Anne Dennish

“A Girl I Used To Know”

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This is the story of a girl I used to know. In fact, I’ve known her all of my life. I love her adulthood 1with all my heart and I want to share her story with you, because it’s important…and she’s important to me.

I  remember  her in the early years of her life…she was funny, smart, and focused on her goals in life. She longed for love and a family, yet she was one of those girls that wanted it all. She had a passion for life that it was almost unnerving, yet I always believed in her, because she believed in herself.

When she was in high school she had a hard time believing that anyone noticed her. She was quiet, and a bit reserved, but I loved her. She was a great friend, and was always there when I needed her, yet at the same time there was always a sadness that she seemed to keep hidden, but she couldn’t hide it from me.

We graduated high school and went our separate ways to college. She found her way out of her “high school shell” that first year, becoming editor of the literary magazine, trying out for the school play, and becoming a DJ on the college radio station, which she loved. I knew then she was meant for greatness.

But the second year of college found her home, working full time and going to community college. She still was positive about everything, and in time, transferred into another college by her third year. It was here that she met “the one.”

She told me all these wonderful things about him, and soon she announced her engagement. They married two years later and with that came the stories she would confide in only me: the infidelities, the nastiness, and the way he degraded her. Yet, in spite of her misgivings, she married him.

The marriage seemed to be over within the first few months, yet she believed that marriage was for a lifetime, for better or worse. I was beginning to hear more of the worse than the better.  After two years, she was pregnant with their first child, and for the first time in the last few years, I heard hope and joy in her voice. And I thought that maybe this was the key to fixing their problems and making him love her.

Time would prove that this wasn’t enough for him, and all her babies that followed would never be enough for him.

We lost touch for a few years and even when we did speak, it was as if she lost herself. She only spoke of her babies and how much she loved being a mom. That was her only source of happiness. I felt like I lost a part of myself when I spoke to her because the joy in her voice was only because of her kids, never of her. She sounded like a robot, programmed to speak and behave a certain way.

And I would soon find out why this was, because that is what abuse does to you. It programs you in to behaving a certain way to keep things calm and keep things hidden. But abuse can finds its’ way to your door, whether you leave it open or not.

I felt terrible when I realized what had been going on for years, and the tone of her voice coupled with her body language proved it all: she had died within herself. She became nothing. The only thing that brought her back to life and kept her breathing were her children.

abuse-1Why was I so blind? Why hadn’t I seen what now seemed so transparent?

It’s because she didn’t want me to; she didn’t want anyone to see, because if they saw, they would see how stupid she was for allowing it all,and she didn’t want that. So she made it all look perfect; for her neighbors, her family, her friends, even her children.

Yet it wasn’t perfect; it was killing her and no one saw that it was. No one could see her, so no one could save her, and for awhile, that’s how she wanted it.

And then she broke open like a river that had been dammed up for years; for over 30 years she had been told she was stupid and worthless, ugly and fat, that she sounded like an idiot when she spoke, and that she was not worth anyone’s time or trouble. And she believed it.

She told me that she didn’t mind the bruises and split lips, they would heal. And she knew the pain of those would go away.

Yet she told me of the scars of emotional and verbal abuse and I knew she would hold these a lifetime.

She said that it was her fault; that she knew what made him upset and shouldn’t have done those things; she blamed herself for every bruise and every split lip. She blamed herself for the hateful and hurtful words. And she blamed herself for being a stupid woman, because only stupid women allow themselves to be abused.

I tried to reason with her, but to no avail. But there was a glimmer of hope. One day she called me and said that she was going back to college for writing courses, and that she joined Weight Watchers to lose the last of the baby weight, and that she had joined a gym to work out. Over the course of a few months I began to see my old friend come back to life; she was becoming stronger, her body and her mind. Suddenly she was laughing again, and that funny girl I knew was back to being funny. The friend I missed for all these years was beginning to shine through, and all the damage he did seemed to be fading  away.

