Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer

“Clearing Out The Clutter for 2017”

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It’s only a few days before we say “good-bye” to 2016 and welcome in the New Year! One of the things I find myself doing once the Christmas festivities end is to begin a mission of “decluttering,” and one thing I’ve learned is that “clutter” makes for stress and imbalance. Now, I’m by no means a “neat freak,” yet this time of year is almost like “spring cleaning” for me. It’s an opportunity to clean out the clutter from this past year to make space for all the “new” things that the upcoming year will bring.

It’s a good time to clean out drawers, go through stacks of papers, and donate things that someone else may get better use of. It’s also a great time of year to clear out your inbox and re-evaluate your friends list on social media. It’s time to surround yourself with positive people and clear out the negative ones. It’s time to get rid of that stagnant energy and replace it with exciting and positive energy.

Make this upcoming year one of new beginnings, exciting adventures, and dreams come true!

Close out this chapter with love and begin this new chapter with promise!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Sad Souls”

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I sometimes see and speak with  people who seem to carry such a sadness about themselves and their lives. I call them the “sad souls,” and I understand where they’re coming from because I was there once myself.

They are the ones with a sadness so deep that they don’t know how to get out; they don’t understand that there’s always a way out and a path up.

They are the souls who have been hurt, abused, and been broken to  a point that they believe they can never be healed or whole again, that the damage is irreparable. They are the ones whose hearts have been broken, souls have been torn to shreds, and the ones who evil preyed upon.

They are the ones who have been taken advantage of, the ones who have been used, the ones who have been tormented.

And you know what my opinion is of them?

They will become the strongest, the most trustworthy, the ones who will take their experience and use it to be sure it never happens to others. They will be the ones who are gifted the ability to change themselves and change the world; they are the fallen angels who will rise to grace and dignity; they are the souls that bear the greatest hurt yet possess the most strength to overcome it.

Yet they don’t always see that…until they are meant to.

“Sad souls” are born to become “strong and happy souls,” yet the only way they can become this is by living the trauma, healing from it, and rising above it. It is then that they possess the greatness that they were gifted with at birth: the gift of “chance.”

They have to the chance to heal, to change, to discover, to become strong, and most importantly, the chance to change the world and those in it, including themselves. They are the believers, the optimists, the dreamers, and the fallen, and when you combine all of those things, you will see the soul that was meant for greatness.

“Sad souls” were gifted sadness for a reason, and that reason is that they were chosen for this purpose in life, because a Higher Power knew that the journey of their recovery would bring strength and goodness to them and to the world.

“Sad souls” were not born to be sad for eternity; they were born with a purpose of sadness that would breed greatness. They were born to be sad to learn, to experience, to heal, and to fly to a level of integrity and wisdom that would become a gift to those that surround them…and inevitably, would become a gift to the world.

There’s always hope…if you just believe there is!

Wishing you love, light and happiness,

~Anne Dennish~

“The Perfect Christmas”

/ Anne Dennish / 1 Comment

Christmas is fast approaching and the countdown is on. Final decorations are being done on and around the house and wish lists of gifts are being bought. It’s another year of making the “perfect Christmas” happen for your family and friends.

Yet is all this preparation what makes it perfect? Will you and yours remember the decorations and gifts? Will you remember the table and the meal?

Or will you remember the “imperfections?”

Will you remember the year that mom’s arm got caught inside the turkey as she was taking the giblets out? Will you remember the year you broke your arm on Christmas Eve only to wake up to a new skateboard the next day? Will you remember the year the entire family had the stomach virus and all camped out in the living room? Will you remember your sister running down the stairs on Christmas morning only to miss the bottom step?

You see, it’s the “imperfections” that make it perfect. It’s not the matching Christmas pajamas and the family Christmas cards, it’s the family. It’s not the beautifully set Christmas table with a delicious dinner, it’s the people who sit around it.

While “perfection” can be captured in a picture, it’s the “imperfections” which are captured in your heart. They become the stories shared and passed down to other generations. They become the tradition of storytelling and the legacy for our children.

