dreams

“The Heart Of A Woman”

/ Anne Dennish / 2 Comments

malibue-anne

“A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets.”  ~excerpt from Titanic~

I love the movie, “Titanic,” and every time I watch it there seems to be another message jumping out at me…and today is no exception.

A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets, yet it’s not secrets of lies or deception. It’s secrets of emotion and longing, of wanting and yearning, of love and of pain. It’s secrets of protection and secrets of loyalty; it’s secrets that protect the ones she loves and secrets that break her heart.

A woman’s heart is as fragile as glass and as strong as steel. It has the power to heal and the power to help. It controls her mind and nourishes her soul. It’s the most important thing we as women possess, yet it can also be the most dangerous. It’s our heart that knows the answers long before our mind does.

Our heart holds our secrets; it holds the pain we feel and keep hidden from those around us. It holds our dreams of the future and our memories of the past; it holds all that we want but are too afraid to ask for. It holds every detail of every moment and every picture that our heart has ever taken. It holds the pain of loss and the healing of grief. It holds both tears of joy and tears of sadness.

It holds the secrets we keeps hidden from the world so that we can be present in each day. It holds the secrets of our past so that we can move forward. It holds the secrets of our future so we can still dream. It holds the secrets of each day so that we can move onto the next one.

A woman’s heart holds her soul because a woman’s heart IS her soul.

“A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets” because it holds  all that we were, all that we are, and all that we hope to become.

Wishing you love and light,

~~Anne Dennish~

deep ocean

Photo by Anne Dennish – copyright @2017

“Come Out Of Your Closet”

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closet 2

At one point in our life or another, we’ve lived in a closet. Not the typical stereotype closet, but a closet of “fear and secrets.” It’s the closet we stay in to hide these things from the outside world, hoping that what they don’t know won’t hurt us.

Yet staying in the closet is hurtful, because it hurts you. The closet prevents you from accepting who you are and standing in your own truth. It stops you from taking a leap of faith and moving forward.

There’s many different reasons we stay tucked in our closet of protection: we could be hiding our sexuality, or the truth of being battered and abused. We hide our emotions in the closet, for fear of having our heart broken or taking the next step in a relationship. We hide our depression or anxiety, or our addiction.

We hide our passion or talents in the closet, for fear of failure. We hide our dreams in the closet, for fear of ridicule.We hide our true self in the closet because the opinion of others means more to us than the opinion of ourselves.

The reality is that the closet allows you to hide your truth, a truth which may be judged by others, and the judgement may be cruel.

And the closet keeps you in a comfort zone, which in reality, may not bethat comfortable at all.

I’ve hidden in my closet off and on throughout my lifetime, and the one thing I learned is this: “coming out of my closet” allowed me the freedom to be me. I stepped out of my closet of fear and took a leap of faith in myself and my Higher Power, having faith that standing in my truth would bring all the right people and situations into my life, and allow me the insight to know the wrong ones.

“Coming out of my closet” gave me the freedom to pursue my dream and passion of writing, and it gave  me the ability to find the right kind of love with someone…the love of a lifetime.

Don’t hide in the closet; embrace who you are and step out into the world with all the beauty and light that you have to offer. Let the world celebrate your gifts with you and cry with you over your pain. Let the right people in who will love you and help you heal and let go of the ones who won’t.

Stepping out of the closet is healing for you, and can be healing for someone who needs it. Stand in your truth and take accountability for your fears; and then release them with love. There’s no moving forward with fear; there’s only moving forward with faith.

Take a leap of faith today and “come out of your closet;” you may be surprised at who and what is waiting there to catch you.

“Just believe, just have faith, everything else will fall into place.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

Happy Anniversary “Waking Up”

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Today I celebrate the one year anniversary publication date of my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer.”

I began writing it during my journey with breast cancer. It began as a book of my quotes, which eventually turned into short stories, the topics of which are many: love, family, children, addiction, sexuality, relationships and more. Each story was based on my own personal experience or that of someone close to me, and yes, they’re all true stories.

As I began to put the book together to send to the publisher, I had a last minute thought, which would prove to be the most helpful to some people: I included my breast cancer journal. It was an up-close, personal and very intimate look into my journey with breast cancer.