And so one day she told me she asked for a divorce. She knew it would be the hardest fight of her life, but this time she was ready. She wrapped her babies tight in her arms and had him leave. It took a handful of restraining orders, a dozen or more calls to the police, but she did it.

I was amazed at how she made her life look. She got up in the morning, worked out at the gym, and came home, cooked breakfast, made lunches and got all those kids off to school. During the day she did laundry, cleaning, cooking and baking for them. They sat down as a family every night. They took their showers, did their homework and went to bed.

And after the last child was kissed good night, she went outside on her deck…and let the tears flow. She cried for the loss of a marriage, cried for the loss of a family and cried for all that he had done to her. She cried for what was in front of her as a single mom, and for what was behind her as an abused woman.

But she never let her children see her cry.

I was proud of her because I know none of this was easy. I watched her fight her way up from below the bottom and rise to the top. I watched her get back her strength and self-esteem. I watched her learn to laugh again. And I began to see her learn to love herself again…but that took time. Slowly she tried, and with each day that passed, she began to love herself more.

Many years later I see my friend as this woman, who despite the odds, finds her strength and beats them. And to this day, I know she fights every morning she wakes up. She fights to make a difference in the world, a difference to her children, and fights to find something good in herself.

I know to this day she struggles with her self-esteem and finds it hard to take a complement.  She’s working on knowing that she’s worthy and lovable, yet it is something she works at day to day.

Most people don’t know of her struggles, and that she fights every day, but I do. I know that it was her struggles that gave her her strength and I wish everyone knew that about her.

She spent the last few years doing what she loves: writing. She’s been a journalist, an author and a lyricist, yet throughout it all she’s never lost sight of her children and trying to help everyone else. She spends her days trying to make a difference in this world, and I wish with all my heart that she knew that she makes a difference to everyone she meets.

Most that know her see all the goodness in her, yet they never see her pain. She hides it away, yet it’s there, although not nearly as much as it used to be.

She’s been in a relationship for the last two years and seems to finally have met someone who really loves her. Yet I wonder if he understands just what the abuse had done to her, that no matter how much he loves her, she still would struggle with her self-esteem. I wonder if he knows just how much a complement from him means to her, and the smallest of gestures makes her heart melt. I wonder if he knows how important he is in her journey of loving herself.

Time will tell, and as she tells me now: “the scars from abuse don’t dictate my life today, but they have made me who I am. I’m stronger because of it all, yet it will be a lifetime struggle of not letting those scars resurface. It can be a struggle every day to love myself and believe that I’m worthy and of value. No one can do that for me. I have to do it myself.”

I’m so glad this girl I used to know has come back to life, and come back with a passion. She’s never played a victim, and always seems to be a survivor. I’ve missed her for many years and hope that she will always stay as strong as she is now.

I pray every day for this girl I used to know…because that girl is me.

~Anne Dennish~

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“About Those Mean People”

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“People who speak nasty and negatively to you only do so because they see in you what they can’t see in themselves and their need for what you have and wanting it is what makes them that way.” ~Anne Dennish~

I’m a cheerful and positive person who tries to share these emotions with those that I malibu nancimeet or speak with. I try to leave someone with a smile, a laugh, or a different perspective that may lighten their load in life.

That’s not to say I don’t have a bad day now and again; a day of frustration over my work, or the house that I just cleaned looking like I never touched it. Yet I will say this, I NEVER share that temporary bad day with someone else. No matter my mood, I will never ever speak nasty, hurtful or be just plain mean to anyone else.

Yet my cheery disposition to simply share happiness with someone else by checking in with a phone call can get shattered in a minute. And it happened to me tonight. Not once, but three times in a short amount of time, and by the people who I should consider the closest to me, yet choose to be the most distant.