As the years pass, so does the idea of the “perfect” Christmas, and as we grow older, we begin to realize that what means the most is the memory of the “imperfections” and the loved ones who were part of them. Life changes, children move away, and sometimes the many faces that once sat around our table are no longer with us, but their memories, their stories and their love always surrounds us.

And sometimes we forget that. I see so many people writing about their sadness in missing the “old days,” yet I think that is such a waste of energy. I know that there are those I’m missing, yet I choose to embrace the memories as stories to share with my children. I choose to embrace this time, these loved ones who are in my life now, and who will be around my table this year.

Memories aren’t meant to bring sadness, they’re meant to bring joy! And for those feeling an ache in their heart, please try and remember the love, the joy, and the memories of those not present this year. They gifted you with all those things and more.

Take a moment during this busy holiday time to remember the “imperfections” of Christmas’ past, and look forward to the “imperfections” to come!

After all, the “perfect Christmas” lives in your heart.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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“A Girl I Used To Know”

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This is the story of a girl I used to know. In fact, I’ve known her all of my life. I love her adulthood 1with all my heart and I want to share her story with you, because it’s important…and she’s important to me.

I  remember  her in the early years of her life…she was funny, smart, and focused on her goals in life. She longed for love and a family, yet she was one of those girls that wanted it all. She had a passion for life that it was almost unnerving, yet I always believed in her, because she believed in herself.

When she was in high school she had a hard time believing that anyone noticed her. She was quiet, and a bit reserved, but I loved her. She was a great friend, and was always there when I needed her, yet at the same time there was always a sadness that she seemed to keep hidden, but she couldn’t hide it from me.

We graduated high school and went our separate ways to college. She found her way out of her “high school shell” that first year, becoming editor of the literary magazine, trying out for the school play, and becoming a DJ on the college radio station, which she loved. I knew then she was meant for greatness.

But the second year of college found her home, working full time and going to community college. She still was positive about everything, and in time, transferred into another college by her third year. It was here that she met “the one.”

She told me all these wonderful things about him, and soon she announced her engagement. They married two years later and with that came the stories she would confide in only me: the infidelities, the nastiness, and the way he degraded her. Yet, in spite of her misgivings, she married him.

The marriage seemed to be over within the first few months, yet she believed that marriage was for a lifetime, for better or worse. I was beginning to hear more of the worse than the better.  After two years, she was pregnant with their first child, and for the first time in the last few years, I heard hope and joy in her voice. And I thought that maybe this was the key to fixing their problems and making him love her.

Time would prove that this wasn’t enough for him, and all her babies that followed would never be enough for him.

We lost touch for a few years and even when we did speak, it was as if she lost herself. She only spoke of her babies and how much she loved being a mom. That was her only source of happiness. I felt like I lost a part of myself when I spoke to her because the joy in her voice was only because of her kids, never of her. She sounded like a robot, programmed to speak and behave a certain way.

And I would soon find out why this was, because that is what abuse does to you. It programs you in to behaving a certain way to keep things calm and keep things hidden. But abuse can finds its’ way to your door, whether you leave it open or not.

I felt terrible when I realized what had been going on for years, and the tone of her voice coupled with her body language proved it all: she had died within herself. She became nothing. The only thing that brought her back to life and kept her breathing were her children.

abuse-1Why was I so blind? Why hadn’t I seen what now seemed so transparent?

It’s because she didn’t want me to; she didn’t want anyone to see, because if they saw, they would see how stupid she was for allowing it all,and she didn’t want that. So she made it all look perfect; for her neighbors, her family, her friends, even her children.

Yet it wasn’t perfect; it was killing her and no one saw that it was. No one could see her, so no one could save her, and for awhile, that’s how she wanted it.

And then she broke open like a river that had been dammed up for years; for over 30 years she had been told she was stupid and worthless, ugly and fat, that she sounded like an idiot when she spoke, and that she was not worth anyone’s time or trouble. And she believed it.

She told me that she didn’t mind the bruises and split lips, they would heal. And she knew the pain of those would go away.