It took over two years to write “Waking Up,” and when writer’s block was slowing me my malibudown as I neared the end to finish it, a friend offered me the use of her Malibu beach house. I took advantage of the offer and went out there in October of 2015, spending a week writing the last few stories of the book. I had no distractions while there, unless you count my view of the ocean, which was sitting at the bottom of the steps of the house. It was a dream come true to be on the water, watching the waves, listening to the sounds, and being able to walk the beach under a beautiful sunlit sky everyday. I miss that house so much, yet the memories of that time there remain. The last story I wrote for my book was written on the deck of that house and it’s called “Voice of the Ocean.” I finished my book, packed my bags, wrote my name in the sand of that Malibu beach and flew home.anne dennish

The cancer journey ended, but the book hadn’t. It took another year to complete it, and while I was frustrated over the time it was taking, I knew that there was a reason why. I’d find out that reason in February of 2015 when I met the love of my life. He has been my inspiration and my muse ever since, and many of the stories are born out of our love for one another and all that I’ve learned since I met him. You can see why I believe so strongly that “everything happens as it should, when it should, and how it should.”

“Waking Up” was published one year ago today, and of all the things I’ve written over the years, this was truly my most valued piece. What started as a book of quotes turned into something different, yet my intention was always the same: to make a difference in someone’s life. And judging by responses I’ve received during the last year, I’d say that I did.

Thank you to all of you who have supported “Waking Up” throughout the last year! It means the world to me and I couldn’t have done it without you!

Reach for the stars, catch your dreams, and live your life to the fullest!

Dreams really do come true…and that I can promise you!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

Copies of “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer” can be purchased online at BarnesandNoble.com, Amazon.com and in most Barnes & Noble stores.

“3 Year Breast Cancer Survivor Today!”

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bc-timeline-ad

I’m a 3 year breast cancer survivor today! It’s amazing how cancer changed my life, all for the good. I sit here in so much gratitude today for this day, and for every day. It’s a day I remember the first day of being diagnosed, and the last day of treatment; a day of remembering those who left my life during it and thinking of the ones who stayed; I’m remembering how little I lost from it and how much I gained.

I want to give my love and gratitude to my lifelong friend, Colleen, who was there with me during the first biopsy; to my cousin, Marnie, who made chemo days a fun “girl’s day out” and was there the entire day of my surgery, having dinner waiting for me when I got home; to my best friend, Leslie, who made the later chemo days ones of “girls gone wild” days, and for all those lunches together on the way home; to Jim and Lilli, my friends from Wall Stadium Speedway, for having pink ribbons printed with my name on it and getting them to the fans and on all the race cars; and to my Wall Stadium family for all their support during my chemo days. And to all of my Facebook family, I give you my love and gratitude for your supportive and loving posts and instant messages. You’ll never know just how much all of that meant, and was so important during my journey with breast cancer. I have to say “thank you” to my boys, Dan, Noah, and Sam who were living with me day in and day out through my journey…you were all so brave and supportive to me, even though I knew you were scared, but we got through it together.

The door to cancer closed three years ago, yet it opened the door to finding love with Rob, publishing my book, writing songs for my CD, and finding myself living some amazing dreams and adventures.  I’m so very grateful to be able to say “3 year survivor and counting!”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Happy Birthday – Cancer Free!”

 

“The Home In My Heart”

/ Anne Dennish / 2 Comments

 

home-is-where

A beating heart is a most precious gift, yet the heart is so much more. Our heart is our home.

I lived in a house for over twenty years with my five children. I moved five years ago and the worst part of it all was that I was saddened by the loss of all that we had in that house, the good times and the bad. It was filled with memories and pencil marks on the wall marking the kid’s height as they grew. It held the sounds of babies crying that grew into the sounds of teenagers laughing. It held everything that was important to me. It held one of the biggest parts of my life.

Yet then I realized that all that I believed  had been living in that house was actually living in my heart and that “my heart is my home.”

The heart is the keeper of our dreams and accomplishments; the guardian of our precious memories; it’s the lens to all those pictures in our minds and the teacher of all that we’ve learned. It holds our deepest secrets and our biggest truths. It holds all that is and all that will be.