My love tells me I’m too “sensitive,” yet he’ll never change that about me. It’s not that I’m too sensitive, it’s that I’m sensitive to negative and toxic people. Yes, they can make me cry and feel badly, but it’s not because they “got to me.” It’s because it hurts to know that people that close to me have that meanness in them. They know how to hurt me, and willingly do it when it serves them…and they do it because I let them. I allowed them to be mean and hurtful, and after they do that I’m more mad at myself for not speaking up and for letting them hurt me. These women know that I’ll never speak up to them, so they feel that they have free reign to speak to me the way they do. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do, it’s simply that they’re having a bad day and needed someone to take it out on…and that would be me.

I know, I write about not letting someone hurt you and that if they do, you allowed it. Yet I will tell you that it still happens. It doesn’t happen to the extreme it once did, yet it happens, but now I feel the punch in the emotional gut, shed a tear or two, let it go and move on.

It’s a sad thing when it’s  women who should be close to you, yet I’ve learned that “blood related” or not, I won’t allow those toxic people too close to me. It’s hard when it’s your family, yet I’ve learned, and learned painfully, to let them go. And tonight is no exception.

I’m not a doormat anymore, yet every so often they hand me a zinger that hurts, and it’s then that I have to remember to love myself, respect myself and move on, even if they can’t do that. There’s no respect towards you when someone can speak to you that way. It’s their problem, their bad day, their pity party, not yours.

So, tonight I slowly sip a glass of wine and wait for the full moon…and wait for this “punch in the stomach” feeling to lessen and fade away. Tonight I shed some tears at the reactions of  women who I simply called to “catch up with and say hello.” Tonight, like so many others with them, I let it go and remember that while I love them, I don’t need to “be” with them or allow them too deep into my world…a world I have created of love, happiness, joy and hope.

To these women: I love you with all my heart and my sadness comes from knowing that you can’t love yourselves and that you find the need to be so hurtful to someone who loves you so much simply because of your problems and your bad day.

And that’s the key: it’s “their” issues, “their” problems, not mine. The only thing that’s “mine” is my feelings over their hurtful behavior, and as I write this, I’ve dried the tears, took a breath, forgave them, and let it go…let “them” go yet again.

Life is short, my friends, and I feel sorry for those that speak such hurtful words to another, never realizing that those may be the last words someone hears.

“Guilt is the emotion one feels at knowing they didn’t do the right thing and refused to do the right thing to fix it.”

 I try to live each day happy, making a difference in someone else’s life, and that includes my family and my children, yet I know that that’s up to “me;” how someone else behaves is “up to them.”

I stay strong for my children and myself, and while my strength may take a hit now and again, it will always find its’ way back to the surface.

“My strength is their weakness; my weakness their strength.”

Never let the “mean people” see you sweat; never let them see you weak; never let them see you cry and know that they hurt you.

Let them see you strong, happy, and filled with the positive light that you were gifted.

Because in the end, that will be more hurtful to them than they are to you.

Wishing you love, light and strength,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The Naked Truth About Being Naked”

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I wanted to share one of my stories from my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer.” Hope you enjoy it!

“The Naked Truth About Being Naked”

Most people I know have a Bucket List. It’s that little list we carry in our mind of all the things we want to do before we die. It’s also that list of things that we want to do, but all too often, are afraid to do. We make excuses of not having the time to do it, or we simply don’t’ think it’s important enough to do. At this stage of my life it’s my list of “do it and get it done!” So now I’m doing as much as I can and regretting nothing!

Life is short enough, isn’t it? why fantasize about what we want to do? Why just carry a list in our mind? Shouldn’t we all have the freedom to be who we are? there’s no such thing as an “alter ego” in us. It’s just our “true self” coming out!

So, I went on a vacation. Some called it spontaneous, reckless, and even selfish. I called the seait a much needed fun and a matter of survival! Truth be told, it was more fun than I had imagined, and I did manage to knock quite a few things off my Bucket List! It was my alter ego in full swing…literally. It was and still is, the “real” me, and I couldn’t be happier with the person I found and allowed myself to become.