Yet she told me of the scars of emotional and verbal abuse and I knew she would hold these a lifetime.

She said that it was her fault; that she knew what made him upset and shouldn’t have done those things; she blamed herself for every bruise and every split lip. She blamed herself for the hateful and hurtful words. And she blamed herself for being a stupid woman, because only stupid women allow themselves to be abused.

I tried to reason with her, but to no avail. But there was a glimmer of hope. One day she called me and said that she was going back to college for writing courses, and that she joined Weight Watchers to lose the last of the baby weight, and that she had joined a gym to work out. Over the course of a few months I began to see my old friend come back to life; she was becoming stronger, her body and her mind. Suddenly she was laughing again, and that funny girl I knew was back to being funny. The friend I missed for all these years was beginning to shine through, and all the damage he did seemed to be fading  away.

And so one day she told me she asked for a divorce. She knew it would be the hardest fight of her life, but this time she was ready. She wrapped her babies tight in her arms and had him leave. It took a handful of restraining orders, a dozen or more calls to the police, but she did it.

I was amazed at how she made her life look. She got up in the morning, worked out at the gym, and came home, cooked breakfast, made lunches and got all those kids off to school. During the day she did laundry, cleaning, cooking and baking for them. They sat down as a family every night. They took their showers, did their homework and went to bed.

And after the last child was kissed good night, she went outside on her deck…and let the tears flow. She cried for the loss of a marriage, cried for the loss of a family and cried for all that he had done to her. She cried for what was in front of her as a single mom, and for what was behind her as an abused woman.

But she never let her children see her cry.

I was proud of her because I know none of this was easy. I watched her fight her way up from below the bottom and rise to the top. I watched her get back her strength and self-esteem. I watched her learn to laugh again. And I began to see her learn to love herself again…but that took time. Slowly she tried, and with each day that passed, she began to love herself more.

Many years later I see my friend as this woman, who despite the odds, finds her strength and beats them. And to this day, I know she fights every morning she wakes up. She fights to make a difference in the world, a difference to her children, and fights to find something good in herself.

I know to this day she struggles with her self-esteem and finds it hard to take a complement.  She’s working on knowing that she’s worthy and lovable, yet it is something she works at day to day.

Most people don’t know of her struggles, and that she fights every day, but I do. I know that it was her struggles that gave her her strength and I wish everyone knew that about her.

She spent the last few years doing what she loves: writing. She’s been a journalist, an author and a lyricist, yet throughout it all she’s never lost sight of her children and trying to help everyone else. She spends her days trying to make a difference in this world, and I wish with all my heart that she knew that she makes a difference to everyone she meets.

Most that know her see all the goodness in her, yet they never see her pain. She hides it away, yet it’s there, although not nearly as much as it used to be.

She’s been in a relationship for the last two years and seems to finally have met someone who really loves her. Yet I wonder if he understands just what the abuse had done to her, that no matter how much he loves her, she still would struggle with her self-esteem. I wonder if he knows just how much a complement from him means to her, and the smallest of gestures makes her heart melt. I wonder if he knows how important he is in her journey of loving herself.

Time will tell, and as she tells me now: “the scars from abuse don’t dictate my life today, but they have made me who I am. I’m stronger because of it all, yet it will be a lifetime struggle of not letting those scars resurface. It can be a struggle every day to love myself and believe that I’m worthy and of value. No one can do that for me. I have to do it myself.”

I’m so glad this girl I used to know has come back to life, and come back with a passion. She’s never played a victim, and always seems to be a survivor. I’ve missed her for many years and hope that she will always stay as strong as she is now.

I pray every day for this girl I used to know…because that girl is me.

~Anne Dennish~

abuse

“About Those Mean People”

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“People who speak nasty and negatively to you only do so because they see in you what they can’t see in themselves and their need for what you have and wanting it is what makes them that way.” ~Anne Dennish~

I’m a cheerful and positive person who tries to share these emotions with those that I malibu nancimeet or speak with. I try to leave someone with a smile, a laugh, or a different perspective that may lighten their load in life.

