who would you be or where would you be in your life if you never knew them?

And then look around at the people that are still here on this Earth. Think about them as well and ask yourself the same question: “Who would you be or where would you be in your life without them?”

You see, we have a chance to learn the same lesson that George Bailey did: “each man’s life touches so many other lives.” Make your life a “wonderful life,” because it is.

Remember that today and always.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~wonderful life

 

 

“That’s What Love Does”

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We don’t always understand why someone we love and care about is upset or sad, but we can try.

That’s what love does.

Love listens, it tries to understand, it wraps its’ arms around you to make you feel safe, and it allows you to be who you are.

Love doesn’t criticize you but complement’s you.

Love doesn’t judge you but embraces your flaws.

Love helps to heal you but doesn’t try to hurt you.

True, honest, unconditional love can do some amazing things.

And it’s time that we all share that love with the people we love…

“Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.”

Because that’s what love does.

And it’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

unconditional love 1

“One Chair”

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Years ago whenever my grandmother saw a two seater car she’d say: “That’s a selfish car. There’s only enough room for two people.” It was a funny thing to hear her say, yet as I’ve grown older I understand even more of what she was saying.

I’m that way with chairs.

My front porch has a table and two chairs on one side of the door and on the other side is two chairs with a table between them. I’m usually in one of those chairs and look forward to the people I love sitting with me in the other chair.

There’s not always someone sitting with me but there’s an empty chair just always waiting for someone who needs to use it.

When I see someone put only one chair out for themselves it tells me a couple of things. It tells me that they want to be alone, it tells me that they don’t want me sitting with them, it tells me that they never had a thought to how I was feeling and that I may need someone to give me a chair.

Sometimes we all need a chair. We need that second chair to know we’re not alone. We need that second chair so that we don’t feel lonely. We need that second chair to let us know that someone is just waiting for us to sit in it.

The second chair means that someone wants us.

The second chair means that someone loves us.

The second chair means that we matter.

And to me, when I see only one chair I see a person who is selfish, who doesn’t care about anyone other than themselves and a person who takes the people in his life for granted.

You can spend your life with only one chair.

But remember what that chair represents to those that love you.

And be mindful and aware that a day may come in which there won’t be that person to fill a second chair;  you will be there alone with one chair.

I love having two chairs on my front porch.

It’s my small way of letting the people I love know that they’re always welcome to be with me, that I love them, and that I want to spend time with them.

Chairs.

How many do you have?

I hope you have more than one.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

two chairs

“Do You Know Your Value?”

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value yourself
 

Everything begins with you…and I can’t say that often enough to you. There are moments even I have to remind myself of that.

And those moments seem to come when we place more value on others than we do on ourselves, and when that happens, well, everything hits the fan!

We find ourselves seeing the true colors of friends; we see that they weren’t who we thought they were; and when that happens we find ourselves feeling betrayed, hurt and angry. We wonder why they couldn’t be as loyal to us as we were to them; we wonder why they turned their back on us; we wonder why they crossed our boundaries of friendship.

We wonder what happened, why things went the way they did, and what did it all mean…in other words, we want to know WHY it happened.

No one can control another; no one can make another loyal and trusting to you; no one can make someone love them.

We can only control ourselves.

And that’s a great power to have: the power to make decisions that are best for YOU!

You see, you lost sight of how valuable you are; you valued someone else so much that you forgot to value yourself; you placed way too much importance on someone who hurt you.

If you can’t see how valuable you are, how do you expect anyone else to?

It all begins with you.

Walk away from those who bring you down; wish them love and light, be grateful for the lessons it taught you, and move forward.

Let go of the negative people you’ve allowed in your bubble and make room for the positive people to come in.

Know your value…know your worth.

It’s a good thing!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

“Picking Up Bad Vibes”

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I love meeting new people, yet every so often I meet one that, simply put, rubs me the wrong way. I don’t always know “why” that happens, and it doesn’t happen often, but I do know it’s my intuition talking to me: it’s telling me to walk away from them.

It’s my intuition picking up some “bad vibes and negative energy” from them.

It’s my intuition telling me that they’re not who they seem to be and to proceed with caution.

It’s my intuition telling me to walk away from them, release the bad vibes I got from them, cleanse myself of their negative energy, and do whatever it takes to never be around them again.

So many times we find ourselves in situations in which we feel uncomfortable; we may not know at that moment “why” we feel what we do, but I’m here to tell you to “trust your gut.” The answer to “why” will present itself to you when it’s meant to.

As for me, I’m a 24 hour girl, one who continues to think about something for that amount of time until I understand my feelings. So, when my intuition speaks, I listen, and then I begin to process my “why” and allow the answer to come…and it always does.

