#broken

“Be That Person”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

We’ve all gone through tough times in our lives.

Some people let those difficult situations make them a better person; they learn the lessons, heal themselves, and get back up on their feet even stronger.

Then there are those people that let those difficult situations make them a bitter person; they can’t see that there was a lesson to learn through the experience, they don’t or won’t heal from it, and they’d rather stay down than pick themselves up.

The better person learns to forgive and let it go; they continue moving forward, no matter what life hands them. They use their experiences to help others and love the world.

The bitter person holds onto the anger and refuses to forgive; they stay stuck in the negative emotions of the experience and can’t see all the endless possibilities that are outside of that time. They’re unable to love the world because their bitterness prevents them from loving themselves.

Which person are you?

Be that person that learns from the tough times and embraces the lessons learned from it; be that person who continues to love the world even if the world isn’t loving you back the way you want; be that person who keeps moving forward and uses the difficult times and the triumph of overcoming them to share with others.

Be that person.

I know that you can.

It’s a good thing.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

be that person

“My Strength Is Their Weakness”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

strength and weakness

I wrote that quote many years ago near the end of my 20 year marriage. As I began to heal physically and emotionally from all the turmoil of that, I realized that it was at my moments of anxiety, sadness or depression that he became strong. At first I thought he was showing true signs of kindness, yet in time I realized what was really happening: I was feeding his ego and he was starving my self-esteem.  He felt like “the big man” helping the poor, defenseless, broken woman. The woman HE broke. The woman he was abusive to; the woman he told over and over again was stupid and ugly; the woman he told would never be loved by anyone.

And I believed him…until I stopped believing him.

Are you wondering how I stopped believing all that negative stuff he had embedded onto my brain? I woke up. I realized that I had allowed him free reign over me for many years and that by doing that, the behavior continued. I allowed him to speak down to me and allowed him to be disrespectful to me.  So, one day I woke up and stopped allowing it, and the marriage was done and over with.

I went through years of healing myself mentally and emotionally, and of course it was with the help of many spiritual teachers and a wonderful tribe of true friends.

I learned so much about myself and that loving myself first was the answer to not allowing anyone else to treat me that way. You’d think it would never happen again, yet I’m human; we’re all human. Sometimes life brings you an experience that you thought you had learned the lessons from…yet life knows when you forget the lesson. And the Universe will put a similar experience back into your way until you wake up and realize that what you stopped allowing years ago, you’re allowing once again.

Even after that divorce I would find myself meeting someone whose ego was strengthened by my weakness, and for those that know me, they know I’m anything but weak. It would sporadically happen here and there throughout the years, yet know I’m much more able to recognize it when it’s happening. I’ve learned that those people lack control of their own life so they try and control mine; they lack self-respect and are unable to respect anyone else; they don’t feel strong unless they’re paired up with someone weak.

And I am no longer that girl.

I want to be treated the way I deserve and the way that I treat others: with love, kindness, compassion, consideration and loyalty. And I won’t settle for anything less. I want to be loved for the person I am, quirks and all, because I love that person that I’ve become.

We all have moments of feeling weak and that’s okay; it’s those moments that help us to find our strength again and stand back up on our feet even stronger.

We all have moments of finding ourselves back in a situation that we thought would never return and that’s okay; you’re given that situation to remind you of the lesson you forgot.

And we all find ourselves staring into the mirror, looking at ourselves and wondering how we got here and what happened to us, and that’s okay; keep looking in that mirror long enough and you’ll once again see the person you thought was lost.

It’s those moments of feeling lost that we’re actually finding ourselves again, and we’re finding an even better and stronger version of the person we once were.

Life is about balance and we all fall out of balance every so often. It’s when the world around us is spinning out of control that we see the truth of everything, and it’s those moments we find our balance again.

Don’t let anyone make you feel weak; surround yourself with people that make you strong.

Don’t spend your precious time feeding someone’s ego; spend your time feeding your self-esteem.

And don’t rely on anyone loving you the way you want to be loved; love yourself that way first and the rest will fall into place.

Everything in your life begins with YOU.

Stop allowing what you don’t want to continue.

Forgive yourself when you forgot a lesson you learned and get back on track.

And love yourself.

If you do nothing else, love yourself.

Everything is possible when you begin with love.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“The Lesson In Disappointment”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

A week from today I was supposed to fly to California. It’s a trip I’ve been looking forward to ever since I booked my flight over a month ago. Aside from my “happy place” at the Jersey Shore where I live, Malibu is my other “happy place.” The energy there is amazing and for some reason, I feel like I’m “home” when I’m there. Two years ago I spent a week in a Malibu beach house where I finished my book, “Waking Up.” I did some of my best writing there and it was an intense soul searching time for me as well. This trip was important to me, not only because I’d be in a place I love, but because I’d be seeing my oldest son (who I haven’t seen in over a year), my Nike Nephews and would be writing and working on another book.

Over the last few days my intuition was screaming to me: “It’s not the time to go.” And that thought stuck in my head for days. My sister called me two days ago and said that she had a bad feeling about me going and that I should go another time. She also told me to remember what I always say: Everything happens for a reason. And if there’s one thing I believe in with all my heart and one I tell others is this: trust your intuition because it never lies.

So yesterday morning I had to make an adult, big girl, responsible, smart decision…and they’re not the most fun to make. I cancelled my trip. And to say I was disappointed is an understatement, yet I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. There were too many factors popping up in the last week and I knew days ago that I would have to decide whether to go or not. I don’t like when things get complicated and this trip was beginning to get more and more complicated.

I went to the hairdresser in the morning feeling disappointed and sad and I ran errands feeling disappointed and sad. Those feelings stuck with me all day, yet once I was in the comfort of my home the tears came. The tears started late in the afternoon and continued until I fell asleep. They came in waves over dinner, and came as sobs during my bath. There was nothing I could do to stop the tears; I felt sad, disappointed and broken and I kept wondering “Why did this happen to me?”

And then the answers came through the questions in the tears: because you needed to learn something….and I did.

I remembered what it is I always tell people, and when I heard Elizabeth Gilbert say it I had confirmation that it’s true: set your priorities, make boundaries around your sacred space, and learn to say no.

And that’s true…and I know that, yet I forgot that.

My lesson was that I had lost sight of my priorities, I was allowing people to cross my boundaries, and I was saying “yes” to things I should have been saying “no” to.

So yes, I had a day of sadness and disappointment, of feeling broken, but I knew I had to go through it and get through it and I did. My soul needed to cry long and hard to let go of what I was feeling.

I sit here this morning with a headache and swollen eyes, yet knowing I learned a lesson the hard way…and an important lesson at that.

My point to you is don’t feel badly for having a down day; they happen for a reason and that reason, more often than not, teaches you something that’s for your Highest Good. Sometimes it’s those “dark” days that enable us to see the “light.” Feel what you have to, learn the lesson, and let it go.

Sometimes our biggest disappointments teach us our greatest lessons.

And I’m good with that.

Because this is life…

And it’s a part of the journey. 

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

disappointment