That’s not to say I don’t have a bad day now and again; a day of frustration over my work, or the house that I just cleaned looking like I never touched it. Yet I will say this, I NEVER share that temporary bad day with someone else. No matter my mood, I will never ever speak nasty, hurtful or be just plain mean to anyone else.

Yet my cheery disposition to simply share happiness with someone else by checking in with a phone call can get shattered in a minute. And it happened to me tonight. Not once, but three times in a short amount of time, and by the people who I should consider the closest to me, yet choose to be the most distant.

My love tells me I’m too “sensitive,” yet he’ll never change that about me. It’s not that I’m too sensitive, it’s that I’m sensitive to negative and toxic people. Yes, they can make me cry and feel badly, but it’s not because they “got to me.” It’s because it hurts to know that people that close to me have that meanness in them. They know how to hurt me, and willingly do it when it serves them…and they do it because I let them. I allowed them to be mean and hurtful, and after they do that I’m more mad at myself for not speaking up and for letting them hurt me. These women know that I’ll never speak up to them, so they feel that they have free reign to speak to me the way they do. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do, it’s simply that they’re having a bad day and needed someone to take it out on…and that would be me.

I know, I write about not letting someone hurt you and that if they do, you allowed it. Yet I will tell you that it still happens. It doesn’t happen to the extreme it once did, yet it happens, but now I feel the punch in the emotional gut, shed a tear or two, let it go and move on.

It’s a sad thing when it’s  women who should be close to you, yet I’ve learned that “blood related” or not, I won’t allow those toxic people too close to me. It’s hard when it’s your family, yet I’ve learned, and learned painfully, to let them go. And tonight is no exception.

I’m not a doormat anymore, yet every so often they hand me a zinger that hurts, and it’s then that I have to remember to love myself, respect myself and move on, even if they can’t do that. There’s no respect towards you when someone can speak to you that way. It’s their problem, their bad day, their pity party, not yours.

So, tonight I slowly sip a glass of wine and wait for the full moon…and wait for this “punch in the stomach” feeling to lessen and fade away. Tonight I shed some tears at the reactions of  women who I simply called to “catch up with and say hello.” Tonight, like so many others with them, I let it go and remember that while I love them, I don’t need to “be” with them or allow them too deep into my world…a world I have created of love, happiness, joy and hope.

To these women: I love you with all my heart and my sadness comes from knowing that you can’t love yourselves and that you find the need to be so hurtful to someone who loves you so much simply because of your problems and your bad day.

And that’s the key: it’s “their” issues, “their” problems, not mine. The only thing that’s “mine” is my feelings over their hurtful behavior, and as I write this, I’ve dried the tears, took a breath, forgave them, and let it go…let “them” go yet again.

Life is short, my friends, and I feel sorry for those that speak such hurtful words to another, never realizing that those may be the last words someone hears.

“Guilt is the emotion one feels at knowing they didn’t do the right thing and refused to do the right thing to fix it.”

 I try to live each day happy, making a difference in someone else’s life, and that includes my family and my children, yet I know that that’s up to “me;” how someone else behaves is “up to them.”

I stay strong for my children and myself, and while my strength may take a hit now and again, it will always find its’ way back to the surface.

“My strength is their weakness; my weakness their strength.”

Never let the “mean people” see you sweat; never let them see you weak; never let them see you cry and know that they hurt you.

Let them see you strong, happy, and filled with the positive light that you were gifted.

Because in the end, that will be more hurtful to them than they are to you.

Wishing you love, light and strength,

~Anne Dennish~

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“The Lost Art of Loyalty”

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While I was in Malibu last October finishing up my book, “Waking Up,” I was working on a short story about “loyalty.” I asked many people what it meant to them, and it soon became a topic that no one had a definitive answer for. In fact, a few people were annoyed when I asked their opinion; seemed it stuck in their mind and made them search for an answer; an answer that they could never find.

It also made them question the people in their life…and it made me question those in mine as well.

So what is loyalty? Does it have a different meaning for everyone? Do we make our own rules as to what loyalty is or is there a universal rule?