When finding the true you inside, there are times we must find the true you on the outside. In my case, I bared it all: body and soul. It was quite an experience and the most comfortable, content feeling I have felt in years with my own body, and of course, my own soul. No more speaking in code to those of you who haven’t figured it out yet: I went to a nude beach. Not just once, or even twice, but every single day of my vacation. The truth is, I loved it! It was freedom at its’ best: no hiding, no shame or embarrassment involved. It was, simply put: wonderful!

There were many people on that beach, all sizes and shapes, all comfortable in their own skin, which helped to make me more comfortable in mine. The first day on the beach I stuck to my chair, allowing myself to get to know the lay of the land. I sat people watching and getting used to this new found freedom. By the second day, and every day thereafter, I was up and about walking around, talking to everyone else there. Strangely enough, new friends were made, and there was quite the camaraderie among us all. I stepped into the world of nakedness, holding the most fun and intriguing conversations with other naked people. I wondered how I’d feel when I was home and had to step OUT of nakedness. The greatest part of it all is that no one seems to notice that anyone IS naked. The funniest part was seeing them out at night and noticing that they WEREN’T naked!

In the world of “clothed” people, you can tell a lot about them by what they’re wearing, how their hair look, even by the jewelry they have on. The status of their life is blatantly worn on them. On a nude beach, however, there is not status to be seen. There’s no way to look at someone and know much about them at all, except that they’re as free-spirited as you. That’s the beauty of it, you simply get to know them by talking to them, not by looking at them.

I worse my new bathing suit the day before I came home for less than an hour. It felt invasive to be so “covered” up after having been so “exposed,” yet there are times when we have to conform and accept the ways of the “real” world. We have to wear clothes!

Vacation is over, the beach I fell in love with is now a million miles away, but the experience will live within me for a lifetime! When the weather is dreary, or the day getting rough, I just closed my eyes and let my thoughts wander back to that wonderful trip, and that time on the beach where I could truly be myself. I loved the “naked truth” of that because it brought out more of the “naked truth” about me.

THE END

I hope you enjoyed the story; it brought me back to those memories as I wrote this for you and reminded me that so often, we judge someone by their appearance and their material possessions. And we shouldn’t.

You don’t have to go to a naked beach to understand the concept of “labeling” others and making an unfair judgement about them; you need to expose your true self to them, allowing them to share their true self with you.

You can be “naked” without taking your clothes off; it’s all a matter of standing in your truth.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

You can purchase a copy of my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer” at any Barnes & Noble store, or on-line at amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.

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“It’s Right In Front of You”

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In this crazy world today, there are so many people looking for something more than what they have. They lose sight of what’s in front of them, and instead, look around and away from it and gaze out into the side. You know that old saying:”you don’t know what you had until it’s gone.” And it’s true.

It’s sad that so many people today just don’t get it. They could be in a perfectly good relationship,  yet as time marches on, the thrill and excitement become stagnant. And that’s their own fault because rather than focus on what’s right in front of them, they go looking to the side for something else. When they find that something else, they start comparing the “outside” to “what’s in front of them.” And I can tell you that doing that will end a relationship more quickly than you can imagine.

The reality is that in any relationship the emotions change as time passes, but that doesn’t mean that you need to lose sight of the passion you felt from the beginning. You’ve left the “honeymoon” phase and entered a more content, peaceful phase. And that’s fine, yet that can easily turn into someone feeling that they are being taken for granted. And no one wants to feel less than who they are; no one wants to feel as if they don’t matter; and no one wants to feel as though they aren’t loved anymore.

Relationships change with time, and my biggest teacher was my two marriages and divorces and an extremely hurtful relationship. I learned through all of them that it takes two people to begin something, and two people two end it. I don’t believe that it’s always a 50/50 partnership; there are times that one person has to give more than the other, and vice versa. And I learned that when you lose sight of what’s in front of you and start looking at what’s on the outside, the relationship is almost over.

And there’s usually no coming back from that. Once the damage is done, it’s done.

“Everything if forgivable but not always repairable.”