We’re not meant to like everyone we meet. Sometimes we meet the “negative vibe” people to teach us something about ourselves, or about them. Sometimes we meet them as a test to see if we’re truly listening to our intuition or not.

It’s okay to distance yourself from the people who make you feel uneasy, or angry, or uncomfortable. This is simply your intuition looking out for you.

Walk away from the people who send off bad vibes…

And keep the “good vibes” in your tribe…

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

bad vibes

“Words – If You Say Them, Mean Them”

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I’m the ultimate “word girl.” Words are important to me, especially the words someone I love speaks to me, whether it’s a friend, family member or significant other. Yet throughout my life I’ve come to believe that words only mean something if the person saying them has the actions to back them up. Actions do speak louder than words and it’s the actions that make the words true…or not.

If you make a committment, keep it.

If you make a promise, don’t break it.

If you say “I love you” to someone be sure they can feel it every single day.

If you say your care about someone’s feelings, don’t hurt them.

If you say you’ll be there, be there.

If you say that you’re a friend, be one.

If you tell someone that they’re important to you, make them a priority.

And most importantly, if you’re going to say any words at all, mean them.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“The Godfather”

/ Anne Dennish / 1 Comment

I lost someone very special to me a few years ago today. He was an amazing man and while I wasn’t in his life for very long, he made an impact on mine to last a lifetime. Tom Contreras was “the godfather” to me and always wanted me to write about him…and I not only wrote about him, I published his story in my last book. This is my story about “The Godfather!”

It’s not very often in this lifetime that you meet someone who makes an impact on your life, yet I met such a man who left this world too soon on a Saturday night late in December after a night spent with family and friends.  He’s my love’s cousin, Tommy Contreras, and he became one of my closest friends ever since I was introduced to him. I touched base with him by phone daily, and my love and I would “conference” call him together a few nights a week, and believe me, those calls were nothing short of belly laughs, off color jokes, and love!

I didn’t know him as long as his family, yet with Tommy you felt like you knew him a lifetime. He had a way of making you feel like you were his family and I am forever grateful to him for making me feel that way. I used to call him “the Godfather” because I could call him for advice, or even better, his opinion! He loved that title, especially belonging to a big Italian family!

He had a smile that lit up the room, and a laugh that made you laugh right along. He had an amazing singing voice and an incredible sense of humor with just the right amount of sarcasm. He had the ability to make fun of himself just to make you laugh, and he was famous for opening up a conversation with “you won’t believe what happened to me!” And then he’d proceed to tell you about the craziest things that I truly believe could only happen to him!

He was a “gentle giant” with a heart as big as the ocean and enough love to go around the world.

Tommy left too soon, yet it was an honor, privilege and a blessing to have known him, and to have been with him, surrounding him with love, as he closed his eyes and left this world.

He was my “words with friends” partner and I was finally winning! He was the “go to” guy when I needed advice about his cousin and he was my friend. I’ve been missing him, but as his family and friends all gathered together at one of his favorite restaurants in Point Pleasant, Frankie’s, two days after he passed, his presence was felt. I felt the emptiness of him not being with us, as did his family, yet the night belonged to him, filled with stories told through laughter and tears. And truth be told, his body may not have been there but his spirit and soul was. It still is.

He left a legacy to his family and to anyone lucky enough to know him and not everyone is able to do that. I don’t think he ever realized the important place he had in the lives of those who knew him; I don’t think he truly knew how much he was loved; I don’t think he understood just how much he meant to the people he met.

But I know that where he is now, he does know. And he’s smiling, he’s not in pain, he’s happy and he’s watching over all of us…even me.

I hope he knows now how much he’s missed, but more importantly, that he’s remembered with love and laughter, stories and memories. I’m absolutely sure that the immense amount of love we all have for him followed him straight up to Heaven!

I miss this man and think of him often, yet I know he’s around. I feel his presence during a family party and hear his laughter when someone tells a good old-fashioned, off color, funny joke!

He always got on my case about being in one of my books, always saying to me “I’m in the next book, right?” I always answered the same way: “yes, you will be, just waiting for the spirit to move me to writing it!”

And his spirit moved me.

I will forever be grateful to this man for allowing me the blessing of being part of his life; it was both an honor and a privilege, and I’m grateful to be part of some of those great family stories and memories now….

There are moments now that I want to call him and say “Hey, you won’t believe what happened to me!”

But I can’t.

What I can do is close my eyes, think about him and hear his voice.

Yet every so often, my heart feels a bit selfish and I can’t help but think that he should be here; he should be here to be a part of our lives, of our dreams, of our laughter and tears; he should be here with hugs at family parties and to celebrate our successes. He should be here…

But then again, I have to remind myself that he is here and always will be…in all of our hearts and all of our minds.

This one’s for you, Tom Contreras

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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Tom Contreras – The Godfather