“Vulnerability”

January 27, 2023 / Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

We all want to feel important to the people who are important to us. We want to know that we’re a priority, not a convenience. We want to know that the relationship means as much to them as it does to us.

It doesn’t always work that way.

We are all different and what’s important to the people we care about may not be important to us. It’s crucial that in any relationship you have to communicate. You have to be vulnerable with your feelings and not be judged for them. You have to listen and understand that the other person may feel differently than you.

And that’s what makes life interesting. We’re different and if we weren’t, life would be boring. We have to accept the people in our life for WHO they are, not what you want them to be.

You learn from the differences of others. You may learn a different perspective, or different way of thinking, and you may even learn more about yourself.

I know that disagreements happen but I also know that through communication comes a deeper understanding about the nature of the disagreement. You have to be vulnerable to communicate with others, especially those that you are closest to, and that honest vulnerability should never be judged.

I think it’s a gift when someone in my life is vulnerable to me. It means they trust their feelings with me and know that they won’t be judged or told that they’re wrong.

And when disagreements come up in your relationship, friendships or family, remember this: “Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don’t be mean when you say it.”

Kindness, compassion and understanding go a long way.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Deal With The Cause, Not The Symptom”

January 7, 2021January 7, 2021 / Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

“Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath every feeling there is a need. And when we meet that need rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom.”

I don’t know who wrote this but it sure did make me stop and think about it. I’ve gone through some difficult situations which is why this made perfect sense to me. Our behavior IS the result of our underlying feelings about something.

For example, let’s take a couple with two very different views on their relationship. One person may get upset when the other isn’t sharing information with them or gets defensive when asked a particular question. The behavior is getting “upset,” the feeling beneath that is “feeling left out and hurt,” and the need is “to be included.”

And then there’s the reaction of the person that doesn’t feel the need to share the information or answer the question. The behavior is “anger,” the feeling beneath that is “feeling controlled,” and the need is “to be trusted.”

What a brilliant concept and one that makes perfect sense to me. None of us are perfect yet if we look at the big picture of not just the other person’s behavior’ but our own as well, so much pain, anger, and sadness could be avoided. It’s a chance for healing of the heart. It’s a chance to grow closer together through communication and understanding. And it’s a chance for positive change.

Behavior, feelings and needs. Meet the need rather than focus on the behavior. Deal with the cause, not the symptoms. And above all else, be kind to each other while you do.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~