We seem to live in a world today where everything has to be perfect, always be exciting, and always be larger than life! But you know what? It never will be all those things all the time. Sometimes the most mundane, small things are actually the biggest things in a relationship. Sometimes it’s just a look into someone’s eyes or a touch of the hand that make you heart melt. It’s that last kiss goodnight before you close your eyes and the first thing you say in the morning to each other before you get out of bed. It’s the arms that know exactly when and how to wrap themselves around you to make you feel safe or comfort you when you’re sad. It’s the laughter of shared memories and silly jokes. It’s the deep, heartfelt conversations that take you one step further into a deeper relationship and understanding of who each of you are.

Small…mundane…but more precious than gold.

Relationships are like the ocean, sometimes rough, sometimes calm, yet always in motion. It’s a matter of weathering the storm until you can float on smooth waters. But the point is that you do it together.

Love isn’t complicated; it’s people who make it that way. Love is respecting each others’ feelings and embracing the differences. Love is wanting to be together, yet knowing when to give each other space. Love doesn’t clip your wings, it gives you the strength to fly. Love is the greatest gift between two people, and if you’re lucky enough to find love, always look directly at it, not off to the side.

Some people just like the idea of “love” and miss out on the reality of true love. And that’s how they lose sight of what’s in front of them; what they thought was love really wasn’t because true love doesn’t die, doesn’t wither away, and doesn’t become boring. True love grows by looking at it directly and not looking away.

Take a moment today to look at what’s right in front of you and stop searching for something better “off to the side.” Pay attention to the gift of love you share with someone, because while it may not always be perfect, it will always be “love.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“When The Truth Is Revealed”

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It’s a sad day when someone or something you believed to be one thing turns out to be something completely different…and it rocks your world. And it breaks your heart.

Yet it happened to teach you something about yourself.

Maybe your were too trusting; maybe you didn’t look closely enough at them; maybe the rush of exciting emotions clouded your judgement…or maybe you made them into something that they never really were. And you did that because you wanted to believe in them; you wanted to believe in it all.

I’m a writer, and I have to say that sometimes I wonder if I’m writing “my life” the same as when I’m writing a book or short story. Maybe I write my life to look perfect, be perfect and feel perfect, when in reality, it’s my way of avoiding the truth of someone or something. It’s a dangerous realization when you begin to wonder if it’s real…or if it’s simply the dream of something you’ve always wanted.

It’s happened to me more times than I can count in the last few years, and with each realization comes the ending of a friendship or relationship that I was finally able to see the truth about.

And on the day that those realizations came to fruition, so broke my heart; my emotions felt a level of hurt so great that it took my breath away; and the dream of “what was” turned into the nightmare of “what never was.”

Yet I survived it. I picked myself up, and took all those broken pieces of my heart and soul and began to put them back together. I searched the deepest part of my soul to understand why it happened, and find the lesson it was meant to teach me.

I’m still picking up the pieces that were shattered and am learning to distance myself from the people and situations that shattered them in the first place. I’me learning to set up boundaries in my life, and not allow other’s to cross them. I’m finding that “my strength is their weakness, and my weakness is their strength.” And I’m finding that I need to learn to trust other’s when they’ve earned that trust; and that those who lie, deceive and manipulate me are no one that is welcome in my world.

I’m not the only one who goes through this; in fact, I know several people in my life struggling with the same thing: that what they believed to be true had never been true at all.

So often we feel humiliated when this happens, but the truth is that we shouldn’t. Why feel something negative for being kind and compassionate or trusting and loyal? It’s just a lesson, my friends, and a hard one at that, yet with faith in ourselves we can learn from it and move on, stronger than ever.

Don’t beat yourself up for someone else’s shortcomings or hurtful behavior; forgive them, let them go, and move on.

And forgive yourself, because YOU have done nothing wrong.

You simply believed them to be something more than what they were, and they allowed you to see that they weren’t.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

“What Inspires You?”

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How do you get “inspired?”