My house was a just a building made up of walls, windows and doors, yet it was my heart that filled it with all that it needed to become a “home.”

And  that home lives in my heart.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Waking Up – The Music Video”

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It’s not very often that we do something so out of the box, something we never thought we’d do. But I did. I made a music video to go along with the first song I wrote, “Waking Up.” Sutton Thomas wrote the music and recorded it, and it was that song that started it all and ended up being a CD!  It’s amazing where the dream of writing my book, “Waking Up” led to music and lyrics! That was one that wasn’t even on my bucket list!

It started when I saw a post on Facebook by a high school friend, Trevor Halbert. He was sharing out a music video his daughter had filmed and produced. I was blown away at her talent, and decided to get in touch with her. I was even more amazed when I realized she was just a senior in high school! So, I met with Amanda Halbert, along with her friend and video partner, Brent Luciano, who film under their name LVL 5 Films.

I was so impressed at the passion they both had for what they love to do: make videos! They film them, edit them, produce them…these two do it all. I was happy to work with them both, because I understand passion and creativity and nothing pleased me more than to give them another opportunity to do what they love!

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As a creative person, I realize how important it is to support the creativity of others, whether they’re artists, musicians, or writers. Creative people understand one another and can see the vision that can be made in front of them. I found that in weeks of filming with Amanda and Brent. They shared their vision of what they wanted to do for me, and I shared mine with them. Together we understood one another and I was happy when Amanda sent me this video yesterday.

Amanda and Brent wanted this first video to depict “a day in the life of Anne Dennish” and I wanted it to resemble a “book trailer” for my book, “Waking Up” Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer.” I’d say they brought those two concepts together quite nicely!

I hope you enjoy this very first music video and see first hand the creative talents of Amanda and Brent! Much love and thanks to both of them…it was a pleasure and an honor to work with such talented young people!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXIt0Zhc6-M

 

My love recently lost his cousin, someone we both were very close to and loved very much. We wanted to dedicate this to him:

“This one’s for you, Tommy!”  1956-2016

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Sweet Nothings”

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bloh

My love and I went on vacation to a beautiful, sunny tropical part of the country…Florida to be exact. Within 24 hours things between us seemed so different. But in a good way. Yet even in that “good way” I wondered why it couldn’t be like that all the time.

And I wondered if it was because of “me,” or because of “him,” or simply because of circumstance.

Then I realized it was none of these…it was life.

And life at home was different. It wasn’t just “us two,” it was his work, his boss, his obligations and for me, well sadly it was my cleaning, cooking and taking care of him and my children.

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on all of us and I have to say that this is one time I don’t like surprises.

Our vacation brought us together as we had been so long ago, a place that has become so foreign to me. We’ve overcome so many things since we’ve been together, and none of them “our” things. We weathered the storms, rode the waves of life, and came out together. Yet sometimes I wonder if we came out of it differently….disconnected from that incredible love that brought us together and seemed to change the world…or at least the people closest to us.

The forces that challenged us seemed to have sucked the life out of our love and left us with a love that’s tired, worn out and less content than the wonder we first felt.

Did we allow it? Did we let all those things change our love for one another? Maybe we did, maybe we didn’t. But we’re human, and we get tired and even together we only have so invisible-2much to give.

And maybe we gave too much away because we felt we had to. Maybe we gave too much to the wrong people.

But we gave it so willingly because we’re good people, and that’s what good people do.

Yet here I sit and wonder…I wonder where the sweet nothings went and where the “hands on, hands down” for each other went. I wonder where the loyalty went and where it lies. I wonder if it’s the same love or a love that morphed into an emotion of “this is as good as it gets.” I wonder if it’s become a “matter of convenience.”

I loved every minute of our time together on vacation. My love was so relaxed, with no responsibilities of work, no worries of his boss, no thoughts of anything other than a goodrobnanci rum runner and time with me. And we talked, and just hung out, and for the first time in a long time, it was just “us.”

And I began to fall in love with him all over again. I was reminded of what it used to be like in the beginning. I felt safe, I felt loved, and I felt like it was just “us” again.