I start with my own loyalty. If you’re in my life and I love and care for you, I’ll always be loyal, unless you cross a boundary, in which case, I won’t strike back and become disloyal to you, I’ll simply walk away.

Next is the loyalty of those in my life. In healthy relationships of any kind, boundaries must be set for respect between each person. What bothers one person in the relationship may not bother another, yet communicating that to each other is key in the loyalty department. If you cross a boundary with someone in your life, you’ve just proved that you’re not loyal.

You see, “loyalty” is a tough one. The only answer I could get out of most people I spoke to about it was when they referenced the loyalty of a dog. A dog will always be loyal, yet my question made many wonder why humans can’t be the same.

We can, that is, if we choose to.

My loyalty lies with my love, my children, my family and my closest of friends. And that loyalty goesrecite-d597x1 beyond me; if you hurt those I love, my loyalty will have me walk out of your life as well. It doesn’t matter who you are.

Not many people are willing to do that. Many feel that it’s not their problem when someone hurts the ones’ you love; as long as they weren’t disloyal it’s okay. But is it? If someone intentionally hurts your child, or your spouse or significant other, why would you want to be a part of their life?

I think that’s where the confusion lies. I’ve been in that position before, where my loyalty was tested. It was a rough road between two people I care about, yet when push came to shove, my loyalty was with my love, not with the person who was hurting him. And I had to step out of that world with that other person, because my loyalty and my life is with him. Yes, feelings are hurt when you have to walk away from someone, yet in the end, it’s the right thing to do.

At least for me it was.

I know how important it is for me to be loyal to someone, and I believe I surround myself with those who feel the same about me. We attract what we put out there, and for anyone that knows me, they know I have their back. They know I’ll walk through fire for them, defend them, honor them, love them, protect them, and more importantly, I will walk away from anyone who hurts them. End of story.

“Loyalty” is much more than how you treat someone; it’s also about how other’s treat the people in your life and whether or not you accept that behavior. The choice is yours.

Is “loyalty” a lost art or have we forgotten the importance of it?

“Loyalty” is one of the strongest qualities in any relationship because it breeds trust and respect, and isn’t that what every good relationship should be built on?

Think about it.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

 

“Soup Season”

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I love to cook, at least most days I do. There’s something therapeutic for me about the whole process of preparing, chopping, dicing, seasoning and cooking. The end result comes from serving it to those you love and seeing the expression on their face. Food fills the body and warms the soul.

There’s summer cooking, filled with grilling and summer salads, yet my absolute favorite cooking is when the leaves begin to change colors and the air turns cool. It’s “fall cooking” and I love that first day of turning on the oven and heating up the house with the comfort foods of fall.

It’s also that time of year that I call “soup season.” There’s nothing better than cooking a pot of soup served with warm bread. I love making soup, and I believe that love comes from my grandmother. I can remember many days at her house watching her put her big

potato-corn-leek-chowder

Potato Leek Corn Chowder

cauldron on the stove and fill the counter with every vegetable under the sun! I loved those days of helping her make soup and I’m confident that she taught me everything I know about the process. I’ve been nicknamed the “soup-meister” of my family because no one else makes it like I do, which is just how my grandmother made it.

It took her hours to make soup, and when it was done she’d fill up a million containers of it to give to all of our families. No one was ever left hungry when my grandmother made soup! She made many different types, yet when someone was sick, she went to task of making her “beef barley vegetable” soup, which she said was “good for what ails you!” I’m happy to say that it took me years to get my recipe to taste like hers, and while it’s not exactly the same, it’s close enough.

I once asked her what the key ingredient was in her soup, to which she told me: “It’s the love. Always put love into whatever you make.” And I’ve remembered that ever since.

When my kids were little and I baked cookies they’d tell me how good they were and that they could taste all the love in them. To this day, they still say that.

And now my love says that too; with every cup of tea or bowl of soup he tells me he can taste the love, and isn’t that what cooking is about? It’s filling the bellies of your loved ones with good food, and warming their hearts with how much you love them.