Most people think “inspiration” is just for creative people, such as writers, musicians, or artists. Yet we all wake up in the morning knowing what we have to do that day, whether it’s going to work, taking care of your children, or getting your “to do” list accomplished.

And all those things take some “inspiration.” You need to get yourself in the mindset of doing what needs to be done, and while most people don’t see that as “inspiration,” I do. Some of you may be thinking “how do you get inspired to go to work, or get motivated to do all the things on your to do list?” You may be thinking “where’s the inspiration there?”

Well, I’m here to tell you it IS there…it’s all in your perspective. As a writer I need to be “inspired” to write and create, yet I also need that same inspiration to help me get my other responsibilities done.

“Inspiration” is calming and peaceful, and it’s also exciting; it’s our soul taking a passioninspiration and turning it into a reality; it’s our mind making something mundane seem rewarding; and it’s our heart learning to love all that we do.

As I sat under my “magic tree” this morning having my coffee, I was inspired to write this post; I was inspired to organize my day into one of getting things done; and I was inspired to let go of the things that no longer serve me, and focus on the things that do!

My wish for you is to find “inspiration” in every thing you do; to change your perspective on the mundane into one of accomplishment; and to love yourself enough to find your “inspiration.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“It’s time to make a difference!”

“A New Day, A New Chance”

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“Every new day is a chance to do it better than the day before.”

~Anne Dennish~

So what are you going to do different TODAY than you did YESTERDAY? Think about it for a minute…

What was your day like yesterday? Was it happy, did you encounter some problems, were you in a good mood? Now, once you’ve thought about that question, think about the “why.”

I had an exciting adventure yesterday morning as Sutton Thomas and I were interviewed on 94.3 The Point radio. It was a beautiful morning on the Asbury Park boardwalk, and thept perfect way to start a Friday morning at the Jersey Shore.

Yet as the day wore on, and the humidity rose to almost 100%, I found myself in a position to have to handle some issues, which I would rather have not had to handle…but I did.

While I was a bit apprehensive to face these issues head on, I’m glad that I did. A problem or two was solved, I felt relieved, and I moved on. I let it go…

So, what will I do differently today than I did yesterday?

I’ll put the “care and feeding” of myself first, because when I do that, I’m much better at handling anything that should arise during the day, and that happiness I feel from doing that will spill onto those around me.

I’ll remember that it’s not my place, or my job, to handle someone else’s problems; all I can do is support them through it.

And I’m going to let it all go and begin this day as I do every new day…as an exciting new adventure!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“Don’t Die Before You Try”

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It hurts me to hear people talk negatively about their lives and about just “giving up.” It’s as if the situation that life has handed them just isn’t worth the fight, the struggle, or the time to learn the lesson.

Sadly, I’ve heard a lot of this lately and it makes me a bit angry as well. We all have things to go through, and what makes one person’s journey any less than someone else’s? As my uncle used to say: I never say “why me,” I always say “why not me?” And I guess that’s where my way of thinking comes in.

I’ve gone through many, many difficult situations in my life, as well as breast cancer, and truth be told, I never thought “why me.” I knew that it was a situation life chose to hand me to learn from, and with those lessons I decided to share them with others.

In my author bio on my book, “Waking Up,” I say: “I don’t mind what life hands me as long as I learn something from it and can help to make a difference to someone else.” And that’s how I live each day of my life.

It’s not always easy to stay positive, yet it’s a gift of “choice” we’re given to choose to be don't die before you trythat way.

It frustrates me to see people who give up so easily, whether it’s a life situation or cancer… it’s as if they’ve “died before they tried.”

Live each day of your life to the fullest, no matter what difficult situation life hands you. Embrace your challenges with grace and dignity…have faith and believe that you are stronger than the difficulties of the challenges you face.

And when you feel as if you can’t find the strength, let the strength find you. Trust me… it always does!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

Finding Your “Inspiration”

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How do you get “inspired?”

Most people think “inspiration” is just for creative people, such as writers, musicians, or artists. Yet we all wake up in the morning knowing what we have to do that day, whether it’s going to work, taking care of your children, or getting your “to do” list accomplished.