I felt silly, I felt giddy, I felt that “I can’t wait to be with him” kind of feeling…

And then we came home.

And it changed.

And now I sit thinking and wondering…two things that I didn’t do on the entire vacation.

Maybe “home” is the reality and vacation is the “fantasy and dream” of what we want. Then again, maybe “vacation” is the truth of who we are, separately and together.

Maybe “vacation” is there to remind us of the importance of who we are, and who we are together. Maybe “vacation” is there to remind us that nothing else matters because the strength of love between two people is what makes a difference in those around us.

And sometimes we lose sight of that. Sometimes we forget that what brought us together is what will tear us apart if we forget. What brought us together is what made those we love around us want to share in that and feel it. What brought us together is what should be keeping us together.

But we’re human, and we forget.

I sit here tonight remembering it all…and forgetting nothing. I sit here wondering where the loyalty lies and hoping that the answer I have is the right one. I sit here wondering if I’m still the love of his life.

I wonder…

And I wait…

For even the smallest of sweet nothings…

And then he puts his arms around me and tells me that I am and always will be the love of his life and I tell him that he is mine.

It was the biggest of sweet nothings.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

Just-believe-just-have

 

“Are You An Enabler?”

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Enabling is “making excuses for someone who is hurting themselves or you, or providing the perfect environment or situation for them to do so. enable-2

That word is a slippery slope for many, and if you are someone who “enables” someone else, then you become “co-dependent.” That is, your existence is based around the behavior of the person you are enabling.

It’s exhausting just thinking about it, yet we’ve all done it in some capacity in our lives; until we realize that the outcome of “enabling” and being “co-dependent” doesn’t’ serve the one we’re enabling, but serves only the “co-dependents” need to control. I’ve found that those who “enable” have no control over their own lives’, or so they believe. They would rather control someone else’s life rather than deal with their own insecurities and lack of control. And the sad part is, they don’t even see what they’re doing as control; they see it as “love.” Yet that’s not love. Controlling someone is not love. Enabling someone to hurt themselves or other’s is not love. It’s their insecurity and lack of control.

You can enable an alcoholic or drug addict by making excuses for them, giving reasons for their addiction, and without realizing that you  are giving them exactly what they need to use or abuse. It may make you feel more comfortable, yet is the most damaging and enable-3hurtful behavior to them.They can only begin recovery when you stop enabling and allow the to be accountable for themselves.

You enable an abusive partner or spouse by making excuses as to why you’re bruised, why your self-esteem is but a foreign concept, and why you deserved to be abused. You’re not helping the abuser to stop, but merely giving him the license and free will to do so. It’s only when you get strong and secure within yourself that you’re able to break free and control YOUR behavior, not theirs.

 

It’s not until you are faced with the ultimate decision: enable the behavior or disable your control. And the truth is, no enabler really has control over the enabled; you just give them a comfort zone of knowing you’ve allowed their destructive behavior to be okay.enable

It’s hard to let someone you love make a mistake or willingly harm themselves, yet it has to be their choice and, ultimately, their decision to stop the destructive behavior. You can say all the right things, do all the right things, and want all the right things, yet that doesn’t make it so. You have to “love them enough to let them go.” Love them enough to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Love them enough to learn to control their own behavior. Love them enough to let them learn to love themselves.

“Enabling” someone will not solve their problem; it will make their problem worse.

You have to ask yourself: Do I want to enable their behavior or disable my control?.

And in your heart you already know the right answer.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The New Year Revelations”

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2017-blog

I gave up on making New Year resolutions years ago, and replaced them with what I call my “New Year’s Revelations.” It’s all the things I learned throughout the year that I will carry into the new year with me, in the hopes that I don’t make the same mistakes. In other words, my New Year’s Revelations are my “waking up” moments of seeing the truth in myself and others’, of learning from my mistakes, and learning more about myself.

I use New Year’s Eve as my time of reflection back onto the year that is about to end. I look back at all that happened, good and bad. It’s a time to count my blessings of the year, and to be sure that I had many more gains than losses. It’s a time to look back at where I may have fallen short and try to understand why. It’s a time to look back at relationships that ended with honesty and respect, and of letting them go. It’s taking my accountability for the ending, and moving on with no regrets and no intentions of ever going back.