It’s definitely “soup season” at the Jersey shore, especially at my house, where everyone is coming down with colds. My love wants my “chicken and rice” soup, and my daughter’s request is for my  “potato leek corn chowder.”As far as my two vegan boys, they want good ‘ol “vegetable soup.” So many soups, yet I always find the time.

I will always find the time to take care of the ones’ I love, and any request for my soups is welcome. Today I’ll be in the kitchen with my own cauldron, just like my grandmothers’, firmly planted on the stove for the day. And in between stirring and simmering, I’ll be writing and making their “sick beds” more comfortable for them.  By tonight they will have all “tasted” the love when they ate, and will be “feeling” the love as they lay their head down on clean sheets, warm blankets and fluffed up pillows.

And I’ll end the night with a warm cup of green tea and honey for everyone…including me!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

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Beef Barley Vegetable Soup with fresh baked French bread…as my grandmother said, “it’s good for what ails you!”

 

 

“Moving Forward”

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recite-glgzho

We all feel “stuck” at one time or another. It’s when you feel restless or bored, as if you’re missing out on something you should be doing, except that you can’t figure out what that something is. So you feel stuck. I’ve gone through it recently, and when I finally got myself “moving” again, I’ve been on fire! Now that’s a feeling I like!

I wanted to share this story of my experience of feeling stuck with you. It can be found in my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer.”

“Moving Forward”

I know of many people, myself included, that get so frustrated with life at times that all they seem to say is “I just can’t seem to move forward in my life. I feel like I’m stuck.”

And they are… stuck, that is.

I’ve been there, you’ve been there, we’ve all been there, yet I’ve learned through many teachers and situations that just because we “feel” stuck doesn’t necessarily mean that we “are” stuck. It only means that we are standing still, plain and simple.

No one is every really stuck; not me, not you, not anyone. We just feel that way at times simply because we’re standing still in the middle of what should be our past, not knowing how to move forward from it. There’s no science to it, yet it can be a difficult process, especially when you don’t realize what you need to move on from. On the other hand, you may be painfully away of why you’re stuck. The problem for you is that you don’t know how to move from the past, the person, or the situation.

It’s not always easy moving forward, especially when we’re leaving someone of something behind that is “comfortable.” Life is ever changing and the older we get, the more things change. No one ever said change was easy…or did they? Personally, I love change! I love the excitement of not knowing what’s coming next or where life is about to take me. It’s a nervous kind of excitement, yet what I know for sure is I couldn’t feel this way if I didn’t have faith. Without faith, there’d be nothing but fear, and no matter what life hands me, I refuse to allow fear into my thoughts or behaviors.

“With faith there is hope; with fear there is nothing.”

I’m not saying that fear doesn’t come into my thoughts once in a great while, but I will not and choose not to allow it to stay for long. I believe in the Law of Attraction in that what you think and believe is what you attract, and fear is no exception. Fear, in a mild dose, reminds us of how strong we really are because we are able to understand the fear and release it. We’re able to let it go. Trust me, you wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t afraid every so often. The problem you’ll have is if you stay in a constant state of fear. That’s something that will most assuredly hold you in your past and make you feel stuck.

Relationships, jobs, illnesses, you name it, fear can find it. Fear is normal, but nothing good comes from it. It brings anxiety, depression, illness and stress, to name a few, and fear is what plants our feet into the ground as if we’re dropped in cement and can’t move. Fear will keep you stuck; fear will prevent you from moving forward; fear will keep at you until you rid yourself of it. You may not think you’re strong enough to deal with ridding yourself of fear, yet you are.

“When you can’t find the strength, let the strength find you.”

Sometimes all you have to do is let go of the fear, and you’ll find yourself stronger than you had imagined. I believe strength is in all of us, and sometimes it takes a smack of fear, or a life changing moment to wake us up and realize that our strength was there all along. If you can’t find your strength, take a deep breath and let it find you. Trust me on this, it”s there, and I speak from experience.