And all those things take some “inspiration.” You need to get yourself in the mindset of doing what needs to be done, and while most people don’t see that as “inspiration,” I do. Some of you may be thinking “how do you get inspired to go to work, or get motivated to do all the things on your to do list?” You may be thinking “where’s the inspiration there?”

Well, I’m here to tell you it IS there…it’s all in your perspective. As a writer I need to be “inspired” to write and create, yet I also need that same inspiration to help me get my other responsibilities done.

“Inspiration” is calming and peaceful, and it’s also exciting; it’s our soul taking a passion and turning it into a reality; it’s our mind making something mundane seem rewarding; and it’s our heart learning to love all that we do.

As I sat under my “magic tree” this morning having my coffee, I was inspired to write this post; I was inspired to organize my day into one of getting things done; and I was inspired to let go of the things that no longer serve me, and focus on the things that do!

My wish for you is to find “inspiration” in every thing you do; to change your perspective on the mundane into one of accomplishment; and to love yourself enough to find your “inspiration.”

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“A Broken Heart”

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“A broken heart is proof that it still works.” ~Anne Dennish~

Ah, the broken heart…we’ve all had one at one time or another in our life, and it’s never easy to get through.

But you can get through…if you choose to.

Life is what happens when we’re not paying attention, and what that means is that we’ve recite-1rs96tblost sight of the blessings in our life, and in some way, taken them for granted, always believing that if they’re there in the first place, they’ll never be taken away. And that’s how a broken heart happens: we weren’t paying attention.

Broken hearts are our greatest teachers, yet there’s a few things you have to understand to realize that.

Let’s be honest, broken hearts happen because of “love.” They happen when something suddenly rocks our world, and what we believed to be true suddenly looks very different….but maybe it isn’t different. Maybe it’s the same as it always was; we just didn’t take the time to see it.

We’re all human and we all make mistakes, but if you want to start to heal a broken heart you must throw away the “list of wrongs” and write the “list of rights.” Sure, when you’re heart is broken you feel betrayed, angry, hurt, even confrontational; all valid feelings yet negative emotions only bring negative reactions. So, when the the dust settles from these emotions, and you can put them aside, the real healing begins.

“Forgiving” is the hardest thing in the world to do; “loving” is the easiest. Yet, by forgiving, we release our anger and negativity; it doesn’t excuse someone’s behavior, but it allows us to move forward with clear eyes and an open heart.

My worst broken heart was my greatest teacher; I could sit here and go on and on that he treated me badly, hurt my feelings, disrespected me, and so on and so forth. And I used to wonder why someone could treat me badly, or break my heart; I didn’t feel like I deserved it. But here’s the truth:

I didn’t deserve it; I allowed it.

Hearts are broken from miscommunication, biting our tongue and not standing in our truth. I learned that the hard way; I should have used my voice, stood in my truth, and set clear boundaries of what I would allow and what I wouldn’t.

I know to do that now.

Time-to-change-myBroken hearts happen for many reasons, yet when you can put the hurt and blame aside, that’s when the reality comes in and the healing can start. When you take your own accountability in the brokenness, you heal, you become stronger, and you learn something about yourself…and with that, you’re given the gift of changing yourself.

I can promise you that your broken heart will mend; and it will mend stronger…but you have to do the work and LET IT!

“Broken hearts are the reality of what we lost sight of.” ~Anne Dennish~

Life as we know it can change with a broken heart, but why not let it change for the better? Look at the positive in a hurtful situation; something wasn’t working, the Universe whacked you with a 2×4 to wake you up, and now you’ve been given a chance to learn and change.

I believe that there’s always something good to be found in the storm; it will take time to see, but it’s there. The choice to see it is up to you. And sometimes, just sometimes, maybe it’s the “storm before the calm.”

Life’s an adventure with ups and downs; how you handle it and move forward is your gift of choice…choose wisely!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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