It’s the night I say good-bye to all those people, places and things that no longer serve my highest good; that didn’t bring out the best in me; that caused me stress and heartache; that took advantage of me. And then I look at why it happened. Did I allow boundaries to be crossed? Did I allow their behaviors that hurt me? Did I put myself in a situation that broke me in two? And when I can answer that with an open and honest truth of “yes,” I can then begin to understand and see the lesson in it.

I learned many things this year, and I’d like to share a few with you. These are my top “waking up” moments, or “revelations,” if you will:

  • I learned that the old saying “keep your friends close and your enemies even closer” is an absolute lie! Nothing good comes from surrounding yourself with people who are negative and toxic, manipulative and untrustworthy. If you think you’re an enemy of someone, or they are an enemy to you, definitely keep them far away!
  • I learned that the other old saying “you always hurt the ones you love” may be truth, but not such a good idea. Trust me, hurting the ones you love will not serve you well.
  • I always knew how precious life was, especially having survived breast cancer, yet this year after losing some very special people in my life I’ve realized just how precious it is. No day is promised, and if you have a chance to spend time with those you love, do it! You may miss out on a chance that you’ll never get back.
  • I learned to say I love you to the ones’ I love more often, and to hug them all tighter.
  • I learned that if something seems too good to be true, most often times, it is.
  • I learned that if I do anything for the wrong reasons, I’ll soon learn those “wrong reasons” the hard way.
  • That no matter what anyone says, I will always be a dreamer and will always dream big! Why would anyone settle for less
  • And my biggest “revelation” was that I need to stand up for myself more, speak my truth always, and walk away from people or situations that are not good for me.

All in all, the past year has been filled with more “ups” than “downs,” and while a few people have had to leave my life, a few more amazing ones’ walked in. I know for sure that when you get rid of anything negative or toxic, you open the door to the positive coming in, and that’s what I did this past year, hard as some of it may have been.

As I close out 2016, I say good-bye to a few close friends and family that passed on, and I know in my heart I now have some amazing guardian angels watching over me. My heart has hurt over their passing, but the joy and love that they left me with has helped me through

the-godfather

RIP Tom Contreras  1956-2016

I’ve said good-bye to a few friends who were no longer welcome in my circle, yet they taught me what true friends are…and aren’t. I’m grateful for the lessons they taught me.

And as I get ready to welcome in the year of 2017, I look towards it with the promise of more dreams to catch, more life to celebrate, and more adventures to begin. I look forward to another year with my love and all the joy he’s brought into my life, and to another year of our life together growing as one.

To all of you, I wish you adventure, dreams come true, love, light and all the good that you are willing to receive. Happy New Year and may your “New Year’s Revelation” be your guide into this New Year of 2017!

Live your life to the fullest…live your life in love…live your life!

And make it absolutely amazing!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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Happy New Year from my love and I to all of you!

“Dear Children”

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If you want to see time pass quickly, become a parent. Nothing speeds up time more than watching your child grow into an adult, and suddenly, you’re left with a profound timeunderstanding of how precious time really is. And if you are a parent, you know exactly what I mean.

In my book, “Waking Up,” I wrote a story called “A Letter To My Children,” and together with Sutton Thomas, we wrote a song called “Dear Children.” Here’s just a small excerpt from the story:

“Life changed from that exact moment that you took your first breath, and with that breath, I held mine. I held my breath out of excitement of a new baby placed in my arms and out of fear as to all the responsibilities that were now a part of my life, from that day forward.

You, my children, were all my dreams come true, yet with each one of you came the nightmare of hoping that you’d always be okay, that you’d never get hurt, that your life would be without any feelings of low self-esteem, or anger, or sadness that I had ever felt. I could teach you how to protect yourselves, but I wouldn’t be able to stop the outside world from coming in.

The love of parent never dies, not with time, not with distance, not with death; the love of a parent grows stronger with each passing day; with each new milestone you reach and each heartache you encounter. Your mistakes and mine becomes lessons for us, and with each mistake, together we become better and stronger for it.

You, my child, are forever and always within and around my heart.”

Time and our children are precious…embrace them both.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

dear children 3