You have to let go of the past in order to move forward, and that’s a fact. You can’t stay locked into the past and expect to move forward throughout this journey called life. Try viewing life as an adventure, with good and bad throughout it. Everything that happens to you has something to teach you about yourself. Make your life an exciting journey even amidst all the mundane tasks of the day. You don’t need a million dollars to do it and you don’t need to travel all over the world to find it; you need a mind and spirit that takes a stand for your life, makes it your own, views it as an exciting journey filled with adventure, and does what it takes to keep fear at bay.

If you can do these things, you’ll be amazed at all that life has to offer. Miracles happen, dreams are fulfilled, and life is truly lived when you change your perspective. No one can change it for you; it’s all up to you! It’s your choice; better yet, it’s your change…a change for anything and everything you want! Take those fears and face them head on with strength, determination and faith that all things along the road of your life’s journey are happening just as they should.

“Make your life an adventure…”

THE END

I hope you enjoyed this story and that if you’ve been feeling stuck, this may have helped you get past it.

All I know is that when I’m moving forward I’m at my best, loving life and all it has to offer, and making a mark in my life. Stuck is a feeling I try to stay away from, or at least not allow it to stay to long when it arrives.

Move forward, my friends!

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

“Drawing A Line In The Sand”

/ Anne Dennish / 2 Comments

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Boundaries. I know all about them , write about them, and understand their purpose. Yet, I find myself having allowed boundaries to be crossed…. MY boundaries, that is. It happened without warning, yet it happened. I should have known that the feelings I’ve had in the last few months were my own fault, because I had set boundaries and allowed them to be crossed.

I don’t know if I’m more angry at myself for allowing it to happen or if I’m more upset with the person who crossed them. I was open and honest about my boundaries with them, yet somehow they got lost in the every day business of life and relationships.

Truth is, I have a hard time saying “no” and learning to do this, when it’s for my best interest, is a work in progress. I don’t like confrontation, and I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, especially when it’s someone I love. Yet I missed one very important piece to this puzzle:

“Why did I allow MY feelings to be hurt and why was I more concerned over someone I love when I should be loving myself just the same?”recite-1kfn7mb

Truth…an awakening…a slap of reality. Yes, yet another “waking up” moment for me, and I don’t like it. I allowed boundaries to be crossed that upset me, hurt me, and messed with my health. And I wonder if the other party knows this, because they should.

Everyone handles things their own way. Things that upset me may not bother someone else. Yet aren’t we supposed to respect and understand each others’ feelings? If someone tells us they react to something a certain way, shouldn’t we accept that as their truth? Or that perhaps they’re telling us that so we don’t hurt them?.

This was a difficult one for me to figure out, and it took longer than it usually does. I’m intrigued by what makes people tick, and that includes myself. I always tell my love that I’m probably one of the few people he knows that really knows herself well, and that includes my faults and my strengths. I’ll admit when I’m wrong, and ask for understanding of him when I need it. (Sometimes I think I make it too easy for him…what he can’t figure out about me I tell him! LOL!)

So, now what?

First, I need to forgive myself, because I’m mad that I allowed this to happen.

Second, I need to put the boundaries back in place, although the hurt and damage from them  being crossed is already done.

And third, I need to take a cold, hard look at my life to see what’s working and what’s not.

Why did I allow the lines in the sand to be crossed? Who and what is my priority? How did this mishap of crossing boundaries affect my family and my life?

Lines in the sand…that was my problem. I should have set a solid foundation of cement for the boundary. I thought I had, but sometimes when we worry more about someone else we lose sight of what’s best for us, and more importantly, we lose sight of ourselves.

And I’m guilty of that. And life is going to change. And feelings will be hurt.

Yet out of all of this, I know with all my heart that more wonderful things will come out of this lesson! Hearts will bond stronger, relationships will grow and flourish, and life will go on…even better than it was before the boundaries were crossed.

It’s a life lesson, and as much as I write about it, it’s a lesson I needed to learn. The Universe whacked me once again, waking me up to something important: I stopped looking out for my well being and what was good for me, even though I knew that someone else was causing me pain.

It wasn’t a mistake or something done out of malice, because I accept that it’s yet another lesson, another blessing, and another story to be shared to help and teach someone else.

Boundaries are not meant to be controlling tools; they are tools to protect us and let other’s know that we are to be respected. They are the simplest of ways to let someone know that what they do, what they say, or what they want, is not necessarily for OUR highest good… sometimes it’s just for theirs.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

 

 

 

 

 

 

“The Naked Truth About Being Naked”

/ Anne Dennish / Leave a comment

I wanted to share one of my stories from my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer.” Hope you enjoy it!

“The Naked Truth About Being Naked”

Most people I know have a Bucket List. It’s that little list we carry in our mind of all the things we want to do before we die. It’s also that list of things that we want to do, but all too often, are afraid to do. We make excuses of not having the time to do it, or we simply don’t’ think it’s important enough to do. At this stage of my life it’s my list of “do it and get it done!” So now I’m doing as much as I can and regretting nothing!

Life is short enough, isn’t it? why fantasize about what we want to do? Why just carry a list in our mind? Shouldn’t we all have the freedom to be who we are? there’s no such thing as an “alter ego” in us. It’s just our “true self” coming out!

So, I went on a vacation. Some called it spontaneous, reckless, and even selfish. I called the seait a much needed fun and a matter of survival! Truth be told, it was more fun than I had imagined, and I did manage to knock quite a few things off my Bucket List! It was my alter ego in full swing…literally. It was and still is, the “real” me, and I couldn’t be happier with the person I found and allowed myself to become.

When finding the true you inside, there are times we must find the true you on the outside. In my case, I bared it all: body and soul. It was quite an experience and the most comfortable, content feeling I have felt in years with my own body, and of course, my own soul. No more speaking in code to those of you who haven’t figured it out yet: I went to a nude beach. Not just once, or even twice, but every single day of my vacation. The truth is, I loved it! It was freedom at its’ best: no hiding, no shame or embarrassment involved. It was, simply put: wonderful!

There were many people on that beach, all sizes and shapes, all comfortable in their own skin, which helped to make me more comfortable in mine. The first day on the beach I stuck to my chair, allowing myself to get to know the lay of the land. I sat people watching and getting used to this new found freedom. By the second day, and every day thereafter, I was up and about walking around, talking to everyone else there. Strangely enough, new friends were made, and there was quite the camaraderie among us all. I stepped into the world of nakedness, holding the most fun and intriguing conversations with other naked people. I wondered how I’d feel when I was home and had to step OUT of nakedness. The greatest part of it all is that no one seems to notice that anyone IS naked. The funniest part was seeing them out at night and noticing that they WEREN’T naked!

In the world of “clothed” people, you can tell a lot about them by what they’re wearing, how their hair look, even by the jewelry they have on. The status of their life is blatantly worn on them. On a nude beach, however, there is not status to be seen. There’s no way to look at someone and know much about them at all, except that they’re as free-spirited as you. That’s the beauty of it, you simply get to know them by talking to them, not by looking at them.

I worse my new bathing suit the day before I came home for less than an hour. It felt invasive to be so “covered” up after having been so “exposed,” yet there are times when we have to conform and accept the ways of the “real” world. We have to wear clothes!

Vacation is over, the beach I fell in love with is now a million miles away, but the experience will live within me for a lifetime! When the weather is dreary, or the day getting rough, I just closed my eyes and let my thoughts wander back to that wonderful trip, and that time on the beach where I could truly be myself. I loved the “naked truth” of that because it brought out more of the “naked truth” about me.

THE END

I hope you enjoyed the story; it brought me back to those memories as I wrote this for you and reminded me that so often, we judge someone by their appearance and their material possessions. And we shouldn’t.

You don’t have to go to a naked beach to understand the concept of “labeling” others and making an unfair judgement about them; you need to expose your true self to them, allowing them to share their true self with you.

You can be “naked” without taking your clothes off; it’s all a matter of standing in your truth.

Wishing you love and light,

~Anne Dennish~

You can purchase a copy of my book, “Waking Up: Lessons Learned Through My Adventures With Life and Breast Cancer” at any Barnes & Noble store, or on-line at amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.

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